Proverbs 23:13-26
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An old story tells us about a man who asked three stone masons what they were doing. The first man said he was laying bricks. The second man described his work as building a wall. But it was the third man who explained genuine concern for his work. He said, "I am raising a great cathedral." Ask this same question to a group of fathers concerning their role in the family, and you would get many contrasting answers. One father might say, "I am supporting my family." Another father might see his role differently and say, "I am raising children." One father sees his responsibility to put food on the table, while the other sees his responsibility as participating in the shaping of his child's life.
Fathers have great power to shape the emotional, psychological and spiritual health of their children. A recent Reader's Digest article called "Life without Father" shared some informing words on the lasting influence of a father on the lives of his children. The article explained, "In the early years more than two-thirds of all children prefer to play with their fathers. Playing with a father is very important in teaching children the importance of self-control. . . Children who roughhouse with their fathers quickly learn that biting, kicking and other forms of physical violence are not acceptable. . . Several studies have found that a father's presence is one of the determiners of girls' proficiency in mathematics. An astonishing 26-year study found that the most important childhood factor in developing empathy was the father's involvement in child care!"
This passage today speaks of the immeasurable impact of the Father on the hearts and lives of his children.
A Few general things to understand before we come to proverbs.
The book of proverbs if we had to summarize it into one statement would be wisdom, and the package that wisdom comes in is advice from a Father to a Son. Like every good father will do..
In the book of proverbs, Solomon, the wisest man who has ever lived is giving general godly wisdom to his son.
1. Proverbs are general statements of godly wisdom.
What we find here are not specific guarantees, they are general truths that if followed, at the very least will glorify God.
I say that because oftentimes, people get frustrated with the Proverbs because they misinterpret the proverbs as guarantees. For instance:
Poor is he who works with a negligent hand, But the hand of the diligent makes rich.
.
Proverbs 10
Train up a child in the way he should go, Even when he is old he will not depart from it.
Certainly, we find godly wisdom, but sometimes in this fallen world, we deal with the realities of sinful hearts in people despite being wise according to Solomon. Restate the 1st point-
2. The wisdom we find here is fulfilled in Jesus Christ. When we read the proverbs we can become frustrated because living according to the proverbs may seem unattainable, but Christ lived perfectly wise.
Jesus Christ is the embodiment of wisdom.
Therefore, whatever application we make today, we must understand what is going on here
The wisdom of God is in Christ. Look to Christ for our example.
In the following verses, we have wisdom with regard to parenting.
Its answering the question:
What does it mean to be a godly Father and Mother in the world today?
The first section here
Fatherly Discipline has eternal implications
Fatherly Discipline has eternal implications
Do not hold back discipline from the child, Although you strike him with the rod, he will not die.
In verse 13, Solomon gives a negative command.
The first command here is to the parents in the negative.
Don’t withhold discipline from the child.
He is saying “Do not do this.”
He says it this way because, Obviously, there is a temptation to withhold discipline for a number of reasons.
Discipline is painful..for the parent and the child
Discipline takes work. So it may the we are lazy parents when we withhold discipline. (Just let them do what they want to do.)
Discipline makes things more difficult at times. Example. In public.
We want our children to like us.
Around friends or maybe age has something to do with the withholding of discipline.
Whatever the case, there is a tendency among parents, to withhold discipline from the child. This is why he gives the command.
He goes on to say, you strike them with the rod, but the result won’t be death.
Now the point he is making here is not “Go ahead and hit them. It ain’t gonna kill them.” That is not the point I believe he is making here.
The point here is much bigger than that.
I believe he is pointing to the eternal impacts of giving or withholding discipline.
In other words,
You have to apply the rod of discipline, and applying it lovingly and in the wisdom of God is a means of grace in the child’s life to preserve their souls from hell.
Parental Discipline then is a rescue mission for their soul, and this now has to form the basis for how and when we discipline our children. Because there is an eternity at stake, we discipline.
Parental Discipline then is a rescue mission for their soul, and this now has to form the basis for how and when we discipline our children. Because there is an eternity at stake
He goes on to state it positively.
You shall strike him with the rod And rescue his soul from Sheol.
The father of the righteous will greatly rejoice, And he who sires a wise son will be glad in him.
First he command us not withhold. Not he commands us to apply the rod of discipline in the life of the child.
What is the rod of discipline?
I believe in context, its speaking of corporal punishment. The act of spanking, but I believe the rod of discipline can and does mean many things. The rod of discipline may look different as our children age, but it should NEVER go away.
The rod of discipline I believe is the broad term that refers discipline act and office of the parent.
Now let me be clear, this is not a biblical command toward abuse, but it is a biblical command to discipline.
There is a clear difference between abuse and discipline.
And the point here in verse 14, that striking them with the rod of discipline is a means of rescuing their soul.
Its a means of calling out their sin and pointing them to Christ, when it becomes anything more or less than that we are using it wrongly.
Therefore, it is loving to discipline your children and it could be a part of the plan of God for bringing them to faith in Christ.
on the other hand...
It is unloving to withhold, and that goes for everyone.
Parents Grandparents alike- Grandparents, I know that it is a temptation to be the perpetual friend and advocate, but we have to decide which is more important. Their temporary happiness with you or rescuing their eternal souls from the eternal wrath of God. It really is that serious.
Withholding discipline may seem like the right thing to do as a grandparent, but its not. To withhold discipline is effectively indifference at best and woeful neglect at worse with regard to their souls.
Discipline is an eternity shaping action. Every act of discipline is an act of grace in the life of the child. We have to see it this way. Its not being mean. Its loving them.
Loving your children and grandchildren may at times mean comfort but it doesn’t always mean comfort.
Its not always loving to comfort, especially if we are coddling them in the midst of their sin.
When we as parents or grandparents disobey God in this regard. When we withhold discipline, we are withholding the grace of God for them in their lives. God in his grace has placed you as parents in the life of your child and he has given you the authority in His goodness and his grace to shape the children for the glory of God.
So what does God want and what should we desire?
The Goal of Fatherhood
The Goal of Fatherhood
My son, if your heart is wise, My own heart also will be glad; And my inmost being will rejoice When your lips speak what is right.
My son, if your heart is wise, My own heart also will be glad;
Proverbs 23:15-16
The desire of discipline is that it produces children with wise hearts.
Hearts that guards themselves from sin, and give their heart wholly in service to the Lord
A wise heart doesn’t chase after fleeting things. A wise heart gives itself to what last. Shouldn’t that be what we genuinely desire and strive for our children?
We desire our children’s not just to be outwardly behaving but inwardly wise.
We want children we can rejoice in. We want children who believe.
We want children that our hearts can rejoice in.
We want children who speak what is right as verse 16 says, because we know that from the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks.
More than anything, we should desire for our children to speak what is right because we desire that their heart would be right. What they speak reveals what is in their heart.
We want our children to fear the Lord.
This is what he means in verses 15 and 16.
We are aiming at the heart, because from the heart flows everything else.
Watch over your heart with all diligence, For from it flow the springs of life.
The heart determines speech, conduct and behavior.
Thats why as parents we have to properly understand the goal.
The goal is not to merely have children who behave.
The goal is to have children who have hearts that desire to do all they do to the glory of God.
Look in verse 17
Do not let your heart envy sinners, But live in the fear of the Lord always.
we want their heart to fear the Lord and not run after sin.
At this point we acknowledge again our inability to save our children, but this inability does not translate to lack of effort.
No matter how old we get and no matter how old our children get, we never cease to call them to the truths of verse 17.
Solomon urges his son to not let his heart envy sinners, but instead fear the Lord.
We can always call them to Leave the the fleeting pleasures of this world behind and fear the Lord.
and We urge them in this direction because we know the result of the sinner who does not fear the Lord.
We understand Scripture is clear that
For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Fathers we lovingly discipline our children, and we lovingly call them to fear the Lord in all things because there is a future and we know that they will stand before God. we want their hope to be in something that will last.
We recognize- There are two paths for us and for our children. One that leads to death and one that leads to life. The reality of this truth has to push us first to our knees and to faithfulness as fathers.
May our children know we love them as we call them to leave sin and follow and fear the Lord.
Look in verse 18
Remember we said there are eternal implication of discipline and parenting…
Surely there is a future, And your hope will not be cut off.
Fathers we lovingly discipline our children, and we lovingly call them to fear the Lord in all things because there is a future and we know that they will stand before God. we want their hope to be in something that will last.
We can teach them to play every sport and train them to be a successful athlete, but if we fail to prioritize teaching them where to place their hope and heart, we have failed.
We can teach them to be successful in life, push them toward college push them to a career that will enable financial stability. To have everything this world has to offer with regard to possessions, but if we neglect their souls, we have neglected our ability to be eternally significant.
If we want them to have a hope that will not be cutoff, we have to push them to things that last.
Dustin Benge says this—
“There is a 0.0296 chance that your child will become a professional athlete.
there is a .0086 chance that your child will become a famous celebrity.
There is a 100% chance that your child will stand before Jesus one day. What are you teaching your children?”
We have to teach them to live wisely.
Listen, my son, and be wise, And direct your heart in the way. Do not be with heavy drinkers of wine, Or with gluttonous eaters of meat; For the heavy drinker and the glutton will come to poverty, And drowsiness will clothe one with rags.
An example of this wisdom comes in verse 19-23
Proverbs 23:
Listen, my son, and be wise, And direct your heart in the way. Do not be with heavy drinkers of wine, Or with gluttonous eaters of meat; For the heavy drinker and the glutton will come to poverty, And drowsiness will clothe one with rags. Listen to your father who begot you, And do not despise your mother when she is old. Buy truth, and do not sell it, Get wisdom and instruction and understanding.
The desire again is directed to the heart. The heart of the biblical Father aims his efforts at the heart of his children to shepherd them down the path and way that leads to life. In the end we recognize that the children must listen, but we must be speaking wisdom into their lives for them to listen to.
Here is where I must exhort the children in the room.
Children and Teenagers, listen and listen closely. If you have parents who are pushing your toward Christ. Listen to them. They are looking after your souls.
If they say, don’t do something. Don’t.
If they tell you not to go somewhere. Don’t.
If they warn you against hanging out with something they think to be trouble. Trust their judgment.
If they tell you you can’t date, have a cell phone, or do something. Honor them.
When they encourage you to be involved and active in church. Go and be active.
Children, There are people and there are activities that are destructive for you, and he mentions some here.
Proverbs 23:20-
Proverbs 23:
Do not be with heavy drinkers of wine, Or with gluttonous eaters of meat; For the heavy drinker and the glutton will come to poverty, And drowsiness will clothe one with rags.
Things that seem harmless, often are not.
He warns here against associating with those with destructive habits like drunkenness and gluttony both of these particular sins seem to be the good life. The pleasures of the world.
These people seem like they are living life to its fullest, but the end is death.
But there will be those who are living destructively that will desire to pull you down the road with them to destruction.
Children. Don’t go down that road. Listen. Be wise. None of what the world offers satisfies. Parents we have to be living proof of that. We must love God with our whole heart first, before we teach them to that.
Proverbs
He goes on to address children again..
Listen to your father who begot you, And do not despise your mother when she is old. Buy truth, and do not sell it, Get wisdom and instruction and understanding.
The tendency we have as children at every stage in life is to think that we are wiser than our parents.
Verse 22 urges us to recognize the godly wisdom of godly parents as something worth heeding and cherishing. No matter how long I’ve lived, my father will have lived longer.
I call my Dad often and ask his advice. Financially, Spiritually, Pastorally, and things involving my family. .And time and time again he has spoken wisdom. Sometimes, its not how I was thinking, but he proved to be wiser than me.
Children of all ages If God has blessed you with godly parents or grandparents, learn from them and appreciate the grace of God in your life of giving you a godly parent.
Whatever the cost, acquire truth and wisdom from your parents. get wisdom instruction understanding Don’t sell it for your own, or for worldly wisdom.
The Joy of fatherhood
The Joy of fatherhood
Believing parents desire more than anything that their children believe.
The father of the righteous will greatly rejoice, And he who sires a wise son will be glad in him. Let your father and your mother be glad, And let her rejoice who gave birth to you.
Proverbs
Rejoicing happens for the believing parents when children rejoice and find their joy in Christ. Nothing brings a believing parent more joy.
on the other hand, nothing hurts as much as a child who doesn’t.
we have to recognize our inability here to save our children. We do not have the power to save, but we do know what is the power of God unto salvation
For I am not ashamed of the gospel, for it is the power of God for salvation to everyone who believes, to the Jew first and also to the Greek.
Preach the Gospel to your children, no matter the age.
Pray for them. Don’t give up. Let me encourage you with this:
Behold, the Lord’s hand is not so short That it cannot save; Nor is His ear so dull That it cannot hear.
Pray to the Lord, whose arm can reach down and save your children no matter how far they are away.
Every day and night I pray that God will be gracious and merciful and save my children.
My prayer is that Abi and Evan Grace, would trust me as I seek to shepherd their hearts.
God has entrusted them to me, and I pray that I would shepherd their hearts well. Despite my failures, i want them to see that Christ is Daddy’s greatest treasure and purpose.
Look with me at verse 26:
Give me your heart, my son, And let your eyes delight in my ways.
The exhortation from the wise father to the child is to give the Father the heart. The Father also commands the son to watch him. and follow him.
Fathers, one last word. Your children will follow you. Your grandchildren will follow you.
Where you headed? If their personal devotion to God and their service to God was just like yours, would it be enough?
Your actions do not happen in isolation. Every decision you make. Every single thing you prioritize in your life, your children will notice.
My encouragement this morning is to prioritize their hearts, because verse 26 says they are giving their heart to you. Where you taking it?
seek to shepherd them to the best of your ability, toward Christ and the way that leads to life.
Raise them up.
Discipline them. Be actively present in their lives. Be Daddy, and make it your priority not to give them the world. Give them Christ.
“For what does it profit a man to gain the whole world, and forfeit his soul?
Nothing you could give them will be more important than you giving your heart to Christ and then shepherding their hearts toward him.