He Who Loves His Wife Loves Himself
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28 So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself.
29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church.
30 For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones.
31 “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.”
32 This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church.
33 Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.
It has been a few weeks since we have been in Ephesians.
But now we come back to this passage concerning the sacred relationship between a husband and wife.
In our last message we looked at the husbands call to sacrificial love for his wife.
25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her,
26 that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word,
27 that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish.
Just as Christ gave Himself for the Church.
The stoics taught that a husband should love his wife. even nature itself should teach us as much, but Paul uses the highest expression of love as a benchmark for the love that a husband should have for is wife. In fact this example seems so extreme that one might argue that is it self defeating. If you love your wife so much that you give your life for her then what would be the benefit for the husband? It hardly seems to be the recipe for a perfect marriage - Although some wives might disagree.
But we have to look at the whole picture.
Christ gave himself for the church
That He might sanctify and cleanse her
That He might present her to Himself a glorious church
That she should be without spot or wrinkle, holy, without blemish.
Christ death was not the end of the marriage but rather the beginning.
The church was undeserving yes
The church was not holy and was filthy with her own sins. But Christ loved her anyway. and the purpose of His sacrifice was to make her worthy of His love.
So Husbands loves your wives as Christ loved the church. Give your life in a self sacrificing way. One of the biggest issue in a marriage is when a wife decides not to submit because he is not worthy of my submission. Or when a husband withholds love because she not worthy of his love.
We justify our actions based on the idea that the other is not fulfilling their part of the marriage. “She doesn’t respect me” or “she doesn’t fulfil my physical needs” or “he doesn’t give me the attention that I need”. As a result of these justifications we don’t fulfil our responsibilities. This leads to resentment, emotional, verbal, and even physical abuse, Infidelity and ultimately a breakup in the marriage itself.
Paul teaching here is so unique. It’s not the sort of counselling you will get from worldly counsellors. What Paul is teaching is that marriage is all about grace. It’s about unconditional love. Love as Christ loved the church and gave himself for her, submit as unto Christ. If your your wife is not what they should be that is not a justification for not love her and give yourself for her.
But, Paul doesn’t leave us in a hopeless situation. He points out that Christ loved the church and gave himself for her so that He could present to Himself a perfect bride.
What does that mean for us? It means that by loving our wives with an unconditional and sacrificial love or by submitting to your husband as unto the Lord they will almost certainly respond. So if you are in a marriage where you feel that your spouse is not fulfilling there part of the marriage if you simply work on your part you may find that they begin to be the husband or wife that you always wanted.
This is where I believe that Paul is taking us in vs 28
28 So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself.
Love Your Wife As Your Own Body
Love Your Wife As Your Own Body
He is building on the scripture that he quotes in 31
31 “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.”
Which is a quote from Gen 2:24
When a husband a wife come together and consummate the marriage a union is made and the two become one flesh so they are no longer two but one flesh.
So this union show us that to love our wife is to love ourself because we are one. How does this translate.
Well, if I were to have a broken foot then I might feel as though my foot is not pulling it’s weight. It is not being the foot that I need it to be. But I wouldn’t say well if you’re not going to be the foot that I want you to be then I will stop treating you the way that you want to be treated. I’m not going to abuse my foot in order to punish it. Nor am I going to say your not the foot that I hoped you would be so I’m going to cut you off. No I’m going to protect it with a cast, and relieve the work load on that foot. I’m going to care for it and nourish it until is heals with the hope that it will heal and be the foot I need it to be.
So it is with our spouse. If we will love and nourish and care for our spouse then we are loving and caring for ourself. The best way to have the marriage that you want is to be the spouse you should be. To love and cherish and nurture the other because you are one flesh.
Now,
The Mystery Revealed
The Mystery Revealed
32 This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church.
I’m not sure whether this passage is more of a teaching about the husband wife relationship or the relationship between Christ and the church. I think perhaps it is equally both and maybe you cannot discuss one without the other.
In this discussion on marriage Paul has summed up the whole gospel message.
Christ gave himself for the church for us for the elect for all the people of God true faithful Israel believers and ingrafted gentiles believers. He sacrifice His life on the cross for all those that He foreknew and predestined. But He did not sacrifice His for nothing. We were underserving sinners who did not love Him and yet by grace He gave Himself. But not without hope or purpose. He gave himself so that he might sanctify and cleanse and wash us with water. He gave His life because He wanted to present to Himself a bride without spot or wrinkle, holy and blameless.
7 In Him we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of sins, according to the riches of His grace
Christ gave Himself for us so that we might forgiveness of our sins yes! but that’s not the whole story. He did not just want a forgiven bride He wanted a pure and holy bride.
14 who gave Himself for us, that He might redeem us from every lawless deed and purify for Himself His own special people, zealous for good works.
Look at…
8 “When I passed by you again and looked upon you, indeed your time was the time of love; so I spread My wing over you and covered your nakedness. Yes, I swore an oath to you and entered into a covenant with you, and you became Mine,” says the Lord God.
9 “Then I washed you in water; yes, I thoroughly washed off your blood, and I anointed you with oil.
24 For I will take you from among the nations, gather you out of all countries, and bring you into your own land.
25 Then I will sprinkle clean water on you, and you shall be clean; I will cleanse you from all your filthiness and from all your idols.
26 I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit within you; I will take the heart of stone out of your flesh and give you a heart of flesh.
27 I will put My Spirit within you and cause you to walk in My statutes, and you will keep My judgments and do them.
28 Then you shall dwell in the land that I gave to your fathers; you shall be My people, and I will be your God.
The Jews made the mistake of thinking that the only reason they need a Messiah was to deliver them from oppression of their enemies and set up a kingdom. What they failed to see was that they were a broken and sinful people. How could God set up a perfect kingdom with a sinful people? No, before the Kingdom can be establish His people must be made holy.
So God must cleanse us from all our filthiness, and remove our stone hearts and give us a heart of flesh and put His spirit in us and cause us to walk in His statutes and keep His judgements. Only then can there be a perfect kingdom.
The world makes the same mistake today. They think that the problems are all external. If we can stop hunger, and wars, and have a clean environment, and get rid of all disease then we will have utopia. What is worse is they think they can have this without God. But no you will still be sinners, you will still be greedy, you will still hate and kill and oppress others, and without God you will only create hell on earth.
The problem is sin and only the Lamb of God takes away the sins of the world.
We do the same thing in our marriage. We think our marriage would be perfect if only my spouse would be all that I want them to be. But the problem is not external it is internal. Let Christ wash you, and sanctify you. Let Him put His Spirit in you and cause you to walk in His statutes
Revival must start in you not in your spouse.
33 Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.