Winning by Surrendering: The Peacemaker's Guide to Living Life to the Fullest
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Intro to conflict
A local lawmaker running for re-election was going door-to-door to check in with members in her district when she got a surprise visit from a local deputy.
According to the story in The Oregonian, State Rep. Janelle Bynum was taking note on her smartphone of her previous conversation when she noticed the deputy in his patrol car, along the other side of southeast 125th Avenue. Officer Campbell asked if she was selling something, which gave Bynum an opportunity to introduce herself as a state legislator.
In an attempt to make some sense of the situation, Bynum asked to get in touch with the suspicious neighbor. They eventually spoke on the phone, and the neighbor apologized. Audio from the 911 call revealed that the neighbor initially felt Bynum had "no apparent reason" to be walking from house to house, despite the fact that she had campaign flyers on her person. When the call-taker asked the neighbor if she'd talked to Bynum, she felt that Bynum was avoiding her, despite the fact that Bynum had spoken to her 3-year-old son.
Both Bynum and Campbell left in good spirits, and eventually posed together for a selfie. But Bynum was still surprised that after visiting an estimated 70,000 homes as part of her previous campaign, there were still constituents who would rather call the police than attempt to engage her in conversation.
"It boils down to people not knowing their neighbors and people having a sense of fear in their neighborhoods, which is kind of my job to help eradicate. But at the end of the day, it's important for people to feel like they can talk to each other to help minimize misunderstandings."
When there is conflict all, caused by others, or brought on by our own dysfunction, how can we live a happy and productive life?
God made us to live life to the fullest. (John 10:10)
10 The thief enters only to steal, kill, and destroy. I came so that they could have life—indeed, so that they could live life to the fullest.
Unhealthy conflict is an impediment to living a life to the fullest.
So we should be aware of conflict in our lives and handle it accordingly.
Conflict
Conflict
Conflict is a difference in opinion or purpose that frustrates someone’s goals or desires.
The four primary causes of conflict.
The four primary causes of conflict.
1. Poor Communication
2. Differences in values, goals, gifts, calling, priorities, expectations, interests, or opinions.
3. Competition over limited resources, such as time or money.
4. Can be caused or aggravated by sinful attitudes and habits that lead to sinful words and actions.
Conflict is not necessarily bad.
For example...
Conflict is natural and it can be beneficial.
Conflict is natural and it can be beneficial.
Conflict is natural and it can be detrimental.
For example...
The key to peace - surrendering to Christ and the Gospel
Responses to conflict
Responses to conflict
As we experience conflict, it affects each of us in various ways. Sometimes if its a competition, say, in a sport, we want to win. We hear a lot about winning. Winning the argument, battle, court case, sporting event. How we try to win also varies.
Escape Responses
Escape Responses
Attack Responses
dEniAl—One way to escape from a conflict is to pretend that a problem does not exist. Another way is to refuse to do what should
be done to resolve a conflict properly.These responses bring only temporary relief and usu- ally make matters worse (see ).
Escape Responses
Denial
— One way to escape from a conflict is to pretend that a problem does not exist. Another way is to refuse to do what should
be done to resolve a conflict properly. These responses bring only temporary relief and usually make matters worse (see ).
Flight
— Another way to escape from a conflict is to run away.This may take the form of pulling away from a relationship, quitting a job, filing for divorce, or changing churches. Flight may be legitimate in extreme circumstances (see ), but in most cases it only postpones a proper solution to a problem.
Suicide
FligHT—Another way to escape from a con- flict is to run away.This may take the form of pulling away from a relationship, quitting a job, filing for divorce, or changing churches. Flight may be legitimate in extreme circumstances (see ), but in most cases it only postpones a proper solution to a problem.
Suicide - Losing all hope
—When people lose all hope of resolving a conflict, they may seek to escape from the situation (or make a desperate cry for help) by attempting to take their own lives (see ). Suicide is never a right way to deal with conflict.
Attack responses
Assault
— Some people try to overcome an opponent by using various forms of force or intimidation, such as verbal attacks (including gossip and slander), physical violence, or efforts to damage a person financially or professionally (see ). Such conduct always makes conflict worse.
Litigation
— Although some conflicts may legitimately be taken before a civil judge (see ; ), lawsuits usually damage relationships, diminish our Christian witness, and often fail to achieve complete justice.This is why Christians are commanded to make every effort to settle their differences within the church rather than in the civil courts (see ; Matt. 5:25-26).
liTigATiOn—Although some conflicts may legitimately be taken before a civil judge (see ; ), lawsuits usually damage relationships, diminish our Christian witness, and often fail to achieve complete justice.This is why Christians are commanded to make every effort to
settle their differences within the church rather than in the civil courts (see ; Matt.
5:25-26).
Murder
MUrdEr—In extreme cases, people may be so desperate to win a dispute that they will try
— In extreme cases, people may be so desperate to win a dispute that they will try to kill those who oppose them (see ). While most people would not actually kill some- one, we still stand guilty of murder in God’s eyes when we harbor anger or contempt in our hearts toward others (see ; ).
to kill those who oppose them (see ). While most people would not actually kill some- one, we still stand guilty of murder in God’s eyes when we harbor anger or contempt in our hearts toward others (see ; ).
Peacemaking responses (Matthew 18)
Overlook an offense
Reconciliation
Negotiation
Mediation
Arbitration
Accountability
Me (How do I struggle with this?)
Sometimes its hard at the moment. Balance between dealing with it at the moment and calming down and thinking and praying.
We (How do we all struggle with this?)
I suspect we each go back and forth from time to time.
In fact, when we accept Jesus, we are forgiven, but we aren’t promised immediate skill in living life automatically, fully equipped and energized to respond to all conflict always in the peacemaking realm.
We may not even know they exist or how to utilize them.
Even in the Bible people struggled. Great men and women of renown.
Joshua and Reubonites.
Story of Joshua...Reubenites, the Gadites, and half the tribe of Manasseh had property on the other side of the Jordan. Joshua told them that they did a great job during the conquest and they were always faithful. Now that there was peace and it was time to settle, he gave them permission to head home to the other side to settle in their lands. So they did. Shortly afterwards the children of Israel saw major trouble on the horizon. Literally.
They came to the districts of the Jordan that are in the land of Canaan. The people of Reuben, the people of Gad, and half the tribe of Manasseh built an altar there by the Jordan, an altar that appeared to be immense.
11 Then the Israelites heard a report: “Look. The people of Reuben, the people of Gad, and half the tribe of Manasseh have built an altar at the far edge of the land of Canaan. It lies in the districts of the Jordan on the Israelite side!” 12 When the Israelites heard this, the entire Israelite community assembled at Shiloh to go up to war against them.
Sent Phinehas, son of priest Eleazar, and 10 military leaders. Attack mode.
Get the picture. These are their aunts and uncles on the other side. Their cousins. Family. And they are ready to go to war on the report of gossip.
I imagine they arrive with their swords, armor, and accompanied by a few more soldier. They mean business.
But before bloodshed, they asked.
They said, “Here is what the Lord’s entire community says: ‘What’s this disrespectful thing that you’ve done to the God of Israel? Today you’ve turned away from following the Lord by building yourselves an altar as an act of rebellion against the Lord.
It looked similar, even made after the pattern, it stood out, it was immense, it was a source of division, a demarkation, which is what a division does. Yet it had a purpose that at first was not understood.
They didn’t explain it first. A communication breakdown. There was no forewarning. A rush to judgement, finger pointing. Accusations.
But at least these soldiers, religious leader, who are all Joshua’s men, stopped to begin a conversation to inquire about what was going on.
They explained the situation...
23 If we’ve built ourselves an altar to turn away from following the Lord or to offer on it an entirely burned offering or gift offering, or to perform well-being sacrifices on it, let the Lord himself seek punishment.
24 No! The truth is we did this out of concern for what might happen. In the future your children might say to our children, ‘What have you got to do with the Lord the God of Israel?
25 The Lord has set the Jordan as a border between us and you people of Reuben and Gad. You have no portion in the Lord!’ So your children might make our children stop worshipping the Lord.
26 As a result we said, ‘Let’s protect ourselves by building an altar. It isn’t to be for an entirely burned offering or for sacrifice.’
27 But it is to be a witness between us and you and between our descendants after us. It witnesses that we too perform the service of the Lord in his presence through our entirely burned offerings, sacrifices, and well-being offerings. So in the future your children could never say to our children, ‘You have no portion in the Lord.’
31 So Phinehas the son of Eleazar the priest said to the people of Reuben, Gad, and Manasseh, “Today we know that the Lord is among us, because you haven’t done a disrespectful thing against the Lord. Now you’ve delivered the Israelites from the power of the Lord.”
34 The people of Reuben and Gad referred to the altar in this way: “It is a witness between us that the Lord is God.”
josh
josh 22.31
God had ordained in the Law that all Israelite males were to appear at the sanctuary three times a year (). This, if heeded, would preserve the unity of all the tribes both spiritually and politically. Furthermore, the building of another altar caused division. The story tells us it was a replica, yet immense. It was obvious, and at first caused a misunderstanding.
34 The people of Reuben and Gad referred to the altar in this way: “It is a witness between us that the Lord is God.”
Here we see some of the sources of their conflict
.
Donald K. Campbell, The Bible Knowledge Commentary: An Exposition of the Scriptures, 1985, 1, 367.
They longed for something they didn’t have…unity in worship, politics, power, control, procedures, rituals, holy places. And they were not getting everything they wanted at this time.
Yet they moved beyond that and worked it out, now that they understood better.
Source of Conflict
Source of Conflict
1 What is the source of conflict among you? What is the source of your disputes? Don’t they come from your cravings that are at war in your own lives? 2 You long for something you don’t have, so you commit murder. You are jealous for something you can’t get, so you struggle and fight. You don’t have because you don’t ask.
Harmful conflict is usually triggered by unmet desires.()
Even good desires can evolve into controlling demands or idols that lead us to judge others and then avoid or punish them until we get what we want ().
Isn’t this what was going among the Israelites, a family, brothers, sisters, aunt, uncles, cousins?
Does it go on in our families? at work, school, church?
We have a source of conflict. Then we move along the journey. Will we Escape, attack, or deal with the conflict in a healthy way through peacemaking steps?
We try to do our best. Yet very few are naturally equipped
God (What does the Bible say about this?)
When we aren’t able to operate in this realm, then it gets in the way everywhere. Work, neighbors, school, extended family, church.
When we have lives full of conflict, where we aren’t able to resolve it, it seems like it is always following us, and at times the conflict it our own doing. This leads to unfulfilled lives.
God created us to live life to the fullest.********
How can we if conflicts get out of control?
The Key to Peace - Winning by Surrendering to Christ
The Key to Peace - Winning by Surrendering to Christ
The key to peace - Winning by Surrendering to the Gospel
surrendering to Christ and the Gospel
19 Because all the fullness of God was pleased to live in him,
20 and he reconciled all things to himself through him— whether things on earth or in the heavens. He brought peace through the blood of his cross.
Being reconciled to Christ provides our peace,
Christ is our peace. (Eph. 2:14-16)
14 Christ is our peace. He made both Jews and Gentiles into one group. With his body, he broke down the barrier of hatred that divided us.
15 He canceled the detailed rules of the Law so that he could create one new person out of the two groups, making peace.
16 He reconciled them both as one body to God by the cross, which ended the hostility to God.
which we in-turn, offer to others in our relationships. …Christ is our peace.
We then are compelled to foster peaceful relationships with others. (Phil. 2:1-2)
1 Therefore, if there is any encouragement in Christ, any comfort in love, any sharing in the Spirit, any sympathy,
2 complete my joy by thinking the same way, having the same love, being united, and agreeing with each other.
The gospel is transformative, and compels us to respond differently during conflict. (Col. 3:12-15)
12 Therefore, as God’s choice, holy and loved, put on compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience.
13 Be tolerant with each other and, if someone has a complaint against anyone, forgive each other. As the Lord forgave you, so also forgive each other.
14 And over all these things put on love, which is the perfect bond of unity.
15 The peace of Christ must control your hearts—a peace into which you were called in one body. And be thankful people.
The personal growth that comes from surrendering to Christ is gained through a daily process. (2 Cor. 3:18)
But we must work at it. It is a process that doesn’t happen overnight.
18 All of us are looking with unveiled faces at the glory of the Lord as if we were looking in a mirror. We are being transformed into that same image from one degree of glory to the next degree of glory. This comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.
The growth we get spiritually is a process. We are patient with one another because of the gospel. Because Christ is patient with us.
When we surrender to Christ and follow His will to be transformed, we begin the journey.
This journey must include the gifts he has given the church for development.
Apostle, Prophet, sheperd, evangelist, teacher.
So in the case of conflict, we can get someone who is a specialist in the areas of conflict resolution training, to teach us.
we go to the teacher who is a specialist in To foster experiences that allow for transformation to happen…such as....
You (What should you do about this?)
How to live life to the fullest?
How to live life to the fullest?
Make every effort to live in peace. (Eph. 4:3)
3 Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.
Fill-in on your own
Fill-in on your own
Fill-in on your own
Attend anger management conflict resolution, communication, marriage enrichment, leadership development plans coming ahead, as we work out a new direction and a new culture, where we surrender to Jesus and have him recreate us as individuals, and a church.
We have good news. Assessments have started. We see areas to work on right off.
We tend to head down the slope of unhealthy conflict, and use less peacemaking responses.
Conflict over culture, tradition, rules.
Due to a misunderstanding of culture.
Can benefit from fostering more young leaders.
And we must reorient our church to being predominately outward focused on mission.
Imagine when we become mighty building and restoring relationships in the community. that’s part of the great commission. To share the gospel. As we build and/or restore relationships personally with others, we then have a oportunity to lead them to a restored relationship with Jesus.
Relationship is key.
Us succeeding, winning, excelling by surrendering to Christ, while we go and restore relationships among us and in the community.
We (How can we all live this out together?)
Call
Take a stand for Christ
ak
Surrender to Jesus
Take a stand to handle conflict in our lives differently than the world.
By letting the gospel of peace through Jesus lead us to be transformed and respond to conflict with peacemaking responses.
Take a stand and participate in the transformation option to be made available: seminars, training, discipleship program, outreach/mission endeavours.
The Love of Jesus, the gospel is life changing, transformative.
compels us to