Facing Reality

Introduction

Good afternoon. First, I want to thank Dr. Moore & Reality House for allowing me the opportunity to come back and share a few thoughts. I held a session years ago, and I am honored to be back once more. By way of introduction, my name is David Dean. I’m a licensed chaplain, Pastor of 2 churches, a student of theology & philosophy- currently completing my mDiv- and a former resident of Astoria projects.

Today, it was my intention to talk to you about the role of men in today’s society. As I considered this, I immediately realized a problem with that topic: candidly speaking, the definition of “man” and “woman” is in a state of flux; traditional definitions are being contested, and for many people having varying opinions on what it truly means to be a man. I say this truthfully, while reserving judgment on the topic of sex & gender. And while I like a good challenge, I’m more of a roller coaster type of guy...not a rock climbing without a harness type of person! So I thought and prayed for a more agreeable subject for our discussion today. As I pondered other topics, with the previous one in mind, it occurred to me where I would be speaking: Reality House. And suddenly, I had my topic: Facing Reality”

Icebreaker: “Me” in One Word

But before I begin, I would like to spend a few minutes on an icebreaker. Each of you has been given a piece of paper; on it I want you to write one word or a short phrase (2-4 words only) that describes the best part of you. It could be your strength, what makes you unique, or just something you like about yourself. Next to it, put the number 1. And on the opposite side, I want you to identify a character flaw- something you struggle with, something you want to change inherent to your nature. Next to it put the number 2.. Do NOT put your name on it!

***place papers in a bowl, jar or on a table; mix them up***

Ok....now grab a different piece of paper- make sure its not your paper...share your number ones. Discuss; does anyone want to explain their attribute? Turn your papers over; share your number twos. Do you see any common themes? Do you find it striking to see what others find challenging? how so?

So, I’m into Marvel movies- is anyone else a Marvel fan? A few nights ago I decided to watch Avengers: Endgame again. There’s a scene where Thor is speaking with him mother Frgga. Thor’s not in the best of shape- literally- one of the characters described him as “melted ice cream”! Thor experienced loss- but because he failed to live up to the expectations of others, he was struggling to get back to his former self. When Thor describes himself as an idiot, she responds by saying,

“No, you’re no idiot...an idiot? No. A failure? Absolutely!” She continues by saying, “And do you know what that makes you? Just like everyone else.”

Still struggling with failing to live up to the expectations of others, Thor says, “But I’m not supposed to e like everyone else, am I?” Then Frigga responds with one of the wisest statements I’ve heard- at least in a superhero movie. She says,

“Everyone fails at who they’re ‘supposed to be’, the measure of a person...is how well they succeed at being who they are.”

Ok- now that I’ve got you thinking about your perception of who you are, let’s discuss the topic of reality. First, let’s begin by defining our terms.

THEORY OF REALITY (METAPHYSICS)

Metaphysics is the area of philosophy that deals with the question of what is real. Greek dualism asserts that there are two realities, forms and matter. Man participates in both realities—his “spirit” the intangible part of his being-this includes other theories like epistemology- the study of knowledge- how do we know what we know? This is the form of his being and his body is the referred to as matter- this of course includes the physical universe- all things tangible. This is my very short cliff notes version of this theory- there are semester long courses & several books on this subject, so I will not be able to do this subject justice in this brief lecture.

From the theory of reality come the THEORY OF CONDUCT, better known as ETHICS. Ethics answers three basic questions:

(1) What should I do?

(2) What is good? and

(3) What should motivate me to choose the right and the good?

How did we answer these questions?

• What should I do? Every worldview includes a theory of obligation, or what we ought to do. What is our moral obligation? In nearly every society & civilization, there is a sense of duty to take care of others- the elderly, the young, the less fortunate- a sense that we are responsible for something outside of ourselves. And when we dig deeper, we come to the realization that we must take care of ourselves in order to care for others. This is why the scriptures say we should “love your neighbor as you love yourself” (Mark 12:31). At first glance, this seems self-serving; but the simple truth is that you can’t give what you don’t have.

• What is good? I’ve studied the concepts of “Good” and “right”, which ultimately stem from the concept of “truth” from the perspective of many cultures. Since we live in a western society, I could refer to the Judeo-Christian ethic upon which it was built, and the sense that what is good, rightand true are objective- not subjective; meaning what’s good is not based on my opinion, but on a higher standard that exists above us, coming from the standard giver- the Highest Power who determines it. But even without refering to the Judeo-Christian ethic, I think we can still agree that there is a common sense of what it right. Protecting children is right; hurting them is wrong, for example. Most would agree that Mother Teresa qualifies as good, while Hitler does not meet that standard. And even if we can’t come to a concensus on whether or not it is right to hurt anyone, we almost universally agree that WE do not want anyone to hurt us. We value ourselves, as we should. Value is the worth placed on people, groups of people, objects, and events. In Christianity, the concept by which we place a high & immutable value on all people is called, “imago Dei”, latin for “image of God”- the belief that since mankind was made in God’s image and His likeness (meaning we were given certain characteristics and traits from Him), that each us has equally immeasurable intrinsic value. This provides the basis and framework for us to love people- and be loved- as equals. You don’t have to do anythnig to qualify for this; you were prequalified by the One who created us. And this brings me to my last point:

• What should motivate me to choose the right and the good? The answer to this question constitutes the final ingredient of a theory of ethics. The focus is on the internal motivations of the individual in choosing the right and the good. Many motives have been proposed, but the most promising are gratitude for undeserved grace, faith in God, and faith and our inate desire to make a difference in the world around us. It’s no secret; the rewards of choosing the right and the good are more than tangible. We gain a sense of peace…a sense of purpose.

Conclusion

My purpose & intent today is to provoke you to think about who you are…who you want to be…and what kind of legacy you want to leave- what kind of contribution you want to make in this world. I have known addiction; and the key to breaking my addition was not in rejecting what was hurting me, but it was in finding something that I loved more than my addiction. It was doing the hard work of finding meaning; and accepting that every day I must make those indivual choices to do good, and the product of those collective choices will make a good life.