Spirit-filled Relationships

Introduction

The next few teaching points to finish out the book of Ephesians is going to radically change how we view relationships with all kinds of different applications. Sin separates us from God and people but Christ and our new relationship with Him through salvation has changed everything including relationships. Our relationships with one another are different (2:11-22), our relationships with our spouses are different (5:22-33), our relationship with our parents are different (6:1-4), our relationships at work are different (6:5-9), and our relationship with this world is different (6:10-24). All of this is changed by Christ’s work in us and through us as we throw out the old self and welcome the new self…this transformation happens through the work of the Holy Spirit in our hearts. Today we are going to be looking at marriage and relationships today.

Spirit-Filled Relationships

Be filled by the Spirit (5:18)

Paul gives us a huge reminder of what fountain flows all healthy and right relationships and that is from the Holy Spirit. He gives us two commands in verse 18 “Do not be drunk with wine…be filled with the Spirit.” The focus is on that last command. Right after that command there are five things that will be evident in your life if you are being filled with the Holy Spirit: addressing, singing, making, giving, submitting. When the Holy Spirit fills us we have these things present in our lives; an overflow of joy is expressed in deep thanksgiving to God and glad-hearted submission to others.

Drunkenness is a sin and it leads to other sins because of the lack of self-control. However, the Holy Spirit makes us self controlled and filled with a deep sense of Joy. Now put this in the context of a marriage. The Holy Spirit makes a person loving, forgiving, peaceful, self-controlled, gentle, and servant-hearted towards his or her spouse. We need the Spirit’s help to live like this in ALL of our relationships.

The effects of the Spirit (5:19-21)

Singing (5:19)

Just like I reminded you all of last week, if we are filled with the Spirit we should be singing. God is too great to just be talked about. We are not supposed to just think of His grace and speak of it but we feel it and rejoice in it too!

Singing has an impact horizontally and vertically. We sing “to one another” and “to the Lord”. You all know how songs can make you feel some type of way…well that’s what should happen when we join together to worship. We minister to one another when we sing together. We have a responsibility in worship together to encourage one another through singing. Vertically we should sing with our whole heart to the Lord in praise and horizontally we should sing in the presence of other believers to minister to them and ourselves.

Giving thanks (5:20)

The next result in the Spirit filling us is a constant gratitude to God. All humans are to give thanks to God, and thanksgiving is essential in worshipping together. You actually encourage others to seek after the Lord when you brag on Him and what He is doing in your life. This is one of those small moments where you can be the light to others. When you brag solely on God for the blessings in your life and you don’t take the spotlight off of Him to make yourself look better you are ministering to others and whether you know it or not you are ministering to your own heart.

When you poise yourself in a position of gratitude you are setting yourself up to be humble and to carry out a submissive life to God, to others, and to your future spouse. START NOW. Don’t wait to do this! Regardless if you’re in a relationship or not you should be practicing a servant lifestyle towards everyone. A giving and a thankful heart will be a servant heart!

Submitting (5:21)

Before speaking about marital, parental, and career relationships Paul points out the importance of submitting to one another in the church.

This is so important because sometimes we have these extravagant thoughts and ideas about how the Holy Spirit works. We think of the disciples in the upper room when the tongues of fire came over them and they spoke fluently in different languages, or we think God is just going to audibly speak to us from a burning bush, etc. But here we see that the Spirit leads us into community, where practical acts of love are demonstrated! The Spirit enables you to do what is not natural, to love and submit to others.

CHRISTIANS SERVE OTHERS HUMBLY. Write that down 100 times if you need to! Remember that!

Spirit Filled Marriage

This is a huge topic within our culture right now that needs to be addressed. I know what you’re thinking… “What does this have to do with me right now? I’m only in middle or high school. I don’t need to worry about this!” My response is yes you do. The way you treat your dating relationships should be this way. This is instruction that impacts all dating and marriage relationships. If you don’t see these traits in whoever you are dating that should be a red flag. If you don’t display these traits or just don’t want to that will be a red flag for anyone that is going to treat you with respect like this. These roles were set up by God. That means they are Holy and proper. And they don’t really display what the world expects from relationships…which is a good thing. And we have to realize that ultimately we desire to treat relationships this way and marriages this way because it displays Christ and glorifies Him.

Spirit-Filled wives (5:22-24)

The instruction (22-24,33)

The husband and the wife have EQUAL VALUE, BUT DIFFERENT ROLES THAT ARE GOD ORDAINED AND GOD GIVEN! Don’t get different roles twisted with lesser or greater value. I believe that is where we have messed up. Compare this to a slow dance…one leads, and one follows. One initiates, and the other responds. Both are necessary for the dance to happen. and when both fulfill their roles well, it is a beautiful thing to behold!

Paul says that the wife must revere Christ through proper submission and respect. Submission and respect is the role of the wife. On a practical level the husband needs the wife’s respect. Typically women crave love; men desire respect. The wife should see the responsibility her husband has and respect him, love him, pray for him, and respect his needs.

Next is submission. This is not the only place submission is used. All of the New Testament is consistent in its teaching of marriage. Note that her submission is to her husband not every man (which means every man is not head over every woman.). Also, note that this submission is voluntary because of the happy relationship (remember that dance we talked about). Christian wives freely and responsibly follow the loving leadership of a faithful husband, not a tyrant. Let’s set this straight…Scripture is not talking about something akin to slavery, subservience, or of some top down chain of command, where the subjects have to obey without question. The picture is not that of a man lying on the couch saying, “Bring me some tea and some pretzels.”

The wife’s submission to their husband is an act of love. What does submit mean? It is to give oneself up to somebody. What does it mean to love? It is to give oneself up for somebody. So when it says later on that men are supposed to love. Love and submitting are on the same level in this passage. To submit is to put the will of the other ahead of your will. To love is to put the needs of the other ahead of your needs. Paul says that loving, godly submission of the wives is an act of worship “as to the Lord.” Wives submit to their husbands because they want to glorify Christ. The motive of a wife is not to fulfill some societal role or cultural expectation but their motive is love for Christ and a desire to be conformed to His image.

The illustration (23-24)

This illustration gives us the ultimate picture of marriage.

wives give a picture of the church to the world. Husbands give a picture of Christ to the world. Christ is the head of the church, but look at what kind of head He is. He loved the church. He gave Himself up for her. He sanctified her. He cleansed her. He presented her. He provides and cares for her.

This illustration gives us the ultimate purpose of marriage.

The purpose of marriage is to glorify Christ. Everything in this passage points to Christ. It is important for couples to work through communication, difficulties, financial issues, personality issues, the past, and other issues, the ultimate issue in marriage is this: Are you surrendered to the lordship of Christ? Will you submit to Him in all areas of life? If the starting point for marriage is ME, then I am starting at the wrong place. Marriage exists to glorify Christ. Marriage is an offering of worship as you love each other, forgive each other, and serve each other.

This illustration provides amazing hope for marriage.

Christ died for the church, which displayed her sinfulness and His saving grace. The biggest problem in marriage is sin. The ultimate solution is the grace of Jesus. Look to Christ in all of your problems in marriage! Marriage is intended to point us to our Redeemer.

Spirit-filled husbands (5:25-33)

Sacrificial love (5:25)

Christ-like love is Golgotha love. What do I mean by that? Christ’s back was scourged. His hands and feet were nailed to the wood. A spear was thrust into His side. A crown of thorns was placed on His head-all because He loved his church. Christ’s sacrificial love is a foot-washing love. His headship is our model. He came to serve, though He was the head. We see in Christ authority is paired with unparalleled humility and love. Marriage is a call to die to yourself young men. That means sacrificing your schedule and even your good ambitions. It means giving yourself away for the good of your bride. It involves crucifying your flesh and resolving to be there for your bride. Marriage is a call to serve. Christlike love takes initiative. Actively love your wife. Christlike love involves not just service but a Christlike attitude in serving.

Sanctifying love (26-27)

Christ’s cleansing happens by two agents: water and word. Some think “water” refers to baptism, but when Paul talks about cleansing he emphasizes spiritual cleansing that takes place. The word means the word of the gospel here. The word of the gospel is how we receive spiritual cleansing. Christ cleanses His bride spiritually, and He does this through the word of the gospel (John 15:3 “Already you are clean because of the word that I have spoken to you.” John 17:17 “Sanctify them in the truth; your word is truth.”) Obviously husbands cannot atone for the sins for anyone, but practically I believe this means you should love your wife in such a way that helps her to grow in likeness to Christ. The question you should ask guys is: “Is my wife more like Christ because she’s married to me? Or is she like Christ in spite of me?”

So young men, be concerned for your girlfriend and maybe future wife’s spiritual well-being. Be in the Word personally. Talk about the Word with her. Know how your wife is doing in theological knowledge, in practice of spiritual disciplines, in her service in the local church, and in her relationships. Care for her soul. Shepherd her faithfully.

Satisfying love (28-31)

Paul says that men should care for wives “as their own bodies”. He should provide, nourish, and care for his bride, just as he cares for himself. The two have become one flesh caring and serving one another as they would serve their own bodies.

Conclusion