Sermon Tone Analysis
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//RECAP; Week 1 - It’s Not You, It’s Me
God is all around our thoughts, actions, being - how we respond to this will lay the foundation for all other relationships in our life
If we try and hide from God, we will hide from others
If we open ourselves and become vulnerable, we will be open with others
God wants to help come alongside us in our journey - but we have to invite Him to the innermost.
• UNDERSTANDING TRUE FRIENDSHIP•
The best friendships are those that have deep intimacy in them.
We live in a world that is more connected than it has ever been, and yet more people would say they feel lonely.
How is it possible that in a world of great connections we can feel so lonely?
The reality is that many of these connections are very shallow and surface level - meaning, when life gets tough, there’s nothing holding that relationship together; as quickly as the relationship was built, it is dissolved.
Dale Carnegie says this about friendship...
“You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.”
DEFINE: Intimacy = comes from the latin word, intimus, meaning “innermost.”
Intimacy suggests a very strong personal relationship, a special closeness that suggests a mutual understanding of one another.
// Mythbusting Intimacy
Myth: Intimacy is always expressed physically
Fact: Intimacy can be expressed emotionally, mentally, spiritually & physically
Myth: Intimacy must involve sex with another person
Fact: Sex ≠ Intimacy
Myth: Marriage naturally will produce intimacy
Fact: Many marriages never develop intimacy
Myth: Intimacy is only found with a member of the opposite gender
Fact: Intimacy can develop between friends, family members, co-workers, or those that experience a crisis together
Myth: Intimacy is a feeling of closeness
Fact: Intimacy is a decision of commitment
Myth: Once you have intimacy, you’ll always have it (like a trophy)
Fact: Intimacy has to be nurtured.
It is an ongoing process of growth
// Frientimacy Triangle
Shasta Nelson is an author that speaks frequently on the subject of intimacy in friendships.
She says that in order to achieve true and authentic intimacy in your relationships, you must have three components:
Positivity bottom leg
Consistency left leg
Vulnerability right leg
Understanding the Legs:
Positivity must be where you start
If you are always around someone that is negative, how are you supposed to open up to them when you are going through a tough time?
How are they supposed to encourage you when you are down?
Consistency
If you are going to have a great relationship with someone, you want to know that they are going to be there.
Not just when you need them, but that they are there to celebrate your wins and walk through life with you.
Vulnerability
Are you comfortable opening up to them, are they comfortable opening up to you?
Intimacy is the innermost - everything in the innermost is not great - there’s thoughts in there that you can’t just share with everyone.
All of these are two-way streets - you must be positive, consistent, and vulnerable - just like your friends must do the same.
• THREE TYPES OF PEOPLE IN YOUR LIFE•
T.D. Jakes taught about relationships and what I heard from him has always stuck with me.
There are three basic categories you can place the friends in your life in:
Confidants, Constituants, Comrades
Confidants
They are for YOU and not the CAUSE
These friends are located at the top of the triangle - the most consistent, vulnerable, and positive.
This is smallest, most intimate group you will have in your life.
If you go an entire life and have only three of these, you can consider yourself blessed.
At this point in your lives, you might have one of these.
Jesus had twelve disciples, but out of the twelve, he picked three to have the most intimate moments with.
We see this when He picks Peter, James, and John to go up the mountain with Him while He is transfigured.
This scene takes place in , just one week after Jesus had told Peter to, “get behind me Satan.”
We have to understand that we are all humans and will mess up, but the people that are most intimate in our lives will stay with us through the highs and lows
If this relationship is broken, there is a deep sense of betrayal, loss, and loneliness.
Constituents (Building Blocks)
They are not for YOU, they are for the CAUSE
These friends are in the middle of the triangle - they are around and know parts of you, but they are not in the innermost
These are people that are in your life because you have a common interest/cause.
You become friends during the school play or football season, but as soon as that is over, the friendship fades away.
These friendships will come and go in seasons, and that is OK.
Comrades
They are not for YOU, not for the CAUSE, they are for what you are AGAINST
These friends are just on the baseline of the triangle - they know one thing about you that makes you have a common interest, but they aren’t here to stay except for a season.
These are friends that show up when you are fighting against something or someone.
The Pharisees and Sadducees did not get along (they had different viewpoints of the law), but if you notice when Jesus stepped onto the scene, all of the sudden you see them working together to fight their common enemy.
• BUILDING LASTING RELATIONSHIPS •
All of these friends will looks closely similar - what makes them different is MOTIVES
Motives will be and can only be tested over time*
*the only exception is if someone states there intentions and expectations up front
DESTROYERS of RELATIONSHIPS
Destroyers
• Aloofness (“I don’t care” attitude)
• Anger
• Apathy
• Busyness
• Defensiveness
• Depression
• Dishonesty
• Distrust
• Faultfinding
• Frequent absence
• Guilt
• Restlessness
• Sarcasm
• Sending mixed messages
• Substituting sex for intimacy
• Workaholism
BUILDERS of RELATIONSHIPS
Changing your focus from the displeasing traits in the personalities of others to,
Asking
Asking God to reveal the deficiencies that reside in your own heart, and then
Submitting to the Holy Spirit’s prompting toward loving interaction with others.
Submitting
• Agreement
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