2021-2-21; The Meaning of Love: Love is not Self-Centered 1 Cor. 13:4
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Truett Cathy, Successful business man, a champion of foster children. He and Jeannette had 150 foster kids over his life.
“I think I’d like to be remembered as someone who kept his priorities in order.”
He certainly kept others first.
General Definition of Agape Love
General Definition of Agape Love
Agape love is a strong affection for another person which is concerned with that person’s good (God’s good: which includes physical well-being and, more so, redemption in Christ and spiritual restoration through him). One of the primary features of agape love is the willing sacrifice of our rights and privileges so that other people may have God’s good.
This kind of love originates in the heart of God and is perfectly manifested in the gospel of Christ.
In the Gospel,
God made us to be with Him in sweet fellowship
But we sinned and this separated us from God and condemned us to hell.
But God still loved us, and He sent His Son, Jesus the Christ, from heaven to earth, to die on the cross to pay for our sins, and raised Him from grave, so that...
13 For “everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.”
because...
12 as far as the east is from the west,
so far does he remove our transgressions from us.
Now we have been given the call from Christ to go and do likewise. (Mk 12:31)
Love Compels Us To Live a Certain Way
Love Compels Us To Live a Certain Way
Following this example, Paul tells us that agape love then compels us to behave a certain way in our relationships with one another.
4 Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant
So far, we’ve seen it is patient (a measured response) and kind (blessing in action).
Love Does Not Envy, or Boast, and it is Not Proud
Love Does Not Envy, or Boast, and it is Not Proud
Today, we’re going to see what love is not. It does not envy, or boast, and it is not proud.
There is universal agreement that these are not good attitudes. No one here wakes up in the morning and decides to be more envious, boastful, or proud.
However, while we denounce them, we don’t seem to have a problem doing them. We innately do them when we act according to our sin nature. For maturing Christians, these are characteristics we beg the Lord to deliver us from. We have to repent of them every day.
So we need the constant reminder that when it comes to us loving others with a God kind of love, envy, bragging, and arrogance should be absent.
We’re going to see that envy, boasting, and pride comes from a selfish heart. When we think too much of ourselves, we are going to be hindered in agape love.
We are not going to be attentive to the needs of others.
We are not going to be willing to give up our time, talent, and treasure in order to meet those needs.
If we do manage to do some good deeds for others, they may be done from an improper attitude (like playing the martyr, or loving others for the praise of men).
The good news is that when you are in Christ, God reforms your heart. God can free us from the self-centeredness of envy, boasting, and pride, and create in us a willingness to love others with the love He’s given us.
Envy
Envy
Envy is coveting. Envy is being painfully desirous of another person’s advantage. It is being jealous of what another person possesses. Our popular phrase “green with envy” comes from Shakespeare’s Othello in which jealousy is described as a green-eyed monster.
1. We are envious when we look at another person’s stuff (like a car or a house or a swimming pool) or advantages (good looks) and tell ourselves, “Why does she get to have that and I don’t? I deserve that more than she does.”
2. It’s when you look at people who have a beautiful spouses, great children, successful careers, and incredible skills and then you dislike them because they have what you don’t. It that little twinge of disgust you feel as you scroll through your social media feed and see people going on vacation and taking perfect family photos.
3. Sometimes you even find yourself rooting against people even though they’ve done nothing against you. You find yourself hoping something bad would happen to them so that things might be a little more even in life. Be honest, did anyone find themselves rooting against Tom Brady in the Superbowl because he appears to have too much?
You really see this in the story of Joseph and his brothers.
Joseph was Jacob’s favorite son.
3 Now Israel loved Joseph more than any other of his sons, because he was the son of his old age. And he made him a robe of many colors.
Joseph’s mom was Rachel, the woman whom Jacob loved more than any other. She was barren for many years, then the Lord gave she and Jacob, Joseph (a miracle baby). So Joseph was always special to Jacob. He was so special that he gave Jacob an expensive present he did not give to his other sons- a coat of many colors. This did not escape the notice of his brothers.
4 But when his brothers saw that their father loved him more than all his brothers, they hated him and could not speak peacefully to him.
This is envy. This feeling eventually grew into the murderous intent
20 Come now, let us kill him and throw him into one of the pits. Then we will say that a fierce animal has devoured him, and we will see what will become of his dreams.”
but they settled on...
27 Come, let us sell him to the Ishmaelites, and let not our hand be upon him, for he is our brother, our own flesh.” And his brothers listened to him.
The point from this story is a warning for us. Envy is self-pity and jealousy which leads to hateful feelings in our hearts.
This feeling comes from a self-centered heart and it sabotages our ability to love.
Envy in Corinth
Envy in Corinth
The Christians at Corinth lived in a culture which, like ours celebrated wealth, beauty, knowledge, wit, and debate.
In these things, there were the haves and the have nots. In the church, the Christians coveted what each other had.
They even envied other blessings from God-
Like which Christian leader they followed most closely (Paul, Apollos, Cephas, Jesus Christ, 1 Cor 1:10-17).
They also envied the manifestations of God’s gifting in individuals- like spiritual gifts related to teaching and preaching, prophecy, and tongues.
Paul tells them in our passage today that they have to make a choice between love and envy.
You cannot give agape love to people (powerful affection toward people and work for God’s good in their lives, and sacrifice on their behalf in a way that is honorable to God), if your are giving your heart’s energy to lusting after their lives.
More so, what you have is ultimately God given. Envy is actually criticizing God’s provision in your life. So, it is sin against God. How then could His love flow through us?
What to do?
What to do?
What can you do to nullify envy in your life?
Practice humility- we’ve got to get over ourselves. We’ve got to quit pitying ourselves and seeing our lives based on what we don’t have. Rather we need to learn to be thankful for what we do have. If you ask God for help in this, He will re-orient your heart.
God’s will is that you find joy and contentment in Him and in what He’s given you.
We have to train our hearts to know our worth and happiness is not in possessions, success, skill, relationships, families or anything else that our neighbors may have that we may want. Rather our worth and happiness is found only in Christ, and in our status as children of God.
20 I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.
Our identity in Christ is the only thing that can satisfy our hearts today.
One day, this status in God will be all that we have left. He is be our all-in all.
Boasting and Arrogance
Boasting and Arrogance
Many of these principles carry over to Paul’s next thoughts on boasting and arrogance.
So there is a line in a poem which says, “If you compare yourself to others, you will end up either vain or bitter.”
So far we’ve talked about envy which makes us bitter.
Now, let’s talk about what makes you vain.
Paul says,
4 Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant
Love does not boast and do not proud.
Remember, envy, boasting, and pride each come from an over-inflated ego. Envy is different because you are worried about yourself from a position of want.
Boasting and pride comes from the worry that others won’t see all that you have and agree that you are something special.
Boasting is speaking and acting in a way to help others see that you are very important. It is your self-promotion.
So if you find yourself talking about or posting about how handsome you are, or what you’ve accomplished in life, or about how special and wonderful your children are, or how great your car is, or swaggering with your chest popped out, or something else. You are self-promoting. You are boasting.
Pride or arrogance is the related attitude. Pride is the belief in your heart that you are better than other people. You honestly believe you are smarter, more beautiful, more righteous, more valid, more __________ than other people. “All men are created equal, but some are more equal than others.”
It is also the belief that you are categorically greater than others. Actually, this is the basis for all the “isms” (sexism, ageism, racism). This is all pride.
Pride is being the Pharisee in Jesus’s parable...
9 He also told this parable to some who trusted in themselves that they were righteous, and treated others with contempt: 10 “Two men went up into the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. 11 The Pharisee, standing by himself, prayed thus: ‘God, I thank you that I am not like other men, extortioners, unjust, adulterers, or even like this tax collector. 12 I fast twice a week; I give tithes of all that I get.’
Boasting and Pride at Corinth
Boasting and Pride at Corinth
The Christians at Corinth were suffering from a bad case of elitism. The rich separated themselves from the poor, the intelligent were condescending toward the simple, they were puffed up because of knowledge, spiritual gifts, etc. (1 Cor 4:6; 4:18; 8:1).
Guess what, Paul says that you can’t love people with God’s love if you are proud and boastful! Why not? because agape love is all about emptying yourself out, giving away what you have for someone else’s good. When you are being boastful and proud, you are filling up your own bucket instead of someone else’s.
Pride goes in the opposite direction of love (even the world knows this).
Consider Jesus’s encounter with the rich young ruler...
16 And he took them in his arms and blessed them, laying his hands on them.
17 And as he was setting out on his journey, a man ran up and knelt before him and asked him, “Good Teacher, what must I do to inherit eternal life?” 18 And Jesus said to him, “Why do you call me good? No one is good except God alone. 19 You know the commandments: ‘Do not murder, Do not commit adultery, Do not steal, Do not bear false witness, Do not defraud, Honor your father and mother.’ ” 20 And he said to him, “Teacher, all these I have kept from my youth.” 21 And Jesus, looking at him, loved him, and said to him, “You lack one thing: go, sell all that you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come, follow me.” 22 Disheartened by the saying, he went away sorrowful, for he had great possessions.
This young man was at least wealth and very moral- to the point that he believed he had kept the law of God. Yet, his ego was the one thing which prevented him from sacrificing his possessions in order to love others.
The interesting thing about this story is that he is a perfect contrast to Christ. Christ is our model.
5 Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, 6 who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, 7 but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. 8 And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.
Jesus gave up heaven for you and me. We are to give up ourselves for others. We can’t do this unless we swallow our pride.
What to do?
What to do?
6 Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you,
Humble yourself.
Become like the tax collector who juxtaposed to the proud pharisee...
13 But the tax collector, standing far off, would not even lift up his eyes to heaven, but beat his breast, saying, ‘God, be merciful to me, a sinner!’ 14 I tell you, this man went down to his house justified, rather than the other. For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, but the one who humbles himself will be exalted.”
We’ve got to gain a proper perspective of ourselves. In God’s perspective, you are qualitatively no better than anyone else.All are loved and valuable.
Move the locus of your importance from your ego over to Christ. Step off the throne in your life and offer it to Him everyday.
23 And he said to all, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me.
Find your worth in Christ instead of self. It bears repeating, our worth and happiness is found only in Christ, and our status as children of God. Our identity in Christ is the only thing that can satisfy our hearts today. One day, this status in God will be all that we have left. He will be our all-in all.
He is the epitome of greatness and He is worthy of worship. He invites you to abide in Him and He will abide in you. He can be your boast, you can take pride in Him. Build Him up and know that He shares Himself with you. He glorifies you as you glorify Him.
Once you get yourself out of the way, then He will accomplish greater things in you than you could ever do on your own. Plus, it is far less stressful to glorify God rather than trying to convince others that we are God’s gift to the world.
Humble yourself
Discard your envy, your boasting, your pride
exalt Christ instead of yourself
and then you will be able to love as big as Joseph, as Christ