Men, Women, and Marriage

Sermon  •  Submitted   •  Presented   •  25:07
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We are reminded that God graciously loves us in a way that is willing to give up everything. We are encouraged to live in our marriage in the way God has called us to.

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Grounding the Text

Right before the text we just read, Ephesians talks about how Christians are called to walk in love and look to Jesus as our example. That leads into what we just read, applying those ideas to marriage specifically. What I’d like to do this morning is look specifically at three specific things. First, we’re going to talk about how men are called to think and act towards their wives. Next, we’re going to talk about how women are called to think and act towards their husbands. And you might be sitting there not being married, thinking “none of this applies to me.” Well, hold those horses because the third thing we’re going to talk about is what any of that means for single people in the church.

Husbands

With that outline in mind, I’d like to talk to the men of the congregation and I’m not going to beat around the bush on it. You are called to love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her, that He might sanctify her. You should love your wives in a sacrificial way, owning up to the responsibility to take care of them and protect them, and to lead them deeper into their faith. And when I say we should be loving our wives sacrificially, the point of comparison is Christ, who literally lived His whole life and died for the church. So there is nothing that we shouldn’t be willing to sacrifice for our wives, up to an including our lives. Now what does that look like practically?
It means that you should do what it takes to take care of your wife physically, making sure there is a roof over her head and keeping her safe. It means that you should do what it takes to care for your wife emotionally, that means listening to her and sacrificing your time and attention to be there for her. It means that you should do what it takes to care for your wife’s reputation, that means not using her as a scapegoat when you don’t want to do something by saying “my wife won’t let me,” that means avoiding phrases like “happy wife, happy life” that make her seem like a monster that needs to be appeased. It means that you should take responsibility for the fallout from decisions that you make together, and never leave her out to dry. Men, we are called in our marriages to be there to take care of our wives with little regard for the personal cost. And above all, men are called to do what it takes to take care of our wives’ spiritual lives - to be in devotion and prayer with them, to lead them closer to God and His will for their lives.
That’s no small responsibility, but it gives us a window into the incredible love that Christ has for us. That sacrificial love that we’re called to, He loves us that way - but perfectly. God will never leave us out to dry, He will always be there to support us, He will always take responsibility for our mistakes, taking the punishment on Himself so that we can enjoy the promise of eternal life.

Wives

Alright, that was the husbands’ mini-sermon. Next I’d like to talk to the women of the congregation. The instructions for you in Ephesians are simple, but they are not easy. You are called to submit in everything to their husbands as the church submits to Christ.
I want you to imagine a couple where the husband is trying his best to live up to his role but where the wife does not accept his authority at any point. He does his best to support her and give her what she needs, but she constantly ignores it and tries to take care of everything on her own. He’s hurt that she doesn’t trust him to protect her, and she’s exhausted from having to do everything. She dictates exactly how he uses all of his time, telling him who he can spend time with, what he’s allowed to do and not to do, where he’s allowed to go. He’s frustrated that he’s being treated like a child and other people in his life are alienated, making it harder for him to care for her. And when he tries to do devotions or pray together, she resists and both of their spiritual lives suffer.
Now I want you to imagine another couple where both the husband and the wife are trying their best to fulfill their roles. He does his best to support her and give her everything she needs, and it’s definitely not perfect but she appreciates it anyway. He feels proud that he can take care of her and she feels the support that he’s offering her. She doesn’t dictate his time, but he always takes her needs into consideration when he’s doing things. He’s being supported by his different communities and always builds up his wife’s reputation with his friends and acquaintances, and she’s supported by all of these people wherever she goes. She accepts his leadership in devotion and in prayer, and they grow closer to God and to each other.
The second relationship certainly will result in better outcomes for the husband, the wife, and the relationship. When wives trust their husbands and allow them to lead with sacrificial love, the relationships thrive.
That’s no small task, I’ll admit, to trust someone else to lead you, but it gives us a window into how we’re all supposed to relate to Christ. We trust Him to care for us, to love us, and to do whatever it takes for our good. We believe that He went to the cross and that He has a place for us before Him in eternity.

Singles

And there’s the mini-sermon for wives. But some of you guys don’t fall into either of those categories. Some of you aren’t married - some of you don’t have plans to ever be married - and that’s totally okay. It doesn’t mean that this text has nothing to do with you though. Because you are called to build up the marriages around you from the outside.
The most likely situation for this will likely be in conversation. If you’re sitting around with the guys, and one of them starts badmouthing his own wife - you should speak up and remind him that he shouldn’t talk about his wife like that, he should be building her up no matter where he is. If you notice that a man is neglecting his wife, spending to much time doing other things, say something - remind him of his call. Or if you’re sitting around with the ladies and one of them is undercutting her husband - you should speak up and remind her that he shouldn’t talk about her husband like that, he should be showing him the respect called for. If you notice that a woman is treating her husband in a controlling way or not allowing him to sacrificially love her, say something - remind her of her call.
Just because you’re not called into either of these roles does not dismiss your call as a Christian to support people who are in these calls.

Addressing the Whole

What I would like to do in closing is this, I would like to have husbands and wives stand and face one another. I would like for each of you to renew your marriage vows.
Men, will you nourish and cherish your wives as Christ loved His body, the Church, giving Himself up for her? Will you love, honor, and keep her in sickness and in health and, forsaking all others, remain united to her alone, so long as you both shall live? Then say: I will.
Women, will you submit to your husbands as the Church submits to Christ? Will you love, honor, and keep him in sickness and in health and, forsaking all others, remain united to him alone, so long as you both shall live? Then say: I will.
Now I would ask the rest of the congregation to stand. Will you encourage men to nourish and cherish their wives? Will you encourage women to submit to their husbands? Will you help those around you to love, honor, and keep each other? Then say: I will.
May Christ who promises to nourish and cherish us, who gave Himself up for us, and who loves, honors, and keep us regardless of circumstance, be with us all as we strive to live in our calls as husbands, wives, and friends. Amen.
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