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Family Feud - 5 (Parenting 2)
Introduction
Parents have a special relationship with their children.
No other relationship in our lives is quite like this one.
The ups and downs, the struggles, frustrations, joys, and delights are unlike anything else.
And the “special” nature to that relationship can take on many different forms.
Maybe it looks like protection.
This is Chelsi Camp [pic] and her daughter Kenzi.
In 2014, they were babysitting a friend’s dog that unexpectedly attacked Kenzi.
To protect her daughter, Chelsi Camp jumped into the attack, shoved her hand down the dog’s throat to take the bites onto herself, and ended up biting the dogs ear off.
One news source said, “Mike Tyson has nothing on this heroic mom.”
Or maybe that parenting relationship looks less like fierce protection and more like fun.
This is Dale Price [pic-chargers jersey].
Last school year, his son’s bus route changed, bringing his 16 year old son right past their own house every day.
So this brought out the natural desire in this dad to embarrass his son.
As a genuine act of saying “I love you” Dale dressed as a different character every single day of that school year and stood outside waving at the bus.
He is known for outfits such as a knight in armor [pic], gas mask hoodie [pic], and batman and robin [pic].
TS - sometimes parenting is hard.
But sometimes it’s fun.
As we navigate the challenges of the ups and downs of raising children, we don’t have to do so blindly.
God has given us great principles to guide us.
Last week we introduced the parenting concept by saying that we must take our parenting cues from God, our loving heavenly Father.
In so doing we discover an image of what parenting is supposed to look like: pottery.
– 8 And yet, O Lord, you are our Father.
We are the clay, and you are the potter.
We all are formed by your hand.
God, our Father, molds and shapes us, like pottery, into the people he wants us to be.
With the right amount of force, tension, and gentle guidance, we begin to take shape.
And as God does for us, we are called to do for our children.
The parent’s job is to be used by God to mold and shape their child into the godly follower of Christ that God would want them to be.
In so doing, the parent’s responsibility is to manage the forces that do mold a child.
Last week we began talking about 4 forces that mold children, both internal and external…and will do so whether we like it or not.
But how they mold and to what extent is dependent on the parent.
Last week we covered the two external forces of faith and culture, which parents are to regulate.
Today we are going to look at two internal forces, meaning that the parents initiate them.
1. DISCIPLINE
For many parents, this is a dirty word, and for some, with good reason.
For them it brings back harsh memories of overbearing parents.
For others it reeks of political incorrectness that offends delicate sensitivities today.
Over the course of the past few decades there has been a monumental shift in regards to parental discipline.
You can read about this shift in any number of parenting books and studies.
It seems that a generation or two ago, maybe there was a bit of an error (at least it seems that way now) on the too much discipline side.
My mother and her siblings were abused by my grandfather when they were young children.
How he “disciplined” them was illegal even then and left an indelible mark on the family.
Listening to my father tell stories of how he was disciplined can cause you to shudder, things that would now land him in jail.
But now the pendulum has swung to the opposite extreme for many, to the point of a noticeable lack of discipline in many ways.
A couple years ago our family was in grocery store and crossed paths with same people multiple times as we went up and down the aisles.
There was a young mom there with a little boy in the cart, and he was acting up.
It was pretty ugly.
Mom was trying to bribe for good behavior with candy.
Bribery is an undervalued parental skill!
He did not comply.
Yet at checkout…there he sat with a big candy bar.
What!?
No way he should have that candy bar.
All that happened was that he got rewarded for being a little snot.
As we see the extremes of discipline…either too much or none…as with most things, neither extreme is ideal.
If you raise a child militantly, with too much discipline, there is a higher risk for a child that will grow up to be harsh, arrogant, and emotionally detached.
It also creates a scenario of likely rebellion once they are “free” from overbearing parents.
– 4 Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger by the way you treat them.
Other translations put it, “do not embitter them, or exasperate them.’
Don’t be so overbearing with unreasonable expectations of perfection, or harsh levels of punishment.
That doesn’t necessarily help them, it can crush them.
You may win the battle of behavior control, but you will lose the war of your child’s affections.
But on the other hand, if you raise them with too little discipline, you run the risk of raising someone who will be entitled, spoiled and terribly selfish.
– 24 Those who spare the rod of discipline hate their children.
Those who love their children care enough to discipline them.
– 15 A youngster’s heart is filled with foolishness,
but physical discipline will drive it far away.
Really, the issue becomes about balance.
With discipline, there is a duality that is needed.
Between LOVE and LIMITS.
Between AFFECTION and AUTHORITY.
But we dare not forget that having limits is an act of love.
Love is not doing whatever you want.
To love someone doesn’t mean that you approve of and support everything they do.
That’s anarchy.
To love someone is to seek their best.
Sometimes what is best is setting limits.
God does this for us.
He sets boundaries/limits for us.
Why?
Because he is a killjoy?
No.
Because he hates us and wants us to be miserable?
No.
Because he is punishing us for our mistakes?
No. God sets limits for us because he loves us.
Several years ago when our son, Nathan, was just a couple years old, we went camping.
Nathan has always been…how do I say this politely…an expert at falling.
When he was small his head was usually one giant bruise from all the falls.
While we were at the campground, he loved running down this little hill… right next to the campfire.
He was giggling and laughing the whole time.
I was a nervous wreck.
Because if anyone will fall into that fire, it would be Nathan.
This is the kid who, last week, at the age of 12, accidentally set his shirt on fire, while he was wearing it.
So at this campfire, what do I do?
What is the loving thing to do? Do I let him run into the fire because that’s what he wants to do or do I stop him?
Love sets limits.
He still got to run around, but far away from the fire.
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