Sermon Tone Analysis

Eph 4:26-27

 

VERSE 26 BEGINS BY SAYING, "BE ANGRY AND SIN NOT.”  SO THERE ARE TIMES WHEN WE SHOULD BE ANGRY.

A COUPLE OF WEEKS AGO WE DISCUSSED THREE POSSIBLE WAYS OF INTERPRETING THIS VERSE IN EPH.4:26 THAT WILL GIVE US A BETTER UNDERSTANDING OF HOW TO USE ANGER IN A CONSTRUCTIVE WAY SO LET ME SHARE THAT WITH YOU AGAIN THIS MORNING.

IT’S APPROPRIATE AND NECESSARY TO BE ANGRY, BUT BE VERY CAREFUL THAT YOU DON’T SIN IN THE PROCESS.

DISSIPATE THE ANGER CONSTRUCTIVELY BEFORE THE HEAT OF THE EMOTION IS LOST AND TOO MUCH TIME PASSES AND THE BEST OPPORTUNITY IS GONE.

THE KEY HERE IS TO EXPRESS ANGER CONSTRUCTIVELY AND NEVER WITH A PERSONAL AGENDA OF RESENTMENT, RETRIBUTION OR VINDICTIVENESS.

IN OTHER WORDS, WE DON’T EXPRESS ANGER ON THE BASIS OF OUR FEELINGS ALONE WE CHANNEL THAT ENERGY IN A POSITIVE AND CONSTRUCTIVE WAY BECAUSE OF ITS VOLATILE CAPACITY FOR HURTING OTHERS.

James 1:19-21

 

FEELINGS ARE AN INDISPENSABLE PART OF OUR EVERY DAY LIVES.

THEY ARE INSTRUMENTS TO HELP US EVALUATE OUR ACTIONS.

THEREFORE LOSING OUR ABILITY TO BE IN TOUCH WITH OUR EMOTIONS CAN BE VERY DANGEROUS AND DESTRUCTIVE.

WHEN WE ARE IN TOUCH WITH OUR FEELINGS WE WILL BE IN THE BEST POSITION TO CONTROL OURSELVES AND TO BE RESPONSIVE TO THOSE AROUND US.

ONE OF THE MOST COMMON PROBLEMS IN OUR DAY IS THAT ANGER IS INADEQUATELY RECOGNIZED AND DEALT WITH.

SO, ONE OF THE BEST THINGS I COULD HOPE TO DO THIS MORNING IS TO HELP YOU DEAL WITH AND RECOGNIZE YOUR HURTS AND ANGER.

I BELIEVE THAT A PERSON WHO CAN HANDLE HIS ANGER MATURELY IS PROBABLY MATURE IN OTHER ASPECTS OF HIS LIFE AND IS FAIRLY FREE FROM BEING CONTROLLED BY THEIR EMOTIONS.

ONE OF THE FRUITS OF THE SPIRIT IS TEMPERANCE OR SELF-CONTROL.

HAVE YOU EVER HEARD THE EXCUSE, " I JUST CAN’T HELP IT?" A MATURE CHRISTIAN WILL BE IN CONTROL OF HIS EMOTIONS AND WILL BE ABLE TO CONTROL HIMSELF:

 

Gal 5:22-25

 

ABOUT 50% OF ALL EMOTIONAL PROBLEMS ARE THE RESULT OF PEOPLE WHO DO NOT KNOW HOW TO DEAL WITH AND HANDLE THEIR ANGER.

WHAT IS EVEN MORE STAGGERING IS THAT A LARGE PERCENTAGE OF THESE PEOPLE DON’T EVEN KNOW THEY HAVE AN ANGER PROBLEM.

SOME OF THEM MAY BE AWARE THAT THEY HAVE BEEN HARBORING SOME HURTS BUT THEY HAVEN’T ASSOCIATED THAT WITH ANGER.

THE FACT IS THAT ANGER IS PRIMARILY A SECONDARY EMOTION AND WHEREAS THE FIRST EMOTION WE FEEL IS HURT WHICH IS THEN EXPRESSED THROUGH OUR ANGER.

SO HOW SHOULD WE HANDLE OUR ANGER AND DEAL WITH PEOPLE IN CONFLICT.

FIRST OF ALL WE NEED TO VIEW CONFLICT AS NORMAL, NATURAL AND NEUTRAL BUT GENERALLY WE LOOK AT IT AS A PERSONAL ATTACK AND RESPOND IN ONE OF THESE 5 WAYS.

 

1.

WE GET MAD AND THEN ANGRILY ATTACK AND POSSESS AN  “ I’LL GET EVEN WITH HIM” MODE.

 

2.

SECONDLY, WHEN CONFLICT OR DIFFICULTY ARISES PEOPLE RUN AND WITHDRAW, "THEY’LL TAKE THEIR MARBLES AND RUN HOME MODE FOR THEIR LIFE."

 

3.

THE THIRD WAY PEOPLE HANDLE CONFLICT AND ADVERSITY IS THAT THEY WILL GIVE IN TO THE ADVERSITY OR CONFLICT AND THEY DEVELOP A MARTYR COMPLEXITY AND LET PEOPLE WALK ALL OVER THEM.

 

4.

AND THE FOURTH WAY PEOPLE TRY TO HANDLE CONFLICT AND ADVERSITY IS THEY LIVE IN TOTAL DENIAL.

THEY PRETEND THAT IT DOESN’T EXIST AND THEY UNCONSCIOUSLY REPRESS THEY FEELINGS OF RESENTMENT AND ANGER.

IN SPITE OF THE FACT THAT ALL OF THE ABOVE METHODS ARE VERY INADEQUATE IN DEALING WITH THE ANGER AND ITS CORRELATING CONFLICTS, MOST PEOPLE STILL RELY HEAVILY ON THEM BUT THERE IS A BETTER WAY.

THIS MORNING I WANT TO GIVE YOU SEVERAL THINGS YOU CAN DO TO HANDLE AND DEAL WITH YOU ANGER SO THAT YOU CAN WALK IN VICTORY OVER YOUR EMOTIONS AND NOT BE DEFEATED UNDER AN EMOTIONAL ATTACK.

 

1 Cor 15:57-58

 

1 Jn 5:4

 

1.

THE FIRST THING WE NEED TO LEARN IS HOW TO GET IN TOUCH WITH OUR FEELINGS OF HURT, DISPLEASURE AND ANGER.

FOR MANY PEOPLE THIS IS NOT A PROBLEM BECAUSE THEY ARE ACUTELY AWARE OF HOW THEY FEEL.

HOWEVER, A LARGE SEGMENT OF SOCIETY HAS A GREAT DIFFICULTY IN EXPLAINING HOW THEY FEEL AND WHAT CAUSED THEIR FEELINGS OF ANGER.

THE BIBLE TEACHES US THE WE SHOULD EXAMINE OURSELVES IN:

 

2 Cor 13:5

 

Jer 17:9-10

 

THE ONLY WAY THAT YOU CAN GET IN TOUCH WITH THE WAY YOU FEEL AND WHY YOU ARE FEELING THAT WAY IS TO ALLOW THE HOLY SPIRIT TO EXAMINE YOUR LIFE.

NEVER ATTEMPT TO EXAMINE THE WAY YOU FEEL BY YOURSELF BECAUSE YOU WILL BE TOO HARSH UPON YOURSELF AND YOU WILL BE BIASED IN YOUR EVALUATION.

ALLOW GOD THE OPPORTUNITY TO SEARCH YOUR HEART AS IN:

 

Psa 139:23-24

 

2.

THE SECOND WAY THAT WE CAN GET IN TOUCH WITH OUR FEELINGS OF ANGER AND WHAT CAUSED THEM IS TO PRAY AND ASK GOD FOR HIS HELP.

 

3.

ONCE YOU HAVE LOCATED WHY YOU ARE FEELING ANGRY YOU WILL NEED TO SUPPRESS TAKING ANY ACTION.

SUPPRESSING TAKING ACTION IS NOT THE SAME A REPRESSION. WHEN A PERSON REPRESSES ANGER HE BURIES IT AND OFTEN ISN’T AWARE OF HIS FEELING AT ALL.

HOWEVER, SUPPRESSING ANGER MEANS THAT YOU DEFER TAKING ACTION WITHOUT LOSING TOUCH WITH THE PROBLEM.

WE WOULD CALL THIS IN OUR DAY AS "TAKING A TIME OUT OR COUNT TO TEN BEFORE YOU SAY OR DO ANYTHING.

IN SOME CASES THIS MAY TAKE ONLY A FEW SECONDS BUT IN OTHER CASES IT COULD TAKE MINUTES, HOURS, DAYS OR EVEN MONTHS.

THE BIBLE ENCOURAGES US TO NOT BE HASTY IN DEALING WITH ANGER IN:

 

Prov 29:11

 

THE AMPLIFIED BIBLES STATES THIS VERSE: " A CONFIDENT FOOL UTTERS ALL HIS ANGER, BUT A WISE MAN KEEPS IT BACK AND STILLS IT."

 

Eccl 7:9

 

Prov 25:8-9

 

SUPPRESSING YOUR ANGER MEANS THAT YOU ARE IN TOUCH WITH HOW YOU FEEL AND YOU ARE EVALUATING IT BEFORE YOU TAKE ANY FURTHER ACTION.

SO THE FIRST 3 STEPS IN HANDLING YOUR ANGER IS TO GET IN TOUCH WITH WHY YOU’RE FEELING THE WAY YOU DO, PRAY ABOUT YOUR ANGER TO OBTAIN GOD’S INPUT AND THEN SUPPRESS YOUR ANGER OR WAIT BEFORE YOU TAKE ANY ACTION TO RESOLVE YOU’RE ANGER.

WHEN YOU DO THIS YOU NEUTRALIZE THE ADVERSITY AND YOU CAN WAIT TO TAKE ANY ACTION UNTIL YOU HAVE ADEQUATE CONTROL OF BOTH YOUR WORDS AND ACTIONS.

James 3:6

 

Mark 7:20-23

 

4.

THE FOURTH THING YOU MUST DO TO COME TO TERMS WITH YOUR ANGER IS, YOU MUST PROPERLY EVALUATE ITS CAUSE.

WHAT IS MAKING YOU FEEL THREATENED OR INADEQUATE.

WHAT IS IT THAT MAKES YOU FEEL UPSET OR ANGRY?

WHEN YOU ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS YOU CAN EASILY RESOLVE THE PROBLEM.

WHEN WE FAIL TO DISCERN THE SPECIFIC CAUSE FOR THE ANGER WE OFTEN DISPLACE OUR FEELINGS TO SOMEONE ELSE.

YOU COME HOME FROM WORK ANGRY AT YOUR BOSS FOR MAKING SUCH UNREALISTIC DEMANDS AND YOU TAKE IT OUT ON THE CHILD THAT FORGOT TO CLEAN HIS ROOM.

I’M SURE YOU HAVE ALL HEARD OF THIS SEQUENCE OF EVENTS: THE BOSS YELLED AT HIS EMPLOYEE, WHO THEN CAME HOME AND GOT ANGRY AT HIS WIFE, WHO THEN TOOK IT OUT ON HER SON, WHO IN TURN KICKED THE DOG.

WE HAVE A TENDENCY TO DISPLACE AND EXPRESS OUR ANGER TO THOSE WHO ARE WEAKER AS IN THE CASE OF BALAAM AND HIS DONKEY.

BALAAM WAS UPSET WITH HIS DONKEY BECAUSE HE FAILED TO RECOGNIZE THAT THE REASON HE WAS UPSET WAS BECAUSE GOD WOULDN’T COOPERATE AND IMPLEMENT HIS PLANS.

SO IN ORDER TO OVERCOME THIS DISPLACEMENT OF ANGER WE HAVE TO DETERMINE THE CAUSE.

YOU MAY NEED TO TAKE OUT A PIECE OF PAPER AND START WRITING UNTIL THE ISSUES ARE CLARIFIED.

OR, YOU MAY NEED TO TALK TO A CLOSE FRIEND, A PASTOR OR A COUNSELOR.

Prov 11:14

 

Prov 24:6

 

5.

AFTER YOU HAVE TAKEN THE TIME TO EVALUATE THE CAUSE OF YOU ANGER YOU MUST THEN DETERMINE WHETHER YOU ANGER IS LEGITIMATE OR NOT.

LET’S LOOK AT NEHEMIAH THIS MORNING:

 

Neh 5:1-7

 

HERE NEHEMIAH WAS ABLE TO GET IN TOUCH WITH HIS FEELINGS, TO THINK THROUGH THE SITUATION AND THEN TO TAKE THE APPROPRIATE ACTION OF REBUKING THE ELDERS.

ANOTHER PLACE IN SCRIPTURE WE FIND GOD ASKING JONAH, "DO YOU HAVE A GOOD REASON TO BE ANGRY?

Jonah 3:10-4:4

 

THE REASON JONAH RAN FROM THE CALL OF GOD UPON HIS LIFE TO GO AND PREACH REPENTANCE TO THE NINEVITES WAS BECAUSE HE WAS AFRAID THEY WOULD REPENT AND GOD WOULD FORGIVE THEM AND STAY HIS JUDGEMENT.

WELL, THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT HAPPENED AND IT ANGERED JONAH BUT HIS ANGER WAS NOT LEGITIMATE.

IT WASN’T UNTIL HE ENTERED A DIALOGUE WITH THE LORD, THAT WHAT WE CALL PRAYER, THAT HE DISCOVERED HIS ANGER WAS UNREASONABLE.

SO THE NEXT STEP IS TO DETERMINE WHETHER YOU ANGER IS LEGITIMATE.

 

6.

THE SIXTH THING YOU MUST DO TO RESOLVE ANGER IS YOU MUST DETERMINE A COURSE OF ACTION.

YOU MUST DETERMINE DO YOU WANT TO RESOLVE THE CONFLICT.

MOST OF OUR ANGER WILL BE THE RESULT OF SOMETHING THAT SOMEONE ELSE HAS SAID OR DONE TO US.

SO WHEN DETERMINING A COURSE OF ACTION IT WILL USUALLY RESULT IN LEARNING TO CONFRONT THE PERSON THAT ANGERED US.

THE BIBLE OFFERS SOME GUIDELINES FOR CONFRONTATION IN MATT.18

AND ROMANS 15.

 

Matt 18:15-17

 

Rom 15:1-7

 

ANYONE WHO CARES ABOUT PEOPLE AND THEIR FEELINGS FINDS CONFRONTATION DIFFICULT BUT A MATURE PERSON WILL CONFRONT SOMEONE WHEN IT IS NECESSARY.

I HAVE TAUGHT A WHOLE SERIES LASTING UP TO SIX WEEKS ON DEVELOPING CONFRONTATIONAL SKILLS SO I WON’T GO INTO ANY DETAIL THIS MORNING EXCEPT TO SAY THAT CONFRONTATION IS A NECESSARY STEP TO RESOLVE YOUR FEELING OF ANGER.

YOU MUST NEVER CONFRONT SOMEONE WHEN YOUR ANGER IS OUT OF CONTROL AND YOU ARE LACKING SOUND JUDGEMENT.

THE ISSUE JESUS IS DEALING WITH IN MATTHEW 18 IS GAINING THE BRO.

OR SIS.

THAT OFFENDED YOU.

IN ORDER TO DO THAT YOU MUST SEND AN I CARE ABOUT YOU MESSAGE WHEN CONFRONTING SOMEONE.

I CARE ABOUT YOU AND I CARE ABOUT THE SITUATION THAT HAS UPSET ME.

 

IN ORDER TO CONVEY THAT TO THE PERSON YOU ARE CONFRONTING YOU NEED TO SEND THEM AN "I FEEL MESSAGE INSTEAD OF AN "I’M BLAMING YOU MESSAGE."