Forgiveness
“But I resent what they did to me!” someone says. According to Webster, our English word “resent” means literally, “to feel again.” Your resentment is doing nothing more than replaying the memory of the wrong over and over again. Each time you do, it is as though the wrong happens all over again. No wonder you turn bitter! Resentment magnifies the pain!
Introduction
Story about forgiveness
I want to speak to you about forgiveness. Perhaps, as we imagine what this man’s life would have been like had he spent it in vengeful bitterness, we can see in a very practical way the value of forgiveness. My experience has shown that forgiveness is often misunderstood, however. Even Christians misunderstand it. Because of the misunderstandings, some people find it impossible to live happy and productive lives. In the time we have remaining, I want to ask and answer three questions: (I) What is forgiveness (II) Why must we forgive?, and (III) How can we forgive?
I. What is Forgiveness?
Some people think that forgiveness is the same as forgetting. “Just forgive and forget,” they say. But how do you forget, especially when the wrong is something that really hurt you or a loved one? How could someone like Chris Carrier just forget what happened? You can’t just turn off your mind. What is God asking for, anyway? The concept is simple in theory. The Greek word for forgives means “to release or dismiss.” When you forgive someone you release them from fault or blame. They’re free. They’re release. Sounds simple. But it isn’t.
A. Forgiveness can be one of the hardest things God ever calls upon you to do. You see, our innate sense of justice pulls against forgiveness. We think, “They wronged me. Let them pay!” Isn’t that justice? Shouldn’t a person be made to pay for his wrongs? Shouldn’t there be restitution? But forgiveness denies us that right. Forgiveness says, “You don’t have to pay - at least you don’t have to pay me. You’re free. The blame is dismissed.” That isn’t easy to say! Forgiveness is hard!
B. Forgiveness is also costly. If I have a brand new car with 20 miles on it and park it in the church parking lot and you carelessly come driving in and smash into the side of it, doing $8000 damage, you and I are going to have a problem with our relationship! Let’s suppose that just such a thing happens and you are unemployed and don’t have any insurance. Let’s say you come to me contritely and say, “Dave, I realize that in my carelessness, I have wronged you terribly. Will you forgive me?” If I say “Yes,” who pays for the damages? I do! You go free! You see, forgiveness is never a receipt given for a debt paid in full. If you come to my house and, in a lighthearted moment, break a priceless family heirloom that cannot be replaced, and I say, “I forgive you,” who bears the loss? I do! That is why forgiveness is hard. It’s costly! “So,” someone asks, “does that mean that I should forgive someone even if they never acknowledge their wrong or say they are sorry?” The Bible’s answer to that is “No.” Forgiveness is granted when there is an aknowledgment of wrong and a resulting repentance. (If my saying that raises some questions in your mind, listen up. I’ll clarify with Scripture.) Luke 17:3-4 says, “Be on your guard! If your brother sins, rebuke him; and if he repents, forgive him. And if he sins against you seven times a day, and returns to you seven times, saying, ‘I repent,’ forgive him.” Notice the condition of forgiveness in that verse: “If he repents, forgive him...” Jesus said on the cross, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.” But if you look carefully at Acts 2:22, we see that Peter, under inspiration of the Holy Spirit, indicates they are still guilty of crucifying Jesus. They weren’t forgiven until they repented and were baptized later on that day of Pentecost. Those who didn’t repent weren’t forgiven. The loving father of Luke 15 forgave his son and reinstated him into the family, but it was only after he said, “I have sinned against heaven and in your sight.” He didn’t pronounce forgiveness and restore his family position while the boy was living with the pigs. King David was forgiven after his adultery with Bathsheba, but only after he said to Nathan, “I have sinned.” A Christian grants forgiveness when there is repentance on the part of the wrongdoer. “So, does that mean I can go ahead a hate and be bitter toward someone who has wronged me until he repents?” No. Paul said, “Never take your own revenge, beloved, but leave room for the wrath of God.” When Paul warned Timothy about a particularly dangerous metalworker in 2 Tim 4:14, He said, “Alexander the coppersmith did me much harm; the Lord will repay him according to his deeds.” When someone refuses to repent of a wrong they have done, we must turn the matter over to the proper authority - in this case, God. And what are we to do, then? Jesus said in Matthew 5:44, “Love your enemies, and pray for those who persecute you.” In Luke 6:28, He said, “bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you...” A Christian’s responsibility when someone wrongs him or her and will not repent is to turn over the supposed “right” of vengeance to God, and in it’s place pray for the person and give a blessing instead of a curse. In essence, he holds the door open in the hope the person will see the error of his way and repent. At this point, someone may be inclined to say, “That’s too much! I can’t do it! But God doesn’t say you should. He says you must forgive. But He hasn’t left us without help, because
C. Forgiveness is shown in Jesus Christ. Listen, if you think that your sense of justice in wanting to see wrongdoers punished is strong, realize that God’s sense of justice is even stronger! By all “rights” none of us should ever get away with all of our rebelliousness, our selfishness, our negligence, in short, our sin. Justice demands that payment be made in full! Someone must pay for what we have done wrong toward God and the payment price is our life! So who paid? Did we? No! Who paid? God paid for it Himself! When forgiveness is granted to someone who has done wrong, who bears the hurt of the wrong? The one who does the forgiving. That, my friend, is the story of the cross! A lot of people think that God used an innocent third party (Jesus) and punished Him for our sins. But that is not forgiveness! Morally and justly the sins of one cannot be transferred to a third party. It must be settled between the two involved! If you wreck my car, would it be right for me to go out and wave down a passing motorist, haul him out of his car, and beat him up for what you did? That’s ridiculous! That is why in the Bible Jesus is called “God with us.” That is why He is shown to be God in the flesh! Jesus was the very God of the universe, hanging on the cross, willingly absorbing in Himself every wretched miserable result of sin that we have done against Him! Hard? You better believe it! Costly? Absolutely the costliest! Did we deserve that kind of sacrifice from God? No! Now, since God has done that for us, He asks us to do the same for others. What right does God have to ask me to forgive you for wrecking my new car? He has every right because I wrecked more of His that His car! And He forgave me! Do you remember the story of the unforgiving servant in Matthew 18:23-35? When the servant begged for forgiveness, the King forgave his entire debt of $10M. The guy goes out and demands payment from a fellow servant for a couple of months wages. When the guy begged him, he refused and had the guy thrown into debtor’s prison. Do you remember the anger of the King? That’s how God feels when we (the big debtors) will not forgive another (a little debtor.) It cost God the life of his Son to forgive you and me. He has every right according to all that is fair to expect us to forgive others as He has forgiven us. Are you living in unforgiveness today? If you are, then realize that you are not on your way to heaven unless you repent of that and forgive! Too much to ask, you say? Then don’t ask for God’s forgiveness, because you’ll not receive it. So next we’ll ask the question,
II. Why Must We Forgive?
Why shouldn’t a person who has wronged us terribly be made to pay for his wrong?
A. One reason is that bitterness and the desire for vengeance takes such a high toll in our own lives. Someone has rightly said that harboring bitterness and hatred toward those who have wronged us is like shooting ourselves in order to hit our enemy with the recoil of the gun. We lose! You see, bitterness cannot be confined in its effects to just one area of our lives. It spills over into other things. Hateful, vengeful people don’t have many friends. Their suspicions and distrust, and their caustic cynicism will soon drive away even the closes friends. Tell me, would you seek out a hateful person, soured on life, to be your friend? Mental and physical problems can result as well when we hate. Bitterness will elevate your blood pressure, upset your digestive works, give you ulcers, or it could bring on a coronary or a nervous breakdown. Our bodies weren’t designed to withstand the constant presence of the kinds of emotions that bitterness unleashes! Bitterness takes a high toll on us. Bitterness can also draw us into sin. We need to understand that God holds us accountable for our actions regardless of what others have said or done to us. Sometimes we get the mistaken idea that we are justified in sinning against another if the wrong done against us is bad enough. It comes out in words like this: “Well, what did you expect me to do after what they did to me!” It sounds very convincing, especially when the magnitude of the wrong done is great. But such thinking is wrong. Jesus said, “Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you...” Paul taught, “Never take your own revenge, beloved, but leave room for the wrath of God.” You see, it just doesn’t fit. We are accountable for right actions regardless of what others have done to us. We cannot “get even” without “getting guilty.” Therefore, forgiveness is essential. We must forgive. But there is an even more serious issue at stake here.
B. If we do not forgive it will cost us our salvation. Jesus made the matter crystal clear for us in Matthew 6:14-15: “For if you forgive men for their transgressions, your Heavenly Father will also forgive you; but if you do not forgive men, then your Father will not forgive your transgressions.” Forgiving and being forgiven are all in one piece! You cannot have one without the other! They cannot be separated. George Herbert wrote: “He that cannot forgive others breaks the bridge over which he himself must pass if he would ever reach heaven.” The very simple truth is this: If you will not forgive, you cannot go to heaven. That makes what we are addressing here very important! Well, then, if forgiveness is that important, we’d better learn more about it! We’ve addressed the what and the why of forgiveness. What about the how? Thanks be to God because His Word shows us how!
III. How Do We Forgive?
The key to learning how to forgive is found in learning how God has forgiven us. Turn with me please, to Jeremiah 31:34. Notice in this verse how God forgives us. “And they shall not teach again, each man his neighbor, and each man his brother saying, ‘Know the Lord,’ for they shall all know Me, from the least of them to the greatest,” declares the Lord. “For I will forgive their iniquity, and their sin I will remember no more.” Look also at Isaiah 43:25: “I, even I, am the One who wipes out your transgressions for My own sake; and I will not remember your sins.” Here the Bible says that, in forgiving us, God is promising not to remember our sins. That word “remember” in these verses is the Hebrew word ZAKAR. According to Vine’s Expository Dictionary, ZAKAR means “to remember, to think of, or to make mention of.” It is used in Genesis 40:14 when Joseph asked the cupbearer who was about to be released from jail to “mention” him to Pharaoh and get him out of jail. We sometimes say, “Remember me to your father.” We mean, “Mention me to you father.” Joseph wanted the cupbearer to bring up his case before Pharaoh. You see, in these passages, God isn’t promising to have a lapse of memory. He is omniscient. He knows all. He does not forget in that sense. What he is promising here is that, in forgiving our sins, He will not make mention of them again. He will not bring them up again! There is the key to understanding forgiveness. Forgiveness amounts to a promise never to bring up the issue of blame again - not to the offender, not to another, not even to oneself in brooding over the loss. Now, what about forgetting? Well, forgetting is a by-product of forgiving, you see. If I promise not to continue to throw it up to you or complain to or tell others, and not even to sit around and stew about it myself, the matter will grow dim in my memory! One writer put it this way: “Though the hornet of memory may fly again, forgiveness has drawn its sting.” But what if, after making the promise to forgive you, I do bring it up again? Then I have broken my promise. That is a sin, right? What is a Christian to do about sin? Confess it. Repent of it. Throw it out. If one continues to do just that, in time the reminder of the hurt will grown dim. A relationship can be restored.
Conclusion
What I am teaching you is not an easy thing. It is hard to forgive. As a matter of fact, if we did not know of God’s forgiveness of us, we might believe it to be impossible. But it isn’t, once you understand its true meaning. Difficult? Yes! Costly? By all means! But the cost of unforgiveness is even greater. If you do not forgive, you do not go to heaven. Is there someone you need to forgive? Has someone wronged you so terribly that you are really struggling with what I am saying? Has bitterness and resentment for someone taken over a part of your life? My friend, it has to go! “But I resent what they did to me!” someone says. According to Webster, our English word “resent” means literally, “to feel again.” Your resentment is doing nothing more than replaying the memory of the wrong over and over again. Each time you do, it is as though the wrong happens all over again. No wonder you turn bitter! Resentment magnifies the pain! Perhaps you have vowed in the past, “I will never forgive that person!” Are you willing to go to hell for your hatred? That is where you will end up if you do not forgive.
My friend, if it is you the Holy Spirit is speaking to through this message, let me call you out of your sin into the freedom of forgiveness. You can live free of the crippling memory of the hurts of your past if you decide to do it...
Take my life…