The Fifth Commandment

Welcome back to our fifth installment of our series, “The Ten Biggest Struggles of Your Life.” So far, we have navigated that our God, Yahweh, the God of Israel, Jacob, and Abraham is a different kind of god. He is unlike any other divine being - he is on a tier all of his own. And unfortunately for us, our struggle comes in the form of wanting to worship other gods, other things, than the one God who has freed us from the bondage of sin, pain, trauma, and death.

He is the God who brought Israel out of slavery. He is not contained in idols or images. He is a God who’s name will be used rightly - to pursue divine love, grace, mercy, justice, and righteousness. He is a God that gives the gift of rest to a people who were forced to work relentlessly by lesser gods, like Pharaoh and systems of consumption.

Today our commandment makes a distinct shift. It pivots. We move from a vertical focus into a horizontal focus. From looking at how we interact with God into how we interact with those beside us. And he focuses it on the people who make the largest imprint upon our lives — our parents. God tells us in Exodus 20:12

Exodus 20:12 NIV

12 “Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you.

A Test...

And funny enough, on Monday morning the Lord placed a test before me. I found an email from my father where he forwarded a “devotional” message from a well-known Christian ministry with little context as to why he sent it. But this devotional was titled “Where Socialism Leads...” and used Isaiah 11:1-9 to defend its position that God is specifically against socialism.

Now, I am not making any argument about governing structures — all man-made systems fall short and are used in harmful ways regardless if it is capitalism, socialism, or another. And please, I beg you, do not come up to me afterwards and talk to me about socialism.

This devotional was not proclaiming the good news, but a political ideology hidden in biblical language. Isaiah 11:1-9 speaks of the coming Messiah and how he will reign justly and righteously. So, here I am between a rock and a hard place. I want to honor my father, but I cannot allow the scriptures to be twisted to fit a political identity. In addition to this, my father and I do not have a great track record of thoughtful discourse emails — I’m just being frank with ya’ll. Communicating with those you love is difficult.

So, I gently pushed back by questioning the intention of the Christian celebrity and made it clear that I was not attacking my father. I presented an accurate reading of Isaiah 11:1-9 that praised God and Jesus for his power and plan to save. And I was anxious — upon hitting the send button I noticed that my armpits looked like they went for a swim. Do ya’ll want to know what his reply to my email was? He said, “I’m very impressed with your reply.”

Nailed it. Honored dad. I’m good, so lets look at how ya’ll can honor your parents today.

I say that in jest because I have a lot of work to do on this. I am worse than most. Honoring our parents is difficult work and part of that is because we often do not understand what God means when he says, “honor your father and mother.” Often, loving those who are the closest to us is the most difficult thing. Or what do we do if our parents were abusive? God surely wouldn’t want us to provide honor to evil parents. So, lets look.

Honor Your Father and Mother

We’re going to look at our passage from Exodus 20, break it down, then look forward to how Christ fulfilled this, and how we can honor our parents the way we are called to today. Turn back to our passage found in Exodus 20:12. If you have your Bibles, lets open to them and read together.

Exodus 20:12 NIV

12 “Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you.

We’re gonna break it down piece by piece beginning with that word: Honor.

Honor brings the understanding of giving respect, value, worth that is appropriate for them. A paraphrase could be, “give them the weight of authority that they deserve.” In the ancient near east, parents were to be highly valued, cared for, and respected. And there is a reason for this — the parent/child relationship is the most potent human analogy for understanding Israel’s relationship to God. So, God speaks to the adult children of Israel about honoring their parents.

So, what does God mean by honor? What actions are to be included? Does it mean that we do whatever they say no matter what? What if they are wrong? Would we ever outgrow this? Questions like these ask too much from the 10 words/commandments. Remember, they are not descriptive. They instead provide a general pattern of conduct on how God wants the Israelites to live. So, how we do this? It is a matter of continual reflect by the Israelites (and us) as they continued to live and grow in the shadow of God’s love and protection.

But, God does provide Israel with a few examples in the following chapters. Look at Exodus 21:15

Exodus 21:15 NIV

15 “Anyone who attacks their father or mother is to be put to death.

I mean, that’s pretty heavy — but we jail people for elder abuse. We have a responsibility to care, whether it is financially or physically, for our parents when they are in need. That means keeping them from car warranty scams or speaking up for them when they are being abused in the assisted living facility.

We can also consider Exodus 21:17

Exodus 21:17 NIV

17 “Anyone who curses their father or mother is to be put to death.

Also, pretty harsh. I’m sure most of us have said some pretty harsh words to our parents at some point. When we see curse used so closely with the 5th commandment, it is making a direct connection. Curse is the antonym of honor. It does mean specifically that we are not speak harsh words. Sometimes, a corrective word is needed. Rather this means to abuse, disrespect, or denigrate. You can communicate clearly in a respectable way to your abusive parent why they cannot see their grandchildren. You are not to emotionally manipulate them to serve you like a god.

As the Mosaic law was prescriptive, the focus is based around how we do the thing — and in this case if you are cursing someone, you are clearly not in union with God nor in union with his love.

It is pretty clear that God expected the people of Israel, the community as a whole, to care and honor their parents. If they, as a community of adults, honored their parents, then the next generation would witness how to honor and live long in the land God is giving them. It was not the action of one person, but every person. The pattern of conduct God instructed created a social system that cared for those who could not care for themselves in old age. It created a system which one did not take the investments of the parents and then cut them off, but returned the kindness to them.

This seems like pretty simple stuff, right? Do right to those who brought you up — regardless of who they are and what they have done. But I want us to take a moment to look at Jesus and what he had to say.

Jesus says...

There are several mind boggling things Jesus says and does concerning parents that make us question, “how is that honoring our parents?”

As a young child, Jesus disappears and creates worry in Mary and Joseph until they find him at the temple. How is that honoring your parents?

Or consider what Jesus says in Matthew 10:34-37

Matthew 10:34–37 NIV

34 “Do not suppose that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I did not come to bring peace, but a sword. 35 For I have come to turn “ ‘a man against his father, a daughter against her mother, a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law— 36 a man’s enemies will be the members of his own household.’ 37 “Anyone who loves their father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; anyone who loves their son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me.

Huh? I have come to turn man against father — his enemies will be the members of his household.

Or consider how he treats his biological mother in Matthew 12:46-50

Matthew 12:46–50 NIV

46 While Jesus was still talking to the crowd, his mother and brothers stood outside, wanting to speak to him. 47 Someone told him, “Your mother and brothers are standing outside, wanting to speak to you.” 48 He replied to him, “Who is my mother, and who are my brothers?” 49 Pointing to his disciples, he said, “Here are my mother and my brothers. 50 For whoever does the will of my Father in heaven is my brother and sister and mother.”

I don’t want us to leave with the impression that Jesus did not keep the 5th commandment. Scripture tells us he came to fulfill the law and the prophets. He lived sinless, perfect — but he rearranged how we think of honoring our parents. Jesus does some things that would make us think, “how does that honor your parents?” But here is the thing — he always honored them. When Mary asked him to help the wedding guests in Cana, he turned water into wine. He welcomed Mary into his ministry, she was even there at his death upon the cross. If Mary was not honored, but ashamed, I doubt she would have been there.

He honored his parents in a way that did not bend to disoriented emotional need, twisted desire, or corrupted love. Jesus was able to show an example of how to honor parents in a loving and kind way, while also holding to the central priority that the Kingdom of Heaven is here. The Kingdom of Heaven is divisive to those who live according to the patterns of evil, sin, and the world.

Paul addresses the church in Ephesus in chapters 4, 5, and 6 on how to live as a part of the Kingdom.

He says in Ephesians 4:17-24

Ephesians 4:17–24 NIV

17 So I tell you this, and insist on it in the Lord, that you must no longer live as the Gentiles do, in the futility of their thinking. 18 They are darkened in their understanding and separated from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them due to the hardening of their hearts. 19 Having lost all sensitivity, they have given themselves over to sensuality so as to indulge in every kind of impurity, and they are full of greed. 20 That, however, is not the way of life you learned 21 when you heard about Christ and were taught in him in accordance with the truth that is in Jesus. 22 You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; 23 to be made new in the attitude of your minds; 24 and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.

Ephesians 5:1–2 NIV

1 Follow God’s example, therefore, as dearly loved children 2 and walk in the way of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.

Ephesians 5:8–9 NIV

8 For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of light 9 (for the fruit of the light consists in all goodness, righteousness and truth)

Ephesians 5:15–16 NIV

15 Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise, 16 making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil.

And Paul says all of this on how we as believers are to live, then a few verses later he adds

Ephesians 6:1–3 NIV

1 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2 “Honor your father and mother”—which is the first commandment with a promise—3 “so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.”

Exodus 20:12 is the first commandment with a promise. That promise is that the people of Israel live long in the land the the LORD is giving them. Deuteronomy 5:16, the other location of this command, states that you may live long and it may go well with you in the land the Lord is giving you. This is Paul’s reference here.

Church, as God’s children, be careful then how you live —not as unwise but as wise, so that you may inherit the promise from God the Father — to be made new in the attitude of your minds, putting on the new self as dearly loved children. Walk in the way of love, just as Christ loved us, for then you too in all situations can honor your father and your mother — regardless of who they are — but you can too honor and live faithful kingdom lives before your heavenly father who loves you and made a way for you.