Don't Let the Enemy Tell You What to Say
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Just one of thousands homes and structures set ablaze, for me, the cabin represented all the dreams and hopes of those whose lives have gone up in smoke due to the 7,099 wild fires that have burned through more than 1.9 million acres of the California country side this summer. The Caldor fire alone destroyed more than 920 buildings and over 28,000 homes and businesses remain threatened. Faced with the scope of the devastation and the magnitude of the blaze it is hard to remember that it started with just a small spark. In our text this morning, Jesus’ half brother James, uses the analogy of fire to describe the impact of the human tongue:
James 3:5-6 (NIV)
Likewise, the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole body, sets the whole course of one’s life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell.
“Likewise, the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole body, sets the whole course of one’s life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell.”
Like the spark that started the Caldor wild fire, a word- a sentence- can destroy a life. For example, one night after having a few drinks, perhaps one too many, famous actor Mel Gibson uttered ten words that destroyed his life. I will not repeat them, but these ten words were anti-Semitic. The media got wind of what he said and in a blink of an eye Gibson’s reputation was ruined, acting jobs dried up, and sadly- his may apologies were unable to repair the damage those ten little words caused.
A word, a sentence, can derail careers, wreck friendships, ruin families, cause irrevocable harm to our children, and destroy marriages. The age old mantra, “Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me,” is a lie. I think I can safely say that I have been more hurt in my life by what other people have said than by anything else. Can anyone else here agree?
The enemy of our soul loves to use our tongue against us. He loves to tell us what to say and we say it. As, the apostle James explains in verses 7-8 (NIV), James 3:7-8
For every kind of beast and bird, of reptile and sea creature, can be tamed and has been tamed by mankind, but no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison.
For every kind of beast and bird, of reptile and sea creature, can be tamed and has been tamed by mankind, but no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison.
All kinds of animals, birds, reptiles and sea creatures are being tamed and have been tamed by mankind, but no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison.
“All kinds of animals, birds, reptiles and sea creatures are being tamed and have been tamed by mankind, but no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison.”
For every kind of beast and bird, of reptile and sea creature, can be tamed and has been tamed by mankind, but no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison.
Take note of the adjectives that James uses here. He calls the tongue a “restless evil.” Few of us wake up in the morning and think to ourselves, you know what, today I am going to go out and say something really damaging. Or today, I want to go out and ruin my reputation by saying something really stupid. No, it is a “restless evil.” The enemy is always there ready to tell us what to say- eager to spew from our mouths poisons speech. However, we can refuse him we can resist the “restless evil.” So this morning we will look at several ways we can refuse to let the enemy tell us what to say. First,
1. Don’t let the enemy tell you what to say, instead tame the tongue by changing what is inside your heart before trying to change what comes out of your mouth.
Let us be honest this morning and confess that each of us struggles with this issue. I think I can safely assert that every single one of us, over the past few days, have thought, “I wish I hadn’t said that.”
We see this issue play out in our lives. For example,
· Do you know someone who is a “sprinkler” talker. They want to come across as really knowledgeable so they have to just tell people everything they know. They are like a lawn sprinkler (use hands to make sprinkler gestures on each phrase) One person comes by and they tell them something, someone else walks by “did you know that…”, and its “I know” “I know” “did you know… well I know” and the person’s inner pride, inner need to be admired or respected, just spews you in an endless ticker tape of information and opinion.
· What about the “nay-sayers.” These people are like Eeyore from Winnie the Pooh. They feel so hopeless and are so pessimistic that they put down everything and everyone. “That’s an awful idea.”- “That will never work.” “Oh here we go again, (roll your eyes) another plan doomed for failure.” Inside they feel hopeless and are frustrated with life and it spews out of them like poison as they criticize and demean everything and everyone.
· Here is another example, do you know any “one uppers.” We have several “one uppers” in our extended family. In fact, I will confess that I dread going to some family activities. I’ll say something like, “our son just finished seventh grade,” and their response is, “did he get high honors, because my son did. In fact he is only eight, but he is already taking college courses and has an IQ of 1000, yes yes yes… he has the greatest mind in the world, and will be the next Einstein.” Do you know anyone like that? You say, “I made my wife a special dinner on Friday” and they reply- “did you kill your own food, because I did- I made my wife a special dinner from the deer I hunted with a bow I made from special wood that I hand carved from a tree that I cut down when I was climbing Mt. Everest last month. What did you make your wife?”… um… “Spaghetti.”
You’re about to show a friend something you got from your granddaughter when she pipes in- “my granddaughter is the just the best. She is the youngest child ever to be accepted at Julliard, in fact her art work is on display in the Louvre, and the piece she made for me for my birthday is now worth millions of dollars.” You quickly hide your grandbaby’s crayon drawing behind your back.
What is that? Pastor and speaker Louie Gigglio explains, James 3:7 “This kind of speaking is a heart issue. It is a heart issue that shows that we are not at peace yet with who we are. It is ‘me’ having to be a little better than you, so I am going to steal the joy out of everything you did. ”
All kinds of animals, birds, reptiles and sea creatures are being tamed and have been tamed by mankind,
o Friends, what comes out of our mouth has its roots in our heart.
I have heard many teachings on this topic but most of these come across as step by step self-help lessons on taming the tongue through one’s willpower or superb self-control. The Bible does teach us the importance of self-control. However, let’s take another look at what the apostle James says in verses 7 and 8, (NIV) James 3:7-8
For every kind of beast and bird, of reptile and sea creature, can be tamed and has been tamed by mankind, but no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison.
“All kinds of animals, birds, reptiles and sea creatures are being tamed and have been tamed by mankind, but no human being can tame the tongue.”
James asserts that we cannot tame our tongue through mere human effort. Why?
Take a look at what James says later in verses 13-16, (NIV) James 3:13-16
Who is wise and understanding among you? Let them show it by their good life, by deeds done in the humility that comes from wisdom. But if you harbor bitter envy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast about it or deny the truth. Such “wisdom” does not come down from heaven but is earthly, unspiritual, demonic. For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice.
Who is wise and understanding among you? Let them show it by their good life, by deeds done in the humility that comes from wisdom. But if you harbor bitter envy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast about it or deny the truth. Such “wisdom” does not come down from heaven but is earthly, unspiritual, demonic. For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice.
“Who is wise and understanding among you? Let them show it by their good life, by deeds done in the humility that comes from wisdom. But if you harbor bitter envy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast about it or deny the truth. Such ‘wisdom’ does not come down from heaven but is earthly, unspiritual, demonic. For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice.”
Friends, you can’t tame the tongue until you deal with what is in your heart. That leads us to point number 2 this morning.
2. Don’t let the enemy tell you what to say, instead allow God to help you change your self-talk.
I hope you hear what I am about to say. If you don’t write anything else down on your notes, please write this one and then go home and think about it allowing God to speak His truth into your heart.
Friends-
Destructive talk isn’t just what we say out loud. What we say to ourselves can be just as poisonous.
Christian Psychologist William Backus explains, James 3:1
Not many of you should become teachers, my brothers, for you know that we who teach will be judged with greater strictness.
“What we tell ourselves can be either (1) truth or (2) lies. If you tell yourself untruths or Satan’s lies, you will believe untruths and lies. If you tell yourself you’re a dumb jerk who can’t do anything right, you will believe it. If you believe something, you’ll act as though you believe it. That is why our beliefs and misbeliefs are the most important factors of your mental and emotional life… The word misbelief is an important word. In fact, it’s the most appropriate label we can think of for some of the ridiculous things we tell ourselves. The amount of suffering we experience due to sustained bouts of negative self-talk and battering emotions is outrageous… Misbeliefs are the cause of the destructive behavior people persist in engaging in even when they are fully aware that it is harmful to them and to others.
Misbeliefs generally appear as truth to the person repeating them to himself. They might even seem to be true to an untrained counselor. That is partly because they often do contain some shred of truth, and partly because the sufferer has never examined or questioned these erroneous assumptions. But, please understand, the misbeliefs we tell ourselves are directly from the pit of hell. They are hand engraved and delivered by the devil himself. His is very clever in dishing out misbeliefs that we will personally swallow. He doesn’t want to risk being discovered so he always appears as if the lie he is telling us is true.” (End Quote)
Ø The adult survivor of child abuse tells herself, “No one will ever love me for me, I have to keep proving to them that I am worthy of their love,” so she is always anxious in her relationships and sees in her friends and family rejection and disapproval instead of love and acceptance.
Ø The young man who just made a simple mistake tells himself, “I can’t do anything right, I’m always making mistakes,” so he shuts himself away not trying new things.
Ø The wife tells herself that her mother in law is critical of everything she does- so she treats her mother-in-law as a threat. James 3:1
Not many of you should become teachers, my brothers, for you know that we who teach will be judged with greater strictness.
Backus continues, “The apostle James shows us where destructive self-talk comes from. ‘This superficial wisdom is not such as comes down form above, but is earthly, unspiritual, even devilish.’ Negative and distorted statements which a person repeats to himself come from the devil. Your flesh accepts them without question and then, like spoiled, rotting food, these words of mental poison create painful emotional aches and pains. The diet of deadly toxins will kill you, according to the apostle Paul. He says to set ‘the mind on the flesh is… death.’ If you continue to tell yourself distorted statements, you’re going to have negative feelings and you’re going to engage in negative behavior.” (End Quote)
Take a look at the negative self-talk example I gave earlier and see how God’s truth can change the equation. (Table below is for power point)
Misbeliefs Truth
Ø The adult survivor of child abuse tells herself, “No one will ever love me for me, I have to keep proving to them that I am worthy to be loved.”
Ø The young man who just made a simple mistake tells himself, “I can’t do anything right, I’m always making mistakes,” so he shuts himself away.
Ø The wife tells herself that her mother in law is critical of everything she does- so she treats her mother-in-law as a threat.
Ø “I am God’s child and He loves me unconditionally. I don’t have to prove myself because with God I am more than enough!”
Ø “I sometimes make mistakes but I don’t have to be perfect to be loved by God. With His help I will do better next time.”
Ø “I do not need my mother-in-law’s approval to be a good wife. I can choose to see the best in her even if she does not see the best in me.”
God wants to free us from Satan’s lies. Don’t let the enemy tell you what to say to others or to yourself. God wants to help us identify our misbeliefs and to change our self-talk to the truth.
That brings us to point number 3 this morning. Are you ready?...
3. Don’t let the enemy tell you what to say, instead bow your knee before God.
Last week I gave the analogy about the giant Goliath. The same truths can apply here as well.
The young David did not kill Goliath with a stone. God killed Goliath using David’s faith and a small stone. For most of us, taming the tongue is a towering giant. It is too big a problem to overcome on our own. All our efforts are like small stones that just bounce off. The apostle James acknowledges our human inadequacy when he confesses, “no human being can tame the tongue.” Mere human effort alone cannot tame the tongue. But God can. God is big enough to change our hearts and change our speech if we submit to Him.
Let’s take a look at what the apostle James says next in chapter 4 verses 1-10, James 4:1-10
What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you? You desire but do not have, so you kill. You covet but you cannot get what you want, so you quarrel and fight. You do not have because you do not ask God. When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.
You adulterous people, don’t you know that friendship with the world means enmity against God? Therefore, anyone who chooses to be a friend of the world becomes an enemy of God. Or do you think Scripture says without reason that he jealously longs for the spirit he has caused to dwell in us? But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says:
“God opposes the proud
but shows favor to the humble.”
Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. Grieve, mourn and wail. Change your laughter to mourning and your joy to gloom. Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up.
“What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you? You desire but do not have, so you kill. You covet but you cannot get what you want, so you quarrel and fight. You do not have because you do not ask God. When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.
You adulterous people,”
Ouch James- tell us what you really think… and he does,
“don’t you know that friendship with the world means enmity against God? Therefore, anyone who chooses to be a friend of the world becomes an enemy of God. Or do you think Scripture says without reason that he jealously longs for the spirit he has caused to dwell in us? But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says:
“God opposes the proud
but shows favor to the humble.”
Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. Grieve, mourn and wail. Change your laughter to mourning and your joy to gloom. Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up.” (pause)
Before we can apply practical self-help suggestions on how to control our mouths or change our behavior we must first determine- is God enough for me? (long pause).
Friends, when Jesus died on the cross, He did not die just to forgive you of your sins. He suffered on the cross and then rose again from the dead to conquer sin and to provide a way for you to have a life changing relationship with Him. He loves you unconditionally and will love you no matter what you do, but He wants to be more than your savior. He also wants to be the Lord of your life. He wants you to follow Him. Why? Because His plans for you are wonderous.
There will be bumps and bruises. Following Jesus doesn’t exempt you from experiencing life’s hardships or challenges. However, following Jesus means allowing God to transform you and your character so that you can face those challenges with grace, hope, and even joy.
The apostle James is telling us in this passage, that when we refuse to allow God to work in our hearts to mold and shape our character we are refusing to follow Him. Instead of submitting to Him, we rebel.
Is that you this morning? Maybe, you want Jesus to forgive your sins and to have the assurance of heaven, but you still want to live your life your way. You want to do things your way, you want to think and say whatever you please- to hell with the consequences.
(Pause) But I have to ask you this morning- how is that working out for you? Are your relationships healthy. Do you have inner peace? Are you joy filled no matter what hardships you encounter?
If your answer is no, then I urge you to consider truly surrendering your life to Jesus.
Maybe this morning you are still looking to the world to determine your self-worth. You let social media tell you who you are and what you should be doing with your life. Or maybe you look to how much money you have, how you look, what you wear, where you live, what job you have, or what your family and friends say, or what grades you get, or the color of your skin to tell you what you are worth. Are you getting your security, self-worth, identity, and view of life from the those things instead of from God?
So, I ask you this morning- is being the beloved son or daughter of God enough for you?
Did you know that God is crazy about you. He loves you completely and He will accept you just the way you are. God loves you and accepts you even if you are broken, suffering from addiction, or enjoying your sinful behaviors. There are no perfect people here- God accepts you and loves you.
However, (for the notes) Just because He loves us and accepts us just as we are doesn’t mean He wants us to stay that way. He wants something better for us. He knows that our sinful behavior ruins our relationships and negatively impacts our future. He wants to help you overcome those things that are holding you back, to heal past scars, and to change the trajectory of your life! To do that you must bend your knee and submit to your creator, savior, and Lord – Jesus.
Our next point is very similar-
4. Don’t let the enemy tell you what to say, instead submit to the Holy Spirit and His tongue taming process.
When you accept Jesus as your savior and Lord something amazing happens. God’s Holy Spirit comes to dwell inside of you to guide you, and empower you. We are like a flash light. Before the Holy Spirit is with us we are like a empty flashlight without batteries. But with the Holy Spirit we are empowered. He lights up our life giving us what we need to change.
However, our character doesn’t usually change overnight. It takes time to acknowledge all our misbeliefs, to recognize all the lies Satan has been telling us, and to replace them with God’s truth. Transformation takes time. But be assured that the Holy Spirit will transform our hearts. He will replace all of our pride, our envy, and our insecurities with humility, kindness, and all the virtues of God.
So far we have focused on changing the heart attitude now let us turn to some practical advice for taming the tongue.
5. Don’t let the enemy tell you what to say, instead find a way to celebrate others in public.
· Louie Giglio urges, “Find a way to celebrate the people who look like they are threatening you.” James 1:1
James, a servant of God and of the Lord Jesus Christ,
To the twelve tribes in the Dispersion:
Greetings.
Our natural instinct is to verbally put those we feel threatened by down before they can do the same to us. Instead of spewing out that kind of verbal poison, find a way to celebrate them in public. For as Giglio argues, “It is difficult to put someone down in private who you have celebrated in public.” James 1:1
James, a servant of God and of the Lord Jesus Christ,
To the twelve tribes in the Dispersion:
Greetings.
“But pastor,” you ask, “you don’t know so and so. There isn’t anything good about them to celebrate.” Sure there is. It could be their shoes or the quirky way they dress- find something to speak highly of and then do so with others.
· We should also celebrate those we are envious of.
If you have been a Christian for a while, you may have noticed that churches can be highly competitive of each other. This should not be the case, but sadly, we pastors some times struggle with envy and jealousy especially when we see that another church has more members or a fellow pastor is a better speaker or is getting more public attention -then the little green monster can rise up and before we know it we are trying to “one up” each other or we are gossiping and speaking negatively about one another.
Instead, we should be publicly celebrating what God is doing in and through others. You may be envious of a sibling or a coworker- whoever it is, I encourage you this morning to go out and publicly celebrate them.
Next,
6. Don’t let the enemy tell you what to say, instead work to listen more and say less.
Someone once said, “Maturity is realizing how many things don’t require your comment.”
We can nurture a heart attitude of humility by caring more about what other people are thinking, feeling, and saying than about our own voice being heard.
This suggestion is different from just saying less. Have you ever been around someone who just can’t stop talking and you check out of the conversation? You just stop listening or you stop talking because you feel the other person is ignoring you and it becomes a one sided conversation. Friends, we need to LISTEN more and try to really hear what the other person is saying and why they are saying it.- What emotion or thought is behind what is being said?
When we listen more and say less we are able to craft what we say to be more meaningful and impactful.
7. Don’t let the enemy tell you what to say, instead decide today to bless others with your words.
Proverbs 18:21a declares, “The power of life and death is in the tongue.”
The tongue has the power of life and death,
and those who love it will eat its fruit.
You have the power to curse others with your words, like a knife in the back you can hurt and maim- even kill.
You also have the power to bless others with your words, like beautiful gifts you can use your words to build others up and to speak life to them.
I will leave you this morning with one final quote from Pastor Giglio,
“The proverb writer said the power of death and life is in the tongue- so why not choose life today?.. To do that we must get under the mighty hand of God. When you get under the might hand of God you start agreeing with God, absorbing the heart and the mind, the thoughts of God- the mindset that is in the creator of the universe and then you start speaking that. ‘I don’t know how this is going to work out but I know God is going to come through. I don’t know how this is all going to come together, but I’m walking with the king of the universe. I’m not really sure how you overcome something like this but God is the God of the impossible and I am just going to keep believing and I’m going to keep speaking life. As long as I humble myself under the mighty hand of God- God is going to accomplish His purpose and His plan in my life. I’m going to speak life and not death to you (point to audience), and you (point to the windows), and you (point behind you), I’m going to speak life and not death into me (point to self) and into my future and the direction God has for my life. It may be tiny but it’s power is titanic. I am going to set my direction towards the plans that God has for me. I am going to plant an orchard with my tongue, not burn down a forest with it.” (end quote)
James, a servant of God and of the Lord Jesus Christ,
To the twelve tribes in the Dispersion:
Greetings.