Sermon Tone Analysis

Introduction

Relationships have a list of unspoken rules—guidelines for how people should treat each other.

For most of us, the number one rule is loyalty and the second to it is consideration—it’s your friends being concerned about you and pro-active to help you if you need it.

So if you are coming into your house carrying bags of groceries and a baby, you expect that your spouse, family member or friend will offer to carry some of the load.

That is just basic consideration.

The other rules of relationships are part of being loyal, too.

Rules like . . .

For most of us, the number one rule is loyalty—it’s your friends supporting you and being with you no matter what.

So if someone is talking bad about you behind your back, and you have friends who hear it?

They should not join in.

That’s like rule #1.

Rule #2 is they should defend you.

The other rules of relationships are part of being loyal, too.

Rules like . . .

Don’t spill each other’s secrets.

This is a non-negotiable.

You did not make friends just to have your deepest darkest stuff show up all over some group text or Snapchat group.

Another rule?

If you’re having a disagreement with someone, your friends have to side with you.

That’s just how it works.

I am not saying that is right, it is just what we expect.

These are the basics.

It’s like friendship kindergarten.

But there’s one more rule that is even higher, deeper and more important in girl code or bro code that everyone knows: You will tell me if I really look fat in these pants.

We call this the, “I love you so much I will not let that lie you believe ruin you or someone else.”

talking to, flirting with, or hanging around someone I’m talking to (or thinking about talking to, or crushing on but probably never going to talk to).

If you violate this rule, it’s war.

In high school I will never forget when my girlfriend and group of friends crossed the line and violated this code.

There was a dance at my school called the Sadie Hawkins Dance.

I was sixteen.

The cool guy.

My girlfriend and I were dressed to the nine’s along with all our friends.

We did what every teenager did back then, we took the glamour photo.

I did not know it then but discovered later when the picture came out that someone forgot to zip their bridges up before taking the picture.

Yeah, that was me.

And there it was forever photographed in a glamour shot.

Shocker: I was upset.

Not like, fire-breathing mad but I was pretty upset that no one told me about this.

But when I confronted my girlfriend and friends, did they apologize?

No.

They laughed and said they knew the whole time but did not want to tell me.

In other words, they did not care enough about me to tell me the truth.

Basically, they were saying, we don’t mind letting you not see the truth about yourself and get a laugh out of it.

Shocker: I was mad.

Like, fire-breathing mad.

But when I confronted her, did she apologize?

Did she show remorse?

Did she back off my crush?

No. Her response was pretty simple: Sorry you’re upset, but I really like him.

Basically she was saying, sorry . . .

but she wasn’t.

In other words, sorry . . .

not sorry.

gut to make a move.

Shocker: I was mad.

Like, fire-breathing mad.

But when I confronted her, did she apologize?

Did she show remorse?

Did she back off my crush?

No. Her response was pretty simple: Sorry you’re upset, but I really like him.

Basically she was saying, sorry . . .

but she wasn’t.

In other words, sorry . . .

not sorry.

Tension

You’ve probably been there, too.

We all have those moments in life when someone should have told us but did not.

They should have told us we our fly was down, that make up choice made us look like a clown, that we had drank too much, that we were throwing ourselves on that boy or that girl.

Eventually if they are good friend they may tell you later, and they may risk some relational damage to tell you the truth but usually, you talk it out, hug it out, and then move on.

You’ve probably been there, too.

We all have those moments in life when someone should have told us but did not.

They should have told us we our fly was down, that make up choice made us look like a clown, that we had drank too much, that we were throwing ourselves on that boy or that girl.

Eventually if they are good friend they may tell you later, and they may risk some relational damage to tell you the truth but usually, you talk it out, hug it out, and then move on.

Then there are those friends that will tell you in the moment, moments.

And it’s in these moments—when someone will tell you, “Your fly is down.

Zip it.”

or, “Your acting nuts, you got to stop.”

Usually, they are willing to do this it is not a sign of their disdain towards you but of their love for you - grace confronts the lies we believe about ourselves and others.

Let’s be real here.

Chances are very good that everyone single one of us in this room is either holding onto a lie that you believe about God, about yourself or about someone else.

In fact, I would say it is so common that we generally don’t know we are holding onto a lie until it is too late.

They just become part of our life.

It is like in the movie the Lord of the Rings when Sam Wise is crying in brokenness and he says to Frodo, “The Ring Has Changed You.”

They were in one of the darkest moments of the movie and Sam confronts his friend that this storm is not just brewing around them, it is brewing inside of him.

Sam in the movie is the truest of friends because he cares enough to confront.

The lies we believe usually start small.

You stay up late and watch the rated R movie or Netflix show that you know you should not watch.

Then the next day you get a flat tire and you think, “God is punishing me.”

You fix the tire then you get a call from your mother and she says she is ill and going to the hospital and you think, “God is unrelenting, why, o why did I watch that movie.

Then on your way to the hospital you get a text from your bank that someone stole your identity and your bank account is empty and you think, “God is bankrupting me so I will never, ever again do this, O the pain.”

Then your girlfriend calls or wife calls and says they are ready to end the relationship and you think, “O’God if only I had not watched that dumb Rated R movie.”

I know that I am over exaggerating but this happens to each of us.

What if the flat was because you ran over a nail two days before, and your mom got ill because she was at Macy’s and drank from the same straw as your kid brother who had the flu, and your identity was stollen because people are evil and greedy, and your girlfriend or spouse are upset with you not because of your movie watching but because of your poor relationship skills.

What if God did none of this and the whole time still loved you deeply.

Or maybe the lie you are holding onto is because of a direct hit on your character.

Maybe one of your co-workers, friend, or family member has pulled the “all our problems are your fault.”

Our department is behind and it is all your fault, our marriage is on the rocks and if only you would…The “it is all your fault” charge, if you are not careful can leave you in a deep, dark pit, believing the nastiest things about yourself.

People, listen up: no one has his act totally together.

Nothing is every completely your fault, if you start to believe this lie you will become a daily martyr.

It will leave you empty, resentful and eventually distant from people because you don’t want anything else be “your fault.”