What About Non-Traditional Relationships?

Introduction

Include pics of all these people

Becket Cook from Hollywood, California. He was a gay man who worked as a set designer in the fashion industry. A very successful one. He worked with starts and supermodels, from Natalie Portman to Claudia Schiffer.

His career took him all over word to design photo shoots for Vogue and Harper’s Bazaar.

He attended awards shows and parties at the homes of Paris Hilton and Prince. He spent summers swimming in Drew Barrymore’s pool.

He was at a fashion party in Paris and in his words he “just felt empty. I had done everything in Hollywood, met everyone, traveled everywhere. Yet I was overwhelmed with emptiness at this party…I knew God was never an option, because I was gay…I wasn’t confused about what the Bible had to say about homosexuality.”

Transition

Here’s what we are going to do today. I am going to show you what the Bible says about non-heterosexual relationships.

After that, I will answer several questions that people often wrestle with.

Can you be a gay Christian?

What is transgenderism and is it normal?

How do you relate to someone who has a different perceived sexual identity than their birth sex?

What do you do if your child/grand-child identifies as LGBTQ?

What if I am same-sex attracted?

Should I attend the wedding of an LGBTQ friend/family?

Should I use someone’s preferred pronouns?

Why should you listen to me today? Why should you believe what I am going to share?

I am basing this talk on the Bible primarily. If you don’t believe the Bible, you may disagree with some or all of what I am going to share.

So before we jump into what the Bible says about non-heterosexual relationships, let’s ask the question….

Is the Bible trustworthy?

Isn’t the bible an outdated, irrelevant book? Why should I trust the Bible?

The Bible is the most amazing book that you will ever be exposed to. It is timeless, it is life-changing, it God’s word to you.

Internal Consistency

The bible is a collection of 66 different documents, written by 40 different human authors, from different educational and cultural backgrounds, separated by hundreds of miles geographically, written over three different languages (Hebrew, Aramaic, and Greek) written over approximately 1500 years, addressing life’s most controversial and important questions, yet is perfectly harmonious and consistent message about God and man.

Manuscripts

The manuscripts of the New Testament were written less than 100 years after the events that they record.

Written in the 1st cent (A.D. 50-100); earliest copy

Compare this to Plato? Do you believe the writings of Plato are accurate.

Plato was written sometime between 427-347 BC, yet the earliest copy we have is from A.D. 900 a span of 1200 years.

Aristotle: the gap is 1400 years!

Homer’s Iliad is only 500 years.

How many manuscripts?

Plato = 7 copies

Aristotle = 49 copies

Homer = 643 copies

New Testament = There are 5,800 Greek manuscripts, 10,000 Latin, and 9300 in other languages.

Prophecy: God’s signature on Scripture

Approximately 2500 prophecies appear in the bible, 2000 have already been fulfilled

11 Apostles all gave their lives for Jesus.

Countless changed lives that have believed.

You can trust the Bible.

Let’s put our feelings under the authority of Scripture.

What the Bible says?

We are created and we are fallen.

Created

Genesis 1:27 (NLT)

27 So God created human beings in his own image. In the image of God he created them; male and female he created them.

Every human being is made in the image of God. Humankind is higher than any other life form. We are able to reason, we have dominion over creation, we are able to have communion and fellowship with God.

This passage and others teach us that God made two sexes: male and female.

Your anatomy is a gift from God. It’s not like He created your head, hands, torso, legs, and feet, and then the devil slapped on your genitals. God created all of you.

We also must acknowledge that God created sex. In it’s proper context it is good and beautiful. It was His idea. It was—and is—a good idea.

Fallen

We do not live in a world that is right or pure or perfect. Because of sin, our world is now cursed. See Genesis 3.

The ground is cursed, relationships are cursed, the world of nature is cursed.

Another way to say this is that we are all broken, and this brokenness affects our sexuality.

We all are infected with sin. Sin distorts everything.

Mark 7:20–23 (NLT)

20 And then he added, “It is what comes from inside that defiles you. 21 For from within, out of a person’s heart, come evil thoughts, sexual immorality, theft, murder, 22 adultery, greed, wickedness, deceit, lustful desires, envy, slander, pride, and foolishness. 23 All these vile things come from within; they are what defile you.”

Galatians 5:17 (NLT)

17 The sinful nature wants to do evil, which is just the opposite of what the Spirit wants. And the Spirit gives us desires that are the opposite of what the sinful nature desires. These two forces are constantly fighting each other, so you are not free to carry out your good intentions.

I want you to hear me; this is an important point: “We are all broken sexually.”

Dr. Juli Slattery defines sexual brokenness as “anything that keeps us from experiencing sexuality as the gift and metaphor of God’s love.”

God created you, and your sexuality is part of who you are. It is good.

But because we live in a fallen world, because we all, in different ways and in different degrees, we all have been sexually harmed by sin, and we all have sinned sexually, we have trouble in this area.

Author David Platt writes that everyone “is guilty at multiple levels of sexual thought, desire, speech, and deed outside of marriage between a husband and a wife. None of us are innocent of sexual immorality, and none of us are immune to it.”

The Bible is riddled with accounts of people committing sexual sin.

We are all broken, this brokenness affects our desires.

James 1:14–15 (NLT)

14 Temptation comes from our own desires, which entice us and drag us away. 15 These desires give birth to sinful actions. And when sin is allowed to grow, it gives birth to death.

One of the

Sin needs to be repented of at the level of desire.

Anger in your heart is murder. Lust in your heart is adultery.

Solution?

Recognize it. Call sin, “sin”

Confess it

Turn from it.

The “gay” verses, some opponents of the Bible call these the “clobber” verses. Listen, God does not want to clobber you. He love you, as we have seen He created you, and He has established a way for you to know Him and to experience abundant life.

Leviticus 18:22 (NIV)

22 “ ‘Do not have sexual relations with a man as one does with a woman; that is detestable.

Romans 1:24–28 NLT

24 So God abandoned them to do whatever shameful things their hearts desired. As a result, they did vile and degrading things with each other’s bodies. 25 They traded the truth about God for a lie. So they worshiped and served the things God created instead of the Creator himself, who is worthy of eternal praise! Amen. 26 That is why God abandoned them to their shameful desires. Even the women turned against the natural way to have sex and instead indulged in sex with each other. 27 And the men, instead of having normal sexual relations with women, burned with lust for each other. Men did shameful things with other men, and as a result of this sin, they suffered within themselves the penalty they deserved. 28 Since they thought it foolish to acknowledge God, he abandoned them to their foolish thinking and let them do things that should never be done.

1 Timothy 1:10 NLT

10 The law is for people who are sexually immoral, or who practice homosexuality, or are slave traders, liars, promise breakers, or who do anything else that contradicts the wholesome teaching

One morning when Becket Cook was at a coffee shop in L.A. he saw some young people with their Bibles open. He started asking them some questions. He asked what their church believed about homosexuality, and they explained that they believed it is a sin.

Becket said in an interview that he appreciated their honesty. He was thankful that they didn’t beat around the bush. At one point, Becket said, I would have ben like, “You guys are insane. You’re in the dark ages.”

But because he had that moment in Paris, that feeling of emptiness you thought, “Maybe I could be wrong. Maybe this actually is a sin.”

To live for God and follow Christ is to say no to homosexual thoughts, desires and actions. Heterosexual people also must say no to sexual thoughts, desires, or actions outside of marriage to their spouse.

We commit to Jesus above our sexual brokenness.

Former lesbian Rebecca McLaughlin writes, “Some of my same-sex attracted friends experience a drum-like beat of sexual temptation. But this is also true for many heterosexual Christians, whether they are married and struggling to be faithful to their spouses, or single and longing for marriage. Ultimately, every Christian is called to sexual self-restraint…Saying yes to Jesus is saying no to sexual freedom.”

We live a fulfilled life in spite of unfulfilled desires.

What if I am same-sex attracted?

Don’t define yourself by your attractions.

Studies show that attractions change over time. Based on the work of psycholigist Lisa Diamond who has done extensive research in this area, states that it is quite common for peoples’ attractions to change over time. She states, “Perhaps the only way to be certain whether an adolescents same sex attractions will persist into adulthood is to observe whether they actually do.” (McLaughlin, Confronting Christianity, p169)

If you have attractions that you don’t want or that are not consistent with Scripture, you recoginize that you must place your life—all or it—under the authority of God’s Word.

Luke 9:23 (NLT)

23 Then he said to the crowd, “If any of you wants to be my follower, you must give up your own way, take up your cross daily, and follow me.

Listen.

What is attraction?

It is something to which you feel drawn.

If I, as a married man, feel drawn to another woman, that is sin, and I need to say no to it by the power of the Holy Spirit, recognizing that what God has for me is infinitely better than anything else.

You are attracted to something that your either admire or that of which you are envious. Let me say that again.

This feeling that you’re craving can only be fulfilled in a relationship with God. You are longing for intimacy, to feel needed, to feel right, to be fully and deeply known.

Ask any former gay or lesbian person who has come to Christ and they will tell you that knowing Jesus is better by far that what they experienced in their previous lifestyle.

Can you be a gay Christian?

Would you call yourself a greedy Christian? A lustful Christian?

Why would you choose a label to diminish your identity in Christ?

As Pastor Holland Davis of Calvary Chapel San Clemente wrote, “the world identifies you, labels you based on your sin.  God calls you by name and identifies you based on His righteousness.  The world dehumanizes you by categorizing you.  God makes you fully human and fully alive by setting you free from living in bondage to your base desires.  The world identifies you based on how it can use you.  Only God identifies you based on who you were created to be.”

1 Cor 6:11 - “and such were some of you.”

So I do not like the term gay Christian.

One former gay person says that it is “wildly misleading…and unhelpful”

I don’t think we should use it.

Can you be a gay Christian? No. You can be a Christian who wrestles with sin. You can be a Christian who has unwanted attraction. You can be a Christian who fights temptation. You can be a Christian who occasionally falls, but because you have a community of people around you that know you and love, you’re able to get back up and keep moving toward the cross.

What is transgenderism and is it normal?

Transgenderism is also known as Gender Identity Disorder or gender dysphoria.

Transgender people often describe themselves as feeling “trapped” in a body that does not match their true gender. They may seek hormone therapy or gender reassignment surgery in an effort to bring their body into conformity with their mind.

The Bible, however, would teach us that God can transform a person by renewing their mind.

Romans 12:2 (NIV84)

2 Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.

Trying to change your body to conform to your mind is very dangerous.

It is the sin of envy: coveting something you don’t have.

We see trangenderism today not just with adults, but with children. In 2021, 42,000 children and teens received a signosis of gender dysphoria

Reuters reports that a small but increasing number of children diagnosed with gender dysphoria are choosing medical interventions, which begin at the onset of puperty. They are taking medication to block puberty.

In the three years ending in 2021, at least 776 masectomies were performed in the US on patients ages 13-17.

The American College of Pediatricians is, thankfully, pushing back on this and providing scientific research about the problems with transgender interventions stating puberty blockers may cause mental illness, permanent physical harm.

Let me read from an article on their website “Temporary use of puberty blocker Lupron has also been associated with and may be the cause of many serious permanent side effects including osteoporosis, mood disorders, seizures, cognitive impairment and, when combined with cross-sex hormones, sterility. In addition to the harm from Lupron, cross-sex hormones put youth at an increased risk of heart attacks, stroke, diabetes, blood clots and cancers across their lifespan. Add to this the fact that physically healthy transgender-believing girls are being given double mastectomies at 13 and hysterectomies at 16, while their male counterparts are referred for surgical castration and penectomies at 16 and 17, respectively, and it becomes clear that affirming transition in children is about mutilating and sterilizing emotionally troubled youth”.

This is not from a Christian organization or a politcal one, it is from the American College of Pediatricians.

Chloe Cole started taking testosterone and puberty blockers at age 13, she had a double masectomey at 15, she starting detransitioning at 16. She is one of three people that are suing the California-based healthcare company Kaiser Foundation Hospitals.

You can’t change your gender. You can struggle with your identity, ultimately you surrender to God’s perfect love for you just the way you are, and let him shape you into the man or woman that He has chosen you to be.

How do you relate to someone who is LGBTQ?

Just like you relate to anyone else.

You pray for them, you love them, you graciously interact with them. You spend time with them. You ask them about their life. You invite them into your life.

This is the Christian way.

What do you do if your child/grand-child identifies as LGBTQ?

This is a very important question.

You’re grieving and hurting. You want to love them, and you do love them, but you also want to be faithful to God.

I would tell your child or grandchild that you love them. If they like hugs, give them a hug. Tell them it’s going to take you awhile to process this, but you do want to talk with them and listen to them.

It’s ok, in fact, it’s really important to be honest with them.

I would say that it is really important for you to have some people that you can talk to.

Talk to a counselor

You are still their parent/grandparent. No one else can fill that role. They need you.

Keep you eyes on God and not on a sinful lifestyle.

Should I attend the wedding of an LGBTQ friend/family?

Some people will see no problem with this; others will feel there’s no way that you could.

The argument for attending a LGBTQ wedding is that Jesus hung out with sinners, that you want to show hospitality and love.

The argument for not-attending is that it is not a Biblical wedding and your presence equates with your approval and you can’t approve something that God doesn’t approve.

This really is a tough issue, isn’t it?

I would say you want to do everything you can to love your LGBTQ son or daughter or loved one, and at the same time not violate your conscience.

Go overboard with love, have lots of honest conversation, ask advice of godly people in your life.

Should I use their preferred pronouns?

No.

Pronouns matter.

“See to it that no one takes you captive through philosophy and empty deception, according to the tradition of men…rather than according to Christ” (Col. 2:8).

Names refer to what someone wants to be called.

Pronouns refer to sex, a fixed reality, not a preference.

If you’re asked to post your preferred pronouns, you should post something like this:

“I don’t have a preferred pronoun. i have a sex. I am _____M or F.”

Let me read what one person responded to the request to use their pronouns:

I appreciate the goal of mutual respect and creating a welcoming environment for everyone. My desire is to be respectful of everyone. The expectation to display my pronouns asks me to accept a premise that I can’t accept—namely, that my pronouns could be different than he/him. It’s an ontological claim about the nature of reality, and I hold a different view. I’m not asking those that are transgender to accept my view of reality, but I’m being asked to accept theirs.

I can live and work with respect toward anyone with differing beliefs than my own, including my transgender coworkers. Can I be respected in my beliefs that differ on the nature of gender and identity while affirming the dignity of every person?

LASTLY

This message may leave you with questions…

RESOURCES:

help4families.org

firststone.org

portlandfellowship.com

harvestusa.com

sexchangeregret.com

restoredhopenetwork.org

CONCLUSION:

Remember Becket Cook?

Those young people invited him to church next Sunday, he came, he heard about the love of God and gave his life to Jesus.

He traded his gay identity for a new identity in Christ.

Now he spends his time speaking at churches, universities and conferences helping people understand this issue.

In 2019, he published a book A Change of Affection: A Gay Man’s Incredible Story of Redemption.

Jesus transforms lives.