Godly Leadership

Peter Drucker offers insightful guidance to leadership. "The trumpet that sounds a clear sound of the organizations' goals." His five requirements for this task are amazingly reliable and useful for those who dare to lead:

(1) a leader works;

(2) a leader sees his assignment as responsibility rather than rank or privilege;

(3) a leader wants strong, capable, self-assured, independent associates;

(4) a leader creates human energies and vision;

(5) a leader develops followers' trust by his own consistency and integrity.

Let me come out initially and firmly that the role of a husband is to be the leader. But with that, are you a good leader of this God ordained and sacred union? Did you know that this leadership is unavoidable.

Ephesians 5

Ephesians 5:23 NLT

For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church.

The grass withers the flower fades but the word of our God stands forever.

The Indicative

Responsibility

Service and Sacrifice

The first thing we will uncover today is the importance of understanding the statement of fact that husbands lead. The second thing we will explore is the differences between, rule, relaxation, and responsibility. The final characteristics of leadership will be considered looking at the greatest leader of all.

Thesis: Though the pattern of this world coupled with the darkness of sin cause us to misunderstand the nature of headship, it is the truth of scripture and the power of the Holy Spirit that will open our eyes to the truth and picture of Christ and His church.

I. The Indicative

- The Husband IS the head of the Wife.

A. The husband is the head of the wife. Paul is not saying here that he wants husbands to be the head of the wife. He did not say … for a husband is supposed to be the head of the wife or I want husbands to be the head of the wife. Super important to get this. You are now whether you want it or not, you are the head of the wife no matter what you or your wife might think. The is not wish or a hope or even a command. It is a statement of fact.

B. Again you are right now the leader the head of the household. So in light of this, … listen up, it is not a matter of whether you are or you aren’t being a leader. It is whether you are a good one or a bad one. Even if you decided to let your wife be the “leader,” you have decided to lead by letting your wife lead. And no matter what she does, you are still going to be held responsible even if she was the one who led. You cannot escape the fact that you are the head. If you get this, it will be revolutionary for you.

C. So no more talk about how one day you will be the head of the household. Or telling someone that you need to be the head of your household. Or you were not the head of your household when you decided that. You laid down your headship when you made that decision. To say things like this is to simply slap the wrist of a man and let him off a hook that he can never be let off of.

D. Even if many will classify a marriage as the wife “wearing the pants in the family,” she is not leading the family you are. And you have chosen to lead by having her make the decisions, but it was your decision as the head to do it. You cannot escape leadership and the Lord is holding you responsible for your home. But, she made all of the decisions. So… it was your decision to have it so. You are still responsible for your home. The Lord is holding you responsible. But I did not know that… if you are listening, you know it now. The scriptures clearly declare it.

II. Responsibility

-Responsibility: not rule or relaxation, not abuse or abjugation.

A. Now let’s turn the corner a bit…when it comes to leadership, it needs to be seen in the light of responsibility not rule. If we truly understand the role of a leader in the scriptures, we find that leadership is not the power to get everyone to do what you want them to do. Some in our culture it may seem that way, the the scriptures say otherwise. Husbands, the Lord has made you the head and leader of the family because he is going to hold you responsible for it. Responsible.

B. As a general rule, I do hold every husband responsible for everything that happens in the home… even if it is the wife and children who sin. There is a difference between me holding the Husband guilty and holding him responsible. Once again it is customary for me to hold husbands completely responsible for all problems and many husbands will immediately respond… “that’s not fair.” Remember I said that responsibility is different from guilt.

C. Here is an example I use for this… If a woman is unfaithful she indeed carries the guilt of her sin, not the husband. If she does this, then the husband is not guilty. But he is still responsible. This is where I think the it’s not fair interjection comes… The wife is guilty, but the husband is responsible. That’s how it works.

D. Another example, It’s is a new basketball season and all throughout the season all the talented and gifted players have a bad attitude, quit on their teammates, play with little effort, get thrown out of games, complain about their contracts, give up every time the game is close and finish dead last with the worst record in team history. How will this play out at the end of the season? The coach gets fired. Why? Because the coach is responsible for all aspects of the team on the floor. He is the leader. No doubt all of the players will carry the guilt and shame for their effort and performance for the year. But the coach is completely responsible. So again, the players are guilty, but the coach is responsible, and the front office will make sure of it.

- The coach needed to figure out a way to change things. The husband needs to figure out a way to change things. He needed to take care of business so that the wife was not seduced by another man… or sought out another man. Take care of business before it comes to this. Responsibility. You gotta protect and motivate your family to all godliness and good works. You are responsible.

E. If we do not understand the dynamic of leadership meaning responsibility of the husband, then the authority given has absolutely no meaning. In many cases it becomes tyrannical, oppressive, controlling, commanding, and a dictatorship. Many times the hesitancy of women to submit to their husband is because he does not understand biblical leadership and does not understand what it means to be a responsible leader. Therefore, a husband is seen to be weak and careless or a firmly demanding tyrant. This kind of behavior does open the wife and children up to all kinds of sinful behavior such as unfaithfulness, indifference, bad attitudes, rebellious and promiscuous behaviors.

F. I once knew a pastor who was careless in nurturing his wife and his family and would be harshly demanding when he needed things done. He believed that he was the head of the household and it was his right to do this. He refused to care and love them in the way they needed. Last I heard, now, his kids are hard hearted and want nothing to do with him, He is divorced and remarried and his current wife consistently makes passes at other men in the church. This is a great example of misunderstanding responsibility.

G. Understand that our leadership means responsibility, not rule, or relaxation. Failure to do this opens your wife and children to be deceived by the sinful ideologies and temptations of the world. You are not protecting them from everything that desires to destroy your family and a husband who is not being responsible is exactly the open door they are looking for. You are responsible if it happens. Leadership… do not think tyrannical rule or passive relaxation… think responsibility.

III. Service and Sacrifice

- Leadership is also service and sacrifice.

A. Another way to understand what it means to be a leader is servanthood. As a leader the husband and father must be servant of all. Sometimes we might look at leadership as being served, but it is the other way around according to the scriptures.

Mark 10:42–45 NLT

So Jesus called them together and said, “You know that the rulers in this world lord it over their people, and officials flaunt their authority over those under them. But among you it will be different. Whoever wants to be a leader among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first among you must be the slave of everyone else. For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve others and to give his life as a ransom for many.”

B.

B. Leaders must be servants. We see it here as plain as can be. Jesus is making it very clear that leaders are to be servants. The world may do it the other way, but you will do it this way. They are not the served, but the slave of everyone else. This is the reality and nature of what it means to be a leader. Remember husbands you are the head. You are the leader. You are that right now. So if you want to be a good one… you need to be a servant to your family. We saw that good leadership is taking responsibility and not rule or relaxation. Now we see that being a leader is not to be served but to serve. This is what you agreed to, when you said I do.

C. Another way to understand what it means to be a leader is sacrifice. Leadership is service and sacrifice. The Word of God states,

Ephesians 5:25–26 NLT

For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word.

D. Christ gave up his life for the church. He made the ultimate sacrifice. Are we willing to make sacrifices for our wives and children? Christ gave his life. Some of us can’t even make small sacrifices like picking up clothes, putting the toilet seat down, ect. Sometimes we have to sacrifice our time and efforts, hopes and dreams. For the sake of the well-being of our wives how much are we willing to give up? For the sake of children, how much are we willing to give up? Lifelong dreams, promotions, rare opportunities, one in a lifetime opportunity, comforts, control, your rock band, continuing education, other family members, and even friends? How much? Christ gave it all.

E. Look, when a husband a wife are at a stalemate and they both understand what needs to be done. Someone has to make the first move. I say one of you has to make the first move and sacrifice pride and dignity and make the sacrifice and the scriptures make it clear that it should be the husband who is the head of the wife like Christ is the head of the church. He did not wait for us to make the first move. He did. The continued beauty of the Gospel.

F. A good leader will make sacrifices and will be the one who will make it first. Men are we going to make the necessary sacrifices today? This is our duty and we are instructed to do so. Remember too that sacrifice is not the same as compromise. It is making a sacrifice for their best interest, not for their sinful desires or your need to bring peace in the home.

G. And do not forget from the first session … that marriages teach us about the relationship that Christ has with his church. This is huge… super important. When husbands make the necessary sacrifices for his wife he is showing everyone how Christ made the necessary sacrifice for his church. Like when wives submit to their husbands, it is showing everyone how the church needs to always live in submission to our Lord Jesus. Sacrifice and Submission teaches us a lot doesn’t it? And when husbands serve their wives it shows everyone how our Lord was a suffering servant for his people, his church.

H. Again we see the mighty impact of marriage and just how important it is in bring truth about Christ to the world. So husbands we are to imitate Christ as to how He treats the church. How he treats his people is how we are to treat our wives. Imitate Christ in service.

John 13:13–16 NLT

You call me ‘Teacher’ and ‘Lord,’ and you are right, because that’s what I am. And since I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you ought to wash each other’s feet. I have given you an example to follow. Do as I have done to you. I tell you the truth, slaves are not greater than their master. Nor is the messenger more important than the one who sends the message.

I.

I. He has given us an example to follow… husbands. All of our strengths and gifting’s are there for our wife’s sake not our own anymore. Use your strength for her protection and benefit. Be a good leader for your family. Understand that leadership is not rule but responsibility, not to be served but to serve, and not to self-indulge but to sacrifice.

J. All of this teaches us something super important. The Gospel. Christ took responsibility to save humanity. Christ served. Christ made the ultimate sacrifice. The union between the husband an a wife teaches us about the union between Christ and the church.

Ephesians 5:31–32 NLT

As the Scriptures say, “A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.” This is a great mystery, but it is an illustration of the way Christ and the church are one.

Ephesians 5:31 NLT

As the Scriptures say, “A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.”

K. And we are one because of what Christ has done. Jesus made the sacrifice and died for our sins according to the scriptures… The saying is trustworthy and deserving of full acceptance...

K.

L. Jesus live the life we should have lived and he died the death we should have died. He served and sacrificed. This is the beauty of the Gospel of Jesus. This is the beauty of our Lord.

L.

M. Marriage is a reflection of the wonderful promise of God. Salvation is here. If you confess with your mouth… All who call upon the name of the Lord...

N. What an amazing and mighty God we serve. He is our everlasting Father. This Fathers Day we remember our loving Father, our gracious Lord Jesus, and the powerful Holy Spirit. This is our Father’s World. He is truly worthy to be praised.