Marriage: A Parable of Union and Intimacy with Christ

Introduction

Read Genesis 2:23-25

Genesis 2:23–25 ESV

Then the man said, “This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.” Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.

The Foundation for Intimacy - Covenant Commitment

Last week we talked about how God created and designed marriage to be a covenant commitment. It is meant to reflect His covenant faithfulness as a man and woman remain faithful to one another.

This covenant commitment is also required for the kind of union and intimacy that God has designed marriage to create and experience between a man and woman.

In fact, every relationship requires some kind of commitment. They may not require the kind of commitment that marriage requires, but all relationships require commitment. A commitment to think about another over oneself, a commitment to honor promises made, to treat others with respect, to honor confidentiality, etc.

To truly experience the intimacy of marriage requires the greatest of human commitments.

The Commitment to Leave Past Connections

First, we see in verse 24 that a man shall leave his father and mother.

This is a commitment to prioritize the marriage relationship over any past relationships.

This does not mean that we do not continue to love and honor our parents, but they are no longer our primary relationship.

The priority of a husband is first and foremost to his wife and vice versa.

The husband should no longer be seen and known as his mother’s son, but rather as his wife’s husband.

There will be strife and conflict if there is a failure to prioritize the marriage relationship and honor the new familial boundaries properly.

The Commitment to Forsake All Others

Part of leaving the parent’s household, a man is also leaving behind his availability to any others.

As long as a man is not bound and committed in marriage, there is an idea that he is still open and available to other options.

In fact, this may be why many couples refuse to get married too quickly, they are afraid of cutting off any other options available to them if things do not work out like they hope they will.

Tim Keller - 2013, The Meaning of Marriage - Today, more than half of those who marry live together beforehand. The sanctity of marital sex is so neglected that by their late thirties more than 60 percent of American women will have lived with a man outside matrimony. Behind these statistics is the assumption that the God-designed bonds of marriage are opposed to happiness in life, together with the view that the best way to succeed in marriage is to try out the arrangement in advance.

Men and women are refusing to leave behind their other options before getting married in hopes of assuring that this relationship will properly work out. They want to test drive the relationship to make sure it is the right fit.

But in reality, we are short-circuiting the trust and intimacy that can be developed.

Statistics actually show that the chances for divorce rise among those who cohabitate and/or sleep together before marriage.

True intimacy can only be developed within the boundaries of commitment and leaving behind any other options.

This is the commitment that says, no matter what happens, I’m sticking with you, for better or for worse.

And when a person knows their spouse is going to stick by their side, it frees them up to become vulnerable and open to the other to be truly known.

But if there is no commitment, there is fear that if they see who we truly are, then they might leave us.

So intimacy and oneness is sacrificed on the altar of trying to protect ourselves by refusing to commit to the other person.

To all of our unmarried sons and daughters, look for that person who is willing to wait to make that commitment to marry you before asking you to give yourself physically to them.

Now, to be clear, Christ can redeem and make new anyone or any couple who may have made some mistakes before. When we come to Christ in faith and in repentance, He cleanses us from all of our sin and He can make us new and restore our relationships from all our past mistakes.

The Cross truly does have the final word and we do not have to be defined by our past. And we can press on to the future living in the way God designed us to experience marital intimacy with the one we wholly commit ourselves to in marriage.

The Expression of Intimacy - The Bond of Unity

So the true intimacy God intends for man and woman can only happen within the bounds of covenantal commitment of marriage.

The New Creation of Marriage

When a man and a woman commit themselves in marriage, there is something unique happening. Look at what Genesis says here, the man shall “hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.”

We have seen God do some amazing things in creation. Speaking the stars and galaxies into existence, separating the light from the dark, the waters from the land, creating the fish and the birds.

And most amazing of all, He took a part of man and created woman from him.

But now, God is making a new creation.

He is taking these two individual people and bringing them back together as one flesh, while maintaining their individual personalities.

We are once again seeing man being made in the image of God. Our God is one unified God in three persons. Marriage is the uniting in one flesh of two distinct persons. How amazing that God is giving us a small taste of what He has experienced for all eternity as Father, Son, and Spirit exist as One God in three distinct persons.

Now, when we hear of this one flesh union, we typically think of only one kind of intimacy, physical. And it certainly includes the physical intimacy. But this one flesh union also describes the union of the mind in emotions and intellect, and the union of the spirit. This new one flesh creation experiences intimacy in all three areas of human existence of body, mind, and spirit.

Union in Physical Intimacy

Let’s begin with the obvious. This one flesh union includes physical intimacy.

The physical union of a man and a woman, despite how our culture has taken it and devalued it, is a good and beautiful gift for a man and a woman in marriage.

Many people think that Christians have a low view of sex. But it’s actually the opposite. The reason why we believe that sex should only be experienced within the boundaries of marriage is because we have a high view of sex. It is a good and holy gift that God has given to humanity to experience in the right context and we want to treat it as the precious gift it is.

Of course, one of the reasons the physical union of a man and woman in marriage is given is for the purpose of reproduction.

God gave the mandate for them to be fruitful and multiply.

But this is not the only reason why God has given them this beautiful gift. This gift is meant for their joy as a couple. It is a way for them to physically open up to one another and to be willingly vulnerable with one another and learn to trust and care for one another.

Tim Keller, in his book on marriage, talks about the role of physical intimacy in marriage. Just as the covenant commitment is required for physical intimacy, he also explains how the physical intimacy of marriage is also necessary for the covenant as it is used by God to renew and remind the couple of their covenant commitment to one another.

Physical intimacy is the glue that binds husband and wife together as they constantly renew and experience the joy of their union together.

Union in Emotional/Intellectual Intimacy

While we think of the physical most times, there is more than just the physical act that leads to this intimate union between a man and his wife. Physical intimacy alone does not build a marriage.

There is also the expression of intimacy in the emotional and intellectual realm.

God calls a husband and a wife to be unified in their wills and emotions. This takes time and communication to develop.

Find times to connect intellectually with your spouse. Of course, it can get harder as children come into the picture who necessarily requires more of our time and attention.

But we need to find ways to spend intentional time talking with our spouses and communicating with them and constantly learning about who they are and sharing with them who we are.

I am not the same person I was when my wife and I got married and she’s not the same person either. We have both grown and changed and we will continue to grow and change in our emotions and desires.

We must find ways to continue to share our changing dreams and visions, our thoughts on how we manage our finances and raise our children. And there are going to be times in which we disagree and that’s alright. That’s part of the complimentary relationship God has given to us. But what do we do with those disagreements?

We also need to find ways to grow in our emotional connections. This is typically done in how we find ways to have shared experiences with one another.

Find a shared hobby to do together. Maybe you both enjoy hiking, camping or hunting together. Or it might be enjoying movies and shows together or reading books together.

Whatever it is, you and your spouse will want to foster the emotional and intellectual intimacy and oneness of your relationship. Build your friendship with your spouse and allow that emotional intimacy to continue to create the unity and oneness that God intended for you to have.

In both the physical and the intellectual/emotional realms, we are called to pursue our spouses and continue to grow in our oneness with them. This is going to be a lifelong pursuit as we grow together.

Union in Spiritual Intimacy

Last, there is the Spiritual intimacy.

We want to find ways to grow spiritually with one another.

Hopefully, both you and your spouse are believers in Christ. As you both grow in Christ, you can also grow in your unity and intimacy with one another.

Pray for and with your spouse.

You can spend time reading God’s Word together, or find times to come together to talk about what God is teaching each of you.

If you have kids, find time during the week to have family worship which can increase both the unity of your family, but also the unity of your marriage.

It is as we grow in Christ that our capacity for unity and intimacy in the other areas also grow.

If both spouses are committed to growing in Christ, it will allow them to grow closer to one another and it will enhance the intimacy found in both the physical and the emotional realms.

Perhaps, however, you are not in a relationship where both of you are committed to Christ. It will be a struggle to find the intimacy and unity that our hearts crave for, but hope is not lost.

1 Corinthians 7:12–16 (ESV)

To the rest I say (I, not the Lord) that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, he should not divorce her. If any woman has a husband who is an unbeliever, and he consents to live with her, she should not divorce him. For the unbelieving husband is made holy because of his wife, and the unbelieving wife is made holy because of her husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy. But if the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so. In such cases the brother or sister is not enslaved. God has called you to peace. For how do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?

Paul encourages the believing spouse to continue to live with an unbelieving spouse. It might be through your love and service to them that they might be saved.

Pray daily for your spouse for Christ to touch their hearts.

Find ways to show the love of Christ to your spouse.

The Power for Intimacy - Union with Christ

Which this leads us to our last point. We find the power and ability to experience intimacy with our spouse as we experience intimacy with Christ.

Now, this is not to say that an unbelieving couple cannot have a level of intimacy. They can. They just can’t have the deep level of intimacy God desires for them. In fact, because of sin, none of us will actually experience the level of intimacy that Adam and Eve experienced before the fall. But we can grow in our intimacy and unity as we grow in the relationship we were all designed for whether married or not!

A Need for a New Covering

Genesis 2:25 (ESV)

And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.

We see in this first relationship, that man and woman were completely open and vulnerable with one another.

That’s what it means to be naked. It is not just physical nakedness. They were naked physically, emotionally, and spiritually because they had nothing to hide. There was no shame they had to cover or were afraid to show and share with their spouse.

Unfortunately, we do not have this same position because we are all trying to hide something.

Even those who claim they are not trying to hide anything, they are hiding because they are refusing to admit that they are sinners themselves.

Adam and Eve were able to be naked without shame because they were covered by the glory and beauty of God in the new creation before sin came into the world.

After sin came into the world, they hid from both God and from each other. They made coverings for themselves.

But the coverings they made were not good enough. God ended up sacrificing an animal on their behalf and made coverings for them.

As sinners, we need a new covering, not to cover our sin and shame, but to completely remove our sin and shame.

A New Creation in Christ

This is where Christ comes in and this is ultimately what marriage points us to.

Christ came to provide a new covering for us as He shed His blood upon the cross. His covering does not simply hide the sin and shame that we carry. Because of Christ, He has actually taken from us the sin and shame we have.

In fact, because of Christ, we have been made new. He hasn’t just cleansed us, He has made us into new creations.

2 Corinthians 5:17 (ESV)

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.

Union with Christ

This is part of a doctrine called “Union with Christ.”

As we are being united with Christ, we actually receive the blessings and gifts of Christ that He alone deserves.

For all those who are “in Christ” they have been made new, just as Adam and Eve, when they were united together were made new.

There is marriage symbolism going on here.

And now, because of Christ, we no longer carry the shame of our sin, Christ has given us His righteousness. When God looks at us, He sees Jesus and now we can come into His presence and experience intimacy with God the way we were created to do.

Romans 8:1 (ESV)

There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.

Ephesians 1:3 (ESV)

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in Christ with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places,

We can be completely open and vulnerable, both with God and with our spouse, or with our friends, or brothers and sisters in Christ because of the covering we have in Him.

We Have Intimacy with Christ as we Leave the World and Hold Fast to Him

How do we experience this union with Christ? How do we find ourselves “in Christ”?

Matthew 16:24 (ESV)

Then Jesus told his disciples, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me.

Christ is once again issuing the proposal to anyone who wants to be a part of this ultimate relationship.

If you want to have and experience the relationship that every marriage is designed to point to, which is an intimate and unified relationship with Christ, He is calling you to do what every man must do if he is to be joined to his wife:

To deny himself and take up his cross,

To leave the world behind. To leave the pleasures of sin behind. To leave all the other false gods of this life behind.

And follow Christ.

To cling to Him. To pursue Him. To desire Him above all else.

The other NT Authors would state it this way, Repent and Believe. Turn away from everything else and receive Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior.

While not everyone is called to be married, we are all created for and invited to be a part of this relationship which every marriage is pointing us to. Whether married or single, regardless of your past, Jesus is inviting you to experience the ultimate intimacy and union that all other relationships fall short of attaining and it can be yours as you deny yourself and follow Christ!

And for those of us who are married, if we want to grow in our intimacy with each other, we must first seek the intimacy that comes from Christ. It does not guarantee that it will make our marriages easier, there are still going to be struggles and work to do, but there is no path to true intimacy with another person without seeking first Christ and His Kingdom.