There is more than one way to build a house

(Home Improvements 2)

It was Saturday morning as Jake, an avid hunter, woke up ready to go bag the first deer of the season. He walks down to the kitchen to get a cup of coffee, and to his surprise he finds his wife, Alice, sitting there, fully dressed in camouflage.

Jake asks her: "What are you up to?"

Alice smiles: "I'm going hunting with you!"

Jake, though he had many reservations about this, reluctantly decides to take her along. Later they arrive at the hunting site. Jake sets his wife safely up in the tree stand and tells her: "If you see a deer, take careful aim on it and I'll come running back as soon as I hear the shot".

Jake walks away with a smile on his face knowing that Alice couldn't bag an elephant--much less a deer. Not 10 minutes pass when he is startled as he hears an array of gunshots.

Quickly, Jake starts running back. As Jake gets closer to her stand, he hears Alice screaming: "Get away from my deer!" Confused, Jake races faster towards his screaming wife. And again he hears her yell: "Get away from my deer!" followed by another volley of gunfire. Now within sight of where he had left his wife, Jake is surprised to see a cowboy, with his hands high in the air.

The cowboy, obviously distraught, says: "Okay, lady, okay!!!! You can have your deer!!! Just let me get my saddle off it!"

Review:

The building code of relationships (3 key factors to every relationship):

1) You are made for relationships.

2) You are made with the capacity to choose.

3) You are made to take responsibility yourself.

1.) Do our emotions lead our relationships?

a) We must learn to take control of our thoughts, feelings, and actions.

Proverbs 12:5 (NASB95) The thoughts of the righteous are just

Matthew 15:19-20 (NASB95) “For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murders, adulteries, fornications, thefts, false witness, slanders. 20 “These are the things which defile the man; but to eat with unwashed hands does not defile the man.”

You can choose your reaction, and your reaction is based on your thoughts. Your thoughts are the basis for your feelings and reactions.

Are we a negative person or a positive person…both boil down to their thought life. In other words are we “Looking for the good’ or ‘Looking for the bad” in the people?

· KEY: What’s playing on your record machine? The Broken Record or Symphony being played in your head?

Psalm 1:1-3 (NCV) Happy are those who don’t listen to the wicked, who don’t go where sinners go, who don’t do what evil people do. 2 They love the Lord’s teachings, and they think about those teachings day and night. 3 They are strong, like a tree planted by a river. The tree produces fruit in season, and its leaves don’t die. Everything they do will succeed.

Proverbs 23:7 (NASB95) For as he thinks within himself, so he is.

“Habit, if not resisted, soon becomes necessity.” —St. Augustine (A.D. 354-430)

b) You are part of the picture in every relationship.

When all you do is focus on the other person as the problem, you’ve taken away your own power. You make yourself weak. When your focus is not on the other person, you vastly increase the odds of being able to enjoy some impact and influence in the relationship.

We never pray for folks we gossip about, and we never gossip about the folk for whom we pray! —Evangelist Leonard Ravenhill (1907–1994)

c) You can choose to do something.

Are you interested in being a vegetarian, but concerned that you might not be able to adjust? Not to worry…you can become a flexitarian.

As vegetarianism gains in popularity and increases its market niche, a variation has developed. The flexitarian is a person who eats primarily vegetables, but also indulges occasionally with meat.

The designation fits people like 28-year-old Christy Pugh, who says, "I usually eat vegetarian. But I really like sausage."

Christy says, "Sometimes I feel like I'm a bad vegetarian, that I'm not strict enough or good enough. I really like vegetarian food, but I'm just not 100 percent committed."

Citation: John Beukema, Western Springs, Illinois; source: "Are You a 'Flexitarian?" MSNBC.com (3-16-04)

Deuteronomy 30:19 (NCV)19 Today I ask heaven and earth to be witnesses. I am offering you life or death, blessings or curses. Now, choose life! Then you and your children may live.

By focusing on the other we start to do unhealthy things like manipulate them to force them to stop pushing our buttons.

Dr. Gary Chapman, author of “The Five Love Languages” advises couples to, “focus on what’s in their power rather than on what the other person should be doing.”

d) Your thoughts determine your feelings.

Dr. Archibald Hart’s book Habits of the Mind says, “our bodies are the servant of our mind. It obeys the operations of the mind, whether they be deliberately chosen or automatically expressed”

Control your thoughts and your actions will follow.

2 Corinthians 12:9 (NASB95) And He has said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.” Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me.

2.) Take responsibility for your emotional buttons.

Romans 12:17-19 (NIV) Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. 18 If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. 19 Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord.

a) You have a choice of how you will react when someone pushes your buttons.-Rom 12:18… as far as it depends on you,

o Remember when your buttons get pushed they are yours, and you are responsible for them. You are in charge of your buttons.

b) No one controls how you will react. You alone do that.

Rom 12: 19 …leave room.

If you want great relations, learn this principle. Don’t take the bait. Consider the source. Don’t ponder on it.

c) You are in charge of your buttons.

Do Red lights make you mad? You have a choice weather you get mad or not. Don’t give power to those who push your buttons. You have the power to choose.

“It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord”

3.) Don’t give others the power to control your feelings.

Genesis 4:7 (NLT) You will be accepted if you respond in the right way. But if you refuse to respond correctly, then watch out! Sin is waiting to attack and destroy you, and you must subdue it.”

· Do you rant and rave if you do not get your own way? Freedom and responsibility are two sides of the same coin. You can not have one without the other.

a) Focus on the right person. Personal responsibility means refusing to focus on what the other person has done. No victim mentality Mr. Plankeye.

b) The only person you can change is yourself.

Remember the DNA- You have a choice!! God created you to have a choice.

c) It takes only one person to control your feelings

Genesis 4:7 (NLT) You will be accepted if you respond in the right way. But if you refuse to respond correctly, then watch out! Sin is waiting to attack and destroy you, and you must subdue it.”

Most people are surprised that they have the power to stop the fear dance. You do not have to participate in it.

“you must subdue it.” It’s not God but you who must subdue it.

4.) Don’t look to others to make you happy.

Have you ever made comments like:

· In a successful marriage, both spouses meet each other needs.

· The best relationships “complete” those involved; what was half becomes whole.

· The best way to find a best friend is to look for someone who can make you happy.

All 3 of these statements are false. They are myths, deceptions and lies. If you believe them you’ll end up paying a heavy price.

Psalm 126:5-6 (NLT)
5 Those who plant in tears will harvest with shouts of joy. 6 They weep as they go to plant their seed, but they sing as they return with the harvest.

a) Don’t fall into “I’ll scratch your back if you scratch mine” myth.

The truth is no one can make you happy. Not a spouse, not a job, not a friend. Abraham Lincoln, “I reckon people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.’ You and nobody else determine how you will react to what life throws at you.

b) Come to relationships with realistic expectations.

They weep as they go to plant their seed, but they sing as they return with the harvest.

Scientists have been studying the effect of laughter on human beings and have found, among other things, that laughter has a profound and instantaneous effect on virtually every important organ in the human body. Laughter reduces health-sapping tensions and relaxes the tissues as well as exercising the most vital organs. It is said that laughter, even when forced, results in beneficial effect on us, both mentally and physically. Next time you feel nervous and jittery, indulge in a good laugh.

—Executives’ Digest

5.) Become the CEO of your life.

Q. When did you become an adult?

Def. An adult is someone fully capable of being responsible for themself or fully accepts that responsibility. Taking personal responsibility means becoming an adult.

Peter Pan Syndrome, 1983 Dan Kiely- The Peter-Pan psychological type is one characterized by immaturity or certain sorts of psychological, social, and sexual problems. The type of personality in question, usually male, is immature and narcissistic. More completely, according to Kiley, the characteristics of a "Peter-Pan" include such attributes as irresponsibility, rebelliousness, anger, narcissism, dependency, manipulativeness, and the belief that he is beyond society's laws and norms. According to Kiley, "Peter Pan" is the adult little boy who, when in a relationship or in seeking a relationship, acts out a need for mothering.

Many people are children even into their forties.

They weep as they go to plant their seed, but they sing as they return with the harvest.

a) You can’t force people to meet your needs.

· Give to God your expectations that people places, and things will bring you lasting happiness. (Idols)

Romans 8:31 (NLT) What can we say about such wonderful things as these? If God is for us, who can ever be against us?

· Realize that everything negative that happens to us can be reframed into something positive.

Romans 8:36-39 (NASB) Just as it is written, “For Thy sake we are being put to death all day long; We were considered as sheep to be slaughtered.” 37 But in all these things we overwhelmingly conquer through Him who loved us. 38 For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, 39 nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

b) You can express your needs to others but, they need to choose to help.

Romans 8:6 (NASB) For the mind set on the flesh is death, but the mind set on the Spirit is life and peace,

6.) Forgiveness heals relationships.

a) Taking personal responsibility means you confess your wrong doing.

James 5:16 (NLT) Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and wonderful results.

b) You ask for forgiveness.

Mark 11:25 (ISV) “Whenever you stand up to pray, forgive whatever you have against anyone, so that your Father in heaven will forgive your sins.

Whenever you pray… forgive

c) You also forgive.

· God help me to forgive – WRONG

· FORGIVE

Luke 11:4 (ISV) and forgive us our sins, as we forgive everyone who sins against us. And never bring us into temptation.’ ”

Recap:

Are we being led by our emotions?

Are we taking responsibility for our emotions?

You have the ability to choose.

Become the CEO of your life

Choose to forgive