A Poor Substitute for Friendship

Introduction

A man stands at the pinnacle of his career. He has wealth, influence, and a reputation for success. Yet, when he looks around, he realizes there is no one to share in his joy, no one to celebrate with him, no one to call a true friend. His pursuit of power has left him isolated. This is the tragedy Solomon describes in Ecclesiastes 4—a warning that striving for success without meaningful relationships is a path to loneliness and futility.

The world tells us that personal achievement is everything. If you climb the corporate ladder, if you gain enough influence, if you accumulate wealth, you’ll be happy. But Solomon exposes this lie. Power, status, and wealth are poor substitutes for friendship.

Ecclesiastes 4:4–16 NIV

4 And I saw that all toil and all achievement spring from one person’s envy of another. This too is meaningless, a chasing after the wind. 5 Fools fold their hands and ruin themselves. 6 Better one handful with tranquillity than two handfuls with toil and chasing after the wind. 7 Again I saw something meaningless under the sun: 8 There was a man all alone; he had neither son nor brother. There was no end to his toil, yet his eyes were not content with his wealth. “For whom am I toiling,” he asked, “and why am I depriving myself of enjoyment?” This too is meaningless— a miserable business! 9 Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: 10 If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up. 11 Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? 12 Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken. 13 Better a poor but wise youth than an old but foolish king who no longer knows how to heed a warning. 14 The youth may have come from prison to the kingship, or he may have been born in poverty within his kingdom. 15 I saw that all who lived and walked under the sun followed the youth, the king’s successor. 16 There was no end to all the people who were before them. But those who came later were not pleased with the successor. This too is meaningless, a chasing after the wind.

The Emptiness of Envy-Driven Success (Ecclesiastes 4:4-6)

Solomon observes that much of human ambition is fueled by envy.

"Then I saw that all toil and all skill in work come from a man’s envy of his neighbor. This also is vanity and a striving after wind." (Ecclesiastes 4:4).

How often do we chase success not because we need it, but because we are comparing ourselves to others?

Social media amplifies this reality.

We see someone else’s new car, their promotion, their perfect family vacation, and suddenly we feel inadequate. So, we work harder, not out of necessity, but out of envy.

Yet, Solomon warns that this kind of striving is empty. It leads to stress, discontentment, and broken relationships. In contrast, verse 6 offers wisdom:

"Better is a handful of quietness than two hands full of toil and a striving after wind."

A life of peace, contentment, and meaningful relationships is far more valuable than a life of relentless ambition.

The Tragedy of Isolation (Ecclesiastes 4:7-8)

In verses 7-8, Solomon paints a sad picture of a man who has no one to share his success with:

"One person who has no other, either son or brother, yet there is no end to all his toil, and his eyes are never satisfied with riches, so that he never asks, ‘For whom am I toiling and depriving myself of pleasure?’ This also is vanity and an unhappy business."

This man works tirelessly but has no relationships. He never stops to ask, "What’s the point?" His pursuit of wealth has left him alone.

This passage is a warning to us. Work is important, but it is not meant to be the goal of life. When our career, achievements, or material success become our primary pursuit, relationships suffer.

We see this in our culture today. People work long hours, sacrificing time with family and friends. Others become obsessed with personal projects, hobbies, or even ministry, neglecting the relationships that truly bring joy. Solomon tells us plainly—this is not the way to live.

The Blessing of Relationships (Ecclesiastes 4:9-12)

After showing the emptiness of isolation, Solomon turns to the beauty of companionship:

"Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up!" (Ecclesiastes 4:9-10).

God designed us for relationships. From the institution of marriage to deep friendships and the fellowship of the church, we are meant to walk through life together.

Solomon gives three key benefits of companionship:

Mutual support – When one person falls, the other helps them up (v. 10). Life is full of struggles, but we are not meant to face them alone.

Comfort and warmth – "Again, if two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone?" (v. 11). This imagery speaks to the comfort and encouragement found in relationships.

Strength in numbers – "A threefold cord is not quickly broken." (v. 12). This phrase suggests that while two are strong together, three are even stronger. It is often applied to marriage, with God as the third strand, but it also applies to friendships, partnerships, and the church. True strength is found in community.

In a world that values independence, Solomon reminds us that we are stronger when we rely on one another. The Christian life was never meant to be lived in isolation. The church itself is a family—brothers and sisters walking together in faith, supporting each other through life’s trials.

The Foolishness of Power Without Relationship (Ecclesiastes 4:13-16)

Solomon concludes this section with a parable about a young ruler:

"Better was a poor and wise youth than an old and foolish king who no longer knew how to take advice." (Ecclesiastes 4:13).

The contrast is striking: a wise but poor youth versus a powerful yet foolish king. The king’s downfall? He refuses to listen to others. He isolates himself in his power, convinced he knows best. This is a common temptation for those who reach positions of influence—be it in politics, business, or even ministry.

Power can deceive us into thinking we don’t need others. But without wise counsel, without trusted relationships, we can easily fall into arrogance and folly. The young ruler may rise to power, but even he will be forgotten in time (v. 16). All the power in the world is meaningless if we do not have meaningful relationships.

Next Steps: Choosing Relationships Over Empty Pursuits

Solomon’s wisdom challenges us to evaluate our lives. Are we prioritizing success over relationships? Are we so caught up in our careers, ambitions, or personal achievements that we neglect the people around us?

Here are three key takeaways:

Resist the temptation of envy-driven success.

Stop measuring your worth by comparing yourself to others. Find contentment in what God has given you.Philippians 2:3

Philippians 2:3 NIV

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves,

Invest in meaningful relationships.

Friendship, marriage, family, and church community are gifts from God. Take time to nurture them.

Proverbs 17:17 CSB

A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for a difficult time.

Romans 12:9–10 CSB

Let love be without hypocrisy. Detest evil; cling to what is good. Love one another deeply as brothers and sisters. Take the lead in honoring one another.

God created us for companionship. Our relationships—whether with family, friends, or our church—are gifts to be cherished.

Seek strength in community.

Hebrews 10:24–25 CSB

And let us consider one another in order to provoke love and good works, not neglecting to gather together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging each other, and all the more as you see the day approaching.

Do not walk through life alone. Surround yourself with people who will encourage, challenge, and strengthen you in your faith.

Galatians 6:2 CSB

Carry one another’s burdens; in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.

We are meant to strengthen and support one another. A life of isolation is not only unwise but unbiblical.

Jesus himself modeled the importance of relationships. Though he was the Son of God, he surrounded himself with close friends, shared meals, and walked alongside others. He didn’t live in isolation—he lived in deep, meaningful connection with people.

As we consider Solomon’s wisdom, let us strive not just for success, but for relationships that bring true joy and meaning to life. Because in the end, a life without love, friendship, and community is nothing but a poor substitute for what God intended.

Questions for Further Discussion:

In what ways do you see envy influencing your own ambitions?

Have you ever pursued success at the cost of meaningful relationships? How did that impact your life?

What practical steps can you take to prioritize relationships over material gain?

How does being part of a church community help guard against isolation and loneliness?

Let us seek to live wisely, valuing the people God has placed in our lives over the empty pursuit of success.

Bible study

Bible Study: A Poor Substitute for Friendship A 3-Day Study on Ecclesiastes 4:4-16 Purpose: This study will help you reflect on the importance of relationships in contrast to the emptiness of envy-driven success and isolation. Through word studies, reflections, and application questions, you will deepen your understanding of Ecclesiastes 4:4-16 and prepare your heart for the next sermon in our Ecclesiastes series. --- Day 1: The Vanity of Envy-Driven Success Read: Ecclesiastes 4:4-6 Reflection: Solomon observes that much of human labor and ambition is fueled by envy. The Hebrew word for envy in verse 4 is קִנְאָה (qin’ah), which can mean zeal or jealousy. It carries the idea of intense desire—whether for good or evil. While zeal can be directed toward God (Exodus 20:5), it often leads to destructive comparison and rivalry (James 3:14-16). Consider how envy influences your life. Social media, workplace competition, or even comparisons among friends can make us feel dissatisfied. Solomon warns that this kind of striving is like “chasing after the wind” (רוּחַ ruach—wind, spirit, breath), meaning it is futile and unattainable. Questions for Reflection: 1. Where do you see envy driving your ambitions? 2. How does comparison steal joy from your relationships? 3. What would it look like to replace envy with gratitude and contentment? (See Philippians 4:11-13) Prayer Focus: Ask God to help you find contentment in Him rather than in achievements or possessions. --- Day 2: The Tragedy of Isolation Read: Ecclesiastes 4:7-8 Reflection: Solomon describes a man who works endlessly yet has no one to share his success with. The key Hebrew phrase in verse 8, עֵין שֵׁנִי (‘ein sheni)—”no second person”—highlights his utter loneliness. This passage warns us about the cost of prioritizing work and success over relationships. Jesus echoes this truth in Matthew 16:26: “For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul?” The pursuit of wealth without meaningful relationships leads to emptiness. Questions for Reflection: 1. Have you ever sacrificed relationships for the sake of personal success? 2. In what ways does our culture promote workaholism at the cost of relationships? 3. How does Jesus’ call to love God and love others (Matthew 22:37-39) challenge our priorities? Prayer Focus: Ask God to help you evaluate your priorities and invest in relationships that matter. --- Day 3: The Blessing of Companionship Read: Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 Reflection: Solomon shifts from the dangers of isolation to the blessings of companionship. He states, “Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil.” The Hebrew word שָׂכָר (sakar)—”reward, benefit”—implies that friendship brings tangible blessings. Verse 12 speaks of a “threefold cord” not being quickly broken. Some see this as a reference to God being the third strand in a strong relationship, whether in marriage, friendship, or church fellowship. Jesus himself modeled deep, meaningful relationships with his disciples. He did not walk alone, and neither should we. Questions for Reflection: 1. How have strong friendships helped you in difficult times? 2. In what ways can you invest more in your relationships? 3. How does the church function as a community that strengthens and supports one another? (See Hebrews 10:24-25) Prayer Focus: Ask God to help you build and nurture meaningful relationships, and to be a good friend to others. --- Looking Ahead: Preparing for Next Week’s Sermon Next week, we will continue our journey through Ecclesiastes, reflecting on another area where people seek meaning apart from God. As you go through this week, take note of how your relationships affect your joy and purpose. Do you need to reconcile with someone? Do you need to invest more in friendships? Key Verse to Memorize: “Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil.” – Ecclesiastes 4:9 This study should help guide your congregation in applying the sermon, reflecting on their lives, and preparing for the next message in Ecclesiastes. Let me know if you want any adjustments!

YouTube

Title: A Poor Substitute for Friendship | Ecclesiastes 4:4-16 Sermon Description: Success, wealth, and power—many people chase these things, believing they will bring fulfillment. But what happens when we reach the top and find ourselves alone? In this sermon from Ecclesiastes 4:4-16, we explore the emptiness of envy-driven ambition and the blessing of meaningful relationships. Join us as we discover how life is richer and more fulfilling when shared with others. We’ll discuss the dangers of isolation, the value of companionship, and how to prioritize relationships over material gain. 📖 Key Scripture: Ecclesiastes 4:4-16 🔗 Learn More: Church Website: laughlinchurch.com 🙏 Give & Support: Donate to Our Ministry 📲 Stay Connected: Facebook: Laughlin Community Church Instagram: @laughlincommunitychurch Church App: Download Here 👍 Like, Share & Subscribe for more messages from our series Ecclesiastes: The Quest for Meaning. #Ecclesiastes #BiblicalWisdom #ChristianSermon #Faith #Friendship #LaughlinChurch

Bibliography

Hubbard, David A., and Lloyd J. Ogilvie. Ecclesiastes, Song of Solomon. Vol. 16 of The Preacher’s Commentary Series. Nashville, TN: Thomas Nelson Inc, 1991. Moore, David G., and Daniel L. Akin. Ecclesiastes, Song of Songs. Edited by Max Anders. Vol. 14. Nashville, TN: Holman Reference, 2003. Lohfink, Norbert. A Continental Commentary: Qoheleth. Minneapolis, MN: Fortress Press, 2003. Cone, Christopher. Life Beyond the Sun: An Introduction to Worldview & Philosophy through the Lens of Ecclesiastes. Ft. Worth, TX: Tyndale Seminary Press, 2009.

Notes