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Strong Christians = Strong Marriages = Strong Families = Strong Churches
people who don’t communicate well, don’t grow well – which means they are not going to be as spiritually strong as they could be
Jesus was a PERFECT Communicator !
Words alone are not sufficient for effective biblical communication.
We cannot show love with actions alone because God tells us hundreds of times in the Bible that He loves us.
Godly Communication is a key to building relationships
) Godly Communication is a key to building relationships
“The process of sharing information with another person in such a way that the sender’s message is understood as he intended it. Unless the sender and receiver have come to a common meaning, they haven’t communicated effectively.” Wayne Mack, Your Family God’s Way
Rule #1 Be Honest V. 25
Remember honesty is more than just not lying
Honesty is telling the truth (the facts, reality, and being open about it!)
- Honesty is telling the truth (the facts, reality, and being open about it!)
we dont just put off lieing we put on speeking truth
The goal of speaking the truth is not you speaking your mind but SOLVING CONFLICTS in a way that brings glory to God or PREVENTING problems from occurring
The goal of speaking the truth is not you speaking your mind but SOLVING CONFLICTS in a way that brings glory to God or PREVENTING problems from occurring
Rule #2 Keep Currnt
Solve today’s problems today!
Be angery but don’t sin
Lying (V.25 is sin andger (V.26) may not be sin
- Anger itself is not sin (it’s the reason for the anger and the how it’s demonstrated that determines the sinfulness of anger)
Anger itself is not sin (it’s the reason for the anger and the how it’s demonstrated that determines the sinfulness of anger)
God was angery so anger is not always sin
Anger is emotional energy to be used to solve or prevent problems.
Anger is emotional energy to be used to solve or prevent problems.
Anger is sinful when it is used to attack others or self (deep bitterness setting in about the problem).
What does it mean to clam up?
What does it mean to blow up?
Failure to solve problems daily = gives place, or a foothold, to Satan!
Remember the seven questions to ask youself before trying to resolve a problum
1. Do I have the facts right?
2. Should love hide it? Is it sinful? Is it hindering growth?
3. Is my timing right?
4. Is my attitude right? Am I trying to help the other person?
5. Are my words loving?
6. Have I prayed for God's help?
7. Do I need to seek counsel from someone else before I try to resolve this problem?
Attack the Problum not the Person (29 & 30)
Attack the Problum not the Person (29 & 30)
29 Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers. 30 And grieve not the holy Spirit of God, whereby ye are sealed unto the day of redemption.
Question: What does it mean to attack the person
We are to Put off Words that attack a person’s Character.
-Theese words are the exact oppisate of words that are edifying or building up
-Paul says to not use and words which are corruput
-The word is unwholsome meaning corrupt or foul.
“Unwholesome language should be as repulsive to us as a rotten apple or a spoiled piece of meat. Off–color jokes, profanity, dirty stories, vulgarity, double entendre, and every other form of corrupt talk should never cross our lips. “
-John MacArther
- and WHEN (not ‘if’) it does occur, we ought to
1) repent,
2) confess our sin to God and the appropriate people, and
3) grow as a result of what you did!
1. words that cut down another person
21 Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time, Thou shalt not kill; and whosoever shall kill shall be in danger of the judgment: 22 But I say unto you, That whosoever is angry with his brother without a cause shall be in danger of the judgment: and whosoever shall say to his brother, Raca, shall be in danger of the council: but whosoever shall say, Thou fool, shall be in danger of hell fire.
21 Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time, Thou shalt not kill; and whosoever shall kill shall be in danger of the judgment:
: When you verbally attack a person you are really criticizing God in whose image that person is made!
2. Words that tear down, rip apart or hinder spiritual growth.
These are Words deliberately designed to hurt instead of ‘edify’ (build up!).
These kind of words are dangerous, destructive, and painful:
5 Even so the tongue is a little member, and boasteth great things. Behold, how great a matter a little fire kindleth! 6 And the tongue is a fire, a world of iniquity: so is the tongue among our members, that it defileth the whole body, and setteth on fire the course of nature; and it is set on fire of hell. 7 For every kind of beasts, and of birds, and of serpents, and of things in the sea, is tamed, and hath been tamed of mankind: 8 But the tongue can no man tame; it is an unruly evil, full of deadly poison. 9 Therewith bless we God, even the Father; and therewith curse we men, which are made after the similitude of God. 10 Out of the same mouth proceedeth blessing and cursing. My brethren, these things ought not so to be. 11 Doth a fountain send forth at the same place sweet water and bitter? 12 Can the fig tree, my brethren, bear olive berries? either a vine, figs? so can no fountain both yield salt water and fresh.
27 An ungodly man diggeth up evil: And in his lips there is as a burning fire.
Prov
if we are honest with each other about this, some of us have become pretty adept at cutting words
Question: How would you respond if we played a recording of ALL of your communication in the past 2 weeks?
Remember the Words of Christ
36 But I say unto you, That every idle word that men shall speak, they shall give account thereof in the day of judgment.
3. Words that cloud-up the issues or by-passes the conflict.
1 Judge not, that ye be not judged. 2 For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again. 3 And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother’s eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye? 4 Or how wilt thou say to thy brother, Let me pull out the mote out of thine eye; and, behold, a beam is in thine own eye? 5 Thou hypocrite, first cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother’s eye.
Blame shifting is one of the ways we can cloud up the issue or try to ‘by-pass’ the original problem (which will NOT get resolved)
one of the results of all this is the destruction of unity in the marriage, family, friendship, work place, or the Body of Christ!
4. Words that grieve the Holy Spirit because we are not following His Word and the example of another member of the God-Head, Jesus Christ!
since our goal in life is to please God, we don’t want to make Him angry, and we don’t want to ‘grieve’ Him
our bodies are the temple of the Holy Spirit and we should be using our bodies to bring glory to God
This includes our toungue
We need to use edifying comunication that encourges or builds up.
29 Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.
6 Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person.
Question: what does this mean?
Words that center on personal responsibility & express solutions in terms of action!
What does it mean to attack the Problum?
To Discuss the problem in God-honoring way
It starts with your heart (inner man)
your words are not the problem, it’s the heart you have to focus on and change
if the heart’s not right, your words won’t be right!
Jesus said, “the mouth speaks out of that which fills the heart”
2. Includes your motive (What are you wanting to accomplish?)
Are you really trying to please God or just get your way (being in control)
- if you’re being selfish in your motive, your response to the other person will not be good if they don’t do what you want them to do (you will violate Rule #4: Act, Don’t React)
if you’re being selfish in your motive, your response to the other person will not be good if they don’t do what you want them to do (you will violate Rule #4: Act, Don’t React)
3. Thinking right
· Getting the log out of your eye 1st
· Determining to show love to the other person (try to help them, not hurt them)
· Practicing self-control (God is watching and knows your thoughts)
4. Using biblical terminology
call it what God calls it – then you have biblical solutions to focus on
5. Modeling grace
- even though the person may NOT deserve it, that’s the point of GRACE (unmerited favor)
6. God is glorified in the way the problem was handled
31 So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.
10 not at all meaning the sexually immoral of this world, or the greedy and swindlers, or idolaters, since then you would need to go out of the world.
COnclusion
Rule #1: Be Honest
Rule #2: Keep Current
Rule #3: Attack the Problem, Not the Person
Next week act don’t react