New Relationships in Christ - Marriage

Scripture Reading

Ephesians 5:21–33 NKJV

21 submitting to one another in the fear of God. 22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. 24 Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. 25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, 26 that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, 27 that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. 28 So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. 30 For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones. 31 “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” 32 This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. 33 Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

Slide

Introduction

I appreciated Beth’s message on prayer last night.

Prayers needs to be a part of our DNA as Christians.

You can listen to the same message from different people and yet there is a difference.

Some say it is the speaker.

I think it is prayer.

I always appreciate those of you who pray for Norma and I and our family.

Let us Pray

Relationships

We are going to start a two part mini sermon series today on Relationships.

Errol will continue next Sabbath.

We will be following Ephesians 5:21 through Ephesians 6:4.

We read the first portion earlier.

It is on Marriage.

These can be a difficult passages for many people.

It is not my intention to judge anyone.

I am in no position to judge.

God’s grace enables us to live as He desires.

We can be confident that God desires the best for us!

That is why He has given us his commandments.

And God’s grace and forgiveness can restores us when it all goes horribly wrong.

This is especially true when it comes to our closest relationships.

That is why I deliberately choose the hymn “Amazing Grace (My Chains are gone)” as the backdrop to this message

Apostle Paul’s Letters

We have seen before that in most of Paul’s letters we see a repeating pattern.

He first sets out the plan of salvation, with his wonderful theological statements and illustrations.

Some of those things can be difficult to understand.

But under-pinning all is Paul’s gospel of God’s love and the grace revealed in Christ.

Then Paul turns practical, very practical.

He focuses on application.

Paul focuses on our relationships with others.

That comes into sharp focus in Ephesians in Chapters 5 and 6.

It starts with the exhortation,

Slide

Ephesians 5:1 NKJV

1 Therefore be imitators of God as dear children.

Marriage, Parenting and Servants/Masters

In chapter 5 and 6 of Ephesians, Paul focuses in on four types of relationships .

Firstly, our relationship to God, as dear children of God (Eph 5:1-21)

And then our relationship to others.

Marriage (Eph 5:21-33)

Parenting and Children (Eph. 6:1-4). Note that Paul directly addresses children as part of the congregation.

Bond-Servants and Masters (Eph. 6:5-9).

Paul uses that same structures in Col. 3:18-25.

Please, turn to it.

Marriage (Col 3:18-19)

Colossians 3:18–19 NKJV

18 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. 19 Husbands, love your wives and do not be bitter toward them.

Parenting and Children (Col 3:20-21)

Colossians 3:20–21 NKJV

20 Children, obey your parents in all things, for this is well pleasing to the Lord. 21 Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.

Bond-Servants and Masters (Col 3:22-25)

Colossians 3:22–25 NKJV

22 Bondservants, obey in all things your masters according to the flesh, not with eyeservice, as men-pleasers, but in sincerity of heart, fearing God. 23 And whatever you do, do it heartily, as to the Lord and not to men, 24 knowing that from the Lord you will receive the reward of the inheritance; for you serve the Lord Christ. 25 But he who does wrong will be repaid for what he has done, and there is no partiality.

Apostle Peter’s Letters

The Apostle Peter also has extensive exhortation to Husbands and Wives in 1 Peter 3.

We don’t have time to read it all.

But the guidance starts in 1 Peter 3:1, with Peter giving practical guidance to wives in marriages where the husband does not obey the word.

Let me read that,

Slide

1 Peter 3:1 NKJV

1 Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives,

Logos, word, is used twice in this verse.

“Without a word, may be won to the word”.

I really like that emphasis!

Prove it in transformed Relationships

Emphasis

Paul and Peter effectively say, if you are a new creation in Christ, if you are a dear child of God, Prove it in transformed relationships!

Prove it, starting at home!

With the ones who really know you best.

Be imitators of God, as dear children!

As dear children in the family of God, Prove it in your family!

In my experience, there is nothing like a quiver full of teenage kids (or younger) to help prove and prune your vine, so to speak.

I could tell you story after story about teenage, Rebecca and Rhys, our daughter and son.

But will leave that for now.

Paul’s gift of Singleness

It seems ironic to me that it is the Apostle Paul who writes most on such things.

The one who lost his former way of life and all his former friends at his conversion near Damascus.

The one who after his conversion, lived single, as the Apostle to the Gentiles.

The one who wrote,

1 Corinthians 7:8 NKJV

8 But I say to the unmarried and to the widows: It is good for them if they remain even as I am;

Paul, who was given the gift of singleness, is the one who writes often about the gift of marriage and of parenting.

So for any here who are not married, or do not have children, or are widowed, please do not “turn the channel” in your minds.

There is much is these scriptures for all of us, regardless of our current season of life.

Marriage

To talk about marriage these days is to enter a mine field.

Both within the church and outside.

You can be sure that whatever you say, someone will not be happy.

Too liberal, too conservative, out of touch, in a bubble, ....

I am also conscious some people will listen to this on FB or on our website.

Despite all the rhetoric, there is something nearly all can agree upon about marriage.

They are falling more today than ever before!

Many reasons are given.

The statistics are the same inside the church as outside.

The reason so many people decide to live together today is because of their first or second hand experience of marriage.

But the reality is living together has all the same challenges, with greater insecurity, especially where kids are involved.

Wives

Paul starts with Wives.

Lets read it again,

Slide

Ephesians 5:21–24 NKJV

21 submitting to one another in the fear of God. 22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. 24 Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.

Personally I think the context of Ephesian 5:21 is critical to this whole section on marriage.

Hence why I started with it.

Remember the verses and even the punctuation are not in the Koine Greek. They are an interpretations of sources.

Paul is saying submission, headship and order, is in the context of mutual submission in the fear of God.

I think that is important, and is also the context leading into this passage.

To Submit

There has been much said and written about that phrase “Submit to your husband”.

Norma is sitting very near me.

The study of the greek here is useful

Slide

ὑποτάσσω hypotasso. To submit, to subject oneself.

Root is τάσσω tasso. To designate, to determine

The sense here is of a willingness and determination of the wife towards her husband, as to the Lord.

We should never confuse it with inferiority or forced.

If anything Paul is affirming the dignity and free will of all in the eyes of God.

New Society in Christ

That submission is also in the context of the new society God is creating in Christ

In which we all have a place!

Slide

We talked about this earlier.

But let’s go a little deeper.

I had to draw this out yesterday.

I like the bigger picture before the detailed picture

The macro as the setting for the micro.

Paul outlines four type of relationships in Ephesians 5 and 6.

Our relationship to God, as dear children of God (Eph 5:1-21). The LHS

And then our relationship to others.

Marriage (Eph 5:21-33)

Parenting (Eph. 6:1-4)

Working. Bond-Servants and Masters (Eph. 6:5-9).

We all find a place!

Heading and Protection / Submission and Source

Paul is saying, Headship and Protection, flow downwards, from God, according to his created order.

Paul is also saying Submission and Source flows upwards, again according to His created order.

Paul will later appeal to Eden as the source for this created order.

We will come to that later

In my view, where we have a believer as a single parent, and there are many today, it does not invalid what Paul is saying!

For example if the husband is MIA. The order is still valid. That human layer is missing. But God is not!

Just as Peter says a woman (or man) married to an unbeliever is still in this picture.

I have always found the bible real and very practical, while never compromising God’s ideal for us.

Emphasis

Paul is painting a vidid picture of God’s new society in Christ.

And there is a place for ALL

Husbands

Now let me say a word to Husbands.

And all the wives say Finally.

Paul seems to say allot more to the husbands, than wives.

Just an observation!

And it all starts with that memorable exhortation,

Slide

Ephesians 5:25 NKJV

25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her,

Men, How is that going?

David Martyn Lloyd Jones

Men, I want to read you something by way of illustration.

Ladies, please make sure you man is listening.

David Martyn Lloyd-Jones was a Welsh Protestant minister and medical doctor.

He was born in Cardiff in 1899

He married his Bethan in 1927.

He wrote a series of letters in 1937 to his Bethan, during a three-week preaching tour in America.

It was a difficult time for Lloyd-Jones. Elizabeth, his daughter, said years later thathe vowed never to be gone from Bethan that long again. 

Paragraphs like the one I am about to read were common in his letters.

He writes to Bethan,

“Let us say just this much—thinking of you gives me endless happiness, and I am more certain than ever that there is no one in the world like you, not even approaching you, not in all the world. . . . I have been thinking of eleven years ago tonight, when we went together to Covenant Gardens and there back to Dilyrs’s. I thought at that time, that I loved you, but I had to live with you for over 10 years to know you properly and so to love you truly.

I know that I am deficient in many things and must at times disappoint you. That really grieves me, and I am trying to improve. But believe me, if you could see my heart you would be amazed at how great is my love. I hope you know, indeed I know that you know, in spite of all my failings. I can do nothing but say again that from the human standpoint I belong entirely to you.

I hope you don’t think that is just romantic nonsense.

Ladies, if your man is just rolling his eyes, take your elbow and gently encourage him.

If I can paraphrase, “Husbands, humanly speaking, give yourself entirely for your wife, just as Christ gave himself entirely for the church”

There is no better witness for Christ than a marriage in the fear of God.

People see it and it speaks volumes.

It is like giving out tracks everywhere you go.

Leaving and Cleaving

Paul continues his reasoning by saying that just as the church is one in the body of Christ, so a husband and wife are one in the body by marriage.

Slide

Ephesians 5:28–30 NKJV

28 So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. 30 For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones.

Paul is here quoting from Genesis 2:24.

Slide

Ephesians 5:31 NKJV

31 “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.”

This is pre-fall, yet the very next event in Genesis is the Fall.

How ironic, and yet not surprising with hindsight.

Paul is here outlining a marriage process.

It is public.

A man leaves, A man cleaves.

Simple as that.

Ladies, men need it simple.

I have experienced this in 2 ways.

As a Bridegroom.

And as a Father of the Bride.

I still remember vividly the day of our Rebecca’s wedding

That day the picture of her as a small flower girl kept coming to my mind.

But however strong that Daddy-daughter relationship is, or that Mother- Son relationship, when they marry, it changes.

They leave and they cleave!

They become one Flesh

The man and woman become one flesh.

The two become one flesh.

This is a family service, so we shall keep this at an appropriate level.

But If you want to see how marriage intimacy is celebrated in the bible, go and read Songs of Solomon.

Then if you want to learn about the consequences of treating the marriage bed lightly, hope on over to Proverbs.

God’s ways are the best, every-time!

Agree with God and be at Peace

Paul ends with a typical summary.

It says it all.

Slide

Ephesians 5:33 NKJV

33 Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

Husband, love your wife.

Wife, respect your husband.

Yes wife, even when he is the most annoying person on earth

Yes wife, even when once again he says the wrong thing at just the wrong time.

How about that for the top of your Todo list?

For July, For August, for the rest of our life,

Husbands, love your wife.

Wives, respect your husband.

God’s Amazing Grace

I would like to end where I started, with God’s amazing grace

Two points to conclude.

God’s grace enables us to live as God intends. That is His Enabling Grace.

God’s grace extends forgiveness and restoration when it goes wrong.

All of us are guilty here is some respect, in thought, word or deed.

None of us should be reaching down to get some stones to throw.

The older ones will leave first if they are honest with themselves.

Psalm 60:1

This morning I was reading,

Psalm 60:1 NKJV

1 O God, You have cast us off; You have broken us down; You have been displeased; Oh, restore us again!

“Restore us again”!

That Hebrew phrase appears 8 time in Psalms.

Mostly in the Psalms of David

Restore us, Revive us, Make us turn, Bring us back.

David learned the hard way,, including about Marriage.

Conclusion

Agree with God and be at peace with Him!

He knows best

He wants the best for you.

His boundaries are given for good reasons.

I am a child of divorced parents.

The cycle can end with us

God’s grace meets us where we are at, and says, follow me!

Let us Pray

Benediction

A benediction from,

Ephesians 6:24 NKJV

24 Grace be with all those who love our Lord Jesus Christ in sincerity. Amen.