How Deep is the Love

//RECAP; Week 1 - It’s Not You, It’s Me

God is all around our thoughts, actions, being - how we respond to this will lay the foundation for all other relationships in our life

If we try and hide from God, we will hide from others

If we open ourselves and become vulnerable, we will be open with others

God wants to help come alongside us in our journey - but we have to invite Him to the innermost.

• UNDERSTANDING TRUE FRIENDSHIP•

The best friendships are those that have deep intimacy in them.

We live in a world that is more connected than it has ever been, and yet more people would say they feel lonely. How is it possible that in a world of great connections we can feel so lonely?

The reality is that many of these connections are very shallow and surface level - meaning, when life gets tough, there’s nothing holding that relationship together; as quickly as the relationship was built, it is dissolved.

Dale Carnegie says this about friendship...

“You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.”

DEFINE: Intimacy = comes from the latin word, intimus, meaning “innermost.”

Intimacy suggests a very strong personal relationship, a special closeness that suggests a mutual understanding of one another.

// Mythbusting Intimacy

Myth: Intimacy is always expressed physically

Fact: Intimacy can be expressed emotionally, mentally, spiritually & physically

Myth: Intimacy must involve sex with another person

Fact: Sex ≠ Intimacy

Myth: Marriage naturally will produce intimacy

Fact: Many marriages never develop intimacy

Myth: Intimacy is only found with a member of the opposite gender

Fact: Intimacy can develop between friends, family members, co-workers, or those that experience a crisis together

Myth: Intimacy is a feeling of closeness

Fact: Intimacy is a decision of commitment

Myth: Once you have intimacy, you’ll always have it (like a trophy)

Fact: Intimacy has to be nurtured. It is an ongoing process of growth

// Frientimacy Triangle

Shasta Nelson is an author that speaks frequently on the subject of intimacy in friendships.

She says that in order to achieve true and authentic intimacy in your relationships, you must have three components:

Positivity bottom leg

Consistency left leg

Vulnerability right leg

Understanding the Legs:

Positivity must be where you start

If you are always around someone that is negative, how are you supposed to open up to them when you are going through a tough time? How are they supposed to encourage you when you are down?

Consistency

If you are going to have a great relationship with someone, you want to know that they are going to be there. Not just when you need them, but that they are there to celebrate your wins and walk through life with you.

Vulnerability

Are you comfortable opening up to them, are they comfortable opening up to you?

Intimacy is the innermost - everything in the innermost is not great - there’s thoughts in there that you can’t just share with everyone.

All of these are two-way streets - you must be positive, consistent, and vulnerable - just like your friends must do the same.

• THREE TYPES OF PEOPLE IN YOUR LIFE•

T.D. Jakes taught about relationships and what I heard from him has always stuck with me.

There are three basic categories you can place the friends in your life in:

Confidants, Constituants, Comrades

Confidants

They are for YOU and not the CAUSE

These friends are located at the top of the triangle - the most consistent, vulnerable, and positive.

This is smallest, most intimate group you will have in your life. If you go an entire life and have only three of these, you can consider yourself blessed.

At this point in your lives, you might have one of these.

Jesus had twelve disciples, but out of the twelve, he picked three to have the most intimate moments with. We see this when He picks Peter, James, and John to go up the mountain with Him while He is transfigured.

This scene takes place in , just one week after Jesus had told Peter to, “get behind me Satan.”

We have to understand that we are all humans and will mess up, but the people that are most intimate in our lives will stay with us through the highs and lows

If this relationship is broken, there is a deep sense of betrayal, loss, and loneliness.

Constituents (Building Blocks)

They are not for YOU, they are for the CAUSE

These friends are in the middle of the triangle - they are around and know parts of you, but they are not in the innermost

These are people that are in your life because you have a common interest/cause.

You become friends during the school play or football season, but as soon as that is over, the friendship fades away.

These friendships will come and go in seasons, and that is OK.

Comrades

They are not for YOU, not for the CAUSE, they are for what you are AGAINST

These friends are just on the baseline of the triangle - they know one thing about you that makes you have a common interest, but they aren’t here to stay except for a season.

These are friends that show up when you are fighting against something or someone.

The Pharisees and Sadducees did not get along (they had different viewpoints of the law), but if you notice when Jesus stepped onto the scene, all of the sudden you see them working together to fight their common enemy.

• BUILDING LASTING RELATIONSHIPS •

All of these friends will looks closely similar - what makes them different is MOTIVES

Motives will be and can only be tested over time*

*the only exception is if someone states there intentions and expectations up front

DESTROYERS of RELATIONSHIPS

Destroyers

• Aloofness (“I don’t care” attitude)

• Anger

• Apathy

• Busyness

• Defensiveness

• Depression

• Dishonesty

• Distrust

• Faultfinding

• Frequent absence

• Guilt

• Restlessness

• Sarcasm

• Sending mixed messages

• Substituting sex for intimacy

• Workaholism

BUILDERS of RELATIONSHIPS

Changing your focus from the displeasing traits in the personalities of others to,

Asking

Asking God to reveal the deficiencies that reside in your own heart, and then

Submitting to the Holy Spirit’s prompting toward loving interaction with others.

Submitting

• Agreement

Commitment

Choosing a relationship with someone who has the same basic beliefs and values

“Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? What harmony is there between Christ and Belial? Or what does a believer have in common with an unbeliever?” ().

Encouragement

• Commitment

Pledging to maintain the relationship

“Jonathan made a covenant with David because he loved him as himself. Jonathan took off the robe he was wearing and gave it to David, along with his tunic, and even his sword, his bow and his belt” ().

• Encouragement

Complimenting and building others up

1 Thessalonians 5:11 NIV

11 Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.

“Encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing” ().

“Encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing” ().

• Faithfulness

Maintaining lasting loyalty

Proverbs 3:3 NIV

3 Let love and faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart.

“Let love and faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart” ().

“Let love and faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart” ().

• Forgiveness

Giving up personal rights

“Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you” ().

• Gentleness

Using kind, tender words and actions

“A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger” ().

• Honesty

Communicating truthfully with a willingness to rebuke

Proverbs 27:6 ESV

6 Faithful are the wounds of a friend; profuse are the kisses of an enemy.

“Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses” ().

“Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses” ().

• Humility

Knowing your own faults and weaknesses

“… to slander no one, to be peaceable and considerate, and always to be gentle toward everyone. At one time we too were foolish, disobedient, deceived and enslaved by all kinds of passions and pleasures. We lived in malice and envy, being hated and hating one another. But when the kindness and love of God our Savior appeared, he saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy” ().

• Love

Looking to the needs of others

“This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers and sisters” ().

• Patience

Being slow to anger

“Whoever is patient has great understanding, but one who is quick-tempered displays folly” ().

• Respect

Honoring others above yourself

“Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves” ().

Romans 12:10 ESV

10 Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor.

• Spiritual Maturity

Growing up in your personal relationship with the Lord

“The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, and knowledge of the Holy One is understanding” ().

Proverbs 9:10 ESV

10 The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, and the knowledge of the Holy One is insight.

// BRING IT HOME //

Real Relationships don’t just happen. No one accidentally stumbles into a close relationship.

There is work that is required, there will be tough times, the devil will try and divide a good relationship (that’s just what he does).

It all starts with you. Only you can decide how much and who you want to allow into your innermost

!! Action Steps !!

Cue Worship Team

Salvation - First Time

If you are sitting here and maybe you are realizing, you don’t have an intimate relationship with Jesus like you should.

Maybe you’ve only been on Team Jesus as a Constituent or Comrade - “I hate lying, Jesus hate’s lying; yeah I’m a Christian”

There’s more to our relationship with Jesus, than just the cause - take the chance to discover WHO is Jesus.

Repentance - Rededication

There are some in this room that need to make right the wrongs. You may have become comfortable in your relationship with Jesus, stopped trying, stopped talking with Him, He’s lost His place in your life as #1.

It’s time to take the forgiveness He is offering you and come back to your First Love!

Make Right the Wrongs in Your Relationships

Then there are those that need to make things right in your worldly relationships.

Parents, Brothers, Sisters, Friends, Co-workers, Bosses - if you’ve done wrong, it’s time to own up to your fault and offer an apology and seek forgiveness.

1 Peter 4:8 ESV

8 Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins.

Peter tells us to keep loving one another earnestly, since loves covers a multitude of sins.

I can only think that Peter can say this because he experienced this kind of love from Jesus, himself - remember Peter was one of the three that was in Jesus’ inner circle

Leader Prayer

If you need prayer in regards to a relationship in your life, myself and the leaders want to pray with you in the back of the room.

Take this time to worship during this song.