Parents and Children: Honoring God Together Pt. 2
Parents and Children: Honoring God Together • Sermon • Submitted
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· 7 viewsParents should honor God by nurturing their children with care, love, and discipline.
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We have been working through a series of texts in Ephesians that Paul shows us that no matter what title or role we may have at any particular stage of life, we are to glorify God in it. We’ve looked at how husbands and wives relate to each other in a way that brings glory to God. Last week, we started this 2part mini series called Parents and Children: Honoring God Together. We looked at , where Paul taught children that they glorify God primarily by obeying there parents. That was a sermon that we as parents want all of children to hear. A text that we want them to memorize. My feelings are that it would have been fine if he would have stopped right there. But, he didn’t. He continued on with parents. We as parents are called to glorify God in how we relate to our children.
What Paul calls us to in this text shows us that we are to see our children as a treasure and a priority. This was a totally new concept for Paul’s day, especially in the very pagan environment of Ephesus, where the Christians are that he is writing to. The idea of a father actually loving his children would have been hard to imagine. By Roman law, a father had ultimate authority over his children. He could throw them out of the house, sell them as slaves, or even kill them if he wished.
In that culture, when a child was born, it was placed at its father’s feet. If the father picked it up, the child was allowed to stay in the home. If the father walked away, it could be disposed of like an aborted baby today. Often times, if they were healthy and strong, they were taken each night to the town forum, where they would be picked up and rased to be slaves or prostitutes.
That is obviously a first century form of child abuse. And it also speaks to the issue of child abuse in our day. Children are to valuable to us individually and as a society. I was interested to read this week that the primary reason children go into foster care today is not divorce, death, or financial trouble. It’s simply due to neglect and disinterest of parents. Undoubtably, neglect that says to a child that they don’t matter is one of the greatest abuses a child can experience.
Paul is challenging the culture of that day and our day, saying that children have value to God and therefore, they should be a treasure and a priority to families.
3 Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward.
4 Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one’s youth.
5 Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them! He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate.
They are a heritage. When you are gone, they will be the part of you that you goes forward. They are like arrows that a Warrior shoots out. Arrows provide protection and security to a family. If we raise children that love God and have his values, they provide security and stability to the family. A family is blessed when they have children like this because aging parents never have to worry about being rejected or abandoned by society. Their children will be there.
The city gate was the place that court was held. The psalmist is describing godly children that grow up and stand with their Father and speak up for them in the midst of their enemies accusations.
How do we raise children that become these godly arrows that bring security, protection, and heritage to our homes? He addresses Father because they are the one’s ultimately responsible for the home, but the principles should be applied by mom and dad.
Paul gives two commands. One is a negative command, what not to do. One is a positive command, what we are to do.
So, to honor God by raising children that bring blessing to our home, what should we not do?
I. Parents should not provoke their children to anger. ()
I. Parents should not provoke their children to anger. ()
Some of you are thinking, “I provoke my children to anger all the time. Every time that they don’t get what they want, they get angry!” Kids, before you get excited, Paul is not saying for parents to give you whatever you want so you want get angry. Just so you know, God does not respond well to manipulation.
4 Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.
Some of you are thinking, “I provoke my children to anger all the time. Every time that they don’t get what they want, they get angry!” Kids, before you get excited, Paul is not saying for parents to give you whatever you want so you want get angry. Just so you know, God does not respond well to manipulation.
So, what is he saying? First he is recognizing that parents have great deal of authority in raising their kids. They determine what they eat, when they sleep, what kind of clothes they were, when and if they do their homework, what activities they are involved in, if any. They determine their punishment when they are disobedient and rewards when they are obedient. Ultimately parents determine virtually everything about a child’s life.
Paul is saying, with that type of authority you can bring the best out of your child, but when abused you can do them great harm. So, as we exercise complete dominion over our children, we are to consider our children’s emotions. We are to consider their heart. And, though we have the power to crush them. We should not do that because we love them.
One scholar, discussing what it means not to “provoke your children to anger.” Wrote this:
“This involves avoiding attitudes, words, and actions which would drive a child to angry exasperation or resentment and thus rules out excessively sever discipline, unreasonably harsh demands, abuse or authority, arbitrariness, and unfairness, constant nagging and condemnation, subjecting a child to humiliation and all forms of gross insensitivity to a child’s needs and sensibilities.” (Cleon Rogers, NLEGT)
“This involves avoiding attitudes, words, and actions which would drive a child to angry exasperation or resentment and thus rules out excessively sever discipline, unreasonably harsh demands, abuse or authority, arbitrariness, and unfairness, constant nagging and condemnation, subjecting a child to humiliation and all forms of gross insensitivity to a child’s needs and sensibilities.” (Cleon Rogers, NLEGT)
I read that and thought to myself, well that negates many of our parenting styles. Why does Paul have to warn us against this type of parenting? Because our children are sinners and drive us crazy! But, also because we are also sinners. We often respond to the rebellion of our children with our own sinful rebellion. At least, I know I do.
At think at the heart of this is that we are to raise our children in such a way that when they become adults they respect us, not resent us as parents.
1. They might resent us when they look back and see how stifling and overprotective that we were. They simply control them, never giving them an ounce of freedom.
They don’t raise them in a way that freedoms are given little by little as a child and teenager displays that they can be trusted. Parents who never trust their children to live out the values they are taught often find children that rebel against all those values just as soon as they are own their own.
2. They may resent us when they look and see the favoritism parents showed other siblings. In the OT, Isaac favored Esau over Jacob, and Rebekah favored Jacob over Esau. That caused serious conflict and resentment in that family that had major consequences.
3. They may resent us when we push them to be something or achieve something that God has not called them to achieve or become. This has been particularly hard for me. I’ve struggled with expecting my children to be like me. I hold them to higher standards at school in the subjects that I was good at. I expect them to be good at the sports that I was good at. I ruined a lot of rounds of golf, trying to teach them to play the game instead of enjoying playing the game with my children.
4. They may resent us when the penalty doesn’t fit the crime. Here is really where we need to be aware of not abusing authority. Dealing out punishments is difficult because we often don’t have any ground rules to know what is the correct punishment. It is often very arbitrary. The punishment you get depends on how I feel in the moment. The problem is, if you have just been disobedient, I am angry in the moment.Because we’re angry, we are likely to yell and scream and ground for two years. Why do we yell and scream, it never really accomplishes anything. We usually pass on to our kids what was passed down to us. And, where it was good, we should pass it down. But, we should look back at the things that we might resent our parents for and try hard not to pass that down to our children.
902It is a blessed thing for some of us that we can look back on a father’s example and a mother’s example with nothing but unalloyed gratitude to God for both. But there are others among you who, in looking back, must say, “I thank God I was delivered from the evil influence to which I was subjected as a child.” Do not let your child ever have to say that of you, but ask for grace that in your own house you may walk with a perfect heart.—21.238
902It is a blessed thing for some of us that we can look back on a father’s example and a mother’s example with nothing but unalloyed gratitude to God for both. But there are others among you who, in looking back, must say, “I thank God I was delivered from the evil influence to which I was subjected as a child.” Do not let your child ever have to say that of you, but ask for grace that in your own house you may walk with a perfect heart.—21.238
Because we’re angry, we are likely to yell and scream and ground for two years.
It’s better to have clearly defined rules and clearly defined punishments for the rules.
5. They may resent us when we make love contingent on obedience.
5. They may resent us when our application of punishments is not consistent.
May our children never feel that they are loved based on their actions and not their identity. If they feel our love is based their ability to meet a mark, they will never feel truly accepted. That’s not the way our Heavenly Father relates to us. It should not be the way we treat our children.
6. When we negatively nickpick them rather than encourage them.
6. They may resent us for physical or abuse. There are times where we need to spank our children.
24 Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him.
But the goal of spanking is discipline. We explain to them the rule. Help them understand that it’s out of love that we spank them so they will not do it again. It’s to make them better. Abuse of any kind, will only make them bitter.
But the goal of spanking is discipline. We explain to them the rule. Help them understand that it’s out of love that we spank them so they will not do it again. It’s to make them better. Abuse of any kind, will only make them bitter.
8. Verbal and physical abuse.
II. Parents, honor God by nurturing your children with care, instruction, and discipline. ()
II. Parents, honor God by nurturing your children with care, instruction, and discipline. ()
4 Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.
Notice the wording he uses. Parents are to “bring them up.” It means to rear them or nourish them. It means that we cherish by providing for their physical and spiritual needs.
Paul uses the same word in Eph. 5:29.
29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church,
We nourish and cherish are children first with truth. The truth of discipline and instruction. “Discipline” points to the overall training of children that includes punishment. “Instruction” are those corrections to attitude and behavior need to be made.. We must discipline and instruct with truth. Let us not be like many parents who care so little about their children that they will not do the hard work of parenting and just want to be friend. They don’t need a friend; they need parents.
Susannah Wesley, the mother of John and Charles Wesley, raised seventeen children and had these words to say about raising children:
“The parent who studies to subdue [self-will] in his child works together with God in the renewing and saving a soul. The parent who indulges it does the devil’s work, makes religion impracticable, salvation unattainable, and does all that in him lies to damn his child, soul and body forever” (cited in The Journal of John Wesley [Chicago: Moody, n. d.], p. 106).
“The parent who studies to subdue [self-will] in his child works together with God in the renewing and saving a soul. The parent who indulges it does the devil’s work, makes religion impracticable, salvation unattainable, and does all that in him lies to damn his child, soul and body forever” (cited in The Journal of John Wesley [Chicago: Moody, n. d.], p. 106).
But not only should we nourish them with truth, we must also nourish them with grace. Parenting means that we become ambassadors of God’s grace. Yes they need truth, but no child is saved or become godly because they learn how to be moral. But they must see in their parents the love, grace, and forgiveness of Christ. We are to be reconciling our children to God just as Christ has reconciled us to God. That is the ministry of the Christian parent.
18 All this is from God, who through Christ reconciled us to himself and gave us the ministry of reconciliation;
8 Yes, we are of good courage, and we would rather be away from the body and at home with the Lord.
18 All this is from God, who through Christ reconciled us to himself and gave us the ministry of reconciliation;
19 that is, in Christ God was reconciling the world to himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and entrusting to us the message of reconciliation.
The real challenge of parenting is to show corrective instruction and discipline mixed with grace in failure. They will fail, just as we have. They need to see Jesus and feel the love of Jesus. In their sin, they need to know that their is always grace and forgiveness for the repentant heart.
The real challenge of parenting is to show corrective instruction and discipline mixed with grace in failure. They will fail, just as we have. They need to see Jesus and feel the love of Jesus. In their sin, they need to know that their is always grace and forgiveness for the repentant heart.
They need to know that like the prodigal son that made mistake after mistake, that no matter what, with a repentant heart they can always come home to loving and forgiving parents.
It matters that we shape their will with truth and grace.
Ephesians: The MacArthur New Testament Commentary The Positive Command
Susannah Wesley, the mother of John and Charles Wesley, raised seventeen children and had these words to say about raising children: “The parent who studies to subdue [self-will] in his child works together with God in the renewing and saving a soul. The parent who indulges it does the devil’s work, makes religion impracticable, salvation unattainable, and does all that in him lies to damn his child, soul and body forever” (cited in The Journal of John Wesley [Chicago: Moody, n. d.], p. 106).
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Susannah Wesley, the mother of John and Charles Wesley, raised seventeen children and had these words to say about raising children:
“The parent who studies to subdue [self-will] in his child works together with God in the renewing and saving a soul. The parent who indulges it does the devil’s work, makes religion impracticable, salvation unattainable, and does all that in him lies to damn his child, soul and body forever” (cited in The Journal of John Wesley [Chicago: Moody, n. d.], p. 106).
“The parent who studies to subdue [self-will] in his child works together with God in the renewing and saving a soul. The parent who indulges it does the devil’s work, makes religion impracticable, salvation unattainable, and does all that in him lies to damn his child, soul and body forever” (cited in The Journal of John Wesley [Chicago: Moody, n. d.], p. 106).
MacArthur, J. F., Jr. (1986). Ephesians (p. 319). Chicago: Moody Press.
When they fail, we often will to. They will disobey and we will provoke resentment with our responses.
They need to have parents that can come to them and ask for forgiveness when we have responded to their rebellion with sin of our own and show to our children that we are in constant need of repentance and forgiveness as well. They need to know just as we know that we will find grace and forgiveness in Christ; that they will also find it in us.
Thankfully, we live a culture that provides protection for the rights and dignity of children.