PROVERBS: CONFLICT

Welcome/ Prayer/ Intro

Write a Story about the Farmer and the Herdsmen

Conflict is an interesting aspect to the human condition, in fact one of the first stories that we get in the Bible that comes after the fall is a major conflict between two brothers. Cain was frustrated with his brothers offering, so he killed him.

There are many things that lead to conflict, we need to get to the bottom line today to figure out why people quarrel so much, and what is the answer to a heart that is in constant conflict.

Proverbs 10:12 ESV

Hatred stirs up strife, but love covers all offenses.

Proverbs 10:12 ESV

Hatred stirs up strife, but love covers all offenses.

Pr

This is the main text for today, that hatred, a heart that is filled with disdain or even just disappointed, is going to be filled with conflict because it will always be at war with those who are near. Hatred that leads to conflict is kind of like the poison that you drink expecting it to kill someone else. What is really going on is deep inside you and today we need to figure out how God wants us to deal with conflict, and what the root cause is.

But first we need to make some observations about what causes conflict, we need to diagnose the symptoms to see what needs to be dealt with underneath.

Gossip Causes Conflict

Proverbs 25:8–10 ESV

do not hastily bring into court, for what will you do in the end, when your neighbor puts you to shame? Argue your case with your neighbor himself, and do not reveal another’s secret, lest he who hears you bring shame upon you, and your ill repute have no end.

Being hasty to bring someone into court

Jumping to conclusions

Settle your conflict with people, one one one when we do this we protect the name and reputation of others, which in turn protects our name.

Recap of last week

The power of life and death are in the tongue, what you do with it is extremely important

Gossip leads to slander which leads to death.

But the tongue can also lead to life because speaking the truth in love leads to encouragement which leads to life.

Solomon warns us here not to be quick in trying to bring others into our conflict, whether that is a court or by gossiping to others.

But Jesus gives us the pathway that we should use if we really do have legitimate conflict with others

Bringing others in only complicates matters, but what should you do if you cant get through to someone?

Matthew 18:15 ESV

“If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother.

mt 18

So the goal in conflict should be to handle it quickly and quietly, if you love your brother or sister, wouldn’t you want them to be restored in this manner? I mean we all have our stuff so no one should be shocked to hear that someone is a sinner, but it helps keep shame out of the equation so that the other person can be built up and move on toward obedience.

Bringing others in only complicates matters, but what should you do if you cant get through to someone?

Matthew 18:16–17 ESV

But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses. If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector.

I love that he doesn't even bring up going to court, the church is a family, family handles their business without the secular judicial system. This is not a hard and fast rule, but in general, if we are committed to Christ and being ministers of reconciliation, then we should have a much lower need for Caesars intervention.

This proverb says don’t be hasty to jump to conclusions and therefore gossip about what you don’t know. Be kind, for everyone is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Always remember you probably don’t know the full story. So lets put away our gossip which causes conflict.

Gossip really does hurt because it separates people, and separation doesn't seem like God’s design for humanity

A Hot Temper Causes Conflict

Proverbs 15:18 ESV

A hot-tempered man stirs up strife, but he who is slow to anger quiets contention.

Someone with a hot temper is able to fly off the handle at any moment.

People have to walk on eggshells in order to not offend someone with a hot temper

This is exhausting to have a relationship with someone like this, because you are always on guard scared to encounter someones anger which is like a ticking time bomb or a loaded gun.

But as the text says, someone who is slow to anger quiets contention which means that they cool down a heated argument.

Someone who is slow to anger means that they have been intentional about how they are going to deal with their anger

There is a way to grow slower to anger, and the path does not start by trying to become less angry.

Anger really does hurt because it separates people, and separation doesn't seem like God’s design for humanity

Dishonesty Causes Conflict

Proverbs 16:28 ESV

A dishonest man spreads strife, and a whisperer separates close friends.

pr

Fill out dishonesty but keep it short

Like we said last week, not acquaintances but close friends

This is because we are so quick to believe the dishonest slander of others.

Dishonesty really does hurt because it separates people, and separation doesn't seem like God’s design for humanity

Foolishness causes Conflict

Proverbs 20:3 ESV

It is an honor for a man to keep aloof from strife, but every fool will be quarreling.

It is an honor to keep a distance from strife, but in the end even the wise can have conflict, it just so happens to be with a foolish person

Proverbs 29:9 ESV

If a wise man has an argument with a fool, the fool only rages and laughs, and there is no quiet.

So the fool kind of sounds like a crazy person

You get into a conflict with someone and they start raging and laughing, well there should be no quiet in your soul because you are standing in the presence of someone who has lost it!

So even the wise get into conflict, but the fool will prove themselves worthy of that name by their actions.

Foolishness really does hurt because it separates people, and separation doesn't seem like God’s design for humanity

Bottling Emotion Causes Conflict

Proverbs 17:14 ESV

The beginning of strife is like letting out water, so quit before the quarrel breaks out.

Conflict is like a dam about to rupture

This is awesome imagery from the proverbs

Has anyone ever felt like you have been holding in so much emotion that it was ready to overflow onto anyone?

Great Molasses Flood of 1919

January 15th 1919 beautiful day

Boston had a large population of immigrants it was so congested that it was likened to Calcutta India.

Massive Steel tank 5 stories tall with 2.3 million gallons of molasses

This molasses was used for the distillation of Alcohol

The giant tank leaked molasses so frequently that kids would go and scoop up the sugary goodness

They painted the tank brown so people wouldn’t notice the leaks of molasses

When the tank busted a 35 foot high tidal wave of molasses crashed through the town 21 people killed 150 injured 100 million dollars of destruction in today’s money

Show slide of Boston Flood

The red flag was the leaks that were happening, but when you do not pay attention to red flags, destruction is close at hand.

Are there red flags in your life, leaks of un-dealt with anger or sadness that you need to deal with before they erupt? How can you deal with them before the levee breaks? We will talk about that in a minute.

Erupting Emotion really does hurt because it separates people, and separation doesn't seem like God’s design for humanity

The final observation is this People need to MIND THEIR OWN BUSINESS!!

CAN I GET AN AMEN?!

JUST KIDDING

Meddling Causes Conflict

Proverbs 26:17 ESV

Whoever meddles in a quarrel not his own is like one who takes a passing dog by the ears.

I have a dog named Steve, he would do nothing, but this is talking about a stray dog.

We should be people who mind our own affairs

Paul Tells the Thessalonians to aspire to live a quiet life, and mind their own affairs.

Draw a circle around your own feet

Meddling really does hurt because it separates people, and separation doesn't seem like God’s design for humanity

But what causes

Meddling which causes conflict

Bottling Emotion which causes conflict

Foolishness which causes conflict

Dishonesty which causes conflict

Hot Temper which causes conflict

Gossip which causes conflict

WHAT CAUSES US TO BE SO CONTENTIOUS WITH OTHERS?!

Work needs to be done here to transition

I think the problem is that we think far to much about ourselves...

PROVERBS 29:9

We have the wrong goal in mind, our goal is what is good for us. But is that Gods goal for us?

If a wise man has an argument with a fool,

Tery and I went to the weekend to remember and they talked about how the cause of conflict in marriage is having the wrong goal. If you argue with your spouse and you win the fight and you are totally right, do you actually win? Did you seek the good of your spouse or did you seek your own good?

No because the goal for marriage isn't always what you want, it is always ONENESS

the fool only rages and laughs, and there is no quiet.

The same is true for the church

Do we have the selfless investment mindset, that even when it is difficult we will still invest because we know that there will be great fruit if we push through the tough stuff.

Do we have a selfless investment mindset? That you are going to put in a lot of work and there is going to be great reward, and that reward may not be for your benefit, but it is for the benefit of the kingdom of God

The problem is that we have a passion and a desire in us to seek our own good and not to die to ourselves and seek oneness above all things in our relationships.

When Jesus is in his final days just before His crucifixion, he prays. He is in utter terror, sweating drops of blood, and among his most pressing thoughts is the unity of the church.

John 17:11 ESV

And I am no longer in the world, but they are in the world, and I am coming to you. Holy Father, keep them in your name, which you have given me, that they may be one, even as we are one.

Whoever is not with me is against me, and whoever does not gather with me scatters.

The only way that we can get to oneness is by following after the example God gave us in his pursuit of oneness with us. He had grace... infinite, abounding, radical grace.

You don’t get rid of conflict by trying to have less conflict in your life, you get rid of conflict by becoming more like Jesus and what does tell us about God? THAT HE GIVES MORE GRACE!!! On your own time go and read , this afternoon go and read it, it is all about conflict.

This is not passivity, there is a massive difference between giving grace and being passive. Grace might come in the form of speaking the truth in love, we talked about that last week. Grace is exceptionally active!It is going toward the person in love with a heart that holds a steak in the ground saying I forgive, and I will not move from this place of forgiveness.

Hatred stirs up strife,

Here is the answer to all of your quarreling, that God's design for life and joy is found in grace. We need grace to have a love that covers a multitude of sin. We need grace to have unity, and our example is God's unconditional grace for mankind through Jesus Christ. If the perfect God of the Bible is willing to make a way for imperfect sinful humanity to have oneness with Him, then we need to be willing to make sacrifice, often costly to ourselves, to have grace on those who conflict with us. Oneness was God's goal, Oneness is God's design for our lives. In that place we will have joy, in that place God is glorified.

The Bottom line is this...

Jesus calls us away from conflict and toward oneness, through the pathway of grace

but love covers all offenses.

Lets end where we began...

Proverbs 10:12 ESV

Hatred stirs up strife, but love covers all offenses.

A hot-tempered man stirs up strife,

but he who is slow to anger quiets contention.

A dishonest man spreads strife,

and a whisperer separates close friends.

Better is a dry morsel with quiet

than a house full of feasting with strife.

The beginning of strife is like letting out water,

so quit before the quarrel breaks out. Make sure to find story of Dam that broke with maple syrup

It is an honor for a man to keep aloof from strife,

but every fool will be quarreling

do not hastily bring into court,

for what will you do in the end,

when your neighbor puts you to shame?

9 Argue your case with your neighbor himself,

and do not reveal another’s secret,

10 lest he who hears you bring shame upon you,

and your ill repute have no end. (Take care of your stuff privately and quickly, without gossip)

If your enemy is hungry, give him bread to eat,

and if he is thirsty, give him water to drink,

22 for you will heap burning coals on his head,

and the Lord will reward you.

Whoever meddles in a quarrel not his own

is like one who takes a passing dog by the ears. (Match this with a mind your own affairs thing from Thessalonians)

QUESTIONS

How did Jesus handle conflict? He seemed to bring both grace and truth.

Should I spend some time in righteous anger vs unrighteous anger? Think of when Jesus cleansed the temple with whips.

THOUGHTS

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