Family Matters: Marriage

Ephesians 5:22–33 NASB95

22 Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. 24 But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything. 25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, 26 so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless. 28 So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; 29 for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church, 30 because we are members of His body. 31 For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and shall be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. 32 This mystery is great; but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church. 33 Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband.

When you’re a romantic at heart, you may view marriage like this:

“Once upon a time there was a boy who loved a girl, and her laughter was a question he wanted to spend his whole life answering.” – Nicole Krauss, The History of Love

When you’re a little bit cynical, you may view it like this:

“People are weird. When we find someone with weirdness that is compatible with ours, we team up and call it love.” – Dr. Seuss

When you’re humorous: you may view it like this:

“I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.” – Rita Rudner

Marriage is interesting to say the least. It’s an experience that brings out the best and worst in people. We learn more about who we are when we enter into the marriage relationship.

People who want to be married, who are currently married, or used to be married can all agree that marriage is something that is challenging but very important in our modern society.

The scriptures go to great lengths to teach us on marriage. Especially .

The way that Christians view marriage is unique to the rest of the world.

The ins and outs of Christian marriage point us to the gospel of Jesus Christ if we choose to look at it that way.

Paul wrote with a true intentionality to the church of Ephesus.

He writes about honoring our parents and raising our children in chapter 6.

Chapter 5 points to the clear motive that God has for married people and unmarried people. This message is for everyone!

1. Define the roles in your marriage. (v. 22-23)

Ephesians 5:

Ephesians 5:22–23 NASB95

22 Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body.

Contrary to modern belief, there is no religion that promotes equality more than Christianity.

In most religions, women are given a much lower place than men.

The verses we just read actually promote equality for relationship between a husband and wife.

“Subject” - owing obedience or allegiance to the power or dominion of another.

One who lives in the territory of, enjoys the protection of, and owes allegiance to a sovereign power or state.

The purpose of the marriage is to live in equality and submissiveness. These are basic principles of live.

A Godly wife lives in submission to her Godly husband, who is the head of family. Looking to Jesus, who is the head of the church.

There is no difference in importance, but for there to be unity, there must be leadership.

The seats in a fire truck:

- The driver

- The officer, next to the driver to speak on the radio. He is assigned to insuring the safety of everyone in the fire truck.

- The back two seats go to the attack crew or the 1st line.

- There is another seat assigned for who is responsible for getting out to perform tasks associated with the forward or backward lay of the hose.

* Everyone has a role and they know their role. To insure the proper way a fire crises is averted, they are trained to do their job.

Marriages cannot function without a husband and wife who know their roles.

All marriages are different for various reasons based on upbringing, personalities, and other things. They don’t all look exactly the same.

Biblically, the model is for the husband to lead the household and for the wife to submit to her husband on the grounds of duty.

We are not called to compare our husbands to Jesus as Savior of the world but to submit to him as the head.

Defining the roles:

Determine the authority of your marriage.

Assign tasks that cover one another’s weaknesses and strengths.

Don’t allow baggage from your past to define your marriage and its roles.

Allow God’s word to define your decisions.

Don’t be afraid regroup and redefine these roles.

Your marriage is worth coming up with a plan for. You don’t have to do everything by the seat of your pants. Talk about your hopes and dreams for each other and what you want accomplish in your marriage.

Know the role that you have been defined in your marriage.

2. Fulfill the Responsibilities in Your Marriage. (v. 24-28)

Ephesians 5:24–28 NASB95

24 But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything. 25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, 26 so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless. 28 So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself;

There is nothing a coach can do for a team who don’t play what they practice.

While Paul wrote that a marriage is to be associated with proper roles between a man and a women, the difficult part is taking on the responsibility that comes with these roles.

A husband and wife are to see their relationship as following the pattern of Jesus Christ and the church.

A true spiritual relationship of love and dependence. , authority and obedience, Christ and His church.

How does Jesus feel about His church?

Isaiah 54:1–8 NASB95

1 “Shout for joy, O barren one, you who have borne no child; Break forth into joyful shouting and cry aloud, you who have not travailed; For the sons of the desolate one will be more numerous Than the sons of the married woman,” says the Lord. 2 “Enlarge the place of your tent; Stretch out the curtains of your dwellings, spare not; Lengthen your cords And strengthen your pegs. 3 “For you will spread abroad to the right and to the left. And your descendants will possess nations And will resettle the desolate cities. 4 “Fear not, for you will not be put to shame; And do not feel humiliated, for you will not be disgraced; But you will forget the shame of your youth, And the reproach of your widowhood you will remember no more. 5 “For your husband is your Maker, Whose name is the Lord of hosts; And your Redeemer is the Holy One of Israel, Who is called the God of all the earth. 6 “For the Lord has called you, Like a wife forsaken and grieved in spirit, Even like a wife of one’s youth when she is rejected,” Says your God. 7 “For a brief moment I forsook you, But with great compassion I will gather you. 8 “In an outburst of anger I hid My face from you for a moment, But with everlasting lovingkindness I will have compassion on you,” Says the Lord your Redeemer.

He knits us with Him, enables people to grow, nourishes her by caring for each member, gives her strength to be built up in love.

Wife

Isaiah

A wife may live out her duty to society, but the responsibility of her marriage and her family must be her first concern.

The wife must wholeheartedly accept her place in the marriage relationship as the helper to her husband.

This doesn’t mean that you stay home, cook meals, and never work outside of the home. You are free to live your life and carry out your interests and passions in Christ, but you have a responsibility to love and support your husband. Not because he is telling you so. The word tells wives to be subject to their husbands in authority as the church is to Jesus.

The husbands commitment to his wife is no less demanding, but different and complimentary.

Husband

Husbands are called to love their wives.

Agape - A love that is totally unselfish.

Not only a practical concern for the welfare of the other, but a continued readiness to subordinate ones own pleasure and advantage for the benefit of the other.

“Washing” - Allowing to word of God to cleanse and sanctify our wives.

John 15:3 NASB95

3 “You are already clean because of the word which I have spoken to you.

It was a Jewish custom that a bride take a ceremonial bath before marriage. The groom would say, “Behold, thou art sanctified to me.”

John 15:3 NASB95

3 “You are already clean because of the word which I have spoken to you.

The husband is not to view his wife as lower than himself, but a part of himself. An extension.

To love her as he loves himself.

Christ sees the church in all her weaknesses and failures, and yet loves her as His body, and seeks her true sanctification.

Song of Solomon 4:7 NASB95

7 “You are altogether beautiful, my darling, And there is no blemish in you.

Song of Soloman 4:7

There is a daily responsibility in a marriage relationship to live in devotion towards one another.

Greek words for Love:

Eros - romantic love

Philia - brotherly love that unites all believers

Storge - family love

Agape - God’s love for humankind.

Each form of love must be lived and played out in marriage but the love (agape) that Jesus has for the church is the love that will carry people through any storm that arises.

There is a love that endures. A love that carries.

Why do 1 out of every 2 marriages end in divorce?

At some point, we forget what agape means and one or both of us stop fulfilling the responsibility to love in this way.

We must view one another in grace every day.

If we are honest, there are days that we don’t walk with our best foot forward. We don’t get it right.

Agape love doesn’t count.

1 Corinthians 13:4–7 NASB95

4 Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, 5 does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, 6 does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; 7 bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

This is what Jesus is doing for the church. Bearing, believing, enduring...

May the same be true for our marriages.

What has your spouse done or not done today that you need to let go of so that you can love them unconditionally?

3. Pursue the purpose in your marriage. (v. 29-33)

Ephesians 5:29–33 NASB95

29 for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church, 30 because we are members of His body. 31 For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and shall be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. 32 This mystery is great; but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church. 33 Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband.

Verse 31 quotes . It is the ultimate basis for arguments against:

Allowing polygamy to remain in society.

Promiscuity

The reason that we can’t find pleasure in divorce.

It might be allowed, but it’s a decline from the divine promise. Marriages simply stick together to honor God.

Married people leave the protection of their parents and renounce their rights to them in favor of their new spouse.

They continue to have a good relationship but their family does not compete with the spouse for attention and submission.

Paul supported the marriage relationship, but his mind was on the relationship of Christ and the church.

“The truth that lies here, hidden in Christ, is a wonderful one. It is a great truth that is hidden here. “

The dependence of the wife on her husband and her duty to accept his leadership are a picture of how the church should live and act towards her divine Lord.

It is a husbands duty to embrace a love that is pure with his wife and spur her on to honor the Lord with their example.

Ray and Janice Holley. Both recovered drug attics, having given their life to prison ministry. Them and many couples have used their marriage to point people to Christ.

Ultimately, our marriages are not for our own enjoyment and satisfaction.

There is a transcendent cause.

The gift of marriage, the joy of intimacy, the caring of one another, the companionship, and all the other earthly benefits are simply byproducts of what is most important.

We don’t pursue our spouse’s heart as much as we join with them to pursue a full life of serving God.

This should tells us several important/encouraging truths:

Our marriages are meant to a much bigger purpose than just this earth.

When our spouse is not willing to pursue God with us, we aren’t held back from God. We are still free to pursue Him and grow in Him. We can serve our role to honor God even if the other is not holding up their end of the bargain. In other words, we aren’t stuck.

The stains of marriage (mistakes, problems, things that we aren’t proud of) are completely covered in grace. We don’t have to carry them everywhere that we walk. We have the ability to change our ways, grow together, and find a closer relationship with the Lord together.

You have the ultimate counselor. Jesus Christ. Take your matters to Him first, and utilize the people in your life who love Him to to grow in your marriage.

Do you see marriage for what God intends it to be or how you intend it to be?