Sermon Tone Analysis
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IV. STEPS TO SOLUTION
A. Key Verse to Memorize
B. Key Passage to Read and Reread
Why Should We Forgive?
• God commands that we forgive each other.
“Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”
(Ephesians 4:32)
• God wants us to forgive others because He forgives us.
“Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another.
Forgive as the Lord forgave you.”
(Colossians 3:13)
• God wants us to see unforgiveness as sin.
“Anyone, then, who knows the good he ought to do and doesn’t do it, sins.”
(James 4:17)
• God wants us to get rid of unforgiveness and have a heart of mercy.
“Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy.”
(Matthew 5:7)
• God wants us to do our part to live in peace with everyone.
“If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.”
(Romans 12:18)
• God wants us to overcome evil with good.
“Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.”
(Romans 12:21)
• God wants us to be ministers of reconciliation.
“God … reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting men’s sins against them.
And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation.”
(2 Corinthians 5:18–19)
What are the Four Stages of Forgiveness?
#1 Face the Offense.
When you feel pain that is personal, unfair, and deep, you have a wound that can be healed only by forgiving the one who wounded you.
First you must face the truth of what has actually been done and not hinder true healing by rationalizing and focusing on false thinking.
• Don’t minimize the offense by thinking: “No matter how badly he treats me, it’s okay.”
Truth: Bad treatment is not okay.
There is no excuse for bad treatment of any kind—any time.
“Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them.”
(Ephesians 5:11)
• Don’t excuse the offender’s behavior by thinking: “He doesn’t mean to hurt me.
I shouldn’t feel upset with him—he’s a member of my family!”
Truth: No matter the age of the offender or our relationship, we need to call sin “sin.”
We need to face the truth instead of trying to change it.
There must first be a guilty party in order to have someone to forgive.
“Whoever says to the guilty, ‘You are innocent’—peoples will curse him.”
(Proverbs 24:24)
• Don’t assume that quick forgiveness is full forgiveness by thinking.
“As soon as that horrendous ordeal occurred, I quickly and fully forgave him.
That’s what I’ve been taught to do!”
Truth: Many well-intentioned people feel guilty if they don’t extend immediate forgiveness so they “forgive” quickly.
Yet they have neither faced the full impact of the offense nor grieved over what actually happened.
Rarely is the full impact of sin felt at the moment it occurs.
Rather, its impact is felt at different levels over a period of time.
Therefore, forgiveness needs to be extended at each of these levels.
“Quick forgiveness” over deep hurts may seem sufficient, but it is not “full forgiveness”—not until it has been extended at each level of impact.
Before complete forgiveness can be extended, you must face the truth about the gravity of the offense and its extended impact on you.
“You [God] desire truth in the inner parts; you teach me wisdom in the inmost place.”
(Psalm 51:6)
#2 Feel the Offense.
We usually do not hate strangers or acquaintances; we just “get angry” with strangers.
But Lewis Smedes writes, “When a person destroys what our commitment and our intimacy created, something precious is destroyed.”
Then anger or even hatred may be our true feeling in response to deep, unfair pain.
Hatred toward an offender needs to be brought up out of the basement of our souls and dealt with.
However, not all hatred is wrong.
God hates evil.
“There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven … a time to love and a time to hate.” (Ecclesiastes 3:1, 8)
Failing to feel the offense results in …
• Denying your pain: “I don’t blame her for always criticizing me.…
She is under a lot of pressure … and it doesn’t hurt me.”
Truth: Being mistreated by someone you love is painful.
Feeling the pain must take place before healing can take place.
“The Lord is close to the broken hearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”
(Psalm 34:18)
• Carrying false guilt: “I feel guilty if I hate what was done to me.
I’m never supposed to have hatred.”
Truth: God hates sin.
You too can hate sin.
You are to hate the sin, but not the sinner.
“To fear the Lord is to hate evil; I hate pride and arrogance, evil behavior and perverse speech.”
(Proverbs 8:13)
#3 Forgive the Offender.
We are called by God to forgive!
And when you do forgive, genuine forgiveness draws you into the heart of God, and your life takes on the divine character of Christ.
• Argument: “I don’t think it is right to forgive when I don’t feel like forgiving.”
Answer: Forgiveness is not a feeling, but is rather an act of the will—a choice.
Jesus established what was right when He said,
“When you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.”
(Mark 11:25)
• Argument: “I can forgive everyone else, but I don’t have the power to forgive that person.”
Answer: The issue is not your lack of power to forgive, but rather how strong God’s power is within you to forgive any sin committed against you.
“His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness.”
(2 Peter 1:3)
• Argument: “Forgiveness isn’t fair.
She ought to pay for her wrong!”
Answer: God knows how to deal with each person fairly—and He will, in His own time.
“Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: ‘It is mine to avenge; I will repay,’ says the Lord.”
(Romans 12:19)
• Argument: “I can’t keep forgiving—he keeps doing the same thing over and over.”
Answer: You cannot control what others do, but you can control how you respond to what others do.
Jesus said you are to respond with forgiveness no matter the number of times wronged.
The apostle Peter asked Jesus,
“ ‘Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me?
Up to seven times?’ Jesus answered, ‘I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.’
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