The Process of Christian Conflict Resolution [Part 2]

Now, the rest of the process is quite simple to understand.

II. One on One

Jesus says, if your brother sins against you, and through prayer and discernment you can no longer cover it in love, you are to go tell him his fault between you and him ALONE. This means that you don’t initially involve anyone. You don’t need to tell this fault to anyone else. You need to take it before the Lord in prayer. You need to search the scriptures to try to understand it. All the practices of the christian paideia. Then take it solo to your brother.

one might ask, why does the offended party have to go, I haven’t done anything wrong? Well, Jay Adams share a story of the difference between a mature Christian though and immature Christian Thought. Mary has not seen Jane for some time since Jane has been out of town on a vacation. Now Jane has returned. Mary spots her in church and determines to say hello after the service. After the benediction, Mary hurries to the other side of the church to where Jane has been sitting. By now Jane is on her way out of the church. Mary calls to her, “Hello, Jane. Wait for me!” But Jane sticks her nose up in the air and sails out of the church as quickly as she can, without so much as a “Howdy do” to Mary.

Mary can respond in one of two ways. If she does what many Christians do, she will say, “Hmmph! Well! If that’s the way she wants to act, then let her go! She can come to me the next time; that will be the last time I go after her!” And so a friendship is ruined, the work of Christ is hindered as the body is weakened, and the honor of God is compromised.

But if Mary understands church discipline and is willing to obey Christ, she will not settle for that. Instead, she will follow Jane from the church and search her out. Suppose that she has done so. She says, “Jane! What’s wrong? I was so glad to see you that I hurried over to your aisle and called to you but you stuck your nose in the air and left the church, ignoring me, as if I didn’t exist. What’s wrong? I must tell you that I was greatly hurt.”

In this little fictional episode Jane responds, “Oh, Mary! I’m so sorry! I didn’t have the faintest idea what was happening. Let me explain. I was sitting through church thinking about only one thing. I have a bad cold and my nose began to run. But I left my handkerchief here in the car. I was afraid that since the preacher preached so long I’d drip all over my new dress and my Bible, so as soon as the benediction was over, oblivious to everything else, I put my head back so I wouldn’t drip and rushed for the car.” After a good laugh and a hug or two Mary and Jane are reconciled. Indeed, there was no offense at all—only a misunderstanding.

You might say,