Ways That Parents Provoke Their Children to Anger

Introduction

Parents provoke their children to anger by not practicing Biblical love, not considering their children as more important than themselves, and not dying to self to become a servant of the Lord Jesus Christ (based on Matthew 5:43-48; Mark 10:42-45; Luke 9:23-24; 1 Corinthians 13:4-8; Galatians 5:14; Ephesians 6:4; Philippians 2:3-4; Colossians 3:21; 1 Peter 4:8; 1 John 4:7-8).

You can provoke your child to anger when you fail to demonstrate Biblical love (1 Corinthians 13:4-8) to you child through:

Impatience (e.g., not waiting for your child to finish a task or hurrying your child to do something that is beyond his/her capabilities) (violates 1 Corinthians 13:4; Galatians 5:22; Ephesians 4:1-2; Colossians 1:9-12, 3:12);

Unkindness (e.g., not providing for your child’s physical needs because you are too busy with your own interests) (violates 1 Corinthians 13:4; Galatians 5:22; Ephesians 4:32; Philippians 2:3-4; 2 Timothy 2:24; Titus 2:4-5);

Jealousy (e.g., trying to prove to your child that you can do something better than he/she can) (violates 1 Corinthians 13:4; Galatians 5:19-20; James 3:13-18);

Bragging (e.g., saying things such as “I had it a lot harder when I was your age.”) (violates Proverbs 27:2; Romans 1:30; 1 Corinthians 13:4; 2 Corinthians 10:18);

Arrogance (e.g., saying such things as “We’ll do it my way because I’m a lot smarter and a lot bigger than you”) (violates Romans 1:30; 1 Corinthians 13:4);

Unbecoming actions (e.g., purposefully embarrassing and demeaning your child by discussing his/her failures and shortcomings in front of others) (violates 1 Corinthians 13:5; Ephesians 4:29);

Seeking to have your own way (e.g., insisting that your child or family do only what you want to do) (violates 1 Corinthians 13:5; Philippians 2:3-4);

Taking into account wrongs suffered (e.g., reminding your child in an accusing manner of his/her past failures by saying things such as “I’ve told you this a thousand times...”) (violates 1 Corinthians 13:5; Ephesians 4:32; Colossians 3:12-13);

Rejoicing in unrighteousness (e.g., encouraging your child to retaliate for wrongs he/she has suffered from others) (violates 1 Corinthians 13:6; 2 Thessalonians 2:12);

Not rejoicing in the truth (e.g., failing to commend you child for being truthful in a difficult situation) (violates 1 Corinthians 13:6; 1 Thessalonians 5:16; 1 Peter 4:13; 2 John 1:4; 3 John 1:3);

Not bearing all things (e.g., avoiding, criticizing, or neglecting your child because he wasn’t perfect in meeting your expectations) (violates 1 Corinthians 13:7; Galatians 6:2);

Not believing or hoping all things (e.g., consistently doubting what your child says before you all the facts) (violates 1 Corinthians 13:7); or

Not enduring all things (e.g., responding in anger to your child because you are focused on your own difficulties) (violates 1 Corinthians 13:7; James 1:2-4).

You can provoke you child to anger when you fail to live as an example of the believer (1 Timothy 4:12) by:

Acting hypocritically (e.g., judging your child’s behavior when you do not continually examine your own life by God’s Word) (violates Matthew 7:1-5);

Lying to your child or requesting your child to lie for you (violates Romans 14:13; Ephesians 4:15, 25);

Arguing with your child or arguing with your spouse in the presence of your child (violates Proverbs 20:3; Philippians 2:14-16; Colossians 4:6; 2 Timothy 2:24-25);

Teasing your child (e.g., tickling him/her to the point of tears or making fun of him/her when he/she has been embarrassed or has failed in an endeavor) (violates Ephesians 6:4; Colossians 3:12);

Speaking to your child in an unwholesome manner (e.g., calling him/her names or yelling at him/her in anger) (violates Ephesians 4:29; Colossians 4:6); or

Showing partiality to one child over another (violates Proverbs 24:23; also see Genesis 25:24-34, especially verse 28, and Genesis 27:1-28:9 for illustrations of the evils precipitated by parents favoring one child over another).

You can provoke your child to anger when you seek to become the ultimate authority in the life of your child instead of showing him the importance of following the Lord (based on Ezekiel 18:4-20, especially verses 4 and 20; 2 Corinthians 3:5-6; 2 Timothy 3:16-17; James 1:22-25) by:

Practicing a double standard and demanding that your child serve you continually, while you fail to serve your child and others (violates Matthew 20:25-28; Mark 9:35, 10:42-45);

Treating your child as a possession or imposing your own aspirations on him/her (e.g., insisting that he/she meet the goals that you have arbitrarily set for his/her life) (violates Deuteronomy 6:6-7; Psalm 24:1, 127:3; Ephesians 6:5);

Swearing at your child or using harsh, contentious language when he does not meet certain standards (violates Proverbs 12:18, 20:3; Ephesians 4:15, 29, 31; Colossians 4:6; James 3:2-12); or

Comparing your child to yourself or others to show him the ways in which he does not measure up to your standards (violates 2 Corinthians 10:12, 17-18).

You can provoke your child to anger when you act in an inconsistent manner in front of, or toward, your child by:

Failing to keep your word and becoming untrustworthy (e.g., promising to take him someplace and then arbitrarily changing your plans in order to please yourself) (violates Matthew 5:37; Ephesians 4:15, 25; Colossians 3:9);

Failing to discipline Biblically when necessary (violates Proverbs 13:24, 23:13; Hebrews 12:7-8) or discipling when provoked and angry (violates 1 Corinthians 13:5; Ephesians 4:31);

Being erratic and inconsistent in your speech or actions (e.g., showing little or no response to your child’s disobedience on one day but at another time becoming visibly upset, using unkind words, and punishing rather than restoring) (violates Proverbs 15:1; Galatians 6:1; Ephesians 4:15, 29; Colossians 4:6);

Failing to confess sins that you have committed against your child or seeking to give excuses for your sinful behavior in an effort to justify yourself (violates Matthew 5:23-24; Romans 12:18; James 5:16); or

Refusing to forgive your child (e.g., making statements such as “I’ll never be able to forgive you for what you have done to me”) while demanding that your child forgive others for wrongs done against him/her (violates Matthew 5:23-24, 18:21-22; Mark 11:25-26; Ephesians 4:2; Colossians 3:12-13).

You can provoke your child to anger when you neglect your child by:

Failing to spend time with your child in order to show appreciation of God’s Word to everyday life (violates Deuteronomy 6:6-7);

Failing to listen patiently when your child speaks to you because you are “too busy” with your own interests (violates 1 Corinthians 13:4-5; Philippians 2:3-4; James 1:19); or

Failing to discipline your child Biblically or in a timely manner by delaying discipline because “you don’t feel like it” or waiting to discipline your child until a number of wrongs have accumulated (violates Proverbs 13:24, 19:18; Ecclesiastes 8:11).