Adorning Christ in Marriage

Review:

1001 Illustrations that Connect Illustration 453: Men and Marriage

ILLUSTRATION 453

MEN AND MARRIAGE

Topics: Attitudes; Commitment; Contentment; Family; Husbands; Love; Marriage; Singleness; Wives

References: Genesis 2:24; Proverbs 12:4; 18:22; Malachi 2:16; Mark 10:9

It’s better to marry than to stay single, men said. That was the finding of a study done in 2006 by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. About 66 percent of men agreed with the statement, “It is better to get married than go through life single,” compared with only 51 percent of women.

In addition 76 percent of men and 72 percent of women agreed that “it is more important for a man to spend a lot of time with his family than be successful at his career.”

The study involved more than 12,000 men and women, ages fifteen to forty-four, and comprised the government’s first comprehensive glimpse into the male psyche. Relationship expert Neil Chethik said the data mirrors his own research, in which 90 percent of married men say they would marry the same woman if given a chance to do it again.

—Sharon Jayson, “Marriage Means More to Men,” USA Today (June 1, 2006)

Having established that the value of both partners in the marital relationship is linked to their Creator () and having established that trust within the context of marriage is more about trust in God than each other, we now move one to what this looks like in living out the gospel towards each other.

(1) The value of men and women is linked to their Creator ()

(2) Trust in the Lord is foundational for the covenant of marriage ()

Review:

Marriage is God's institution. It is to be fundamentally attached to our trust in Him. Our trust in Him should restore a security that frees us to live toward our spouse in a manner that seals our marriage.

How the Gospel eliminates finger-pointing:

Waste of Time

All blame is a waste of time. No matter how much fault you find with another, and regardless of how much you blame him, it will not change you. The only thing blame does is to keep the focus off you when you are looking for external reasons to explain your unhappiness or frustration. You may succeed in making another feel guilty of something by blaming him, but you won’t succeed in changing whatever it is about you that is making you unhappy.

Galaxie Software. (2002). 10,000 Sermon Illustrations. Biblical Studies Press.

Specifically, when I see and believe that God has graciously brought security to me (before Him/God) in the Person of Jesus Christ, I don't have to force my wife to do anything that would cause me to be secure.

Leaving, Cleaving, & Weaving is the outgrowth of this security:

The security I have in the Lord frees me to graciously live towards my wife in a committed way: leaving, cleaving, and weaving. Often, this is mistaken for just the initiation of the marriage; but this needs to be seen as a perpetual commitment to the Lord that results in a perpetual commitment to our spouse.

Practically, this means that I need to be an individual who is not only born again but who is continually believing the gospel, so that I can continually live out the gospel towards my spouse.

Secondly, understanding marriage this way calls me to assess NOT whether my husband/wife is a good husband/wife but rather it calls me to hold myself accountable to living out the gospel, according to who I am in Jesus.

This means that a gospel-secure Christian is not always going around pointing out the flaws of their partner (whether in heart, word, or deed) but they are humbly seeking to see the gospel lived out in their own lives. This understanding helps to eliminate the finger pointing that often takes place in marriages. This helps to eliminate the vengeance that is so often seen. How would the scripture call us to understand vengeance, bitterness, and forgiveness in marriage?

This understanding helps to eliminate the finger pointing that often takes place in marriages. This helps to eliminate the vengeance that is so often seen. How would the scripture call us to understand vengeance, bitterness, and forgiveness in marriage?

Introductory thoughts:

(1) Book of Colossians is about the supremacy of Jesus Christ

Remember that the book of Colossians is ultimately about the supremacy of Christ. What does a relationship with the supremacy of Christ look like?

(2) draws from the creation account in a couple of ways (3:8 - 10)

There are several facts about our immediate context that connect it with the Adamic Account. First note () that Paul is referencing that of putting on and off.

Second, note the renewal that is after the "image of him" that created him (). It is safe to see this combination as an allusion to the opening part of scripture.

POINT: Having been made a new creation in Jesus inwardly, there should be a manifestation of this outwardly. It is important that this emphasis is not missed! The inward reality is to be manifest outwardly. This means that security in a relationship does not begin with what your spouse says or what your spouse does. Security in marriage begins with your understanding of your relationship with the Lord.

In more detail this means that when you were unlovable, God loved you and sent Jesus to make you acceptable with Him (God). In having Christ, you are more acceptable than you could ever have hoped to be in any earthly relationship. Now, because of this new man inwardly, you should live outwardly.

Understanding

(3) Working through the passage:

Notice again this connection in . Paul calls these believers elect of God. This means that they are chosen in Christ. Secondly, Paul calls them "holy and beloved." These are terms indicating sanctity and love. In these terms, Paul is referring to who they are!

Colossians 3:12 KJV 1900

Put on therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, bowels of mercies, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness, longsuffering;

Who they are is the reality that is to be manifest outwardly. Who they are is the reality that brings security so that they don't need to live selfishly trying to justify themselves or get a name for themselves. They have a name in Jesus already. An individual who doesn't believe this or have this is constantly trying to use other people for the selfish benefit of having a name for themselves or for their own selfish means. Believe the security that you have in Jesus!

“Bowels of Mercies” & “Kindness”

This identity fans out in very specific ways. Notice () "bowels of mercies". This phrase has to do with compassion. The same term is used to speak of Judas' bowels gushing out () when he commited suicide. This terminology was common with the ancients to speak of an inward quality.

Secondly, kindness. This is goodness that is expressed in kind acts. It is a kindness that God has shown to us in Christ and now is to be manifested to others ().

Titus 3:4 KJV 1900

But after that the kindness and love of God our Saviour toward man appeared,

Humility & Meekness

Next you see humility. , help to understand this word by reminding us that it is a way that someone values the interest of others over their own interests. It is an inward quality that results in an outward meekness ().

Meekness is gentleness, and it is too closely linked to humility to separate the two (). It is a disposition of the inner man before God as well as the disposition of the outer man before others. Meekness: “Gentleness” (prautēs) the opposite of arrogance and self-assertiveness, is the special mark of the man who has a delicate consideration for the rights and feelings of others. C.F.D. Moule aptly defines it as “willingness to make concessions” (p. 123). [Vaughan, C. (1981). Colossians. In F. E. Gaebelein (Ed.), The Expositor’s Bible Commentary: Ephesians through Philemon (Vol. 11, p. 215). Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan Publishing House.].

Longsuffering, Putting Up, Forgiveness

Next, the term "longsuffering" is one that cannot be divorced from the next verse (). Longsuffering is patience. It allows you to bear insult and harm.

This patience is further elaborated in . "Forbearing one another" means to put up with () and "forgiving one another" is quite clear. The believers in Colosse are to forgive those who have complaints against them. Think of this for a moment. If you have cause for complaint against another, you are to extend forgiveness as you have been forgiven. We mustn't overlook the fact that forgiveness by Christ does not only establish a pattern, but it makes this kind of forgiveness possible.

Colossians 3:13 KJV 1900

Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye.

Matthew 17:17 KJV 1900

Then Jesus answered and said, O faithless and perverse generation, how long shall I be with you? how long shall I suffer you? bring him hither to me.

Charity

places charity at the top. This is the love that God has shown to us, and now we are called to be clothed in this. As the skins were evidence of unmerited favor towards Adam and Eve, so the love expressed towards each other is to be in like manner. It is this kind of gracious love that brings the bond of the relationship to maturity.

Word Filled

The scope of this lesson will not allow us to further develop , but those are verses that show what the word-saturated, Holy Spirit filled assembly of believers should look like in heart, word, and deed.

Husbands/Wives

becomes specific on what the marital relationship should look like within the assembly of believers. Wives are to submit themselves as it is proper in the Lord (Let me emphasize that Jesus’s willing acceptance of this role was wholly voluntary, a gift to his Father. I discovered here that my submission in marriage was a gift I offered, not a duty coerced from me. Keller, Timothy. The Meaning of Marriage: Facing the Complexities of Commitment with the Wisdom of God (p. 167). Penguin Publishing Group. Kindle Edition).

Key Points:

(1) Because of Jesus Christ, the wife is a new creation. She has a new image inwardly. The way the wife lives out this image is by joyful submission to her husband, instead of obstinate rebellion.

(2) Because of Jesus Christ, the husband is a new creation. He has a new image inwardly. The way the husband lives out this image is by joyful love and forgiveness, instead of hatred and bitterness.

What does this mean?

I. Principle:

We manifest the supremacy of Jesus Christ by putting off sins (old man). Sin causes division. Marriage is not the covenant where spouses declare their independence. Living with Jesus as supreme means that we are constantly living for unity.

(ii) A husband that will not forgive is declaring his independence. This activity leads to division.

It means that both the husband and wife have sins to watch for: both of these sins are subtle ways that they declare their independence from God and from each other. In the case of the wife, she will not submit, thereby dividing and declaring her independence. In the case of the husband, he will not love and forgive, thereby causing division and declaring his independence from his wife.

II. Why does this principle seem difficult to believe?

There is a cultural belief that individualism is primary.

Our world would say that this is implausible because everyone needs to be their own person, and sometimes personalities are just too different to get along.

The belief is that individualism is primary.

Rationally, this is an imperfect argument because life itself attests to the fact that there is strength in diversity. Diverse minds converge in the work place to bring about dynamic functioning business. Within any and all relationships there are compromises that lead to further strength.

Illustration 67

Teaming for the Gold

Topics: Community; Competition; Individualism; Spiritual Gifts; Teamwork

References: ;

Jenny Thompson has won ten Olympic medals in swimming, eight of which are gold. However, she didn’t win any of the golds in individual events; she won them in team events with three other swimmers.

As a result, some people have questioned whether Jenny’s swimming accomplishments ought to rank her with the “great” Olympic champions.

Larson, C. B., & Ten Elshof, P. (2008). 1001 illustrations that connect (p. 45). Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan Publishing House.

This also overlooks the glaring problem that from the time of birth, we are never truly completely independent. Not only are we dependent for the sake of continued existence; but complete independence is an allusion.

Within any and all relationships there are compromises that lead to further strength. This also overlooks the glaring problem ontologically that from the time of birth, we are never truly completely independent. Not only are we dependent for the sake of continued existence; but complete independence is an allusion. Everyone is dependent upon something. Even the person who strives for independence depends on their independence.

Everyone is dependent upon something.

Even the person who strives for independence depends on their independence.

III. How does the gospel lead me to fulfill this principle?

The freedom in Christ liberates us and enables us to live the gospel daily towards each other.

The gospel is the story of the only independent Being, submitting himself beyond any humiliation that a human has undergone.

Through this ultimate sacrifice, Christ redeems those who had declared independence from Him, and Christ indwells them and empowers them to live His life on earth.

This life is one where we are truly set at liberty. This life is one where we are enabled to live out this liberty in love towards each other.

It is through this freedom that we actually are brought to love one another and live in harmony with each other.

IV. What are practical questions that are answered by this principle?

(i) Does NOT walking with Christ in the scriptures directly impact my marriage? (3:16)

(ii) Is there anything wrong with completely shutting down when my spouse says things I don't like to hear? (3:12)

(iii) How much should I be willing to put up with? (3:13)

(iv) Do I have to love them, even when they are not loving me? (3:14)

(v) Why is it such a big deal if I don't submit to my husband? (3:18)

(vi) What's the big deal with staying irritated with my wife? (3:19)

(vii) If she smarts off to me, what makes my smart-off response wrong? (3:13, 19)

(viii) Is there anything wrong with living in marriage together but leading independent lives?

(a) Marriage is not to be two individuals simply cohabiting

(b) Marriage is not to be two individuals living dependently but living independent of a local bride of Christ. (3:9)

Radical Individualism

Radical Individualism

Topics: Body of Christ; Church; Community; Culture; Individualism; Revival

References: ; ; ;

Many Christians have been infected with the most virulent virus of modern American life: radical individualism. They concentrate on personal obedience to Christ as if all that matters is “Jesus and me,” but in doing so miss the point. For Christianity is not a solitary belief system. Any genuine resurgence of Christianity, as history demonstrates, depends on a reawakening and renewal of that which is the essence of the faith—the people of God, the new society, the body of Christ, which is made manifest in the world—the church.

—Chuck Colson, The Body (Word, 1992)

Larson, C. B., & Ten Elshof, P. (2008). 1001 illustrations that connect (p. 40). Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan Publishing House.

Questions:

(1) Do you want your marriage to adorn, put on Christ?

It begins with being secure in your relationship with Jesus Christ.

It continues as you believe the gospel every day, meaning that every situation is filtered through what God, in Christ has done for you.

(2) Do you see how the gospel is not calling you to point fingers, but the gospel calls you to self-examination? Are you so free in Jesus that you can lavish gospel-living towards your spouse?

(3) Do you see how declaring your independence is choosing to NOT adorn Jesus Christ? Men and women both declare independence when they don’t live out the gospel towards each other.

(4) Will you confess those “old man” sins and choose to live according to the “new man”?