Home Improvements 1
The Building Code of Relationships
(Home Improvements 1)
Genesis 2:18 Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone”
The building code of relationships (3 key factors to every relationship):
1) You are made for relationships.
2) You are made with the capacity to choose.
3) You are made to take responsibility yourself.
1) You are made for relationships.
Genesis 2:18 (NLT) And the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a companion who will help him.”
· It is not good for man to be alone…
· You can be by yourself but it is not good, it is not God’s design for you.
In ancient times (as sometimes today) Suffering was often intensified by the afflicted one’s isolation from human fellowship.
Because adversity was regarded as divine punishment, the sufferer frequently had to endure abandonment by the human community as well as the devastating fear of having been forsaken by God .
Psalm 25:16 (NASB95) Turn to me and be gracious to me, For I am lonely and afflicted.
Psalm 102:7 (NASB95) I lie awake, I have become like a lonely bird on a housetop.
Psalm 68:6 (NLT) God places the lonely in families; he sets the prisoners free and gives them joy. But for rebels, there is only famine and distress.
A rebel is somebody who protests against something by defying authority or somebody who refuses to conform to the codes and conventions of society. Being a rebel is not a good thing (famine and distress?)
2) You are made for 3 types of relations: with others, with yourself, and with God.
a) “With Others” –
1 John 4:11 (NASB95) Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.
It’s never just about the other person... The problem you have with another person is often a problem you have with yourself. Usually the pain that another person causes you is coming out of a fear or insecurity you have about yourself. Think about it, if someone says something that is totally absurd and you know it is not true it doesn’t affect you.
You are made to take responsibility yourself. If you don’t then, you are placing the responsibility of the relationship on others. Jesus commands us to love each other in the same way that He loves us. He is saying, “Take responsibility”
John 15:12 (NLT) I command you to love each other in the same way that I love you.
b) “With yourself”-
Deuteronomy 11:16 (NASB95) “Beware that your hearts are not deceived, and that you do not turn away and serve other gods and worship them.
Do you have a healthy dynamic relationship with yourself? Are you on good terms with yourself? Do you view yourself as important? Do you like yourself? Does this sound unhealthy? It’s all about balance. People who do have a healthy relationship with themselves – who take responsibility and take care of themselves – are better positioned to deal with relationship problems because they see themselves objectively.
Proverbs 3:7 (NLT) Don’t be impressed with your own wisdom. Instead, fear the Lord and turn your back on evil.
Matthew 22:36-40 (NLT) “Teacher, which is the most important commandment in the law of Moses?” 37 Jesus replied, “You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind.’ 38 This is the first and greatest commandment. 39 A second is equally important: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ 40 All the other commandments and all the demands of the prophets are based on these two commandments.”
· You are commanded to love others as yourself.
Relational Skill: “put yourself in the picture.” How would I feel if someone did this to me? (Yell at me, be short tempered with me, avoided me, and manipulated me (manipulation is motivation by guilt), etc…” When you do this you can see the consequences of your actions.
· If you don’t love yourself, you can’t love others fully. One way we love ourselves is to be in relationship with God. When we look at ourselves it’s hard to be objective unless we use the right lens. God says that we are to confess our sins to one another (relationship), that we are to be in the word (relationship), that we are to pray (relationship), this gives us a sounding board of objectiveness.
c) We all have a relationship with God.
People who don’t acknowledge him have a dysfunctional relationship with God. Yet they still are in one just not a healthy one. Pascal said, you where created to have relationship with God. Scientists have done research where they feel that are brains are wired for God. Newsweek cover story, “God and the brain: How we are wired for spirituality.” ”Your Brain On Religion”-Newsweek (May7, 2001)
John 17:3 (NLT)3 And this is the way to have eternal life—to know you, the only true God, and Jesus Christ, the one you sent to earth.
In Rick Warren’s “Purpose Driven Life” he says, ‘You are not an accident. Your birth was no mistake, and your life is no fluke of nature.'
3) Never tell yourself that you don’t have a choice in a relationship, that’s a lie. The truth is you do have a choice, lots of them.
- You can choose to stay stuck in a relationship or you can choose to work through the issues.
- You can choose to hold onto resentment or you can choose to let go of it.
- You can choose to look at yourself through a distorted lens or you can choose to see yourself as God does.
a) You are made with the capacity to choose.
Joshua 24:15 (NLT) But if you are unwilling to serve the Lord, then choose
One comment I often hear from people who are in conflict is “I have no choice.”
b) God gave you the power to choose. (freewill)
Joshua 24:15 (NLT) But if you are unwilling to serve the Lord, then choose today whom you will serve. Would you prefer the gods your ancestors served beyond the Euphrates? Or will it be the gods of the Amorites in whose land you now live? But as for me and my family, we will serve the Lord.”
c) Choice = Change=Growth
Romans 12:2 (NASB95) And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect.
Proverbs 23:7 (NASB95) For as he thinks within himself, so he is.
- Not choosing is a choice.
- You can’t grow unless you change.
- Everyone wants to grow, few want to change
· What will you choose?
· All of my thoughts determine all of my actions and emotions. You have the freedom to choose how you will react.
4) You are made to take responsibility.
· Adam and Eve is the story of you and I. They where made to take responsibility for themselves. But they chose to disregard God’s instructions, they violated their DNA, the building code of relationships. When faced with the consequences of their choices, neither Adam nor Eve was willing to take responsibility. Each pointed their finger at the other person. We are like that today. When we are faced with a difficult relationship, we point the finger and say, “it was them.”
· Life is relationships the rest is just details. God made you for relationships. You can’t change that. You can work either with this or against it. So choose wisely, choose life and be prepared to take responsibility.
Summary:
The building code of relationships (3 key factors to every relationship):
· You are made for relationships.
· You are made with the capacity to choose.
· You are made to take responsibility yourself.