Speaking Well Of One Another

I’ll tell you before we dive in, this is a passage that has the potential to take us into deep places in our minds that we may have tried to shut off.

Things from our past or even from the last few weeks when we spoke or were spoken to in a way that was hurtful.

It is my hope that the Holy Spirit will bring healing to those places today.

As we have discussed previously in this study, words are incredibly powerful.

How we use words can bring joy and life, or they can bring devastation and years of suffering.

I can think of many examples from my own life where I have said things that still haunt me to this day.

I won’t share specifics because you’ll see when we read the passage, but suffice it to say they weren’t nice.

I can also think of many times when people that I love and respect have said things that cut me to my core.

Those kinds of words can cause emotional and mental trauma that can sometimes last a lifetime.

I know that none of us are alone in either of those types of scenarios.

We are all guilty of saying hurtful things, and we have all been hurt by others.

Words are powerful.

They create or destroy, and all of us have experienced both.

This week I got a call from Gilbarco, they are one of two leading gas dispenser manufacturers in the world.

It was our rep calling to tell me about a recent corporate meeting they had.

The meeting was about the installation of Applause TV.

(that is the TV screens on gas pumps that play adds, news, etc.)

Applause TV can be bundled with the dispensers purchase and it saves the customer several thousand dollars if they agree to use it for eight years.

It is a no-brain-er when I am trying to quote dispensers to add Applause in because it benefits the customer by driving sales inside the store and saving them money on the installation.

Gilbarco had this meeting because apparently there are a lot of distributors that have ordered like I have, however, they don’t install the hardware.

You can ask our technicians, it is complicated, to say the least.

Our rep called to say thank you because out of his area (Texas, Louisiana, Mississippi, Arkansas, and Alabama) we are his only distributor that has installed 100% of their sites and kept them online.

I’m telling you this story because I got to tell our techs, their boss, and the owner of the company that out of all the distributors in our region, we have the highest installation rate.

That is a huge deal!

It was a massive pat on the back for our installers and you could see them puff up a bit as I told them.

These are the kinds of experiences we all want to have.

When you get to tell someone good news like this, it brightens their day.

We all want to be told that we are doing a great job and recognized for it.

On the other hand, I know that all of us have experienced moments at work, at home, with friends, or even at church where rather than being encouraged, we were put down.

Sometimes those are just a bit of a sting, and we can get over it pretty quickly, but sometimes they cut deep, and it takes months or years for us to get past it.

Maybe we were the ones that said the harsh things.

As I was thinking about this message today, God reminded me of something I said to a friend years ago.

The short of the story is this guy and I were friends growing up and as it happens, our lives went in different directions and we didn’t talk for years.

There was no ill will, we just went down different paths.

Well, through a series of circumstances we ran into each other, exchanged numbers and began to talk again.

We had several positive conversations over the phone, but one day he called and I wasn’t able to answer.

This happened a few times in a row over the course of a few days and I never returned the call.

When we did talk again, he let me know in a pretty negative way that he didn’t appreciate being ghosted.

Rather than explaining why I hadn’t answered, I replied in harsher way than he has spoken to me.

I let him know real quick that I didn’t allow people to talk to me that way and I FELT justified in my response.

In reality though, there was no reason for me to do that.

I could have just apologized, explained my circumstances, and moved past it.

Instead, I made things way worse and we haven’t spoken since.

Needless to say, that wasn’t the right way to handle the situation.

As we think about these kinds of moments in our lives, we will probably see that there was a lot of emotion involved prior to or when the hurtful thing was said.

Emotion is a good thing, but if we aren’t careful, it can make us do and say things that aren’t beneficial for any involved.

This is what James is addressing in today’s passage.

Look with me at it with me.

James 4:11–12 CSB

11 Don’t criticize one another, brothers and sisters. Anyone who defames or judges a fellow believer defames and judges the law. If you judge the law, you are not a doer of the law but a judge. 12 There is one lawgiver and judge who is able to save and to destroy. But who are you to judge your neighbor?

I want to remind you of the context in which James is writing this letter.

The church that is receiving it has been at war with one another.

In this kind of setting, James addresses how the members of the church talk to one another and others.

How we view others reveals what we believe about ourselves and God.

In this passage, James makes several references to the law.

Let’s define that first.

Quiz time, what did Jesus say when he was asked what the greatest commandment was?

Matthew 22:37–40 CSB

37 He said to him, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind. 38 This is the greatest and most important command. 39 The second is like it: Love your neighbor as yourself. 40 All the Law and the Prophets depend on these two commands.”

Love God.

Love your neighbor as yourself.

And how do we show our love for God?

John 14:15 CSB

15 “If you love me, you will keep my commands.

We show our love for God by obeying what He says to do.

In this passage, James keeps referring to the law, and it is Jesus’ command to love one another that he is talking about.

I know that it may seem odd to remind the church that they are to love God and love others, but the way that they were treating one another was calling that into question.

I have some friends that have been married a long time, like going on 20 years and when you hear them talk to one another, you would think they hate each other.

I know that they don’t, but the way they communicate can make you wonder.

They are very snappy, rude, and direct with one another, or at least that is how it appears to other people.

Because I have known them so long, I know that they love each other, it just doesn’t sound like it.

I would be willing to bet that if you ran across them at the grocery store and heard them talking, you would have no idea they were married/ in love.

I share this example for two reasons.

It is incredibly easy to form a judgment based on what you see from the outside.

What you see/hear may not always be what you think.

James is saying in verse eleven not to criticize and slander one another because it is not a loving action!

Hebrews & James James 4:11

Slander is critical speech intended to inflame others against the person being criticized. It involves talking against people, perhaps attacking them behind their backs. In this instance Christians were slandering Christians. Christians are brothers and sisters in Christ. For Christians to malign other believers is a living contradiction of the close family ties which should bind them together.

By criticizing or slandering one another, we are doing the exact opposite of what we should be doing as followers of Christ.

Church, I cannot tell you how many times I have heard church members talking very cruelly about other church members over the course of my career.

It is a plague that affects nearly every church if it is not dealt with.

Today we are going to talk about the effect it has on the church, our relationship with God, and with the outside world.

This kind of activity has the capacity to destroy a church and the personal ministries of its members if it goes unchecked.

I want to make a clarifying point here.

There is a difference between slandering someone and discussing something that needs to be dealt with for the good of the people and the church.

I’ll give you some examples:

Martha Joe found out she is pregnant, and that is her fourth baby! Can you believe that? What was she thinking? She can barely take care of the ones she has!

Slanderous or for the good of the church?

Johnny has been leading our group for a long time, and he’s really good at it, but he has been under a lot of stress at work lately. Let’s ask him if he would like to take a break for a little while.

Slanderous or for the good of the church?

Do you see the difference?

One is cutting and resonates disdain and the other resonates love and genuine concern.

There are times when things are happening in the life of the church where we need to discuss hard things, but how we do it is vital.

It is a good exercise for us to ask ourselves why we are feeling the way we are feeling.

The why and the how to matter!

If you catch yourself judging someone else, you have convinced yourself that you are better or know better than that other person.

This is NOT the attitude of a follower of Christ.

Jesus, as he is revealing to the disciples that he is about to go and die, said this.

John 13:31–35 CSB

31 When he had left, Jesus said, “Now the Son of Man is glorified, and God is glorified in him. 32 If God is glorified in him, God will also glorify him in himself and will glorify him at once. 33 Little children, I am with you a little while longer. You will look for me, and just as I told the Jews, so now I tell you, ‘Where I am going, you cannot come.’ 34 “I give you a new command: Love one another. Just as I have loved you, you are also to love one another. 35 By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”

This is his parting command.

“Just as I have loved you, love one another...”

It is by our love that we will be known as disciples of Christ.

When we judge a person, we are defaming that person, but more importantly, we are defaming Jesus!

We are claiming with our mouths that we are followers of Christ and with that same mouth doing the exact opposite that he has told us to do.

Look at James 4:11 again with me.

James 4:11 CSB

11 Don’t criticize one another, brothers and sisters. Anyone who defames or judges a fellow believer defames and judges the law. If you judge the law, you are not a doer of the law but a judge.

We just established that the “law” is to love God and to love others.

If we judge others, we fail at loving God and loving our neighbors.

First, we are criticizing another based on what we think is right.

In other words, we have established our own personal guidelines for what we think is appropriate.

Second, in doing so, we are effectively saying that God’s law isn’t good enough, so we fixed it.

Not only are we judging someone else, but we are judging God at the same time.

That’s quite a double whammy!

James says that when we judge others, we are no longer obeying the law but standing over the law.

For some reason, we believe that because we know the law and God, we should point out where others are wrong.

Hebrews & James James 4:12

Christians can easily come to the conclusion that we are free to show critical attitudes toward those who do wrong. The Bible warns us to leave this judgment with God. Only God has the competence to find and punish those who break his laws. Our calling is to respond in supportive love rather than biting criticism.

It may seem, and I use that word very intentionally, that when a person has made a mistake from our vantage point, it is our job to correct them.

As the author just said, our call is to respond in love.

This does not mean that we condone what they have done, but we don’t stand in judgment over them either.

You may be asking yourself, Will, what if someone is making a mistake?

James is not saying that we shouldn’t correct others.

Of course, we should!

We should have a private conversation with that person and share our concerns.

Speaking publically about how wrong they are and declaring their missteps is quite another thing.

Do you see the difference?

We are in no place to cast judgment on anyone.

James 4:12 CSB

12 There is one lawgiver and judge who is able to save and to destroy. But who are you to judge your neighbor?

When Jesus was warning the disciples about the persecution they would be facing, he made a statement that James is referencing here.

Matthew 10:28 CSB

28 Don’t fear those who kill the body but are not able to kill the soul; rather, fear him who is able to destroy both soul and body in hell.

The only one that is fit to judge is God.

All of us, except for God, are sinners in need of a savior.

We all must face judgment, and there is nothing about you that qualifies you to sit in the place of the judge.

Imagine for a moment that someone you know broke the law.

They broke it, there is no question about it, and part of the consequence is that they have to stand before the judge to receive their judgement.

Rather than waiting for the judge to decide on the appropriate sentence, you barge into the court room and pronounce your judgement.

That sounds like a scene from a daytime court room TV episode.

What do you think would happen?

1. People will think you crazy.

2. You would be arrested and charged with contempt of court.

That would result in punishment for you as well because you also broke the law.

Sounds a bit nuts doesn’t it.

This is the kind of craziness that James is addressing.

It is just as crazy for us to do this to people in life as it is in a courtroom.

James: An Introduction and Commentary James 4:12

Yet when we criticize and condemn others, we are in fact pronouncing our own verdict over their spirituality and destiny.

Have you ever thought about how incredibly bold it is of us to look at someone else’s life and think we know better than God does?

Our pride does this to us.

It tricks us into believing that we are not only right but have the moral high ground in the situation.

When we do that, when we judge others, we are putting ourselves in the same category that we are judging them for being in!

It is worth pointing out that just because you don’t say it out loud doesn’t mean that you are free of any charges.

God sees your heart, and he knows what you are thinking.

So what do we do?

How do we move forward and avoid the temptation to judge others?

Look at what Peter says when he is addressing this same issue.

1 Peter 2:1–5 CSB

1 Therefore, rid yourselves of all malice, all deceit, hypocrisy, envy, and all slander. 2 Like newborn infants, desire the pure milk of the word, so that by it you may grow up into your salvation, 3 if you have tasted that the Lord is good. 4 As you come to him, a living stone—rejected by people but chosen and honored by God— 5 you yourselves, as living stones, a spiritual house, are being built to be a holy priesthood to offer spiritual sacrifices acceptable to God through Jesus Christ.

First, we have to make a decision.

God has spoken that we are to love one another, and as we have seen today, that cannot take place at the same time as slander.

We decide to love others, to see them as Jesus sees them, as Jesus sees us.

Second, we ask God to give us a desire for himself and his word.

Only by abiding in Christ, being made in his likeness as we obey, can we overcome the temptation.

As we choose to love and pursue God, our faith will grow, and our responses to others will reflect that of Jesus.

Think for a moment about how Jesus interacted with those that the religious world had already made judgments of.

The women at the well.

Zacchaeus

The woman that anoints Jesus’ feet while he is at the Pharisee’s house.

The world had already decided their fate, but Jesus didn’t condemn them; he loved them.

As we have discussed already, our job is to represent Christ to a watching world.

We cannot do that properly if we treat others the same way the world does.

It is in responding like Jesus that the world sees His glory and His love.

Look what Peter says a little later.

1 Peter 2:11–12 CSB

11 Dear friends, I urge you as strangers and exiles to abstain from sinful desires that wage war against the soul. 12 Conduct yourselves honorably among the Gentiles, so that when they slander you as evildoers, they will observe your good works and will glorify God on the day he visits.

I’m not doing this intentionally, but in the last several weeks God has put verses in front of me that reference our good works and the glory that God receives through them.

Our goal, as followers of Christ, is to follow his commands.

To love Him and to love others.

In doing so, in loving others that the rest of the world may be judging, we are allowing God to work through us.

Those people are going to see the goodness of God through your acts of love.

They will know that you are Jesus’ disciple because of your love for them and others.

We have an opportunity daily to change the way the world sees Jesus.

I’ll give you one last example.

This last week I needed to upgrade the hard drive in my computer.

That seems like it would be a pretty straight forward thing to do.

Because of the kind of hard drive I have, it isn’t.

This was beyond what I know how to do, so I asked our IT guy at work to help.

It didn’t work.

In the middle of cloning the old hard drive to the new one, my computer completely crashed and we had to wipe the hard drive and start over.

It has taken all week to get it done.

As we were going through this process, several people came to my office when the IT wasn’t in there and tried to talk poorly of him.

I had a choice each time.

Enforce the negative comments by agreeing and expounding, or change the tone by disagreeing.

The truth is, the IT guy didn’t do anything wrong.

Sometimes stuff just doesn’t work and not only did he not do anything wrong, he stuck with it until he had me operational again.

So I told them that.

I had and took the opportunity to change the narrative and build someone up instead of letting others tear him down.

This guy is one that God has told me to pour into.

He is one that I pray for regularly and watch for the Holy Spirit to work in his life.

Even though my work week was unproductive from a traditional viewpoint, I got to spend four days with this guy and build our re-pore even more.

God was in that!

All of us are going to have opportunities like this.

The only reason I could speak well of this guy amid my frustration is that God had something more significant than my computer on my mind.

God has made it clear that he wants to work in this guy's life and then provided four days for me to pour into him.

Had I joined in with the negative comments, I would have ruined that opportunity.

God has given all of us the call to love others.

We and the church will be known for our love or lack thereof.

What kind of message do you want to send about your God and yourself?

Let’s change the narrative and love people well.

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