Jesus on Marriage and Divorce
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Jesus on Marriage & Divorce
Jesus on Marriage & Divorce
1 Jesus then left that place and went into the region of Judea and across the Jordan. Again crowds of people came to him, and as was his custom, he taught them.
2 Some Pharisees came and tested him by asking, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?”
3 “What did Moses command you?” he replied.
4 They said, “Moses permitted a man to write a certificate of divorce and send her away.”
5 “It was because your hearts were hard that Moses wrote you this law,” Jesus replied. 6 “But at the beginning of creation God ‘made them male and female.’ 7 ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, 8 and the two will become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two, but one flesh. 9 Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”
10 When they were in the house again, the disciples asked Jesus about this. 11 He answered, “Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her. 12 And if she divorces her husband and marries another man, she commits adultery.”
Our passage today features a debate between Jesus and the Pharisees on the subject of divorce. It’s a subject that is always going to be a sensitive one to discuss, but we’re going to do our best to understand and honour the truth of God’s word.
Through understanding what Jesus is saying here we’re going to come out with a clearer understanding of what marriage actaully is and is not. So if you’re unmarried here today but would like to be married some day this text is going to give you some absolutely essential teaching to prepare you for it. If you are married, well then this is going to give you a fresh reminder of what you have entered into and also some pointers about how Jesus would want you to treat your spouse.
Jesus of course addresses both divorce and remarriage in this discussion, and it’s imperative that we hear what he has to say in it’s proper context.
We live in a broken world, and it’s a sad fact that some marriages do end in divorce and tragically not only outside of the church. Wherever we find people we will find sin, and wherever we find sin we will find broken relationships. Therefore the best way to keep your marriage strong is actually to keep your relationship with God strong. A married couple who are both truthfully following Jesus in their lives are very unlikely to divorce.
One of the things Gav Calver said to us as young men at YFC was to go after the girls who were going after God. So many young guys and girls in church make a tragic mistake in thinking that simply because someone is attractive and they go to church that it means that a) they are actually a christian and b) that because they go to church and they are attractive that they are compatible! Both assumptions are invalid. Look for someone who yes you’re attracted to and you get on with, but even more important someone who is going to pursue the things of God with you.
But to understand what Jesus is really saying about divorce here we’ve got to understand something of the background to the question that the pharisees ask.
In the 1st century AD at the time of Jesus there was this whole big debate rolling about divorce amongst the Rabbis and Pharisees. The debate was primarily between two positions, a more conservative view held by a man named Rabbi Shammai and then a more liberal position held by a Rabbi named Hilel. The debate is actually written about in the Jewish Talmud
The School of Shammai say: A man may not divorce his wife unless he has found unchastity in her, for it is written, “Because he hath found in her indecency in anything.” And the School of Hillel say: [He may divorce her] even if she spoiled a dish for him, for it is written, “Because he hath found in her indecency in anything.” R. Akiba says: Even if he found another fairer than she, for it is written, “And it shall be if she find no favour in his eyes.” (m. Git. 9:10)
The whole debate on divorce centred on Deuteronomy 24 1-4
1 If a man marries a woman who becomes displeasing to him because he finds something indecent about her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce, gives it to her and sends her from his house, 2 and if after she leaves his house she becomes the wife of another man, 3 and her second husband dislikes her and writes her a certificate of divorce, gives it to her and sends her from his house, or if he dies, 4 then her first husband, who divorced her, is not allowed to marry her again after she has been defiled. That would be detestable in the eyes of the Lord. Do not bring sin upon the land the Lord your God is giving you as an inheritance.
The Shammaites focussed on the word ‘indecent’ whereas the Hilleleans focussed on the word ‘something’ which they took to mean ‘anything’. Rabbi Akiba took it even further to mean if the husband found someone he preferred to his wife he could divorce her!!
So the Pharisees aren’t asking Jesus an honest question - they’re trying to catch him out, which side of the debate is he on? But Jesus does something they didn’t anticipate, instead of going to Deuteronomy with them, He takes them to Genesis!
Why? Because He says that this commandment was given to them as a concession, not a pretext! It was a concession that God gave to them because of the hardness of their hearts. The Pharisees were looking at Deuteronomy 24 like it was a license for divorce, they were abusing the text to get away with immorality.
Jesus is pointing out that the text is an ‘if/then’ law. Basically, if this awful thing happens then here’s what you do to stop it getting worse!
Matthew’s gospel covers the same conversation and gives us a little more information than Mark does here:
3 Some Pharisees came to him to test him. They asked, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?”
So when Jesus responds to the Pharisees about divorce we need to have this ‘for any and every reason’ in mind.
So Jesus doesn’t side with either the Shammaites or the Hillelites, He takes them right back to Genesis;
27 So God created man in his own image,
in the image of God he created him;
male and female he created them.
24 Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.
Jesus gets them to focus not on ‘what is permissable’ in marriage but on God’s original design for marriage. If we’re coming to scripture with an axe to grind we’re going to wilfully misunderstand the heart of God. If we come to scripture asking, ‘how much can I get away with without it being sin’ we’re missing the whole point - Jesus teaches us to search for God’s heart in the scriptures, for His purposes, for His design and then work out how we should live from there.
He teaches that God created two genders; male and female with marriage in mind! These two genders God made compatible with one another, sexually, emotionally and psychologically. In God’s eyes marriage is the union of one man, and one woman for life. And when they come together they are no longer two individuals but are one flesh.
Jesus shows that marriage is God’s idea, that it is He who is Lord over it and not man.
According to Jesus, however, it is neither man nor woman who controls marriage, but rather God, who is the lord of marriage: “ ‘what God has joined together, let man not separate.’ - Edwards
It is God who joins together a man and a woman in marriage, not man. And therefore Jesus was ‘let not man separate.’ Getting married isn’t just getting a piece of paper, it’s not some trivial thing to be tried out to see if it works for us or not, it is a sacred covenant in the eyes of God and not to be trifled with.
We read so often of celebrities getting married and then divorced, then getting married again, and then getting divorced again. So often they’ll say things like - ‘yeah, it just didn’t feel right’, or ‘we just weren’t able to give our marriage the attention it needed’. Jesus is saying ‘don’t get married unless you’re absolutely committed to making it work. He’s saying, marriage is of God, marriage is for life. No - you can’t just send her packing if she cooks your dinner wrong, no you can’t divorce because you don’t find him attractive any more, no you can’t get a divorce because you’re both too busy to make things work. Marriage is sacred.
Jesus actually goes further than the most conservative view at the time, he says, if anyone divorces his wife and marries another he commits adultery, and likewise for women. Now Matthew’s gospel has more information here;
9 And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery.”
Jesus didn’t outright outlaw divorce, he taught that divorce was an option but only on the grounds of marital infidelity. The apostle Paul adds another ground for divorce in; 1 Cor. 7:12–16
12 To the rest I say (I, not the Lord) that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, he should not divorce her. 13 If any woman has a husband who is an unbeliever, and he consents to live with her, she should not divorce him. 14 For the unbelieving husband is made holy because of his wife, and the unbelieving wife is made holy because of her husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy. 15 But if the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so. In such cases the brother or sister is not enslaved. God has called you to peace. 16 For how do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?
My view is that divorce would also be permissable in cases of severe and long term abuse within a marriage. But in general Jesus is highlighting that marriages are sacred and that they are supposed to last. In cases where unfaithfulness or immoraility has occurred it would be the role of the couple with help from their church to work to see if reconciliation is possible before seeking divorce; perhaps even a period of separation might be needed to give space and allow time for healing to take place before taking the next step, but divorce ought to be a last resort. If a couple does end up divorcing because of infidelity and one of them ends up remarrying, they’re not committing adultery because as Jesus says this rule doesn’t apply in the case of sexual immorality.
So with regards to marriage - Christ points us not to the law but back to creation, back to original design. This is what life in the Kingdom of God is, not a return to Sinai, but a return to Eden. A return not to the law, but to God Himself.
Jesus also spoke to the value and place of the wife in a marriage - she was not chattel to be treated with disdain and discarded on a whim, she was an equal partner in the marriage with her husband. Jesus spoke to protect vulnerable women in what was a very patriarchal world.
The new covenant picture of marriage is further fleshed out in Ephesians 5
22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.
25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. 28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, 30 because we are members of his body. 31 “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” 32 This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. 33 However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.
Marriage therefore is a sacred image of the relationship between Christ and His church. A relationship in which there is ultimate security and perfect love on the part of Christ, the head of the church.
37 All that the Father gives me will come to me, and whoever comes to me I will never cast out. 38 For I have come down from heaven, not to do my own will but the will of him who sent me. 39 And this is the will of him who sent me, that I should lose nothing of all that he has given me, but raise it up on the last day.
1 My little children, I am writing these things to you so that you may not sin. But if anyone does sin, we have an advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous.
9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
Though there is sin even in the marriage between Christ and His bride, it’s all on one side, and Christ not only removes the guilt of sin from His bride bit he cleanses her of all sin, he removes even the shame of sin from her! What can we learn from Him about the way we handle one anothers short comings in marriage? And how wonderful to be married ultimately to Him, we never need fear divorce or retribution or shame.
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