LOVE TIPS

Before I begin my message - I have a few things I would like to give out...

I am looking for the youngest and newest couple married here today - youngest and newest....

Give the nightly devotional book --- to build a strong marriage you need Christ in the middle - start now!

Answer this question: What is the secret of your marriage so far???

I need a couple that has been married between 10 and 15 years - first one up front!

Give Love and Respect - Because right about now you may need to be remembering how to love and show respect to each other...

So far, what has made your marriage great???

I need a couple married at least 25 years! (First one up front ----)

Answer this question — What is that most endears your hearts to each other???

(Give the Book - His Needs/Her Needs - just in case they have forgotten after all these years!)

LAST - I need the couple in the room that has been married the longest!!!!

What is the best LOVE TIP you can give for a great marriage???

(Give the box of candy)

GREAT MARRIAGES ARE NOT PERFECT MARRIAGES!!!!

IN fact there is NO SUCH THING as the PERFECT MARRIAGE!

A good marriage, a great marriage takes EFFORT, WORK, PATIENCE and COMMITMENT!!!

They do not just happen, and it is not about the romance alone of the gushy feelings alone!

This morning I would like to give 7 LOVE TIPS based on GOD’S WORD to assist those who are married, those thinking about getting married, and even those who were married...

1. MAKE JESUS THE CENTER

First, before we go anywhere this morning, JESUS must be at the center of your home.

Putting the WORD of GOD FIRST in your marriage and a relationship with Christ is necessary as it is

His Love

His Grace

His Forgiveness

His Patience

That are all needed to make things work.

A marriage where spouses pray together, read the Word, and support each other spiritually and a marriages focused on the WILL OF CHRIST for their lives have greater opportunity for success than not.

That is not to say many Christian marriages fail --

WHY?

Even Christians fail to put JESUS FIRST in their marriage.

If when troubles come BOTH PARTIES ask WHAT WOULD JESUS DO? and APPLY IT!

Than the opportunity for RIGHT RESOLVE AND SOLUTIONS is sooooo much easier by far.

Matthew 6:33 NLT

33 Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.

WHY WOULD THIS NOT APPLY TO YOUR MARRIAGE AS WELL????

WHY do we think Scripture verses are only about other things than the most important relationship in our lives outside of Jesus???

2. BE HONEST WITH EACH OTHER

Nothing built on a lie can ever last!

Honesty is not just the best policy - it is the only acceptable way to allow a marriage to survive.

When we lie, we deceive others and ourselves and begin weaving holes that become seemingly impossible to escape — how can people TRUST ONE ANOTHER if they are not TRUTHFUL with one another.

Your marriage requires trust and vulnerability - and the biggest thing that destroys that is secrecy and deception - normally because it is hiding something that is problematic to the relationship.

Psalm 32:2 NLT

2 Yes, what joy for those whose record the Lord has cleared of guilt, whose lives are lived in complete honesty!

Psalm 25:21 NLT

21 May integrity and honesty protect me, for I put my hope in you.

Truth sets free...

John 8:32 NLT

32 And you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”

Proverbs 12:22 NLT

22 The Lord detests lying lips, but he delights in those who tell the truth.

Matthew 15:17–19 NLT

17 “Anything you eat passes through the stomach and then goes into the sewer. 18 But the words you speak come from the heart—that’s what defiles you. 19 For from the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, all sexual immorality, theft, lying, and slander.

Lies reveal what is in the heart - and it truth is necessary to build relationship, trust, and a strong marriage!

In a marriage you exist no longer for yourself, you and your spouse are ONE — that means to lie to your spouse is to lie to yourself! TO DECEIVE YOURSELF --- you break the oneness in spirit that God has made you ---

From the beginning of ANY relationship — HONESTY IS NECESSARY!

Psalm 37:37 NLT

37 Look at those who are honest and good, for a wonderful future awaits those who love peace.

Honesty is rewarded by God!

2 Timothy 2:19 NLT

19 But God’s truth stands firm like a foundation stone with this inscription: “The Lord knows those who are his,” and “All who belong to the Lord must turn away from evil.”

3. SERVE EACH OTHER UNCONDITIONALLY

Ephesians 5:21–31 NLT

21 And further, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. 22 For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord. 23 For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church. 24 As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything. 25 For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her 26 to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word. 27 He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault. 28 In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself. 29 No one hates his own body but feeds and cares for it, just as Christ cares for the church. 30 And we are members of his body. 31 As the Scriptures say, “A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.”

Philippians 2:19 NLT

19 If the Lord Jesus is willing, I hope to send Timothy to you soon for a visit. Then he can cheer me up by telling me how you are getting along.

Philippians 2:1–8 NLT

1 Is there any encouragement from belonging to Christ? Any comfort from his love? Any fellowship together in the Spirit? Are your hearts tender and compassionate? 2 Then make me truly happy by agreeing wholeheartedly with each other, loving one another, and working together with one mind and purpose. 3 Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves. 4 Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too. 5 You must have the same attitude that Christ Jesus had. 6 Though he was God, he did not think of equality with God as something to cling to. 7 Instead, he gave up his divine privileges; he took the humble position of a slave and was born as a human being. When he appeared in human form, 8 he humbled himself in obedience to God and died a criminal’s death on a cross.

Let’s look at the verses in light of each other ----

God has ordained two roles for husband and wives —

The husband is to protect, love as himself, and support the wife...

The wife is to submit to the leadership of the husband in the home...

Both are equal to one another and both have thoughts and opinions that require validation by the other, however, the husband will answer to God for how He leads his wife and family and how He treats them like Christ gave Himself for the church.

Now, we see Paul encourage SERVING one another as CHRIST served us! Taking the interests of others ahead of our own...

This gives us a picture of SERVANTHOOD IN MARRIAGE!!!

If your the type of person who quotes the BIBLE at your spouse trying to demand something from them, than you have gravely missed the context of the teaching!!!

Likewise - if your husband is endeavoring to lead the family and you fail to follow - are you serving the interest and needs of your husband?

What are we doing in our relationships to HELP OUR SPOUSE???? What do we do to seek their inner needs and physical needs being met??? Do we care about their struggles, fears, passions????

4. BREAK THE CYCLE of BLAME

The greatest cycle of destruction in marriage is when one spouse or both spouses chooses to IGNORE what GOD expects them to do while waiting for their spouse to do what God expects them to do — all the while blaming...

When she does this, I will do this. When he does this, I will do this...

When she stops hen pecking me about making more money, I will allow her to buy a new outfit.

When he starts talking to me for an hour a night, he can have some thrill at night… etc....

Marriages break down when we POINT THE FINGER at what the OTHER IS DOING because we feel WE ARE DOING MORE.

God calls us to do OUR PART regardless of our spouse doing theirs!

It is called LOVING UNCONDITIONALLY!

1 Corinthians 13:4–7 NLT

4 Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud 5 or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. 6 It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. 7 Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.

1 Corinthians 13:1–9 NLT

1 If I could speak all the languages of earth and of angels, but didn’t love others, I would only be a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I had the gift of prophecy, and if I understood all of God’s secret plans and possessed all knowledge, and if I had such faith that I could move mountains, but didn’t love others, I would be nothing. 3 If I gave everything I have to the poor and even sacrificed my body, I could boast about it; but if I didn’t love others, I would have gained nothing. 4 Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud 5 or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. 6 It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. 7 Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. 8 Prophecy and speaking in unknown languages and special knowledge will become useless. But love will last forever! 9 Now our knowledge is partial and incomplete, and even the gift of prophecy reveals only part of the whole picture!

Blaming is keeping a record of wrong, a list to hold out...

Love is not seeking its own way or demanding its own desire

But Pastor, It has been this way for years and I am just so tired

Love never gives up!!!!

Philippians 4:13 NLT

13 For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength.

If we give into the whole withholding thing until the other does their part - it becomes a stand off where everyone is miserable.

5. EXPRESS ADMIRATION FOR EACH OTHER

Who doesn’t like to be admired and praised???? SAY I LOVE YOU!

We praise the Lord who is worthy of our adoration ---

Our spouses are also worthy of our validation, affection and delight!

Rom 1

Romans 12:10 NLT

10 Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other.

Let’s look at the Song of Solomon for a minute - the entire book is the admiration and expression of love and desire for a husband and wife...

Song of Solomon 2:3 NLT

3 Like the finest apple tree in the orchard is my lover among other young men. I sit in his delightful shade and taste his delicious fruit.

Song of Solomon 4:10 NLT

10 Your love delights me, my treasure, my bride. Your love is better than wine, your perfume more fragrant than spices.

Song of Solomon 7:6 NLT

6 Oh, how beautiful you are! How pleasing, my love, how full of delights!

How much do we express our love and desire for our spouse, how much we admire them and the love you share! Some things need to be said - don’t let years of growing comfortable stifle you!

6. YOUR MARRIED - ENJOY INTIMACY

That’s right - enjoy the SEX!

SEX is awesome - it was designed by God to bring two together as one - not just physically, but emotionally and spiritually.

You are not two animals procreating, but two spirit beings becoming entwined body, mind and spirit!

IT IS BIBLICAL and it is INTENTIONALLY DESIGNED BY OUR CREATOR! FOR MARRIAGE!!!

Genesis 2:24 NLT

24 This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.

Mark 10:8 NLT

8 and the two are united into one.’ Since they are no longer two but one,

Ephesians 5:31 NLT

31 As the Scriptures say, “A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.”

Hebrews 13:4 NLT

4 Give honor to marriage, and remain faithful to one another in marriage. God will surely judge people who are immoral and those who commit adultery.

Another version says - don’t defile the bed — remain faithful...

God’s design for man and woman is to enjoy themselves completely in the context of marriage - it is the most fulfilling place as the oneness experienced is so much more than just physical.

God’s plan is not for you to be shamed in the marriage bed, or to deny it, but to come together as one and let the union be a reward of your marriage.

1 Corinthians 7:2–5 NLT

2 But because there is so much sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman should have her own husband. 3 The husband should fulfill his wife’s sexual needs, and the wife should fulfill her husband’s needs. 4 The wife gives authority over her body to her husband, and the husband gives authority over his body to his wife. 5 Do not deprive each other of sexual relations, unless you both agree to refrain from sexual intimacy for a limited time so you can give yourselves more completely to prayer. Afterward, you should come together again so that Satan won’t be able to tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

7. DON’T GO TO BED ANGRY

A husband and wife should never go to sleep if they are mad at each other! It allows bitterness to fester and a wedge to be developed.

This is a Biblical command to believers in general… how much more important to apply this to our spouses!?!

Ephesians 4:26 NLT

26 And “don’t sin by letting anger control you.” Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry,

Don’t let the day end until you put things RIGHT!!!!

Your spouse is a part of you! YOU ARE ONE!!! DO YOU GO TO BAD MAD AT YOURSELF??? You SHOULDN’T!

The WORD calls us to be people of forgiveness, and the family unit and marriage are the closest of relationships where we are challenged OFTEN to put the practice of forgiveness into place.

Matthew 18:21–22 NLT

21 Then Peter came to him and asked, “Lord, how often should I forgive someone who sins against me? Seven times?” 22 “No, not seven times,” Jesus replied, “but seventy times seven!

Even if your spouse does not concede, ask for forgiveness or even want it - we must still BRING IT!

Bitterness and anger are destructive to ourselves and relationships… don’t let it grab a hold of you!

Ephesians 4:31 NLT

31 Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior.

SOME OF US NEED TO APPLY THIS IN OUR MARRIAGES!!!

---------------------------------------------------------------------

CONCLUSION

Be Honest with Each Other

Serve Each Other

Stop the Cycle of Blame

Express Admiration for Each Other

Enjoy the Intimacy

Dont Go to Bed Angry

These tips are not the all in all — but they are some solid Biblical principles to get you on the right path of strengthening and fortifying your marriage.

Your spouse is a gift from God to you.

Whether or not you feel you married the wrong person, should have chosen differently, feel ripped off in love, etc.

The moment you said, “I DO” that person became THE ONLY PERSON for you - your marriage CAN WORK! It CAN be better if you let God into the middle of it.

KEEP JESUS CENTRAL in YOUR HOME!