A Christ Honoring Father Is First A Loving Husband

DOES NOT: When our world hears that a wife is to submit to her husband, this is what they picture. They believe that we are referring to a patriarchal, authoritarian, sexist, female bashing, repressive mentality. While it is true that some have used the Bible to teach these things, those people were not Christ honoring, Christ following, and Christ emulating people.

Let me go on in the comic…

Let me highlight some key words that the wife uses here. “Choose”. “Equals”. “Love”. “Team”. “Trust”. “Difficult”. “Beautiful, God-honoring, and effective”. “Counter-cultural”. Now let me highlight some key words that depict the man’s responsibility. “Lay down my life”. “Give my all”. “Love, Lead, Serve, Protect, Provide”. “Work hard”. “Sacrifice”. When we do things God’s way, it is beautiful, it honors Him, it is effective, and it shows our culture what an incredible marriage obedience to Christ can give you.

I want to emphasize again a point we began with on Mother’s day. “Do we want our understanding of Scripture to inform our thinking? Or. Do we want our thinking to inform our understanding of Scripture?” When something that I want is forbidden by Scripture, what do I do? Do I yield my will to God’s and obey, or do I oppose God’s revealed will for my life and disobey? We have a responsibility to obey Scripture even when we don’t like it. Especially when Scripture runs counter to everything we learn, see, and hear in our culture today. We cannot serve two masters. We either obey the Word of God, or we obey culture. Choose you this day whom you will serve.

This morning we want to begin with a question: “Do we want our understanding of Scripture to inform our thinking? Or. Do we want our thinking to inform our understanding of Scripture?” Let me illustrate. Let’s say I want to get drunk. I read Scripture and it indicates that being drunk is a sin. At this point I have Two options. Option 1: I allow Scripture to change my thinking and I conclude that it would be a sin to get drunk and I choose not to get drunk. Or. Option 2: I choose to believe that those verses of Scripture were only meant for the people in Bible times, and therefore they do not apply to me, and so I get drunk. Which scenario is right?

Now let’s take that same reasoning and apply it to gender roles. Scripture is very clear on gender roles and it is very clear on why. We either choose to believe and obey Scripture, or we choose to reinterpret Scripture to fit what our culture says. This is a choice we must make. We have a responsibility to obey Scripture even when we don’t like it. Especially when Scripture runs counter to everything we learn, see, and hear in our culture today. We cannot serve two masters. We either obey the Word of God, or we obey culture. Choose you this day whom you will serve.

To help you choose, let me encourage you with this thought.

A proper understanding of God’s design makes these verses beautiful.

It casts the creation purpose of gender roles in a new light! It removes the apparent sting of these words.

It is our goal this morning to properly understand this passage that we might learn to function in the role God has given us.

When we are living in obedience to His design we will find strength, contentment, and joy like we have never known.

We read the whole section in our Scripture reading. After giving the conduct, character, and consideration of a Godly wife, Peter addresses the husband. There are two key words Peter begins with that we need to define before we move on. The first is “Likewise”. This is the Greek word ὁμοίως (homoiōs) meaning likewise; in the same way. In like or similar manner. In the same way that the wife is to live with her husband in a certain way, the husband must live a certain way with his wife. We cannot emphasize the responsibility of the wife if we are going to ignore that of the husband. These responsibilities work together and we cannot be unbalanced in our presentation of them. The second key word Peter begins with is “Dwell with”. This is the Greek word συνοικέω (synoikeō) Meaning live with. To cohabit, to share living quarters. Peter is going to tell us how to live with each other. What is important about this word is that it is a participle with imperative force. This means that what Peter is about to say is not optional. As men we cannot read this verse and say, “Eh, I don’t feel like it. Sounds like too much work.” That is not an option!

Peter explores the three responsibilities of a husband that enable him to be a loving husband and therefore a Christ honoring father. As we examine these we will find application for every believer. The first responsibility is impossible, so we will just skip it. Just kidding. The first responsibility that we have as men is this…

1. A Loving Husband Understands His Wife v. 7a

This is one of those things that everyone deems impossible (S). I want to emphasize something very important here. God’s commands are always impossible when we rely on self. God’s commands require that we yield to the Holy Spirit. When we yield to the Spirit, nothing is impossible! And so Peter commands husbands to live with their wives in “understanding”. This is the Greek word γνῶσις (gnōsis) meaning knowledge. Cognitive content, the sum or range of what has been perceived, discovered, or learned. This is how we are to dwell with our wives. As we read through the rest of the verse this responsibility manifests in three distinct ways. First, we are to…

a. Understand her emotionally

Peter writes that we are to give “honor to the wife”. “Honor” is the Greek word τιμή (timē) meaning honor; value; price. The state of being highly respected or revered. When something is revered or highly valued, it is treated carefully and taken care of. Let me give you an example. Jessica will tell you that when we moved down here we were unpacking and she started laughing at me because one of the first things I did was set up our entertainment system. Why? It is important to me. When we moved I carefully packed everything up, mostly in the original boxes, and placed it in the trailer myself. Because these are expensive things and they are valued by me, I treat them carefully. I think all of us as men have things like this. Our tools, a car, entertainment system, whatever it might be. The point Peter is making is that our wives are to be more valuable to us than anything else and be treated with more care!

What does this look like? Turn to . According to God, a wife needs to live in an environment of love. That is the air she breathes! As husbands, our job is to create this environment. We need to understand her emotional need to be loved. Let me just really quickly run through what Paul is saying here in . A husbands love is to be…

Ephesians 5:25–33 NKJV

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones. “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

According to God, a wife needs to live in an environment of love. That is the air she breathes! As husbands, our job is to create this environment. We need to understand her emotional need to be loved. Let me just really quickly run through what Paul is saying here in . A husbands love is to be…

Self-sacrificing v. 25 - She gets the best even if it means you don’t!

Sanctifying v. 26 - Come alongside and help her be more like Christ!

Edifying v. 27 - Build her up! Never tear her down!

Complete v. 28 - You love everything about her!

Nourishing v. 29 - Give her strength for the difficult times!

Exclusive v. 31 - She gets all of your love!

Unending v. 33 - You love her until the very end!

Peter commands us to understand the needs of our wife. She needs to be loved. To be treated with special care and attention!

She should never be able to question your love because it is always so obvious!

Understand her emotionally. The second way our responsibility to understand our wives manifests is the need to…

b. Understand her physically

Men, your wife is physically different than you are. If you have not realized this yet, we have a problem. The word “weaker” here is an adjective of comparison. It is not at all implying that women are weak or silly. Nor is it referencing intellect or spirituality. The idea is that men and women are physically different. Scripture states that she is the “weaker vessel”. “Vessel” is the Greek word σκεῦος (skeuos) literally meaning vessel; jar. A person understood as a vessel to be filled or a tool to be utilized. Weaker vessel of what? Of God’s glory! All believers are vessels of God’s glory. But all vessels are different! Some are physically strong, while others are not. We are tools to be utilized for the glory of God. But just like every tool is used differently, so God has designed men and women for different purposes, roles, and functions! Men, your wife is not your vessel to possess.

She is a vessel of God’s glory who has been designed by Him for His purposes!

The point is that women are designed by God to be different than men and it is our responsibility to know our wives and care for them physically. Wives, this is true for you as well. God has made your husband different than you. His physical needs are different than yours. Know what those are and meet them! We need to understand her emotionally and physically. The third way our responsibility to understand our wives manifests is the need to…

Let me illustrate this. The National Sleep Foundation reports that Britain’s leading expert in sleep science, Dr. Jim Horne, published a study in 2010 demonstrating that women need more sleep than men. On average, they need at least twenty minutes more sleep. https://sleepfoundation.org/sleep-news/do-women-need-more-sleep-men (accessed 6/13/17). Interestingly enough, this is a conclusion that Jess and I had come to several years ago. My understanding that she needs more sleep has led me to try and help out more so that she can either sleep in a little, get to bed earlier, or take a nap. The point is that women are designed by God to be different than men and it is our responsibility to know our wives and care for them physically. Wives, this is true for you as well. God has made your husband different than you. His physical needs are different than yours. Know what those are and meet them! We need to understand her emotionally and physically. The third way our responsibility to understand our wives manifests is the need to…

If you have not realized this yet we have a problem, your wife is physically different than you are. Men are visually stimulated, women are generally not.

Vessel – σκεῦος skeuos vessel; jar. Person ⇔ vessel – a person understood as a vessel to be filled or a tool to be utilized. Noun, dative of reference, singular, neuter. Weaker vessel of what? Of God’s glory! All believers are vessels of God’s glory. But all vessels are different! Some are physically strong, while others are not. We are tools to be utilized for the glory of God. But just like every tool is used differently, so God has designed men and women for different purposes roles and functions!

c. Understand her spiritually

When it comes to our standing before God, there is complete equality in the body of Christ. There are differences in role and function, but equality of position. This is emphasized here in v. 7 as Peter states that we are “heirs together of the grace of life”. “Heirs together” is exactly what it sounds like. Husbands and wives who have both trusted Christ are fellow heirs of the grace of life. “Grace” here is a reference to God’s grace that leads to salvation and life. We are fellow heirs of God’s grace that leads to life. This is a vital element to the husband and wife relationship. Men are not spiritually superior to women! You are fellow heirs! Both men and women are created in Christ Jesus for the purpose of good works ()! Both men and women were once far off and are now brought near ()! Your wife is your spiritual equal! If we are going to be loving husbands, we must understand this. Though we have different roles and functions in the body of Christ, we are equal in our standing and position. Your wife is not a second class Christian. Kenneth Wuest puts it well in his commentary.

Wuest’s Word Studies in the Greek New Testament 12. The Adornment of the Christian Woman (3:1–7)

The husband should pay due honor to the wife because she is a joint-heir together with him of the grace of life, eternal life, the gift of God. That is, he is ever to remember that Christ died for her as well as for him. Her soul is just as precious in the sight of God as his is.

Before we go any further let me just stress something vital. If you are going to understand your wife in the ways that God has commanded, you will have to communicate with her! You need to sit down with your wife and talk about these things! Now, wives, we are not mind readers. God has designed us differently and we are not going to automatically know these things. We also will probably not get subtle hints or gentle nudges, we need straight talk. Men, you also need to be observant. Don’t just look at her, see her. Observe her reactions and interactions to help you better understand these things.

There is complete equality in the body of Christ. There is simply differences in role and function.

We are called to understand our wives emotionally, physically, and spiritually.

This is a tall order. It is a lifetime commitment. We don’t stop with understanding our wives. The second responsibility we find here is that…

2. A Loving Husband Honors His Wife v. 7b

As we begin this point let me just say something to the wives here. As a wife you must receive this honor. Society tells you that for a man to open a door for you is demeaning. I am here to tell you that is a lie from Satan. Opening a door is not saying you can’t do it yourself, it is a symbol of honor and respect for who God has made you! Your husband is called by God to honor you, but you are called to receive that honor. We’ve talked a little bit about this already. But here we need to address why we are to do the things we have discussed. Peter gives us three reasons to honor our wives. Reason number one…

We’ve talked a little bit about this already. But here we need to address why we are to do the things we have discussed. Peter gives us three reasons. Reason number one…

a. Because of the differences

Again we note that Peter refers to the wife as the “weaker vessel”. As we have noted, This is an acknowledgement that God has designed men and women differently. Our culture is desperately trying to erase the distinctions between men and women. But those differences are designed by God! The illustration that I love the best here is that of fine china. Fine china is not worthless or looked down on, it is simply so precious that we treat it carefully. That is to be my attitude toward my wife! Because God has designed her differently than me I treat her with tenderness, care, and respect!

I honor my wife, I treat her with respect because she is of great value to me.

In God said he would make a helper comparable to man (S).

Genesis 2:18 NKJV

And the Lord God said, “It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.”

Our culture is desperately trying to erase the distinctions between men and women. But those differences are designed by God!

The idea here is that God made man a complement to himself. Someone to come alongside and be strong where he was weak and weak where he was strong! That is God’s design for marriage. For male and female to come to gether and complete one another. In order for that to work you have to be different! If you have two identical puzzle pieces, they won’t fit together! Men and women are different by design yet we are designed to function together in a marriage relationship. Honor your wife because she is different. Reason number two…

Reason number two…

b. Because of our position

Peter says we are “heirs together”. Again, this means we are equal in our standing before God. When God formed the woman He chose to do so from man’s rib. (S).

Genesis 2:21–22 NKJV

And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall on Adam, and he slept; and He took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh in its place. Then the rib which the Lord God had taken from man He made into a woman, and He brought her to the man.

Matthew Henry writes,

That the woman was made of a rib out of the side of Adam; not made out of his head to rule over him, nor out of his feet to be trampled upon by him, but out of his side to be equal with him, under his arm to be protected, and near his heart to be beloved. ~ Matthew Henry, Matthew Henry’s Commentary on the Whole Bible: Complete and Unabridged in One Volume (Peabody: Hendrickson, 1994), 10.

I love this description.

Matthew Henry, Matthew Henry’s Commentary on the Whole Bible: Complete and Unabridged in One Volume (Peabody: Hendrickson, 1994), 10.

Reason number three…

We honor our wives because we are equal!

We treat them with respect and care because God has designed them for us and given them to us to be with us as equals and yet protected and beloved. Men, does this describe how you treat your wife? She is to be honored because of our differences and because of our position. Reason number three…

c. Because of the consequences

The failure to honor your wife brings the consequence of hindered prayer. “Hindered” is the Greek word ἐγκόπτοw (enkopto) meaning hinder or thwart. To be obstructed; to be or become hindered or prevented in the progress or accomplishment of. When you do not treat your wife as Peter has described, you are working against your own prayers. You are obstructing them, thwarting them. Your attitude and treatment of her will prevent God from answering your prayer! If you feel like your prayers aren’t getting through, how are you treating your wife?

Some might be tempted to think that this really isn’t that big of a deal. Unfortunately some of us could have our prayers hindered and never notice because our prayer life is so pathetically weak! When we consider the Biblical commands about prayer we understand that our prayers being hindered are a big deal. Let me just give a few Biblical commands about prayer.

Matthew 26:41 NKJV

Watch and pray, lest you enter into temptation. The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak.”

Matthew 26:41

Our ability to endure temptation is related to our prayer life! If you are not treating your wife with honor and your prayers are being hindered, you will suffer continual defeat in temptation.

Ephesians 6:18 NKJV

praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, being watchful to this end with all perseverance and supplication for all the saints—

The health of the body of Christ is connected to our faithfulness in praying for one another. Your prayers for your brothers and sisters in Christ will not be heard if you do not have a right relationship with your wife!

Philippians 4:6–7 NKJV

Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.

If you are not honoring your wife, your prayers are being hindered.

If your prayers are hindered, your access to the peace of God is cut off. There can be no peace with God where the husband and wife relationship is not what it should be! How we treat our wives is a big deal to God! He takes it very seriously and so should we. A loving husband has the responsibility to both understand and honor his wife. The final responsibility that Peter gives us in these verses is that…

Hindered – ἐγκόπτομαι enkoptomai hinder; thwart. To be obstructed – to be or become hindered or prevented in the progress or accomplishment of. Verb, present, passive, infinitive of purpose. When you do not treat your wife as Peter has described, you are working against your own prayers. You are obstructing them, thwarting them. Your attitude and treatment of her will prevent God from answering the prayer!

A loving husband has the responsibility to both understand and honor his wife. The final responsibility that Peter gives us in these verses is that…

3. A Loving Husband Is A Spiritual Leader v. 7

On Mother’s Day we discussed how a wife is to care for the internal more than the external. We discussed the necessity of submission. What Peter gives us here is the kind of man a wife can submit to. I mentioned earlier that we are Spiritual equals. If we are honest, we would recognize that in our current spiritual climate, women are often more spiritually committed than men. This is to our shame!

I mentioned earlier that we are Spiritual equals. If we are honest, we would recognize that in our current spiritual climate, women are often more spiritually committed than men. This is to our shame!

Peter says that we dwell with our wives in this way that our “prayers may not be hindered”. What is the assumption in these words? Peter is assuming that we will be in prayer! The spiritual leadership of the home belongs to the man whether he is doing it or not. Even if you are not leading Spiritually, you will be accountable to God for your leadership or lack thereof. As we look at the whole section we three ways in which the man is t be the Spiritual leader. The husband is first to be…

a. Leading with the Word v. 1

The Spiritual leader is one who is obedient to the word. Men, does this describe you? How committed are you to the Word of God? Do you read it, study it, obey it? You cannot be the Spiritual leader you have been called to be if you are not a man of the Word! Let me give you a practical Biblical example. One of the primary battlefields for the believer is that of the mind. While I am primarily addressing us men, this applies for all believers. (S).

Philippians 4:8 NKJV

Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things.

Philippians 4:8

This is the battleground! Satan wants us to think about things that are not true, that are dishonorable, unjust, impure, unlovely, slanderous, perverse, and vile! The battle is in the mind! You must choose what you will allow to occupy your thoughts! This is why Paul gives the command in (S).

Romans 12:1–2 NKJV

I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that you present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable to God, which is your reasonable service. And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.

The transformation that the child of God is called to involves the renewing of the mind. The body cannot be presented as holy and acceptable if the mind is corrupt! How do we renew our minds? The answer is given in (S).

Psalm 119:9 NKJV

How can a young man cleanse his way? By taking heed according to Your word.

Also consider (S).

Ephesians 5:26 NKJV

that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word,

The word of God cleanses our way! It washes and sanctifies us!

If you are not a man of the Word you will lose the battle for your mind!

If you lose that battle you will be conformed to the world and you will be unable to lead as God has commanded. For all of us as believers, the battle for your mind is being fought right now! At this very moment! In this very room! Victory comes through the Word of God! Husbands, be the Spiritual leader God has called you to be by leading with the Word. Secondly, the husband is to be…

b. Leading with love v. 5

The kind of man a wife can submit to is one she knows loves her because he is constantly demonstrating that love. I don’t want to spend a lot of time restating what we have already examined but let me just emphasize that the repeated command for husbands in Scripture is for them to love their wives.

, , (S).

Ephesians 5:25 NKJV

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her,

Ephesians 5:28 NKJV

So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself.

Ephesians 5:33 NKJV

Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

(S).

Colossians 3:19 NKJV

Husbands, love your wives and do not be bitter toward them.

A woman who is secure in her husbands love is a woman who will follow his leadership.

1 Peter 3:7 NKJV

Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered.

Never leave her in doubt about your love.

That means you both verbalize it and demonstrate it. Say it and do it! Finally, as the Spiritual leader the husband is to be…

c. Leading with faith v. 6

Sarah is lifted up here as an example for godly women to follow. Though Abraham had his faults and failures, he was know for being a man of faith. When God reiterates His promises to Abram in , Abraham believes and his faith is counted as righteousness. This example of faith is then pointed out in both Romans and James. Interestingly enough, the author of Hebrews does not include this in the hall of faith chapter. Instead, two other evidences of faith in Abraham’s life are chosen.

(S).

Hebrews 11:8–10 NKJV

By faith Abraham obeyed when he was called to go out to the place which he would receive as an inheritance. And he went out, not knowing where he was going. By faith he dwelt in the land of promise as in a foreign country, dwelling in tents with Isaac and Jacob, the heirs with him of the same promise; for he waited for the city which has foundations, whose builder and maker is God.

To leave your family and country behind at the Word of God not knowing where you are headed, that takes faith! It also took faith for Sarah to follow him trusting that God was really leading Abraham.

(S).

Hebrews 11:17–19 NKJV

By faith Abraham, when he was tested, offered up Isaac, and he who had received the promises offered up his only begotten son, of whom it was said, “In Isaac your seed shall be called,” concluding that God was able to raise him up, even from the dead, from which he also received him in a figurative sense.

I have often wondered if Abraham told Sarah what he was doing. “See you later, I’m just going to go sacrifice our son!” Abraham demonstrates incredible faith as he lays the son God promised on the altar! What an incredible picture he gives us of not holding anything back from God!

Men, if we are going to be Spiritual leaders, we must walk by faith.

We must follow the Lord’s direction and leadership no matter what! For all of us, without faith it is impossible to please God. God is not impressed by your works, talents, or abilities; God wants to see you flex your faith. God wants us to take Him at His Word and live as He has commanded. Will we?

Conclusion

What kind of husbands are we? Are we demonstrating for our children what a real man is? A real man is one who understands his wife emotionally, physically, and spiritually. A real man honors his wife recognizing their differences, equal position, and the consequences of dishonor. A real man is a spiritual leader who is in the word, demonstrates love, and walks by faith. Are you a real man?

For all those here who are unmarried, or not a man. Is your life bringing honor and glory to Christ? A life that brings glory to Christ is a life lived in submission to His Word! A life that honors Christ is a life of faith! God has revealed to us what He would have us do. Now it is up to us to do it.

As husbands may we be men who are strong enough to walk in obedience to God.

As believers may we live for God’s glory as we walk by faith.

May the families of Grace Church show the world what it means to be a follower of Jesus Christ.