God's Design of Marriage for Kingdom Citizens

Open: This is the third illustration of the importance of the true meaning of God’s law as opposed to the traditions of men. This teaching on marriage and divorce is closely related to the 2nd illustration which focused on adultery. To be more accurate: the subject at hand is Jesus’ correction on the practice of regulated divorce as taught by the Pharisees.

NOTE: The topic of Divorce and re-marriage is a difficult one and impacts the vast majority of us in some fashion.

Many people, including those in the Church, are currently dealing with the emotional impact of being in hurtful and toxic marriages

Many people, including those in the Church, have personally experienced the trauma of divorce

Many adults, including those in the Church, are products of broken homes and are familiar with the emotional hardships of navigating altered and more complex relationships

Many of our youth and young adults, due in part to the exposure of failed marriages in their family history, have a reluctance to enter into a covenant marriage and are putting marriage off or simply giving in to the sin of co-habitation.

Given the importance of the continued health of this vital family unit, hearing and heeding the teaching of Jesus regarding marriage is urgent. May we hear the words of Christ clearly as He teaches us what pleases God in the arena of covenant marriage.

READ the two Texts: Matthew 5:31-32 and 19:3-9.

Jesus taught that the marriage covenant is permanent.(Matt 5:32; Matt 19:4-6)

Explanation: Jesus once again exposes the Pharisees’ misunderstanding of the law based on their flawed devotion to their traditions. The Pharisees had developed a rather loose view of marriage and Jesus applies the corrective in these two verses in the Sermon on the Mount. His teaching in Matt 5:32 is designed to protect and preserve the marriage bond and to avoid the sin of adultery that occurs when re-marriage after divorce takes place.

Jesus gives a fuller explanation of the sanctity of Marriage in Matthew 19 when He is questioned by the Pharisees about His previous teaching in the Sermon on the Mount. They come to Jesus and ask Him a question about the grounds for a legitimate (or biblical divorce).

Quick Background: Two different approaches from two prominent rabbis of the time period. One taught that a man could divorce his wife for any reason at all - one of the examples used by the rabbi involved an improperly cooked meal. The other rabbi taught that divorce was only biblical when sexual immorality was involved. The Pharisees came to Jesus trying to get Him to pick a side - which Rabbi was correct?

Important for us to notice that Jesus doesn’t directly answer their question. They asked Him about grounds for divorce; Jesus responds with God’s design for marriage. (Matt 19:4-6). Jesus taught that marriage is a permanent covenant between one man and one woman. He taught that marriage is a one-flesh union that is not to be broken.

Illustrate: attempt to separate the two sheets of paper that have been glued together.

Argument: The covenant nature of the one-flesh unit is designed for permanence. Marriage is a creation ordinance of God, and as Creator, His parameters are not to be altered by the traditions of men.

God gave marriage to humanity for several purposes:

To provide for completeness and well-being as two become one (Genesis 2:18, 24)

To provide for procreation (Genesis 1:28)

To illustrate the mystery and importance of the relationship between God and man (Ephesians 5:31-32)

God designed the marriage bond for permanence. He is adamantly opposed to divorce in that God hates divorce (cf Mal. 2:16). NOTE: God does NOT hate divorced persons; He hates divorce in regard to the harmful results that divorce produces.

Application: Begin with God’s design and do not look for an escape route or a bailout plan. Live in Box #1: the Never-Never Box.

How are Kingdom Citizens to deal with deviations from God’s design of permanence in marriage?

Explanation: The Pharisees did not give up in their attempt to justify their position on divorce. Remember that they wanted Jesus to weigh in on which rabbi was correct about the grounds for a biblical divorce. Jesus responded with God’s original design for permanence. They revealed their failure to understand the law when they asked, “why did Moses then command to give a writing of divorcement?” Their question about the certificate of divorce is based on their misunderstanding of Deuteronomy 24:1-4), a passage that was designed to protect women from being divorced. The passage does not deal with the grounds for divorce - instead it deals with restrictions on re-marriage based on defilement through adultery.

Jesus responds by addressing the heart issue: He tells them that God allowed (not commanded) Moses to grant a certificate of divorce because of the hardness of their hearts in wanting their own way. Nowhere in Scripture is the practice of divorce granted approval as a favored path forward. The exception clause in Matthew’s Gospel that deals with sexual immorality at best is a concession, but never as the prescription.

Argument: The OT and the NT are in agreement with the presentation of marriage as a permanent bond for the lifetime of the spouses. Other passages with this view are Mark 10:11-12; Luke 16:18; 1 Cor 7:10-11. According to Romans 7:3, death nullifies the marriage covenant with freedom to re-marry, but the other passages have the perspective of reconciliation rather than divorce. Even in the Matt 5:32 passage dealing with sexual immorality, divorce is NOT presented as the proscribed path forward.

The disciples realized the import of Jesus’ teaching in the Matthew 19 passage and reply, ‘if this is what marriage is like, it is better not to marry!’ (Matt 19:10).

Application: What does this teaching mean to us as Citizens of the Kingdom? How are we to please God in our marriages?

We CAN, with the help of God, live with a permanence view of marriage. As Voddie Baucham said, consider that the marriage vows are based on this understanding: for better or worse, for richer or poorer, until death do us part.

Negative Example: Stacy & Marty. No reason for divorce. Excuse given: “It’s harder than I thought it would be.”

Reconciliation and Restoration is ALWAYS the path that honors God. Adultery is NOT the automatic end to a marriage. Repentance IS possible and God can and does heal.

Believers are not to initiate divorce proceedings for the vast number of other reasons: abandonment, incarceration, drug use, domestic violence, neglect, improper spending or “irreconcilable differences.” NOTE: a spouse is NOT to stay in dangerous situations and God would never have one of His children hurt or abused. (Terry and Don’s story. He was abusive, got hooked on cocaine, was unfaithful and wrecked their finances. She removed herself from the home and prayed. Years later, God saved Don and the marriage was restored)

Divorced believers who have re-married are NOT second class Christians. The forgiveness of Christ is sufficient for all sins including divorce. It is also important to realize the Bible does not teach that those in a 2nd marriage are guilty of continual adultery. There is sin involved, but it is in THE (singular) act of adultery.

Conclusion: We live in a fallen world and the enemy is always on the attack. One of his favorite targets is the family unit, and especially the Christian family. Given this understanding, it is vital for us to live in humility and in CONSTANT dependence upon the grace of God. When I officiate at weddings I remind the couple (and those in attendance) that ALL marriages are at risk.

Divorce and re-marriage does happen and the Church is to be compassionate. No one wins in a divorce (cf Malachi 2:16) and each occurrence involves hurting people, damaged children, and increased confusion. As we minister to those in these situations, we do NOT have the option of lowering God’s standard. The Church CAN and should model God’s design to the lost and unbelieving world.