Is Reconciliation Possible with Your Antagonist? - Genesis 44:1-45:15

©Copyright October 27, 2019 by Rev. Bruce Goettsche

We talked last week about coming face to face with those who have hurt us. Some of those wounds are really deep. They will leave scars possibly for the remainder of our lives. We don't want anything to do with those people and we certainly don't ever want to be in any kind of relationship with them. The problem is, we feel guilty about the way we feel.

Christians are taught to forgive other people. Love is to “cover over a multitude of sins.” (1 Peter) We are told to turn the other cheek (Sermon on the Mount). We wonder, how much should I endure before it is time to say, "Enough!"?

This morning we are going to wrestle some with these questions, as we see the final scene of Joseph’s meeting with his brothers.

As you remember, a famine has taken hold in Egypt and the surrounding areas. Egypt was able to help some foreigners to get through this time through the preparation brought about by Joseph. One of the groups of foreigners were the sons of Jacob. They didn't realize it, but the official they turned to for food was their own brother whom they hadn't seen for over 20 years. Joseph was hesitant to disclose his identity to his brothers and played along as a detached public official.

Joseph's Test

Joseph was testing his brothers. He didn't do it to get even. He wanted to see what kind of men his brothers had become. If they had turned out to be grown up versions of the hate-filled people they were when they were younger, he would have responded much differently than he did.

Joseph already knew his brothers felt guilty for selling him. They believed what was taking place before the Egyptian official (Joseph) was God's way of punishing them. But Joseph was still not willing to reveal himself (and be vulnerable) yet. He wanted to know if they would treat Benjamin the same way they had treated him. He wanted to know if their hearts had truly changed. This resulted in a well-thought-out test.

Joseph set it up by showing favoritism to Benjamin, giving him 5 times as much food as the others. Joseph then had his servant load the men's bags with grain. He gave his servant two instructions. First, he was to place Joseph's silver chalice in the bag of Benjamin. Then shortly after they departed, he was to go after the men, find the chalice, and charge them with robbery. They were to arrest Benjamin and return him to Joseph. There is no hint at all that the servant even questioned the instructions.

Joseph wanted to know if the men would quickly abandon Benjamin (like they had Joseph) or would they stick up for their brother? They had already seen Joseph show deference to Benjamin. Would they resent this and take their grain and run, or would they stand up for what was right? This had to be done quickly so they did not find the cup themselves and dispose of it or return it themselves.

The servant was to say,

‘Why have you repaid my kindness with such evil? 5Why have you stolen my master’s silver cup, which he uses to predict the future? What a wicked thing you have done!’”

How could Joseph predict the future using a cup? The process was called hydromancy and involved combining oil and rocks. Water or small rocks would be dropped in the water and the way the water moved would someone predict the future. Later in the Bible, such practices of the occult are strictly forbidden.

Joseph may not have ACTUALLY used the cup for these purposes. Someone seemingly so in tune with God is unlikely to have dabbled in such things. This was likely the cover story for the test.

The trap was set perfectly. They would have every opportunity to turn away from Benjamin. They would have NO opportunity to hurt Benjamin because Joseph was watching out for him.

The plan worked as anticipated. The brothers declared their innocence. They said, “If you find his cup with any one of us, let that man die. And all the rest of us, my lord, will be your slaves.” They were confident that cup would not be found. Joseph’s palace manager said, “The one with the cup would be the only one who would be held responsible.” This gave the brothers the chance to desert Benjamin to save their own skin.

When the cup was found in Benjamin’s sack the brothers were horrified. They tore their clothing in despair. They all loaded their donkeys and returned with Benjamin.

Joseph came at them hard when they returned. Judah spoke for the group and stood with Benjamin. They said they would all become slaves with Benjamin. Joseph said, “That was not necessary, only Benjamin would be enslaved.”

Judah's Gesture

Judah, the very brother who suggested they sell Joseph as a servant to the approaching Ishmaelite travelers around 20 years earlier (37:26) now steps forward to defend Benjamin.

Judah stepped forward and said, “Please, my lord, let your servant say just one word to you. Please, do not be angry with me, even though you are as powerful as Pharaoh himself.

19“My lord, previously you asked us, your servants, ‘Do you have a father or a brother?’ 20And we responded, ‘Yes, my lord, we have a father who is an old man, and his youngest son is a child of his old age. His full brother is dead, and he alone is left of his mother’s children, and his father loves him very much.’

Judah continued appealing to Joseph on behalf of Jacob.

32My lord, I guaranteed to my father that I would take care of the boy. I told him, ‘If I don’t bring him back to you, I will bear the blame forever.’

33“So please, my lord, let me stay here as a slave instead of the boy, and let the boy return with his brothers. 34For how can I return to my father if the boy is not with me? I couldn’t bear to see the anguish this would cause my father!”

The word for guarantee in the Hebrew is a word that is sometimes translated "surety." the ESV translates it "pledge of safety." In other words, Judah put up his life as a pledge to return Benjamin safely home. Judah offered to trade his life to save Benjamin. Judah was not going to let what happened to Joseph happen again.

This is a powerful picture that is overshadowed only by that of Christ Himself who gave His life as a guarantee or surety as a payment for our sin. It was the just for the unjust. He died willingly in our place. This sacrifice is what makes it possible for you and me to be forgiven and right before God. He traded His life for ours. As the Son of God, the life of Jesus was of such value, that ANYONE in any generation could come and find forgiveness through faith in Him.

The willingness of Judah to give his own life in place of Benjamin was all Joseph needed to be convinced that these men were repentant and changed. These were not the same brothers who had sold him into slavery.

Joseph's Disclosure

Joseph could stand it no longer. There were many people in the room, and he said to his attendants, “Out, all of you!” So he was alone with his brothers when he told them who he was. 2Then he broke down and wept. He wept so loudly the Egyptians could hear him, and word of it quickly carried to Pharaoh’s palace.

3“I am Joseph!” he said to his brothers. “Is my father still alive?” But his brothers were speechless! They were stunned to realize that Joseph was standing there in front of them. 4“Please, come closer,” he said to them. So they came closer. And he said again, “I am Joseph, your brother, whom you sold into slavery in Egypt. (45:1-4)

Put yourself in the sandals of these brothers. First, the powerful leader of Egypt starts weeping. Can you imagine the brothers gazing quizzically at each other as if to say, "What is going on?" In their wildest imagination, they could not imagine what came next.

I suspect the brothers felt a mixture of confusion, disbelief, and maybe a little fear. Don't miss that line, "I am Joseph, your brother, whom YOU sold into slavery in Egypt." If ever there was a time Joseph could have chosen payback, this was the perfect opportunity. Instead, Joseph sought to be reconciled with his brothers.

What comes next are stunning words,

But don’t be upset, and don’t be angry with yourselves for selling me to this place. It was God who sent me here ahead of you to preserve your lives. 6This famine that has ravaged the land for two years will last five more years, and there will be neither plowing nor harvesting. 7God has sent me ahead of you to keep you and your families alive and to preserve many survivors. 8So it was God who sent me here, not you! And he is the one who made me an adviser to Pharaoh—the manager of his entire palace and the governor of all Egypt. (45:5-8)

Joseph is not excusing the actions of his brothers. He says God used those actions to accomplish his purposes. This is one of the true mysteries of the Christian faith, the mixing of the freedom of the will with the sovereignty (or control) of God. God allows us to make real choices but uses those real choices as part of His amazing plan of redemption.

God is never surprised by what we do, but He also never forces us to do anything. His purpose will be accomplished through our actions even though we will be held accountable for the choices we feely make. (Is your head spinning yet?) Nothing we do is going to frustrate His purposes. However, what we choose, will impact how our lives (and our eternity) progresses.

Applications

There are four important lessons to learn from this chapter in the life of Joseph and his brothers. First, we are reminded there is a difference between forgiveness and reconciliation. When Joseph realized how God used the actions of his brothers to accomplish His purposes, it is quite possible Joseph forgave his brothers at that time. He let go of the hurt. This, I believe, is why Joseph does not seem to act with malice or a sense of revenge in any of the things he does. He felt no need to exact vengeance.

Forgiveness is entrusting the hurt to the Lord and letting it go in our lives. When we forgive someone:

We stop re-living the hurt.

We stop bringing the past hurt up in the present.

We entrust vindication or "settling the score" to God.

We let go of bitterness and resentment.

We accept the fact that we are all sinful.

We recognize that anything anyone has done to us is far less in significance than the sin for which we have been forgiven in Christ.

Forgiveness is a step toward healing. As antibiotics are to our infection; forgiveness is to our spiritual well-being. This doesn't mean Joseph didn't feel some of those old feelings once again when he saw his brothers. In fact, I am sure the hurt of rejection rose to the surface again. However, he dismissed the hurt by the realization that God had used that hurt for a good purpose. Forgiveness sets us free from the constant churning and reliving of an event.

Reconciliation is a different matter. This is really the issue that occupied Joseph in the tests that he was giving his brothers. The question was: do I want to enter into a relationship with these people once again? Am I willing to be vulnerable again? Am I willing to risk hurt? Joseph was civil, even generous, but he was also very cautious. We are a lot like him in that regard.

To reconcile with someone, you need to see a couple of things: 1) an admission of wrong-doing. We are not inclined (nor commanded) to keep subjecting ourselves to the same abuse again and again. Before we can return to a relationship we need to know the other person understands the hurt they inflicted.

2) We need to see repentance. Repentance is a genuine desire to change. It is seeing the offense the same way God does and wanting to never do such a thing again. It is taking real steps to effect change.

Reconciliation is possible if we are sure of genuine remorse and repentance. However, rebuilding trust, takes time. You may never have the relationship you once had, but you can rebuild a new relationship. For example, you may never allow the person who embezzled from your business get anywhere near the financial aspects of your business again, but you might be willing to give them another job. You may never want to remarry someone who walked out on you, but, after genuine confession and repentance you may be able to have a friendly relationship.

The Bible commands us to forgive (to entrust the matter to God and let it go), I do not believe we are always required to reconcile. Paul said, "If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, like at peace with everyone." This indicates it is not always possible. Forgiveness is a one-way street, reconciliation requires cooperation on both sides.

The Second Lesson is: Life seldom goes the way we expect. I suspect Joseph imagined a particular career path when he was younger, and his life did not turn out at all as he expected. Yet, in reality, his life was much better than he could have imagined. Who could have imagined being a powerful Ruler in Egypt? This passage cautions us to not to draw a conclusion about our life until we are at the conclusion of our life. Even then, I am sure we do not see all that God is doing (or has done). Things may not go as expected, but that doesn't mean God is not at work in your life.

Charles W. Colson has a great insight regarding the Christian life. In his book Loving God, the former Special Counsel to President Richard M. Nixon tells of sitting on a platform in the crowded Delaware State Prison, where he had come to address the inmates, and thinking over a life that had brought him to high government service, followed by arrest, conviction, and imprisonment in connection with the Watergate scandal. He thought of the scholarships and honors earned, the legal cases argued and won, the decisions made from high government offices. Then he realized: “It was not my success God had used to enable me to help those in this prison, or in hundreds of others just like it.… All my achievements meant nothing in God’s economy. No, the real legacy of my life was my biggest failure—that I was an ex-convict. My greatest humiliation—being sent to prison—was the beginning of God’s greatest use of my life.”[1]

God is working in your life. You can resist Him or cooperate with Him. We have all had hurts and disappointments. Our job is to bring those things to the scarred hands of Jesus and wait to see what He will make of these broken dreams. Like Chuck Colson, we may find that our greatest heartache may actually be used by God to position us for His greatest blessing. These may become the very times we see the hand of God most clearly and powerfully.

And finally, true love means standing together. We live in a world of throwaway relationships. If you don’t like something, if you don’t feel your “needs” are being met, people just leave. It happens in friendships, in churches, even in marriages. The promise of commitment to anything seems to come with a rider that says, “Unless I don’t want to be committed anymore.”

The Lord calls us to be committed to each other. He wants us to weep with those who weep and rejoice with those who rejoice. He wants us to give each other the benefit of the doubt. He wants us to stand together when one of us is attacked. He wants His church to be a family.

That is what we are trying to build here. There will always be people who want to be part of the family only as long as it is beneficial to them. They will jump from “family to family.” Those people will never experience the sense of family God wants for His people.

This kind of commitment requires we see beyond ourselves. We need to ask what we can contribute as well as what we can “get.” We need to listen to others in addition to expressing our opinions. We need to be concerned for the growth of the people around us as well as our own growth.

Finally, the Bible says, “God has given us the task of reconciling people to him.” One of the greatest acts of love we can extend is to share with someone about the love, forgiveness, and restored relationship with God that is possible through Jesus Christ.

Our task as believers . . . the job God has given us to do, is to point people to Jesus. You may do that by encouraging someone to worship with you, by welcoming a newcomer to the church, or even by striking up a conversation with someone at work, a neighbor, a friend, or a family member. This is our everyday responsibility before the Lord.

Who can you tell about Christ? Who can you invite to be part of our church family? Who do you need to forgive? What do you need to let go of? Who do you need to ask to forgive you? What will it take for you to be reconciled to someone? These are all important questions. And every one of them will require wisdom, prayer and an open heart to answer.

[1] James Montgomery Boice, Genesis: An Expositional Commentary (Grand Rapids, MI: Baker Books, 1998), 1036.