Sermon Tone Analysis

We have been working through a series of texts in Ephesians that Paul shows us that no matter what title or role we may have at any particular stage of life, we are to glorify God in it.

We’ve looked at how husbands and wives relate to each other in a way that brings glory to God.

Last week, we started this 2part mini series called Parents and Children: Honoring God Together.

We looked at Ephesians 6:1-3, where Paul taught children that they glorify God primarily by obeying there parents.

That was a sermon that we as parents want all of children to hear.

A text that we want them to memorize.

My feelings are that it would have been fine if he would have stopped right there.

But, he didn’t.

He continued on with parents.

We as parents are called to glorify God in how we relate to our children.

What Paul calls us to in this text shows us that we are to see our children as a treasure and a priority.

This was a totally new concept for Paul’s day, especially in the very pagan environment of Ephesus, where the Christians are that he is writing to.

The idea of a father actually loving his children would have been hard to imagine.

By Roman law, a father had ultimate authority over his children.

He could throw them out of the house, sell them as slaves, or even kill them if he wished.

In that culture, when a child was born, it was placed at its father’s feet.

If the father picked it up, the child was allowed to stay in the home.

If the father walked away, it could be disposed of like an aborted baby today.

Often times, if they were healthy and strong, they were taken each night to the town forum, where they would be picked up and rased to be slaves or prostitutes.

That is obviously a first century form of child abuse.

And it also speaks to the issue of child abuse in our day.

Children are to valuable to us individually and as a society.

I was interested to read this week that the primary reason children go into foster care today is not divorce, death, or financial trouble.

It’s simply due to neglect and disinterest of parents.

Undoubtably, neglect that says to a child that they don’t matter is one of the greatest abuses a child can experience.

Paul is challenging the culture of that day and our day, saying that children have value to God and therefore, they should be a treasure and a priority to families.

They are a heritage.

When you are gone, they will be the part of you that you goes forward.

They are like arrows that a Warrior shoots out.

Arrows provide protection and security to a family.

If we raise children that love God and have his values, they provide security and stability to the family.

A family is blessed when they have children like this because aging parents never have to worry about being rejected or abandoned by society.

Their children will be there.

The city gate was the place that court was held.

The psalmist is describing godly children that grow up and stand with their Father and speak up for them in the midst of their enemies accusations.

How do we raise children that become these godly arrows that bring security, protection, and heritage to our homes?

He addresses Father because they are the one’s ultimately responsible for the home, but the principles should be applied by mom and dad.

Paul gives two commands.

One is a negative command, what not to do.

One is a positive command, what we are to do.

So, to honor God by raising children that bring blessing to our home, what should we not do?

I. Parents should not provoke their children to anger.

(Eph.

6:4)

Some of you are thinking, “I provoke my children to anger all the time.

Every time that they don’t get what they want, they get angry!”

Kids, before you get excited, Paul is not saying for parents to give you whatever you want so you want get angry.

Just so you know, God does not respond well to manipulation.

So, what is he saying?

First he is recognizing that parents have great deal of authority in raising their kids.

They determine what they eat, when they sleep, what kind of clothes they were, when and if they do their homework, what activities they are involved in, if any.

They determine their punishment when they are disobedient and rewards when they are obedient.

Ultimately parents determine virtually everything about a child’s life.

Paul is saying, with that type of authority you can bring the best out of your child, but when abused you can do them great harm.

So, as we exercise complete dominion over our children, we are to consider our children’s emotions.

We are to consider their heart.

And, though we have the power to crush them.

We should not do that because we love them.

One scholar, discussing what it means not to “provoke your children to anger.”

Wrote this:

“This involves avoiding attitudes, words, and actions which would drive a child to angry exasperation or resentment and thus rules out excessively sever discipline, unreasonably harsh demands, abuse or authority, arbitrariness, and unfairness, constant nagging and condemnation, subjecting a child to humiliation and all forms of gross insensitivity to a child’s needs and sensibilities.”

(Cleon Rogers, NLEGT)

I read that and thought to myself, well that negates many of our parenting styles.

Why does Paul have to warn us against this type of parenting?

Because our children are sinners and drive us crazy!

But, also because we are also sinners.

We often respond to the rebellion of our children with our own sinful rebellion.

At least, I know I do.

At think at the heart of this is that we are to raise our children in such a way that when they become adults they respect us, not resent us as parents.

1.

They might resent us when they look back and see how stifling and overprotective that we were.

They simply control them, never giving them an ounce of freedom.

They don’t raise them in a way that freedoms are given little by little as a child and teenager displays that they can be trusted.

Parents who never trust their children to live out the values they are taught often find children that rebel against all those values just as soon as they are own their own.

2. They may resent us when they look and see the favoritism parents showed other siblings.

In the OT, Isaac favored Esau over Jacob, and Rebekah favored Jacob over Esau.

That caused serious conflict and resentment in that family that had major consequences.

3.

They may resent us when we push them to be something or achieve something that God has not called them to achieve or become.

This has been particularly hard for me.

I’ve struggled with expecting my children to be like me.

I hold them to higher standards at school in the subjects that I was good at.

I expect them to be good at the sports that I was good at.

I ruined a lot of rounds of golf, trying to teach them to play the game instead of enjoying playing the game with my children.

4. They may resent us when the penalty doesn’t fit the crime.

Here is really where we need to be aware of not abusing authority.

Dealing out punishments is difficult because we often don’t have any ground rules to know what is the correct punishment.

It is often very arbitrary.

The punishment you get depends on how I feel in the moment.

The problem is, if you have just been disobedient, I am angry in the moment.Because we’re angry, we are likely to yell and scream and ground for two years.

Why do we yell and scream, it never really accomplishes anything.

We usually pass on to our kids what was passed down to us.

And, where it was good, we should pass it down.

But, we should look back at the things that we might resent our parents for and try hard not to pass that down to our children.

902It is a blessed thing for some of us that we can look back on a father’s example and a mother’s example with nothing but unalloyed gratitude to God for both.

But there are others among you who, in looking back, must say, “I thank God I was delivered from the evil influence to which I was subjected as a child.”

Do not let your child ever have to say that of you, but ask for grace that in your own house you may walk with a perfect heart.—21.238

It’s better to have clearly defined rules and clearly defined punishments for the rules.

5.

They may resent us when we make love contingent on obedience.

May our children never feel that they are loved based on their actions and not their identity.

If they feel our love is based their ability to meet a mark, they will never feel truly accepted.

That’s not the way our Heavenly Father relates to us.

It should not be the way we treat our children.