God's Design for Marriage

How many of you are married or hope to be married someday?

How many of you have a good marriage or want to have a good marriage someday?

Marriage is one of the most important and influential relationships in our lives.

It can bring us great joy and satisfaction, or great pain and sorrow. It can help us grow in our faith and character, or hinder us from fulfilling God’s purpose for our lives.

Marriage is also one of the most misunderstood and misused relationships in our world.

It is often seen as a contract rather than a covenant, as a means of personal happiness rather than a reflection of God’s glory, as a matter of convenience rather than a commitment.

As Christians, we are called to live differently from the world, especially in our marriages. We are called to follow God’s design for marriage, which is revealed in his word and exemplified by his Son.

In the last two messages we have heard Peter encourage believers and followers of Christ to submit to governing authorities and slaves should submit to masters, now we he draws attention to the home focusing on the roles of wives and husbands.

Today, we are going to look at a passage from 1 Peter 3:1-7, where the apostle Peter gives us some practical instructions on how to live out God’s design for marriage, even in the midst of persecution and hardship. Let’s read it together.

Read 1 Peter 3:1-7

1 Peter 3:1–7 NKJV

1 Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives, 2 when they observe your chaste conduct accompanied by fear. 3 Do not let your adornment be merely outward—arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel— 4 rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God. 5 For in this manner, in former times, the holy women who trusted in God also adorned themselves, being submissive to their own husbands, 6 as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, whose daughters you are if you do good and are not afraid with any terror. 7 Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered.

In this passage, Peter addresses both wives and husbands, and gives them specific commands and reasons for their roles and responsibilities in marriage. He shows us three aspects of God’s design for marriage that we need to understand and apply in our lives.

The first aspect of God’s design for marriage is submission.

Look at verse 1. Peter says, “Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives.”

I & II Peter, I, II & III John, Jude A. Relationships in Marriage (vv. 1–7)

3:1. These words are addressed generally to all Christian wives, but with special attention to those women whose husbands are not believers in Jesus Christ. In the same way takes the reader back to something previously introduced. The manner of behavior is described with the words, be submissive to your husbands. Submission appeared first in 2:13 in reference to the believer’s response to authority and again in verse 18 in discussing the slave’s response to the master.

These actions of submission with all humility and reverence shows to the unbelievers the Spirit of Christ and without words can possibly be won to salvation due to ones behavior.

What does it mean to submit?

The Greek word implies “to be in subject to ones authority”

The word submit means to place oneself under the authority or leadership of another.

I & II Peter, I, II & III John, Jude A. Relationships in Marriage (vv. 1–7)

Submission is best understood as “to voluntarily yield your rights or will to someone else’s wishes or advice, as an expression of love for that person.”

It does not mean to be inferior or weak, but to be obedient and respectful.

It does not mean to lose one’s identity or dignity, but to fulfill one’s role and function.

It does not mean to be abused or oppressed, but to be protected and honored.

Why should wives submit?

Peter gives two reasons.

The first reason is because it is God’s will.

He says, “in the same way”, referring back to chapter 2, where he talks about how Christians should submit to human authorities and to Christ as their Lord.

He implies that submission is part of our calling as followers of Christ, who submitted himself to the Father’s will and to the cross for our sake.

Submission is not a cultural or personal preference, but a divine command.

The second reason is because it is God’s witness.

He says, “so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives.”

He assumes that some of the wives have unbelieving husbands who are hostile or indifferent to the gospel. He tells them that their submission can be a powerful tool for evangelism, as they demonstrate the reality and beauty of Christ’s love and lordship in their lives.

Submission is not a hindrance or a burden, but an opportunity and a blessing.

How should wives submit?

Peter gives two ways.

The first way is by their conduct.

He says, “they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives.”

He does not mean that words are unnecessary or unimportant, but that actions speak louder than words.

He means that wives should live in such a way that their husbands can see the difference that Christ makes in their lives.

They should live with integrity, purity, kindness, patience, humility, and joy.

The second way is by their character.

Look at verses 3-4. Peter says, “Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.”

Peter is not saying that outward appearance is irrelevant or sinful, but that it is secondary and temporary.

He is saying that true beauty comes from within, from the heart and mind that are transformed by God’s grace and Spirit.

He is saying that true beauty is not defined by the world’s standards or trends, but by God’s values and preferences.

Peter describes this inner beauty as having a gentle and quiet spirit. This does not mean being timid or silent, but being peaceful and respectful. It means having a spirit that trusts in God and submits to his will, rather than being anxious or rebellious.

It means having a spirit that respects and honors one’s husband, rather than being harsh or nagging.Peter also says that this inner beauty is unfading and precious in sight of the Lord.

For wives, love is expressed by submission.

Submission is a way of showing love to one’s husband by respecting his leadership, following his direction, supporting his vision, honoring his reputation, influencing his behavior.

So, wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord, by your conduct and character, for God’s will and witness.

The second aspect of God’s design for marriage is honor.

Look at verse 7.

Peter says, “Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.”

What does it mean to honor?

The word honor means to value or esteem someone highly, to give them recognition and praise, to treat them with dignity and care.

It does not mean to flatter or manipulate, but to appreciate and celebrate.

It does not mean to ignore or neglect, but to notice and nurture.

It does not mean to dominate or abuse, but to serve and protect.

Why should husbands honor their wives?

Peter gives two reasons.

The first reason is because they are God’s creation.

He says, “treat them with respect as the weaker partner”.

He does not mean that wives are inferior or less important, but that they are physically weaker and more vulnerable than husbands.

He means that husbands should recognize their wives’ needs and limitations, and provide for them accordingly.

He also means that husbands should protect their wives from harm and danger, and not use their strength or position to hurt or exploit them.

The second reason is because they are God’s children.

He says, “as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life”.

He means that wives are not only God’s creation, but also his redemption.

He means that wives are not only husbands’ partners, but also their sisters in Christ.

He means that wives share the same status and privilege as husbands in God’s family, and have the same access and inheritance in God’s kingdom.

He means that husbands should respect their wives’ identity and destiny in Christ, and not treat them as inferior or subordinate.

How should husbands honor their wives?

Peter gives two ways.

The first way is by being considerate.

He says, “be considerate as you live with your wives”.

He means that husbands should be thoughtful and attentive to their wives’ feelings and preferences, likes and dislikes, joys and sorrows.

He means that husbands should be sensitive and responsive to their wives’ needs and desires, hopes and dreams, fears and concerns.

He means that husbands should be supportive and encouraging to their wives’ gifts and talents, interests and passions, goals and achievements.

The second way is by being prayerful.

He says, “so that nothing will hinder your prayers”.

He implies that honoring one’s wife is a matter of spiritual importance and consequence.

He implies that dishonoring one’s wife can affect one’s relationship with God and one’s effectiveness in prayer.

He implies that honoring one’s wife can enhance one’s fellowship with God and one’s power in prayer.

He implies that husbands should pray for their wives regularly and earnestly, seeking God’s blessing and guidance for them.

So, husbands, honor your wives as God’s creation and children, by being considerate and prayerful, for your wife’s well-being and happiness, and for your own spiritual growth and fruitfulness.

The third aspect of God’s design for marriage is love.

Peter does not use the word love explicitly in this passage, but he implies it throughout his instructions.

He assumes that both wives and husbands love each other sincerely and deeply, as Christ loved them first. He shows us how love is expressed in different ways in marriage.

For wives, love is expressed by submission. Submission is a way of showing love to one's husband by respecting his leadership, following his direction, supporting his vision, honoring his reputation, influencing his behavior,

For husbands, love is expressed by honor. Honor is a way of showing love to one’s wife by valuing her highly, praising her sincerely, treating her kindly, providing for her generously, protecting her faithfully, and praying for her fervently.

For both wives and husbands, love is expressed by Christ-likeness. Christ-likeness is a way of showing love to one’s spouse by imitating Christ’s example, obeying Christ’s commands, reflecting Christ’s character, sharing Christ’s mission, and enjoying Christ’s presence.

Conclusion:

God’s design for marriage is beautiful and beneficial for both wives and husbands, and for the glory of God.

It is based on love, expressed by submission and honor, and empowered by Christ-likeness.

God’s design for marriage is challenging and counter-cultural, and requires the power of the Holy Spirit and the grace of the gospel.

It goes against our sinful nature, our worldly wisdom, and our selfish desires.

It calls us to die to ourselves, to live for God, and to serve one another.

God’s design for marriage is rewarding and fruitful, and promises blessings for those who obey it.

It brings joy and peace, intimacy and unity, growth and maturity, witness and influence, reward and inheritance.

So, let us follow God’s design for marriage, as we submit to him, honor each other, and love like Christ.

Let us pray.