Harmony in the Family Part 1

Questions

Should women submit to unbelieving and/or abusive husbands?

It’s not right to downplay the authority structure on the basis of v. 21. Should children be mutually humble towards parents? Yes. Should they be the same in authority? No. Should a slave—more controvercial—be mutually humble towards their masters? Yes. Should a slave be the same in authority? No.

The IVP New Testament Commentary Series: Ephesians Christian Marriage (5:22–33)

The following questions are among those that have been raised concerning this passage:

☐ Does it teach that women have a submissive role simply because of their sex?

☐ Does the kind of submission taught here imply that women are inferior?

☐ Does the statement that the husband is the head of the wife mean that he has authority over her?

Principles

In v. 21, mutual submission is not about authority, but the sense is that of humility towards one another. In 22 (cf. Col 3:18), women are called to be humble towards their husbands. This is validated by v. 33 that says the wife is to respect her husband.

What about headship language? — The headship language reminds us that there is still an ordering, but that this passage is not about universal submission due to ordering. The husband is head of the wife as Christ is the church, but we subordinate ourselves to Christ because it is good that we do so. It is not always good that a wife subordinate herself to her husband. It IS always right that the wife deal with her husband in humility and with respect.

IMPLICATION: Many people (here men) try to use whatever power they can to control their lives, creating a false sense of honor. But, it is respect without adoration—fear really. Honor is respect with adoration. When the husband feels respected, it will create a safer atmosphere for the husband to enter into a relationship of mutual humility (v. 21) where he will be far more fulfilled through honor rather than fearful submission—Note: Paul has no shortage of exhortation for such men.

The heart of submission is order not servitude and thus submission must never break the human will as God does not break our human will in calling His church into submission to Christ.

Everything in the physical world points to grand spiritual realities in the cosmos; i.e. God created the marriage relationship to illustrate the spiritual relationship between Christ and the Church.

Difference between submit and obey (cf. Peter, Sarah obeyed Abraham. NOTE: Peter’s use of obey to illustrate submission is not to communicate that obedience is the same as submission; rather that obedience requires submission. Obedience of wives was common and necesary in the tribal/national world that Abraham lived in.) (Social expectations determine the form of submission in many ways. (WBC) IOW, for Sarah to question Abraham’s instructions would have been to been to violate the social contract of the day. Today, obedience is not expected culturally and therefore does not constitute a lack of submission.

The ancient Jewish historian Josephus, who taught that women were inferior and should be obedient (Contra Apionem 2.24.199).

Further, Col 3:18, parallel notes that the wife is not to submit as to the Lord, but as is fitting in the Lord. There is a paradigm in place, but the sense is not identical, rather illustrative.

APP

The destructiveness of the fundamentalist view of female submission

The destructiveness of egalitarianism to the Gospel

As to the Lord

The husbands purification of the wife, i.e. Christ’s purification of the church

TODO

The wife should honor her husband even if he is not an honorable man

The wife should not obey her husband for simple obedience sake

The wife should not submit to an abusive husband (including an adulterer or a drunkard)

The wife should not lose her identity to her husband, but honor her husband as one characteristic of her unique personhood, finding her identity in Jesus Christ alone.

Me (5 - 30)

Next few weeks talking about having harmony in the family. Ephesians 5 goes through

Read whole passage

Ephesians 5:22–24 (CSB)

22 Wives, submit, to your husbands as to the Lord, 23 because the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of the body. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives are to submit to their husbands in everything.

Strong women in my life (not jerks).

My wife (our 17 year anniversary): Intelligent, opinionated, capable, educated, etc. — creative, innovative

We (5 - 25)

It seems weird in our culture that strong women would be called to submit to husbands. (IN ANY CULTURE!)

The “safe” route issue — an extreme form of submission

Seems like a good idea sometimes (ILL: Alcohol in fundamentalist traditions)

Culture-wide loss of identity for women at best

Abuse at worst

God (15 - 10)

What does it mean to submit?

(vs. Obey, cf. Abraham [1 Peter 3:5-6] ) ‘holy women submit to their husbands just as Sarah obeyed Abraham.’

Paul does not use the word obey for wives; he does for slaves and children in this same passage.

Peter’s description of obedience is gentle spirited and meek NOT having a spirit of subordination as we see so often in the preaching of these passages.

Respect, honor (cf. humility in v. 21)

Ephesians 5:21–22 (CSB)

21 submitting to one another in the fear of Christ. 22 Wives, submit, to your husbands as to the Lord,

Probably an issue in the Ephesian church where women were trying to dominate and or micromanage their husbands (cf. the curse)

We tend to have a better cultural balance and don’t need to take this as rigidly.

Not, to be dominated, to lose identity, to lose voice—not to lose gifting and intelligence

What does it mean that the husband is the head of the wife?

Ephesians 5:23 (CSB)

23 ...the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of the body.

How does Christ ‘head’ the church?

Why does Jesus have headship? (Phil 2, God gave him the name above all other names.)

Do husbands deserve headship? — the sense is that husbands get headship when they lead their families as Christ leads the church (cf. next week). —

The presumption is that the husband is submitting to Jesus and is safe.

In everything?

Ephesians 5:24 (CSB)

24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives are to submit to their husbands in everything.

(The passage is 1) generalized and 2) idealized.)

You (5 - 5)—principles of submission for wives

The wife should honor her husband even if he is not an honorable man

The wife should not obey her husband for simple obedience sake

The wife should not submit to an abusive husband (including an adulterer or a drunkard)

The wife should not lose her identity to her husband, but honor her husband as one characteristic of her unique personhood, finding her identity in Jesus Christ alone.

We (5 - 0)

Evangelical Christianity has “taken the safe route” on passages like this:

Subverted God’s will for women in ministry

Subverted the creativity, intelligence, and gifting of women in the family

Oppressed women

What would it look like if in your families,

a) the women were empowered

b) your daughters are taught to be bold and powerful people

c) women weren’t submitting to men in ways that hindered their ability to carry out God’s purposes—family, church, society

What would the church look like if we didn’t have male dominated leadership, but because our women are empowered in our families, they are empowered in our church and they serve, minister, and lead—honoring their men, certainly as Paul exhorts, but

Prayer

As husbands we can lead our wives well

That wives/women would be empowered to lead in the family, church, and society

That in all things we would submit to Christ as Lord