Boundaries

My son has a problem? Joshua a 25 year old in the last couple of years he had problems with drugs, inability to stay in school and find a courier. But He doesn't think he has a problem. The parents are concern about their son. We did everything and gave him everything but it didn’t help at all. He is still on drugs …Your right he doesn’t have a problem you do. He can do what ever he wants that You pay, you Plane, you gave, he doesn’t have a problem because you have taken it.

In the phiscical world is easier to see the bounders. the fence, the wall, the line, .

It’s the same message ‘ this is where my property begins and ends” It give you freedom. In this space you can do what ever you want. But outside of this space you can’t.

The property lines - it shows your limit,

NO is a Boundary. You are in control of you. Being clear about your “no” and your “yes” is a theme that runs through out the Bible.

Matthew 5:37 ESV

37 Let what you say be simply ‘Yes’ or ‘No’; anything more than this comes from evil.

James 5:12 ESV

12 But above all, my brothers, do not swear, either by heaven or by earth or by any other oath, but let your “yes” be yes and your “no” be no, so that you may not fall under condemnation.

Matthew

The word NO is confrontational word .

The bible says we are to confront people we love saying “no that behavior is not OK I will not participate in that”

The word NO is

The word “NO” is also important in setting limits on abuse.

The word NO is

many passages urge us to say no to others sinful treatment of us

Matthew 18:15–20 ESV

15 “If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. 16 But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses. 17 If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector. 18 Truly, I say to you, whatever you bind on earth shall be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven. 19 Again I say to you, if two of you agree on earth about anything they ask, it will be done for them by my Father in heaven. 20 For where two or three are gathered in my name, there am I among them.”

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people with poor boundaries struggle with say “no” to the control, pressure, demands and sometime the real needs of others.

They think that by saying no to that person they are putting in anger that relationship so they passively comply but inwardly resent .

sometimes a person is pressuring you to do something, other times, the pressure comes from your own sense of what you should do.

if you can’t say no tho this external or internal pressure you lost control of your property and you are not enjoying the fruit of self-control.

Your words also define your properties for others as you communicate your feelings, intentions or dislikes

It is difficult for people to know where you stand when you do not use words to define your property. God does this when He says “i like this, I hate that”

Your words let people know where you stand and thus give them a sense of the edges that help identify you “I don’t like it when you yell at me” give people a clear message about how you conduct relationship and lets them know the rules about your yard.

People with boundary problems usually have a distorted attitudes about responsibility . They feel that to hold people responsible for there feeling, chooses and behaviors is mean. How ever proverbs repeatedly says that sitting limits and excepting responsibility will save lives.

Proverbs 13:18 NET

18 The one who neglects discipline ends up in poverty and shame, but the one who accepts reproof is honored.

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Proverbs 18:24 ESV

24 A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.

Proverbs 13:24 ESV

24 Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him.

prov

Behavior

have consequences as Paul says...

Galatians 6:7 NET

7 Do not be deceived. God will not be made a fool. For a person will reap what he sows,

if we study we will reap good grades.

If we exercise we will be in better health.

If we go to work we will get a pay check.

ON the negative side is true also

The problem comes when a person interrupts the law of sowing and reaping in another’s life. A person’s drinking or abuse should have consequences for the drinker or the abuser.

Proverbs 15:10 NET

10 Severe discipline is for the one who abandons the way; the one who hates reproof will die.

prov 15:10

to rescue people from their natural consequences of behavior is to render them powerless. This happens a lot with parents and children. parents often well and nag instead to let them reap their consequences of their natural behavior. Parenting with love and limits and consequences produces confident children who have a sense of control over their lives.

This happens with parenting.

´s life.

Choices

we need to take responsibility for our choices. This leads to the fruit of self-control .

A common boundary problem is disowning our choices and trying to lay the responsibility of them on someone else.

Think for a moment on how often we use the phrases “i had to or he made me” when explaining why we did or did not do something . These phrases betray our basic illusion that we are not active agents in many of our dealings, we think someone else is in control. thus releasing us of or basic responsibility .

we need to realize that we are in control of our choices no matter how we feel.

Joshua 24:15 ESV

15 And if it is evil in your eyes to serve the Lord, choose this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your fathers served in the region beyond the River, or the gods of the Amorites in whose land you dwell. But as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.”

Philippians 1:14 ESV

14 And most of the brothers, having become confident in the Lord by my imprisonment, are much more bold to speak the word without fear.

Matthew 20:13 ESV

13 But he replied to one of them, ‘Friend, I am doing you no wrong. Did you not agree with me for a denarius?

Through out the scriptures people are remained of there choices and are asked to take responsibility for them.

phil 1:14

Fill 1:14

Romans 8:13 ESV

13 For if you live according to the flesh you will die, but if by the Spirit you put to death the deeds of the body, you will live.

making decisions based on other approval or on guilt brides resentment a product of our sinful nature.

we have been so trained by others on what we should do that we think we are being loving when we do things out of compulsion

Setting boundaries inevitability involves taking responsibilities for your choices. You are the one who makes them. The one who must live with their consequences .

Conclusion

Am I powerless over my behavior ? And if I am… How can i become responsible? What do I have the power to do?

How can i become responsible?

The bible teaches us that we have to admit that we are moral failures . Just like Alcoholics admit they have no power over alcohol. They have no power over their addiction. Like Paul ...

Romans 7:15–19 ESV

15 For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate. 16 Now if I do what I do not want, I agree with the law, that it is good. 17 So now it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me. 18 For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. 19 For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing.

Romans 7:15 ESV

15 For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate.

Romans 7:19 ESV

19 For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing.

Romans 7:

Romans 7:15–23 ESV

15 For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate. 16 Now if I do what I do not want, I agree with the law, that it is good. 17 So now it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me. 18 For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. 19 For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing. 20 Now if I do what I do not want, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me. 21 So I find it to be a law that when I want to do right, evil lies close at hand. 22 For I delight in the law of God, in my inner being, 23 but I see in my members another law waging war against the law of my mind and making me captive to the law of sin that dwells in my members.

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Romans 7:

Romans 7:23 ESV

23 but I see in my members another law waging war against the law of my mind and making me captive to the law of sin that dwells in my members.

This is powerlessness. John says that we are all in that state and that anyone who dines it is liing.

1 John 1:8 ESV

8 If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us.

Though you do not have the power with in yourself, to over come these patterns you do have the power to do somethings that will bring fruits of victory later.

1 - You have the power to agree with the truth about your problems.

This is called Confession. To Confess means: to agree with . you have the ability to at least say...

To Confess means: to agree with .

“That is me” you may not be able to change it yet but you can confess.

2- You have the Power to submit your inability to God.

You always have the power to ask for help and yield.

you have the power to humble your self and turn your life over to to Jesus.

You may not be able to make your self well but you can call the doctor.

The Humbling of yourself commanded in the bible is always coupled with great promises.

If you do what you are able, Confess, believe and ask for help, God will do what you are unable to do! bring about change.

1 john 1:9

1 John 1:9 ESV

9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

James 4:7–10 ESV

7 Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. 8 Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. 9 Be wretched and mourn and weep. Let your laughter be turned to mourning and your joy to gloom. 10 Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will exalt you.

Matthew 5:3–6 ESV

3 “Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. 4 “Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted. 5 “Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth. 6 “Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied.

3 - You have the power to search and ask God and others to reveal more and more about what is with in your boundaries.

4 - you have the power to turn from the evil you find with in you this is call repentance .

This does not mean that you will be perfect . it means that you can see your sinful parts as aspects you want to change.

this is call repentance . This does not mean that you will become perfect

5 - you have the power to humble your self and ask God and other to help you with your developmental injuries and left over childhood needs

many of your problematic parts com from being empty inside and you need to seek God and others to have those needs met

6 - you have the power to seek those who you have injure and make remands.

You need to do this in order to be responsible for your self and your sin and be responsible to those you have injured.

Matthew 5:23–24 ESV

23 So if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, 24 leave your gift there before the altar and go. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift.

on the other side of the coin your boundaries help you define what you do not have power over. Everything outside of them.

“God grant me the serenity to except the things i can not change and give me the courage to change the things i can change and the wisdom to know the difference.”

God clarify my boundaries.

You can work on submitting yourself to the process and working with Go to change you.

You can not change anything else. The weather, the past, the economy and specially not other people;

You can not change others. More people softer from straying to same the others