Dealing with Conflict
October 7, 2007 SD 20
Dealing with Conflict.doc File: E
8The Joyful Christian Part Nine
Dealing with Conflict
Philippians 4:1-5
If we are going to live a joyful life we must learn how to deal with conflict…
Have any arguments lately?
A spouse? A boss? A co-worker? A friend?
Experiencing any conflict at all in your life?
Hardly any life will progress far without experiencing some kind of conflict…
Wills at odds with each other
Desires and expectations colliding…
Try to plan a vacation for a family of five and see how many conflicting ideas you might come up with…
Your are trying to do something fun, exciting, enjoyable...and it ends up in a major conflict…Sometimes you think it might be safer in Iraq…
Kinda like Lucy, in the Peanuts comic strip, -- Lucy says to Snoopy, “There are times when you really bug me, but I must admit there are also times when I feel like giving you a big hug.”
Snoopy replies, “That’s the way I am…huggable and buggable.”
And so it is in our relationships even in the church…
Conflict! It even happens in the body of Christ!!!!
Why? Because we are filled with imperfect people…look around you…don’t you see that everyone else but you is just imperfect…not what they ought to be???
Sure…and what about you???
There was a seed of unrest growing in the church at Philippi…
Nurtured by self-will, and watered by opinions held with pride.
Paul gives some instruction to some specific individuals who are at the root of this disturbance…instructions that may well help us!
Some guiding principles!
81. conflict is inevitable.
It is impossible that offenses will not come…”
There will always be opportunity for you to pick up an offense and carry it…the offense become a grudge…the grudge become a burden…the burden become a sin…and sin begins to separate you from the Lord and the joy he wants for your life…
82. Selfishness is optional
Remember Timothy? (2:20-21)
He truly cared more for others than himself
The devil loves to take advantage of every misunderstanding that arises…but we are not ignorant of his devises…and here are two people who need to be reminded…
Euodia and Syntyche…I call them Odious and Soon-touchy!
They were good women who worked with Paul; they were sincere Christians -- who had some sort of contention between them that was affecting the church and Paul says --- Paul pleads, Urges!
“I urge you…” (v.2) “I implore”
NIV “I plead with you…I plead with you.”
TLB “Please, please, with the Lord’s help, quarrel no more—be friends again.”
(Phillips) “Euodias and Syntyche, I beg you by name to make up your differences as Christians should!”
This was such a serious matter and it was affecting the whole church because these women with godly reputations were spoiling the their testimony by their current attitudes toward each other—It was so serious that Paul is not afraid to name names…
We don’t know what their problem was but when James writes his letter he identifies the source of quarrels and conflict:
James 4:1-3 (NCV)
1 Do you know where your fights and arguments come from? They come from the selfish desires that war within you.
8Here are two principles to help us walk in harmony:
Some principles to restore joy and laughter in our relationships—especially in the church…
81. The underlying principle: “Stand firm in the lord” 4:1
Now many of us are willing to stand firm in our opinions
But we are hard pressed to see clearly the difference between biblical truth (that must never be compromised) and personal opinion which we can hold and still be kind-hearted toward others who hold differing opinions---goodness my wife and I don’t agree on everything and we love each other dearly--
Stand firm in the Lord---this is one of Paul’s favorite lines!
1 Cor 16:13 “Stand firm in the faith…”
Gal 5:1 “keep standing firm
1 Thes. 3:8 “Now we really live, if you stand firm in the Lord.”
2 Thess. 2:15 “So then, brothers, stand firm.”
Ephesians 6 “having done all to stand, stand therefore…”
Friends we must take our stand in the Lord! In the truth of His word and the life of His character…
It is one of the most foundational principles to maintaining harmony and defusing conflict…Let the Lord be the center of our focus!
What would standing firm include? (Chuck Swindol suggests the following)
8Following the teaching of Jesus.
8Respecting His Word
8Modeling His priorities
8Loving His people
8Seeking to carry out His will
When we do these things we won’t have much difficulty relating to other members of the body of Christ—even the ones who do not hold such priorities…
Question: Do you stand firm in the Lord? Or do you value your own opinions above the sacredness of Christ and His mission to win the lost?
“By this shall all men know that you are my disciples said Jesus, “that you love one another.”
Oh, how good and pleasant it is when brothers and sisters dwell together in unity.” Declares the Psalmist…
Anything less creates havoc and disharmony and sadness!
1 Corinthians 1:10 (NKJV) (written to a church with unity problems)
10 Now I plead with you, brethren, by the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that you all speak the same thing, and that there be no divisions among you, but that you be perfectly joined together in the same mind and in the same judgment.
There is power in unity—
Benjamin Franklin at the signing of the declaration of independence is supposed to have said, “brethren, if we do not hang together we will certainly hang individually…”
82. Second principle: v.2 “Live in harmony in the Lord…”
Again we see that the focus of a true harmonious relationship with anyone is going to be when The Lord is the focus!
When it becomes about Him and not about me…
Stand firm and live in harmony! Don’t compromise truth but put other people before your self and your biases and prejudices and opinions…
You can love people in spite of their offenses or offensive ways
The common ground that must break down conflict is when Jesus Christ is Lord…
Paul had already given these believers some specific instruction—Philippians 2:3-4 (NKJV)
3 Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself. 4 Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others.
Then he gave Jesus as the example---Jesus thought you were more important than his place in heaven—so he left it! So you might have it! He thought you were more valuable than the blood that flowed in His veins—so he drained it…that you might live!
He thought that you were more important than the sin that separated you from Him…so He took your sin on Himself—carried your blame, and your shame…just to restore a relationship that had been broken…
Someone always has to take the first step toward reconciliation
God took that first steep in His relationship with you!
You had to take the next step…
In human relationships someone must go first---
Paul begs his sisters in the Lord to make it right between them, because the cause of Christ was suffering as a result.
Something neither one of them would want…
So both sides in the disagreement are pointed to a higher principle… “live in harmony in the Lord”
The values of the Jesus style of life are opposite of the world…
The world says—promote yourself
Jesus says lift others up
The world says, “look out for number one…”
Jesus says, “humble yourself…” look out for others, consider them of more worth than yourself…
Esther Kim knows what this means. For thirteen years she had one dream. The Summer Olympics. She wanted to represent the United States on the Olympic tae kwon do squad.
From the age of eight, she spent every available hour in training. In fact, it was in training that she met and made her best friend, Kay Poe. The two worked so hard for so long that no one was surprised when they both qualified for the 2000 Olympic trials in Colorado Springs.
Everyone, however, was surprised when they were placed in the same division. They’d never competed against each other, but when the number of divisions was reduced, they found their names on the same bracket. It would be just a matter of events before they found themselves on the same mat. One would win and one would lose. Only one could go to Australia.
As if the moment needed more drama, two facts put Esther Kim in a heartrending position. First, her friend Kay injured her leg in the match prior to theirs. Kay could scarcely walk, much less compete. Because of the injury Esther could defeat her friend with hardly any effort.
But then there was a second truth. Esther knew that Kay was the better fighter. If she took advantage of her crippled friend, the better athlete would stay home.
So what did she do? Esther stepped onto the floor and bowed to her friend and opponent. Both knew the meaning of the gesture. Esther forfeited her place. She considered the cause more important than the credit.1
This is a good time for a few poignant questions. What’s more important to you—that the work be done or that you be seen? When a brother or sister is honored, are you joyful or jealous? Do you have the attitude of Jesus? Do you consider others more important than yourself?[1]
It seems to have been a problem for some in the first century church as well…
Down through the centuries these two women are known…not for the work they accomplished at the side of Paul…or for their noble deeds (which, I am sure there must have been some)…but they are known as two women who quarreled…
A simple yet alarming epitaph to their lives…
Let me ask you a simple question: “If your life were to be summed up in a single statement, what would that statement be?”
Can you hear the friends and family around your grave…or in the quite hours alone...what are they saying? What one sentence might summarize their memory of you?
The need for intervention—a mediator
v.3 “Indeed, true companion, I ask you also to help these women who have shared my struggle in the cause of the gospel,…
Sometimes we need someone else to step in and help…someone who we trust to call us to action…call us to account for our actions…
Call us to live like Jesus…
Charles H. Spurgeon, Baptist minister of London, England, had a pastor-friend, Dr. Newman Hall, who wrote a book entitled, Come to Jesus. Another preacher published an article in which he ridiculed Hall, who bore it patiently for a little while. But when the article gained popularity, Hall sat down and wrote a letter of protest. His answer was full of retaliatory invectives that outdid anything in the article which attacked him. Before mailing the letter, Hall took it to Spurgeon for his opinion.
Spurgeon read it carefully then, handing it back, asserted it was excellent and that the writer of the article deserved it all. “But,” he added, “It just lacks one thing.” After a pause Spurgeon continued, “Underneath your signature you ought to write the words, ‘Author of Come to Jesus.’ ”
The two godly men looked at each other for a few minutes. Then Hall tore the letter to shreds…
Sometimes we need to go to another person for their godly guidance…to someone who will speak the truth to us…
Sometimes we need to step in when the Spirit guides us to make a difference and restore unity between brother or sisters who are at odds with each other…
Sometimes after we have done all we can to make things right we just must let it go…because there are those time when you have done all you can to live at peace with all men and it is not enough…you must move on…
8Conclusion: When we look at the need for unity and the instructin of Pau to these believers I think we can draw four practical lessons---Chuck Swindol outlines these in his book, Laugh Again, (p.185-186)
81. Conflict will continue to occur. You might as well forget about having a conflict-free environment…as long as sin soaks humanity there will continue to be disharmony and conflict. But to have a walk of joy we must learn some principles for dealing with it.
· 8Focus on the Lord Personally
· 8Let the lord be the focus of your unity
· 8Let it always be about Him and not you or someone else/
82. If a disagreement should be resolved and could be resolved but is not, then stubbornness and selfishness are at the core…
Something greater is at stake…think about it…someone has to give…it might as well be you! Take the Jesus road!
83. Not all conflicts are wrong. Not all disagreement require reconciliation. As I recall, it was Jesus who said that He brings “a sword” into certain relationships. Occasionally it is right to fight for right! When certainly biblical truths ar at stake we must not compromise or back down…but we can always have a right attitude toward other people…even our enemies…
84. If you are the friend needed to help bring reconciliation between others remember this threefold objective:
a. The ultimate goal: Restoration (not discipline)
b. the overall attitude: Grace (not force)
c. The common ground: Christ (not logic or the church or tradition or your will)
Perhaps it is time for you to let go of some long-standing disagreement—it has kept you at a distance from someone who once was dear to you…who once shared life with you…but now you hardly talk…and may even try to avoid each other…
Why don’t you take the first step…a joyful, carefree, happy heart and a resentful unforgiving heart have never existed in the same body…Until you take care of the obstacle to your joy…and forgive you will not experience the fullness of joy Jesus wants for you
And if the one you are at odds with is God…Why don’t you give it up and come to Jesus!
The Joyful Christian—Part Nine
Philippians 4:1-3
Reducing Conflict
“stand fast in the Lord, beloved.” v.1
“…be of the same mind in the Lord…” v.2
Conflict is
Selfishness is
Two Principles for maintaining unity and disarming division
1. “Stand firm in the Lord” (v.1)
What would standing firm in the Lord look like?
2. “…live in harmony in the Lord
Four Practical Lessons:
1. Conflict will to occur.
To maintain Joy in the face of conflict:
· Focus on
· Let it always be about and not you or someone else.
2. If a disagreement be resolved and be resolved, but is not; then and are at the core.
3. Not all conflicts are .
4. If you are the friend needed to help bring reconciliation between others remember this threefold objective:
a. The ultimate goal: (not discipline)
b. the overall attitude: (not force)
c. The common ground: (not logic or the church or tradition or your
will)
----
1 Dan McCarney, “Courage to Quit,” San Antonio Express News, 13 July 2000, sec. 4C.
[1]Lucado, M. 2002. A love worth giving : Living in the overflow of God's love. W Pub. Group: Nashville, Tenn.
