Sermon Tone Analysis

Let’s Fight

Making it Personal: As you think about how you argue, what are some unhealthy ways you respond to conflict?

Marriage is the only institution in the world where you can win every battle but lose the war.

~ Tim & Joy Downs

Three Categories of conflict

Overlook

Task: Remove Immediately

Many of the potential conflicts in life should not become conflicts at all.

They are small irritations—personality based gripes—that shouldn’t rise to the level of a conflict.

These need to be set aside immediately and overlooked.

Don’t be overly sensitive

Remember you can be just as annoying

Pay attention to what “pushes their buttons” (don’t turn them into constant overlookers!)

Let it go

Prov 19:11 “Good sense makes one slow to anger, and it is his glory to overlook an offense.”

Overcome

Task: Resolve quickly

Legitimate conflicts arise because you’re different and selfish people who are relating to each other from a sinful context.

Expect there to be strife as a result.

You’re married to a selfish person who won’t always follow your script.

Gridlock occurs when you both feel you are right.

Value the relationship over winning.

Don’t let anger hijack a chance at resolution.

True reconciliation requires humility and generosity from both spouses.

Overwhelm

Task: Restore Patiently

Some conflicts rise to such a state that they must be classified as overwhelming.

Maybe its a repeated wrong or a broken promise or a failure to keep the marriage covenant.

Remember that these conflicts are not unresolvable.

There’s hope — take a step at a time

There’s wisdom in seeking help

Some offenses require more than an apology; they require accountability.

Both spouses have a role to play in healing.

(seeking and granting forgiveness)

Rebuilding trust requires consistent behavior over time.

Matt 18:21-22 “Then Peter came up and said to him, “Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him?

As many as seven times?” Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy-seven times.”

**Please keep in mind that there are situations in which conflict is intolerable and the living situation has become unsafe.

If you are being harmed physically, threatened, and/or verbally and emotionally abused, please seek help.

Some conflicts can only be resolved once you are in a safe place and civil authorities and professional counselors have entered the picture.

God does not intend for any woman or man to continue to exist in a dangerous environment.

He has not asked us to submit ourselves to violence and abuse.

He has asked us to submit ourselves “as to the Lord” and to love each other “as Christ loved the church.”

These commands are in the context of a mutually loving relationship.

It is OK to seek help if you feel threatened with emotional, sexual or physical harm.

**

Four Healthy Ways to Grow Oneness through conflict

Fight Fair

Do you value the relationship more than winning an argument?

Fair Not Fair

One issue.....

Many issues

Behavior...... Character

Specifics..... Generalizations

Facts..... Judgment of motives

Oneness...... Victory

Seek Forgiveness: Learn to Apologize

Name it (Discover your attitude behind the action)

Own it (take responsibility)

Feel it (understand the offense from their perspective)

Say it (Say, I’m sorry, with no buts, and ask them to forgive you)

Change it (Suggest a few ways you will change—repent)

Grant forgiveness: Learn to set free

Forgiveness is not

Pretending something didn’t happen

Forgetting

An automatic cure for the hurt

Conditional

Forgiveness means:

Free your spouse from the debt of their offense

Freeing your spouse from your attitude of resentment and vengeance

Freeing you both from the past—the first step to rebuilding trust

Freeing yourself from doing it on your own—trust the Spirit

“A happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers.”

~ Ruth Bell Graham

Choose to let go!

Halt the Insult for Insult cycle

Insult ---> for insult ----> for insult ----> give a blessing

Remember, your spouse is not your enemy!

Don’t react.

Instead, watch your “start-up” and respond with help from the Spirit.

Remember the four: “anger tips” — 1) Pay attention to tone and body language, 2) refuse to use mean and insulting words, 3) Avoid trigger words like “always,” “never,” and “every time,” and 4) Say “I fell [this emotion] when you do [this action.]”

Assess whether it’s the right time and place for a conflict.

Speak the truth in love.

Seek to understand their perspective about the conflict.

By the power of the Spirit, do something positive for them (give a “blessing”)!

Jesus never said, “blessed are the conflict-avoiders.”

He said, “blessed are the peacemakers.”

~ Bryan Loritts

Project 2

Let’s talk about sex

God dreamed up sex

for mutual pleasure

for procreation

as a sacred bond between a husband and a wife

As a physical picture of a spiritual reality

Ephesians 5:31–32 (ESV)

“Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.”

This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.

Our Views about sex are often informed by a variety of myths

Both spouses think the same about sex.