Putting a Fragmented Family Back Together Again, Part 2
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Turn to and read Ephesians 6:1-4. Pray. I must quickly jump into today’s message if I am to have any hope of finishing at decent time. (Translate that as, “Finished in time for lunch!”)
12 Biblical principles designed for putting a fragmented family back together or assisting you in keeping your family from becoming fragmented to begin with!
#7 - Connect with the Heart
#7 - Connect with the Heart
My son, give me thine heart, And let thine eyes observe my ways.
For a whore is a deep ditch; And a strange woman is a narrow pit.
We are going to give our heart to something or someone. Our children are going to give their heart to something or someone. What is it going to be?
Work to find and create family settings that are conducive to connection.
Work to find and create family settings that are conducive to connection.
And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up.
In one sense, the Bible does not give “specifics” about “when” those family times are. However, Deuteronomy 6:7 gives some definite guidelines:
When thou sittest in thine house (Dinner time?)
When thou walkest by the way (In the car headed to…?)
When thou liest down (Bedtime?)
When thou risest up (Breakfast, Before you all head out the door?)
Work through the awkwardness of reconnecting.
Work through the awkwardness of reconnecting.
It will be awkward, especially if it is new. But don’t let that stop you from reconnecting. The reason why it is sometimes awkward is because the deeper you connect, the more vulnerable you become. And, no one likes to be vulnerable, especially if they have been hurt or wounded before.
Recently, in a counselling situation, I had the opportunity to share something that may help to keep in mind in this re-connection: Levels of Communication. This should give some idea as to how well you are doing at connecting with one another and how you can connect with others.
Cliche - trite expressions, greetings, casual conversation, non-invasive
Cliche - trite expressions, greetings, casual conversation, non-invasive
Narration - giving information, reporting facts
Narration - giving information, reporting facts
Ideas & Judgments - venturing opinions, dreams, hopes, fears, values, etc.
Ideas & Judgments - venturing opinions, dreams, hopes, fears, values, etc.
Personal & Intimate - spiritual matters, intimate concerns
Personal & Intimate - spiritual matters, intimate concerns
With all of that being said, though, may I ask you, on a personal level, are you connected to God on a “heart level?” Or do you simply have a “surface relationship” with God.
And thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thine heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy might.
And these words, which I command thee this day, shall be in thine heart:
With this, I’m not necessarily referring to whether or not you have accepted Jesus Christ as your Savior - although that is essential. Just because you maybe have accepted Jesus Christ as your Savior and put your full faith and trust in Him for eternal life, does not mean that, on a daily basis, you have a “heart level” connection with God?
Do you love God will all thine heart? Is God’s Word in your heart? Are you seeking God - and the things of God - with your whole heart? Or is there something or someone else that you have given your heart to?
#8 - Pray with Them and for Them
#8 - Pray with Them and for Them
There are few things that speak to the heart like prayer.
Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God.
And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.
E. M. Bounds, of that passage of Scripture, said...
“That is the Divine cure for all fear, anxiety, and undue concern of soul, all of which are closely akin to doubt and unbelief.”
Aside from God’s Word, prayer is the only spiritual weapon that we have with which to fight a spiritual battle!
Praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, and watching thereunto with all perseverance and supplication for all saints;
Before we move on, I would like you to see these last two principles as they were demonstrated by Jesus Christ during the Passover Supper that He shared with His disciples the night He was betrayed; the night before He was crucified.
Turn to an read John 16:33-17:9.
Jesus connected with His disciples on a heart level. There, in the Upper Room, Jesus Christ, knowing all that was to come, opened His heart to His disciples, as He had done throughout His entire earthly ministry. There was nothing that Jesus Christ hid from His disciples. He kept nothing back from the disciples.
Jesus prayed with them and for them. As John chapter 17 begins, we witness Jesus Christ lifting His voice in prayer in the presence of His disciples. He was praying with them. And yet, even as He was praying with them, He was praying for them. I wonder what went through the disciple’s minds as they heard Christ pray...
I have manifested thy name unto the men which thou gavest me out of the world: thine they were, and thou gavest them me; and they have kept thy word.
Now they have known that all things whatsoever thou hast given me are of thee.
For I have given unto them the words which thou gavest me; and they have received them, and have known surely that I came out from thee, and they have believed that thou didst send me.
I pray for them: I pray not for the world, but for them which thou hast given me; for they are thine.
Aside from a parent praying for and with their children, do you pray for others? Do you pray for the other members of your family - your church family? Do you come to together, when we have the opportunity, to pray with the other members of your church family?
For this cause we also, since the day we heard it, do not cease to pray for you, and to desire that ye might be filled with the knowledge of his will in all wisdom and spiritual understanding;
Quickly, I must give you the last four Biblical principles for putting a fragmented family back together.
#9 - Show Frequent, Appropriate Affection
#9 - Show Frequent, Appropriate Affection
Physical affection strengthens heart connection so be sure to show affection whether it comes naturally or not.
Affection after discipline is vital to a healthy relationship. While I am not an expert, parents, allow me to challenge you to not only discipline in love but to love after discipline. Once you have disciplined them, pray with them and then put your arms around your child and assure them that you love them.
#10 - Don’t Stop Serving God
#10 - Don’t Stop Serving God
And if it seem evil unto you to serve the Lord, choose you this day whom ye will serve; whether the gods which your fathers served that were on the other side of the flood, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land ye dwell: but as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.
No man can serve two masters: for either he will hate the one, and love the other; or else he will hold to the one, and despise the other. Ye cannot serve God and mammon.
But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.
Unless you have too many ministry hats, you cannot stop serving God and hope to gain ground with your family. Isn’t it interesting that we’re not willing to give up a TV night, but we are quickly willing to give up a Seed Sowing Saturday, or some other service opportunity so that we can have more “family time?”
Be willing to lose some selfish things and remember that your children need to see your love and commitment to Christ. Don’t fall for the lie that ministry will hurt your family, unless you are already extremely over-committed (in which case, learn to say “no”).
I will agree: Your family should be your first ministry but it probably should not be your only ministry.
Individually, ask yourself: “Am I serving the Lord through the ministry of my local church?” There is a generation that is coming behind us that needs to see our love for Christ and our commitment to Christ by serving Him!
#11 - Serve God Together
#11 - Serve God Together
This follows right in line with the last principle: “Don’t Stop Serving God.” Why is it that families miss this incredible solution to a fragmented family?
The Apostle Paul knew the joy of serving the Lord together with others.
Paul and Timotheus, the servants of Jesus Christ, to all the saints in Christ Jesus which are at Philippi, with the bishops and deacons:
The Apostle Paul sought to encourages other to serve God together.
Only let your conversation be as it becometh the gospel of Christ: that whether I come and see you, or else be absent, I may hear of your affairs, that ye stand fast in one spirit, with one mind striving together for the faith of the gospel;
In another place, Paul said...
For we are labourers together with God: ye are God’s husbandry, ye are God’s building.
If you were to give up ministry or church attendance, what would you replace it with? I don’t want to “judge” anyone or make anyone “feel bad” or “feel guilty,” but, do a self-evaluation. If you don’t come back for the service tonight, what are you going to do with that time from 6-7:15?
And let us consider one another to provoke unto love and to good works:
Not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as the manner of some is; but exhorting one another: and so much the more, as ye see the day approaching.
The generation to come is evaluating our love for and service to God. Is it sincere? Is it just for show? Is it a hobby? Is it socially motivated? Or is it the real deal? They are deciding right now whether this God is really that lovable and whether He is worth pursuing with their whole heart.
#12 - Recognize That Only You Hold the Power of Choice for Your Family
#12 - Recognize That Only You Hold the Power of Choice for Your Family
And if it seem evil unto you to serve the Lord, choose you this day whom ye will serve; whether the gods which your fathers served that were on the other side of the flood, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land ye dwell: but as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.
We humans are incredibly quick to blame our bad choices on others! The boss, the pastor, the company, the church - somebody else is to blame!
Can I bring this down to the very bottom line? When you stand before the judgment seat of Christ to give account for your life, you will not be able to point the finger of blame at anyone or anything else when it comes to the personal choices of your life and family!
So then every one of us shall give account of himself to God.
While this point is specifically directed to families, may I ask, “What about your relationship with God? Is it fragmented? What is it that you have allowed to pull you away from God?”
I have heard this said...
You are as close to God as you desire to be.
You have the power of choice when it comes to your relationship and walk with God.
With my whole heart have I sought thee: O let me not wander from thy commandments.
Thy word have I hid in mine heart, That I might not sin against thee.
So, we’re done with hook number one The number one way that teenagers destroy their lives - they disconnect from their family. How do their parents helps them? They too disconnect and allow the process to worsen with time.
If you find yourself living in a fragmented family, it’s time to reverse the process. There is hope - hope in Christ and in His Word!
If you find that your family has not yet become fragmented, rejoice and determine to set a Biblical course that will keep your family well connected even as the current of culture speeds up!
If you find yourself living in a fragmented relationship with God, stop, confess it to God (along with whatever it is that you have allowed to cause it) and with God’s grace begin a journey into a deeper, more refreshing relationship with God than you ever thought possible!