Community Week

Good morning and / / welcome to what we are affectionately calling Community Sunday!

A lot of churches today are celebrating, or had some sort of a campaign they called “back to church”. There’s actually an organization that runs this campaign every year and it’s gotten pretty big. It’s an international thing now. September is always a good time to re-evaluate, and start fresh. It’s the season of change. It’s when our kids go back to school. Summer is a time where people are away, enjoying family vacation and family time, and there’s always that point where we realize, “ok, back to normal”, right? So as a church often there’s a feeling of, maybe we need a bit of a push to try and rally people back to church. It’s also an opportunity to extend an invitation to the people around you that you’re there and it’s a good time to start going to church if it’s not been a part of your life.

And while Kelley and I were talking about it all we thought, what we really want is to be with the people we consider to be our community. People we have been connecting with over the past few years here in Cutler Bay, that we’ve shared meals with, worshipped together with, served together...

And I had thought about starting a new series this week, but the more I thought about it the more I just wanted to share what I believe God’s heart behind this thing is. And so I want to ask the question and explore the answer to / / Why have a Community Sunday?

And as we just shared in our announcements, we are starting Community Groups this week, so, / / Why have Community Groups?

And I’m not talking just as a church, why would we do these things, but these questions are really for each of us an an individual, and trust me, I am speaking directly to myself this morning, why do we need to be a part of these things? And I am using the word need, not saying why should you want to…but really asking the question / / Why do we NEED community?

So, let’s start at the ground floor this morning and ask the simple question.

/ / 1. What is Community?

By definition - Community is / / a group of people living in the same place or having a particular characteristic in common. / / A feeling of fellowship with others, as a result of sharing common attitudes, interests, and goals.

Those two things are actually quite different. The first one can end up being very general. We are in the same place doing the same thing.

We’re at the church for worship.

We’re at the School for PTA

We’re at the bar for karaoke

We’re at the field for our kids soccer game

we all meet up at the baseball diamond on the weekend

we see each other at the dojo for karate, or dance class or choir....

And we call that our community. We are a part of something.

And then that second definition begins to get into what we really mean when we talk about community, or how we often say it here at Cutler Bay Worship Center, we are wanting to build and create / / “healthy community”. Right, we add that word in front of it. What we want is not just community because we’re all in the same place at the same time, but we want healthy community, and what does THAT mean? And that second definition begins to shed light on that. A feeling of fellowship based on our shared attitudes, interests and goals. There’s a bit more to that statement. It’s more than we’re at the same place at the same time doing the same thing.

The early church called that koinonia. The greek word we translate into fellowship like in Acts 2:42, / / All the believers devoted themselves to the apostles teaching, and to fellowship, and to sharing in meals (including the Lord’s Supper), and to prayer.

koinonia - / / intimate spiritual communion and participative sharing in a common religious commitment and spiritual community.

Let’s be honest, community as we’ve all experienced it probably wasn’t always healthy. I know for myself at least I can say I have been a part of some pretty dysfunctional communities. And that can leave you a little apprehensive about jumping back into something when people say they want you to be a part of something like that.

So,

/ / 2. Why is Community Important?

Why is this topic or idea of community so important? And bring us back to the initial question, why have a Community Sunday, why have Community groups?

One of the greatest problems we have in our world at the moment is unfortunately not new at all, it’s been around for a long time, and really has only been growing. And that is an / / epidemic of loneliness.

Rev. Kendall Palladino went on a mission trip with a team in 1994 to Calcutta, India to work with Mother Teresa. After what was probably a very long day of working along side her, he turned to her and told her that he had a desire to go to medical school after he was finished seminary and was going to dedicate his life to working with people with leprosy overseas.

I would imagine some part of him thought it would bring a favorable response from a woman who had dedicated her life to serving the less fortunate and hurting. But it didn’t, she turned to him and said, / / “Why would you want to do that? There is a poverty in your country that is just as severe as our poorest of the poor.”

Admittedly he was shocked, he wondered what on earth she could possibly mean by that because there he was, in the middle of Calcutta looking at the most devastating poverty he had ever seen, that would make the poorest of the poor back home in America, look wealthy. She explained to him what she meant. / / “In the west there is a loneliness, which I call the leprosy of the West. In many ways, it is worse than our poor in Calcutta.”

She said that nearly 30 years ago, and I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but in some ways things haven’t necessarily changed for the better in the last 30 years when it comes to the loneliness that people experience. I’m not saying the world is worse all around, that’s certainly not the case, but I would say when it comes to people who struggle with feeling lonely, or unconnected, maybe unfulfilled and longing for something maybe they can’t even explain, the numbers have only increased.

And right now in 2022 we are faced with a couple different challenges. First, we have to look at the rise of digital content & the lie of finding community within a screen.

Before all the social media sites even started I was heavily addicted to online video games, just begging my dad to get off the computer so I could sit and wait for 5 minutes for the dial up connection to get me going… I thought I had community, talking to people on the other side of a screen while we were running through an imaginary world.

At that time we were connecting through Message boards...

Then it was chat rooms...

Then Linkedin started 20 years ago in 2002

Myspace, remember that one? I had a myspace music… it was awesome. 2003… Let me rephrase that… I HAVE a myspace page.... you can still check that out. My Top 8 has 3 people in it…one of which is Kelley!

Facebook 2004

Twitter 2006

The first iphone hits the scene in 2007, which wasn’t the first smartphone, but it certainly was a game changer

Then by 2010 we’re kicking it up a notch, Instagram comes on the scene.

Tik Tok finally arrives in 2016

And I’m sure the kids are already on to something else...

And just like that, in 25 years we’re living in a world where we can get our news, our conversation, our arguments, our entertainment, our connection, access to our deepest desires and all without even being close to anyone. It sits in our pocket.

Mother Teresa was tapped into something very prophetic back in 1994 when she made that statement. She was seeing things we couldn’t even dream of at that point. The Leprosy of the West...

And the reality is, / / You NEED people, but the lie will always be you can get what you need without them.

We crave true community, but we are sold simple connection. We were designed and built to be together, and we are pushed to be further apart, all while feeling like we are more connected than ever.

/ / And our deepest need gets played down to what is being sold to us as meeting our deepest desires.

Then we have in the last 3 years suffered this pandemic of separation. Keep your distance, keep back, stay at home, isolate, 14 days, 10 days, 5 days, I was sick, now you’re sick, then your sister is sick and your mom and your neighbor and it’s better to just stay inside.... And we came out on the other side more broken than we went in.

I’m not saying everyone is broken, but the pandemic did a number on so many people.

Either before, through or after this pandemic, we’ve been left asking some pretty serious questions about how lonely people feel

/ / 58% of Americans felt lonely in 2021.

/ / 52% felt sometimes, or always alone in 2019.

/ / 47% sometimes or always felt that their relationships were not meaningful in 2019.

/ / 21% have no close friends.

/ / 58% said they sometimes or always felt like no one knew them well (2019)

/ / 49% sometimes or always felt as though they lacked companionship (2019)

/ / 53% of people said it is difficult to make friends because they are shy.

And this is incredibly sad. / / Gen Z, born 1997 - 2012, so that’s age 10 - 25, are the loneliest age group.

/ / 65% sometimes or always feel lonely.

69% feel shy

19% ave no close friends

/ / 87% say it’s difficult to make new friends because they are shy. 87%

They aren’t the only age group dealing with this:

/ / 42% of women considered to be Millennials (born 82-99 // age 23 - 40) are more afraid of loneliness than a cancer diagnosis. That’s your neighbors, the young mother walking past you in the grocery store, the ones dropping their kids off next to you with their head low.

/ / 33% of Gen X (born ‘61-’81, age 41 - 61) have no close friends. That’s 1 in 3 of every middle aged person you see. 50% sometimes or always feel lonely.

/ / 44% of the Boomers feel sometimes or always lonely.

True community. Healthy community. It’s not just a nicety, it’s a necessity.

The problem is, it’s not always easy. Look at those numbers…

87% of teenage to young adults find it too difficult to make friends because they feel shy. And 53% of all people, 1 in 2....said they feel the same!

And that is not an introvert vs extrovert thing because statistically speaking only 25-40% of people are estimated to be introverts… Sometimes the loudest and most socially responsive people feel the loneliness. I think when Robin Williams passed that was a big wake up call for a lot of people. He once said, / / “I used to think that the worst thing in life was to end up alone. It’s not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people who make you feel alone.”

Said a different way, / / what’s worse than being alone? Being completely surrounded and still feeling alone...

Community is needed more than ever. But here’s the funny thing about community, we need to be ok with doing it with people. The healing is found in the community itself, not before.

We are all so different. And as fun as it is to hang out with someone that is just so much like you, that’s pretty easy, the real questions is, can we build community when we don’t see eye to eye? Can we create healthy, sustained community, where healing and growth happen in the midst of difference and conflict?

And believe it or not, this is found in the very center of the gospel story...

Look at the disciples Jesus chose to be a part of his community and left to manage and build this thing the church together.

Matthew 10:2-4 lists the 12… / / First Simon (also called Peter), then Andrew (Peter’s brother), James (son of Zebedee), John (James’ brother), Philip, Bartholomew, Thomas, Matthew (the tax collector), James (son of Alphaeus), Thaddaeus, Simon (the zealot), Judas Iscariot (who later betrayed him).

So not only does Jesus knowingly invite a guy who he knows is “the one who would later betray him”, but look at a couple of these names and descriptions.

/ / Matthew, the tax collector

Simon, the zealot

Ok, Matthew was basically a sellout. He sided with Rome. That’s what the tax collectors did, they betrayed their own people so they could get in with the Roman leaders. They were corrupt and really not liked by the people. This is why, when the bible tells us Jesus was at a tax collectors house, it says they were surrounded by other tax collectors and disreputable sinners… Because those are the only friends you would have. People as corrupt as you.

Simon, on the other hand, he’s called a zealot. That was because there were a group of Jewish people who engaged in guerilla warfare with the Romans. They hated Rome, they despised being under Roman occupation and so they were violently opposed to it. They had this thing called dagger men, or sicarii, who were called that because they kept a concealed dagger, would sneak up to a Roman soldier and slit their throat and slip away without anyone noticing.

Now, Jesus, in his infinite wisdom decides it’s best to bring these two, completely polar opposites into the room and think he can build a healthy community with them.

Honestly, let’s bring that straight up to today....the most completely corrupt left of the left political person you can find in the same room as the most violent and subversive right of the right… you think there’s not going to be some conflict there? some heated political conversation here? You think there’s not going to be some head butting?

What about James & John, the brothers - Jesus called them the sons of thunder. They wanted to call fired down from heaven to burn a village to the ground because they didn’t accept Jesus...

Sons of Thunder…tough guys eh?

Well, Matthew 20:22-28, it says, / / Then the mother of James and John, the sons of Zebedee, came to Jesus with her sons. She knelt respectfully to ask a favor. “What is your request?” he asked.

She replied, “In your Kingdom, please let my sons sit in places of honor next to you, one on your right hand and the other on your left.”

Jesus says, you don’t get what you’re asking. They are like, “of course we do…we’re the sons of thunder, we get it, that’s why we hid behind mom as she asked for us...”

And Matthew 20:24 says, When the ten other disciples heard what James and John had asked, they were indignant - that’s bible speak for really anger and annoyed.

Here’s the thing, / / the ideal of community is not the messy reality of community.

Jean Vanier, who dedicated his life to creating community for people with need, but also had some pretty big failures along the way, said this:

/ / “Almost everyone finds their early days in a community ideal. It all seems perfect. They feel they are surrounded by saints, heroes, or at the least, the most exceptional people who are everything they want to be themselves. And then comes the let-down. The greater their idealization of the community at the start, the greater the disenchantment. If people manage to get through this second period, they come to a third phase - that of realism and true commitment. They no longer see other members of the community as saints or devils, but as people - each with a mixture of good and bad, darkness and light, each growing and each with their own hope. The community is neither heaven nor hell, but planted firmly on earth, and they are ready to walk in it, and with it. They accept the community and the other members as they are; they are confident that together they can grow towards something more beautiful.”

So, why focus on community? Is it worth the effort? It sounds pretty difficult. And I’ve been listening to a guy by the name of John Mark Comer, he’s a pastor out west and I’ve gleaned a lot from him in this area recently. So, let’s get into it:

/ / 1. Community is a non-negotiable to be a follower of Jesus

We often talk about being a follower of Jesus here. I think it was just last week I said that sometimes the word Christian can become a cop-out to identifying as something we want, but not committing to the way of Christ. I find looking at our life as a follower, or how Jesus put it, be his disciple, or maybe even a better word we can relate to a bit more, an apprentice. Spending time with him, learning to be like him so we can do what he did - that’s the goal of following Jesus, truly, not just a label of being a Christian.

And for us being part of the community of Christ is not something we can negotiate with. When we read the gospel accounts of the life of Jesus we don’t even see him hanging out with just one person, he’s always with a group. Even if it’s just Peter, James & John…

And when we look at how the early church felt they were best defined, the two strongest metaphors we have are of a body, and a family.

Paul writes in Ephesians 4:15-16, / / …Christ, who is the head of his body, the church. He makes the whole body fit together perfectly. As each part does its own special work, it helps the other parts grow, so that the whole body is healthy and growing and full of love.

1 Corinthians 12:27, / / All of you together are Christ’s body, and each of you is a part of it.

Romans 12:4-5, / / Just as our bodies have many parts and each part has a special function, so it is with Christ’s body. We are many parts of one body, and we all belong to each other.

The symbolism is strong. We are meant to be connected together, and even more so, our very success depends on it.

It’s very hard to pick up a glass of water when your hand is not cooperating.

Ever have those moments where you were sitting wrong and you try to stand up and your leg is asleep and you almost fall over?

When one part suffers, we all suffer. And so this notion that we can fulfill what God has called us to do apart from the community of believers is really not true. Can you be saved. Yes, you can commit to Jesus and follow him, BUT, if that commitment and following doesn’t lead you to the body, then you have to ask the very honest question, “Why not? and how are you NOT following Jesus because following him WILL lead you to the body.”

And maybe it’s because of hurt, or mistrust, or you don’t like the system, or whatever, maybe there’s a reason, and a very good reason, but that doesn’t mean you should stay away, it just means it is journey God wants to walk with you into.

The other strong symbolism is of course family.

John 1:12 says, / / But to all who believed him and accepted him, he gave the right to become children of God.

As soon as you committed to Jesus, you became my brother, my sister. We may have started out on this earth with different parents, but now we are brothers and sisters.

Paul says in Ephesians 2:19, / / So now you Gentiles are no longer strangers and foreigners. You are citizens along with all of God’s holy people. You are members of God’s family.

And 1 John 4:20 goes as far to say, / / If someone says, “I love God,” but hates a fellow believer, that person is a liar; for if we don’t love people we can see, how can we love God, whom we can’t see?

The Barna Group, which is this research organization that focuses on how faith and culture interact and connect, did a study / / asking people what their preferred style or method for living their lives as disciples, or followers of Jesus was, and listen to this, / / 38%, which was the largest group to answer all the same thing, answered, “on my own...”

I read an article this week stating that the attendance of church in our country has and continues to be on a decline to the point that within the next few decades, 20-30 years, America will be less than 50% Christian - and that is a nation that is traditionally known as being a Christian nation. That is of course if the trend continues.

What’s going on here? Why is that a thing? Why are people leaving the church, or what we traditionally call the church community? And why are people losing their faith in God in the midst of it?

I think there’s a few reasons for this. There’s definitely been some disillusionment. Think of Jean Vanier’s statement, we come in, like what we see and hear, then we get to know people, we don’t like their mess, or their mess interacts negatively with our mess and we have to make a decision, do we stick it out or do we hit the road, Jack?

And I’m not even upset people are asking that question. It is an incredibly valid and important question. Maybe you’ve heard the term, there is a huge rise in what people are calling “deconstructing their faith”.... meaning what? Well, people began to realize they were doing what they were doing, living a way they were living, believing what they were believing, simply because it had been told to them and they hadn’t really gone after it for themselves. Over time, through hurt they experience themselves, or let’s face it, the church doesn’t always have the greatest name. There’s been enough scandal and misconduct, abuse and neglect to write endless stories.

And it can sometimes be the simplest of things. I was reading a book this week that was explaining something called the Minyan. The Minyan is a tradition within the Jewish community that requires a quorum of 10 men, and in some synagogues now, women can be included in that, of adult age, so 13+ for them, to be present before they will engage in certain religious activities, one of which is the reading of scripture.

And the purpose is to ensure that as a community they interpret together what scripture is saying. How great would it be that every time you sat down to read your bible there were 9 other people around you to help you understand what it said!

And I am just saying what I feel I have seen in my life as a Christian, one of the reasons we are seeing this great deconstruction, and mass exodus is because there hasn’t been a commitment to each other within community to help on the journey of our discipleship to Jesus. And I don’t mean help from one person, but a community of believers growing together. Because sometimes, when you’re handed a book like the Bible, if you have one of our large print bibles we give for free in the back. It’s 1000 pages, containing 5-10,000+ years of information, with quite possibly more than 35 authors, split into 66 books, written in many different places for many different purposes, to many different groups of people, written at times where we don’t even understand the context most of the time, and then we say, “Go home and read this and apply it...” and then when we gather together, and I recognize full well that I am right at the center of this, but we generally have one person representing their interpretation of what that book means.

Now, hear what I’m saying - yes, it is valuable to read the bible on our own. Yes, we need to grow in community discipleship together, and yes, the gathering and the use of teaching is valuable. I’m certainly not saying teaching isn’t important. Not only is it 100% biblical, and Paul goes into great lengths to express that we all have various gifts and purposes and we are meant to share those gifts. But for many it has left them feeling like they have questions they can’t get answers to. And as long as there isn’t room for us to sit and talk and relate and struggle and wrestle with scripture together, then we will always be limiting what God wants to do in us and through us.

Father Ron Rolheiser says, / / “Part of the very essence of Christianity is to be together in a concrete community, with all the real human faults that are there and the tensions that will bring us. Spirituality, for a Christian, can never be an individualistic quest, the pursuit of God outside of community, family, and church. The God of the incarnation tells us that anyone who says that he or she loves an invisible God in heaven and is unwilling to deal with a visible neighbor on earth is a liar since no one can love a God who cannot be seen if he or she cannot love a neighbor who can be seen.”

Which of course is 1 John 4:20, which we read earlier. But he wraps it up with this thought.

/ / “Hence a Christian spirituality is always as much about dealing with each other as it is about dealing with God...”

How true is that. And isn’t that simply the Great Commandment that Jesus spoke of? To love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind and strength, and a second which is like it, or meaning, it is equally as important, so it’s not really Rule #1 and #2, but it’s both, love your neighbor as yourself.

/ / Greatest Commandment - To love God, in an engaging, experiential, relational way, and to love people in the same way.

/ / 2. Community is a non-optional for a well lived life.

In everything we go through we see that God’s instruction and direction for us is to lead us to life. Right? John 10:10, Jesus says, / / “My purpose is to give them a rich and satisfying life.”

And it doesn’t matter how introverted or extroverted you are, the fact is that God created us to be relational beings. / / Being relational is at the core of who we are because it is at the core of who God is, and we are made in His image - to be like Him!

Have you ever noticed, this is true for me at least, that when one of your relationships is out of sorts, there’s something off, either a disappointment, or disagreement, misunderstanding, or you were hurt by them, or know you hurt them, and I would add especially when you don’t actually know what went wrong, you just know something is not right, it effects my life in a pretty serious way. EVEN when I act all tough and like it doesn’t bother me.

Why? Is that because I am weak and other people can control my emotional state that easily? Some would say so. Some would say that is weakness, to be effected in that way and push back against it strongly. But I think it is more that the spirit in me always seeks for reconciliation - and will lead me toward it at all times.

Fancy word, I know. / / Reconciliation simply means the restoration of friendly relations.

Ephesians 4:32 says, …be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.

Again, making that connection between, This is how God is, and you were made to be like him, to do like he does. And that is really true discipleship, apprenticeship to Jesus. To be with him, become like him to do the things He did, to live the way He did.

2 Corinthians 5:16-21 talks about the fact that we have been given the message or the ministry of reconciliation. And that it is our task to bring people into that reconciliation - with God first, but how can we do that if we are not willing to be reconciled to each other?

So we are meant to introduce or help people see this God who wants more than anything to restore true connection with Him, and calls us into the same.

I think the greatest healings come in community. I think the great break throughs happen when there is something to break through. And that doesn’t mean being stronger, sometimes it means being the most humble.

Can we truly feel what each other are going through, connect on a deep level of relationship, and walk together toward healing?

And we know that’s not always easy. In fact, it’s probably one of the more difficult things we face in life and I would suggest that our current societal norms look to this less and less. It seems these days, no matter what you believe, people are more interested in separating and drawing divided lines based on each others differences.

But Romans 12:15-18 says, / / Be happy with those who are happy, and weep with those who weep. Live in harmony with each other. Don’t be too proud to enjoy the company of ordinary people. And don’t think you know it all. Never repay evil with more evil. Do things in such a way that everyone can see you are honorable. Do all that you can to live in peace with everyone.

Can we celebrate together? You have to be in relationship with someone to celebrate with them. I don’t often party with people I don’t know.

And sometimes more importantly, can we be sad with someone? In my opinion sadness should NEVER be done alone. Isolation is never the key to dealing with sadness, hurt or pain.

And so coming into the fullness of life that God has for us requires us to walk with this community of followers of Jesus.

/ / 3. Community is essential to our Transformation

So, specifically a community built on the commonality of following Jesus. And understanding that following Jesus leads us to transformation.

Romans 12:2, / / Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think.

2 Corinthians 3:18, / / And the Lord - who is the Spirit - makes us more and more like him as we are changed [transformed] into his glorious image.

If we are all on a journey toward becoming more like Christ, then you need me in your journey, and I need you in mine!

We experience two incredible things within community that contribute to our transformation.

/ / Exposure & Encouragement

Exposure isn’t always easy, but you’ll never know you have relational issues until you are in a relationship. Again, this takes a level of humility to be willing to be seen.

I’m going to keep saying it, our goal here is healthy community. And I have seen this personally, and in the lives of countless others. As people get closer to people within the context of community, and let’s talk specifically church community, a community centered around Christ, which in one sense makes us feel like we shouldn’t get hurt, right? As people get close to others sometimes the exposure of relationship gives them insight into things they don’t like, or things they clash with, or maybe they don’t agree with. And soon enough, if the community is not one where the conversation can happen, and not just can, but is encouraged to happen, eventually the hearts of people begin to drift and they walk out the door.

This is why I say, and I am as genuine as I know how to be in this. If there is ever anything you don’t understand, don’t agree with, don’t like, or whatever, come talk to me.

First of all I would like to think I am resilient enough and gracious and loving enough to handle it rightly. And second, it is the exposure that we BOTH need to grow.

You see me and I see you and together we connect on a deeper relational level.

That doesn’t mean we just go around telling everyone what we don’t like or agree with about them, there most definitely needs to be grace in that process. We probably all learned this as kids, and it is just as true with adults as it is with kids, maybe even more so.

Matthew 7:12 says, / / Do to others whatever you would like them to do to you.

We call it the golden rule for a reason.

That being said, / / exposure brings opportunity for healing. And when we can come together in love and grace around the desire to follow the way of Jesus and become more like him then the things that get brought up in us don’t need to be a trigger point for fear of rejection, but rather an opportunity to heal and grow.

I’ve had moments where someone tells me they see something in me, and I have this “Whoa! I didn’t see that...” And in the moment I can either see how it is effecting and impacting my relationships and desire to change for my benefit AND yours, or it can cause a rift.

The power of Exposure...

When Kelley first came to me many years ago and said, “you know you just savagely cut me off in the middle of that conversation…and not just once, but all the time...” I was largely unaware. But exposure brought healing… humility and honesty made way for a greater depth of relationship.

It also helps that she was incredibly gracious about it.

See, / / the enemy will always try to get you to shut down, or blow up - but that never resolves the issue at hand. When the enemy gets his way it looks like what we now often see as the result, “I’ll go make a new friend...” “I’ll go find a new community...” “You’re not worth my time...” “You say you follow Jesus but you’ve hurt me...” “It’s not worth my time...” “It’s not worth the effort...”

Again, I’m not saying those things don’t happen. We are in the pursuit of HEALTHY community which means TWO people coming together to resolve things, not one person being hurt and the other person not recognizing it and continuing to hurt them with an unwillingness to change.

And the enemy would love nothing more than you to do one of those things, shut down, or blow up, but let me be perfectly honest with you, you may think it’s hurting the other person, and more than likely it is, but it is also hurting you. And I know there’s something inside of us that wants to say, “Good, I hope they feel it...” But by hurting you, and hurting them, whether that is an individual or a community, when we walk away from each other the opportunity to become more like Christ in that moment is lost because of a fear of true exposure, when what it could have done was bring healing.

Here is my experience...

/ / Unresolved conflict rarely, if ever, brings peace.

/ / Resolved issues, even when it’s hard almost always creates deeper relationships!

The power of exposure. Exposure can bring healing.

And the next part is a big component to that. / / Encouragement helps us feel safe enough to go through the process of Exposure!

A healthy community will be a place of encouragement. And I hope so because who wants to be a part of something where we only feel exposed all the time? Where we feel like it’s all about how I need to change. And I’m not saying we need to always be looking for what’s broken or going wrong, I’m just saying when we get closer in community, the opportunity for those things to arise is made greater, so we need to know how to navigate that together.

And let me add this on exposure. / / It is not our job to expose. We may just be a part of the process.

Kelley saying I cut her off was not her way of getting back at me for doing it, or hoping I would feel the shame of being a jerk. It was actually her being humble enough to say, “When you do that, it hurts me. I don’t feel seen. I feel shut down because it feels like my voice doesn’t matter...” And in response I didn’t feel exposed like scary vulnerable and attacked - I was able to see it for what it was and embrace the opportunity to change because my desire IS of course not to hurt my wife, or shut her down, or cut her off or ever have her feel like she’s not seen or what she has to say is not important.

And so here we are years later, and “if you would just let me finish” doesn’t need to be said NEARLY as often…

Exposure in the presence of God can create deeper relationships.

Now, to encouragement… And this is an interesting fact. Psychologically speaking and from a brain chemistry perspective, the only way to get healing from relational wounds is in relationship. It’s how we were created. God put in us the need for us to get over us!

That doesn’t mean that it is going to be the same relationship where the wound happened. It’s not always reconciliation. Sometimes people are unwilling to resolve and reconcile, and we have to walk away. Reconciliation is of course the primary goal, but we also have to be aware that not everyone is ready for that, open to that or capable of it in their lives.

And more often than not, the journey out of a bad relationship, when WE desire to walk in healing, and continue to follow Jesus toward life, will lead us to search for a relationships that will be healthier.

I have experienced both. Where conflict and difference was resolved and it created a deeper bond, and the flip side, moments where it seemed there was no mending the relationship and so I ended up learning more about what I don’t want than what I do.

But when someone gets hurt and isolates, hides, walks away and says, “I won’t ever open up again if that’s what it does...” the person essentially stays broken forever, because the only way to heal on a psychological and neurological level is to step back into relationship.

And so creating an environment where we feel encouraged, celebrated, loved and accepted allows us to go through these exposure moments with greater ease and grace to find healing.

Again, this is why I say so often that our desire is for healthy community, so that from both perspectives - those who are here will experience healthy growing relationship, but for those who have been hurt, and let’s be honest, that’s all of us to some degree I’m sure, people can come in and find healing from past relationships within this community.

Because here’s the thing: / / Solitude is good. Quiet is good. But Isolation is bad. it’s dangerous and we need each other to journey to healing.

Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 says, / / Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble.

The reality is, we grow more in our spiritual journey when we are in long engaged relationships centered around following Jesus.

The same is true, those who walk away often stop growing. Not always, and sometimes just for a season, but more often then not.

/ / 4. Community is not the same having a group of friends.

And this one will be quick, we looked at that pretty extensively at the beginning. Today’s world of false connection, social media friendships, casual acquaintances. There’s a sign at a local restaurant here that says, “looking for meaningful one night encounter”.... it’s all that’s wrong with our concept of true connection and community.

And the more connections we have the more it seems true community is harder to find. The more divided our attention can become.

And in a digital age it is way more common to have what we would call weak ties, or weak connections, than strong ones, real true community building connections.

/ / It is easier than ever before to be connected to everybody and in community with no one.

And it is truly one of the great disillusionments of this age. to feel connected to so many and yet truly be and feel alone.

/ / 5. Community is the byproduct of commitment

One of the greatest deterrents when it comes to truly thriving in community is this little thing we call / / F.O.M.O. Fear Of Missing Out

I think deep down we all long for true, deep connections, and yet we want to keep our options open. “What if something better comes along?”

And let’s be honest, I think this is especially true when it comes to church. We’ve seen over the last decades of church life what is called a consumer mentality rather than a community of people growing and living and pursuing Jesus together.

And that is enhanced by the options that are available to us these days. It is absolutely no wonder to me why people believe they don’t have to go to church to get what they need.

You can get the best most anointed worship with the click of a button. You can skip through a million teachings until you find the one that really clicks with you - or doesn’t offend you - or doesn’t challenge you.

In some ways that’s a blessing and it can also be something that actually holds us from really committing because in a lot of ways we have bought into the lie that to be a follower of Jesus we don’t need community. All of that can be done on our own, because we’ve boiled it down to what we “receive” rather than experiencing life, healing and wholeness within community.

And when we live with that, "What if something better comes along?” mentality, we don’t commit and hold everything at arms length.

And here is the reality, / / we can not have community without commitment. Safe, healthy, long term relationships that encourage us and make it safe for us to be exposed - to follow after Jesus together. And that means committing to the people who may seem less than ideal, not perfect, issues visible.

But when we can say, “I’m in it with you...” something powerful happens.

St Benedict, who was the father of western monasticism, which means living as a monk, endorsed certain disciplines to live life by, and one was called the vow of stability.

It said this.

/ / We vow to remain all our life with our local community. We live together, pray together, work together, relax together. We give up the temptation to move from place to place in search of an ideal situation. Ultimately there is no escape from oneself, and the idea that things would be better someplace else is usually an illusion. And when interpersonal conflicts arise, we have a great incentive to work things out and restore peace. This means learning the practices of love: acknowledging one’s own offensive behavior, giving up one’s preferences, forgiving.

We’re not pulling out documents today to get you all to sign that. I’ve been part of places that wanted that too, and that just felt a bit weird. But what I am saying is that whether that is here or somewhere else, that is truly God’s heart for each and every one of us. That we would find a place to settle, to belong, to commit and to grow, even in the face of difficulty and difference.

/ / 6. Community takes time & intentionality

How many times have I had the thought go through my head when someone walks through those doors, “Just stick with us… just give it some time… I know what God wants to do here...”

And I don’t mean that from a service perspective, although that is important. For a long time we didn’t have anything consistent for our kids. Of course people who walk in with children are going to think twice about sticking around when there is nothing for their kids. I’m so grateful Cassandra and Kelley stepped up and said they would do it!

All the things that make our experience of worshipping together all that it should be, those are of course important. But what I’m really truly speaking of is when I get to know people I think, “Stick around, I want to get to know you more… I want to see a community of people growing and thriving and I know that this can be a home for you. It will just take some time & commitment”

What does it truly look like to be more than just casual Christian acquaintances? Because that’s what we’re after. That’s why we are looking at how we can develop a lifestyle and a culture of community. What does that involve? What does that look like? What does that need?

And / / the thing community needs most is you, because without you, there is no community.

In closing this morning, I said at the beginning that this isn’t a nicety, it’s a necessity. I unashamedly use the word need. Each of us, individually NEED community. I believe wholeheartedly it is a part of our discipleship to and following of Jesus. This is why there is such a push to not need it. This is why there’s such a push to be able to do it on your own. “You don’t need people. You don’t need church. You don’t need community.” Because the enemy of our very souls knows that we are stronger, better, more alive and more likely to grow in our pursuit and relationship with Jesus if we actually commit to working this thing out, developing something that is truly great! Working out our differences. Pursuing healing and encouraging one another!

And there is a real agenda being pushed these days to be led and moved only by your desires. It’s all too easy to be led by our desires because our desires are often ruled by our flesh.

And when we’ve been hurt, or we’ve bought into the lie that time heals all wounds, or somehow turned to believe that isolation is healing, or the church isn’t necessary for our discipleship to Jesus, it can be so much easier to just say “no”. Let alone the simple fact that life is busy, it’s hard to make that decision and commitment and there’s always going to be something else we could be doing!

But where there have been wounds, and because of those wounds there is apprehension, it is within community that we can find our healing. Because to just shut it off or deny our need for those things means there is no opportunity to heal. And it doesn’t mean it’s going to be perfect. I can pretty much guarantee it won’t be.

We have issues. Problems. We have things we hold others at a distance because we’re afraid if they saw the real us they might reject us. Insecurities, fear of not measuring up, not feeling like we are enough or making the smallest mistake is going to make people walk away.

We have to recognize that when we come into community we are not only walking in with ourselves and all that we carry, but we are walking in with everyone else carrying something too. And the solution is not to have a baggage check at the front door where we all come in and leave our baggage at the door and try to be on our best behavior without our baggage and complain about it later. The whole point is to come in with our baggage and dismantle that baggage and throw it in the fire of God’s love and let it burn so that we can be healed and whole and growing together and thriving together because that’s the whole point of community.

So, why have community Sunday? Why have Community Groups? Why make healthy community such a big deal? / / Because it is at the core of who God is, and the core of who He’s created us to be!