Contract or Covenant
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People often view a marriage covenant as a contract. This is a problem. A contract is simply an agreement that is created to restrict movement. It implicitly says, “These are the boundaries. You will not break this agreement. If you violate our terms, then I have the right to get out of this.” In other words, I’m not stuck.
Contract is also a verb, one the Merriam-Webster dictionary defines as “to reduce by squeezing or forcing together.” That doesn’t sound anything like what Jesus called the largeness of marriage. Marriage is supposed to enlarge our lives, not make them smaller.
And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.
And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof; And the rib, which the Lord God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man. And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man. Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.
God doesn’t view marriage as a mere contract; He sees it as a spiritual covenant. It’s an agreement that exclaims, “I am giving all of me to all of you. Everything I am and everything I have is yours, and everything you have is now mine. Everything we do will be multiplied, enlarged, and increased because of this beautiful exchange.
Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;
Even when we were dead in sins, hath quickened us together with Christ, (by grace ye are saved;)
Paul encouraged husbands to love their wives just as Christ loves the Church. This love is a covenant love that’s much more than a contract. Husbands, aren’t you glad that Jesus loves you even when you aren’t very loveable? Aren’t you glad that Jesus never views His relationship with you as just a contract, something He’s “stuck” in? Our goal must be to imitate Jesus’ love in our responses and attitudes toward our brides. (Paul doesn’t stop there, by the way. He goes on to tell us to forfeit our lives for our wives. What a command!)
Our marriages are meant to model Christ’s love for His Bride. Why would those who don’t know Jesus want to be in relationship with Him if the relationships between His people are void of love, power, harmony, and commitment? Are you seeing why your marriage is so important? It’s not just about you. It’s about God’s longing to reach the world with His love.
As we previously shared, true love for your spouse must be an overflow of receiving God’s love for you. A love this profound cannot be fabricated. It must be received from the One whose love defies human understanding.
Many of us have viewed the institution of marriage itself as the source of our problems. Others have sought to blame their spouses. Both perspectives expose a refusal to acknowledge and address the depravity of our own hearts. We hope this is no longer the case for you.
Before you continue this journey, a decision must be made. You must choose to believe that your marriage can and will become everything God has destined it to be.
“Covenant is a God thing. The Bible clearly speaks of the blessings of walking in covenant, which include favor with God, blessed finances, security and trust, long life and health and godly character! …In a true covenant environment we feel free to admit our failures and recurring challenges in life because we know we won’t be rejected for our honesty. Then our spouse feels free to speak the truth in love to help us overcome our failures, while walking with us through the difficulties. This is covenant living in Christ at its best.”
What is God speaking to you about covenant? Ask yourself, Am I enjoying a covenant marriage? What am I willing to do to experience it? Pray and ask the Spirit for His input and strength.
God has a powerful purpose for your covenant marriage, reaching far beyond just you and your spouse. He wants your union, like Abraham and Sarah’s, to send His love and truth far into the future. Ask yourself, and the Lord, Who is my marriage impacting, and what effects is it leaving?
Ordinary Moments…Extraordinary Change
Extraordinary change is the result of what we do in the ordinary moments of marriage.
Ordinary Moments are . . .
Moments that happen over and over again.
Moments that you no longer expect to get better.
Moments when God seems far, far, away. “God-less moments”
Three Main Ingredients
Allow God to Define our Love.
Our vision for love and marriage is often distorted by something good that takes the place of the whole.
Beloved, let us love one another: for love is of God; and every one that loveth is born of God, and knoweth God. He that loveth not knoweth not God; for God is love. In this was manifested the love of God toward us, because that God sent his only begotten Son into the world, that we might live through him. Herein is love, not that we loved God, but that he loved us, and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins. Beloved, if God so loved us, we ought also to love one another. No man hath seen God at any time. If we love one another, God dwelleth in us, and his love is perfected in us.
Let love be without dissimulation. Abhor that which is evil; cleave to that which is good. Be kindly affectioned one to another with brotherly love; in honour preferring one another;
We Can Know What Love Really Is
We Can Know What Love Really Is
Ingredient #2 … Love Expressed in the Details of Ordinary Moments.
Love Honors the Other.
Let love be without dissimulation. Abhor that which is evil; cleave to that which is good. Be kindly affectioned one to another with brotherly love; in honour preferring one another;
Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good.
Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good.
Love Harmonizes
Be of the same mind one toward another. Mind not high things, but condescend to men of low estate. Be not wise in your own conceits.
Basic Elements of Harmony o Express a Desire to Understand
Communicate Understanding
Basic Elements of Harmony o Express a Desire to Understand o Communicate Understanding
Share Your Emotions
Emotions are the currency of personal involvement.
Love is Given, not Earned
Recompense to no man evil for evil. Provide things honest in the sight of all men. If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men. Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord. Therefore if thine enemy hunger, feed him; if he thirst, give him drink: for in so doing thou shalt heap coals of fire on his head. Be not overcome of evil, but overcome evil with good.
If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men. Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord. Therefore if thine enemy hunger, feed him; if he thirst, give him drink: for in so doing thou shalt heap coals of fire on his head. Be not overcome of evil, but overcome evil with good.
Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. 18If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. 19Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: ‘It is mine to avenge; I will repay,’ says the Lord. 20 On the contrary: ‘If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.’ 21Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. Grace, simply defined, is unmerited favor, love when you deserve rejection. Grace means I’m not giving just to get something in return. Moving towards the other even when they don’t “deserve it”. Part III o Ingredient #3…Staying on the Path. One of the most dangerous moments in your marriage is when you no longer believe that your actions make a difference. 1. Your Actions Always Make a Difference o Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. The one who sows to please his sinful nature, from that nature will reap destruction; the one who sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life. Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up (). o Seed of hopelessness: Giving to get, manipulation. Focus on your spouses faults while losing sight of your own. Blame your spouse for your own bad behavior o God will not be made a fool of. He will accomplish his good goals for your life. 2. More than a Feeling o Faith Means Knowing that God is Active in Your Activity o Faith Means Knowing that God is Active in Your Activity 3. Staying Focused o , The kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field. When a man found it, he hid it again, and then in his joy went and sold all he had and bought that field. o This treasure is easy to miss. o This treasure seems foolish. o This treasure is worth it.
Grace, simply defined, is unmerited favor, love when you deserve rejection. Grace means I’m not giving just to get something in return. Moving towards the other even when they don’t “deserve it”. Part III o Ingredient #3…Staying on the Path. One of the most dangerous moments in your marriage is when you no longer believe that your actions make a difference. 1. Your Actions Always Make a Difference o Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. The one who sows to please his sinful nature, from that nature will reap destruction; the one who sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life. Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up (). o Seed of hopelessness: Giving to get, manipulation. Focus on your spouses faults while losing sight of your own. Blame your spouse for your own bad behavior o God will not be made a fool of. He will accomplish his good goals for your life. 2. More than a Feeling o Faith Means Knowing that God is Active in Your Activity o Faith Means Knowing that God is Active in Your Activity 3. Staying Focused o , The kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field. When a man found it, he hid it again, and then in his joy went and sold all he had and bought that field. o This treasure is easy to miss. o This treasure seems foolish. o This treasure is worth it.
Grace, simply defined, is unmerited favor, love when you deserve rejection.
Grace means I’m not giving just to get something in return.
Moving towards the other even when they don’t “deserve it”.
Staying on the Path
One of the most dangerous moments in your marriage is when you no longer believe that your actions make a difference.
Your Actions Always Make a Difference
Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap. For he that soweth to his flesh shall of the flesh reap corruption; but he that soweth to the Spirit shall of the Spirit reap life everlasting. And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not.
Focus on your spouses faults while losing sight of your own.
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Focus on your spouses faults while losing sight of your own.
Blame your spouse for your own bad behavior
More than a Feeling
Faith Means Knowing that God is Active in Your Marriage
Staying Focused
Again, the kingdom of heaven is like unto treasure hid in a field; the which when a man hath found, he hideth, and for joy thereof goeth and selleth all that he hath, and buyeth that field.
Drink waters out of thine own cistern,
And running waters out of thine own well.
The kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field. When a man found it, he hid it again, and then in his joy went and sold all he had and bought that field. o This treasure is easy to miss. o This treasure seems foolish. o This treasure is worth it.
Jesus affirmed God’s design for marriage to be a lifelong, monogamous relationship, a sacred bond between a man and a woman. With the prevalence of divorce today, you might well ask, “Does God’s design still work? Is it outdated?
Elisabeth Elliot writes, “One who loves Him does what He says, cost what it may.” Obedience will cost you, but God’s Word makes it clear that whatever it costs, God will repay you many times over, not only in this life, but in the life to come.
The Creator’s design for marriage states that “A man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” Marriage was designed to be a covenant relationship between one man and one woman.
Take some time to talk to the Lord and to seek His help and counsel for your marriage. Ask Him to help you make choices that will strengthen the bond you have with your spouse.