ABSALOM - 1

INTRODUCTION

Probably most of you have at some point witnessed open tension between the members of a family in a public place, say a restaurant or department store.

A parent and child bickering maybe – or a teenage having it out with their dad or mom. Times like that are quite embarrassing for a parent.

Most of us would prefer to keep our family problems out of the limelight. Sometimes, though, privacy becomes impossible as a poor relationship escalates.

In scripture we have a case history of a father and son who had as poor a relationship as anyone could imagine.

And, after years of unchecked tensions passed, their problem surfaced.

When it did - it encompassed more than the passing patrons in a restaurant or department store.

An entire country openly saw it.

The conflict became both public and hideous.

The story is of Absalom.

The story of the rebellion of young Absalom contains some prime lessons on how not to meet the challenge of adolescence and how not to instill spiritual values.

DISCUSSION

ABSALOM’S BACKGROUND

Absalom is first mentioned in 2 Samuel 3

But let me point out that if we are going to understand this young man, we must first understand something of his father.

The rebellion of youth, if it is going to show itself, is often - not always - but often there because of the children’s background.

I believe this is true in the case of Absalom.

The book of 2 Samuel is a vital link in the chain of Old Testament history.

It begins with the announcement to David of the death of Israel’s first king, Saul, and describes how David became king over a portion of Israel, the land of Judah.

It covers the expansion of David’s reign over all Israel.

It talks about the glory of his kingdom and his military victories.

But is also contains some heartache.

You’ll find David’s murder of Uriah, and his sin with Bathsheba.

And you’ll find much about David’s family life, and particularly, for our purposes, an account of the rebellion of his young son, Absalom

2 Samuel 3:1 ASV 1901

1 Now there was long war between the house of Saul and the house of David: and David waxed stronger and stronger, but the house of Saul waxed weaker and weaker.

David did not ascend to the throne of Israel in one clean swoop.

He was king over Judah first, while the final resistance from Saul’s remaining forces were dealt with.

Hebron was where David lived during that time and it was there his family expanded

2 Samuel 3:2–5 ASV 1901

2 And unto David were sons born in Hebron: and his first-born was Amnon, of Ahinoam the Jezreelitess; 3 and his second, Chileab, of Abigail the wife of Nabal the Carmelite; and the third, Absalom the son of Maacah the daughter of Talmai king of Geshur; 4 and the fourth, Adonijah the son of Haggith; and the fifth, Shephatiah the son of Abital; 5 and the sixth, Ithream, of Eglah, David’s wife. These were born to David in Hebron.

Notice that Absalom was David’s third-born.

The Bible doesn’t gloss over the lives of its heroes.

David was a polygamist – a part of his life that is shocking to some.

David compromised God’s truth in Genesis 2:24.

God intended the male-female relationship to me monogamous.

David did not bridle his passions.

He had numerous wives.

Six are mentioned in this passage. There may have been others.

Another passage mentions at least 10 concubines in addition.

Ever wonder where another of David’s sons, Solomon, got the idea for 700 wives? Like father, like son.

When a father does not practice Scriptural convictions, his children accept situation ethics and they excuse in excess what their father did in moderation.

We must bridle our passions or our children will likely exceed our violation of them.

Now, lest you think that God took David’s polygamy lightly, note just a few of the problems it created.

Absalom had 19 additional brothers who are mentioned in Scripture.

And one named sister (there were certainly others).

During his formative years growing up in the home of David, Absalom was a part of a large, fragmented family characterized by jealousy, suspicion, rivalry, compromise, and hatred.

David had too many wives and too many children to care for them adequately.

Both his wives and children were forced to compete for his attention.

The results were devastating.

Absalom grew up in a home where his father was a distant, removed from the scene, too busy to take time for a little boy, type of parent.

But listen, that doesn’t just happen in polygamous homes.

Many fathers today are too busy to spend the needed time with their children – that means that problems are on the horizon.

Dads (and moms), you cannot instill spiritual values in your children in mass.

It has to be done one at a time. Life’s lessons cannot be taught in standardized form.

They take special attention…

Proverbs 22:6 ASV 1901

6 Train up a child in the way he should go, And even when he is old he will not depart from it.

In order to do that kind of instilling of values you need to be there, interacting with your children, so that you can know and understand the way each child needs to be trained.

Your training must be tailored to each child.

That is why parents cannot expect the church to do all the instilling of values. Children need individual attention – that where parents come in.

Ephesians 6:4 ASV 1901

4 And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but nurture them in the chastening and admonition of the Lord.

David could not do this because he was too busy. Today, many fathers have their priorities mixed up and do not spend enough time with their children

Before we leave 2 Samuel 3, notice one more thing.

Notice the mention of Absalom’s grandfather.

His mother’s father was “Talmai, king of Geshur.”

File that in your mind, because we’ll come back to that in a moment – it is significant.

ABSALOM’S DEVELOPING BITTERNESS

It is significant that there is no mention of Absalom until 2 Samuel 13.

Twenty years passed in that interval described in those chapters.

Absalom is now 20 years old. He has grown up in a household full of bitterness and competition.

Absalom’s father is a man off in his own life – too busy to meet the need of his children.

But that isn’t the whole picture.

At some point during those 20 years, Bathsheba came into the family.

Absalom was probably a teenage at the time, old enough to understand what was going on.

Any respect he may have had for his father was now lost.

Perhaps, Absalom was thinking, “My father is the greatest man in Israel, and look what he has done.”

What had been perhaps doubt in his father before must have turned to disillusionment during those years that are typically rough for a teenager, anyway.

Yes, God would forgive David for the sin with Bathsheba, but he did not erase the scars of disillusionment that were in the young man, Absalom.

To him his father was a man who did not practice what he preached.

If we are going to properly disciple our children – we must disciple ourselves.

There is no Scriptural formula in existence that can counteract hypocrisy.

The bitterness that Absalom had developed would explode in hatred in the events of 2 Samuel 13 – that had to do with his sister Tamar.

ABSALOM’S GROWING BITTERNESS

2 Samuel 13:1 ASV 1901

1 And it came to pass after this, that Absalom the son of David had a fair sister, whose name was Tamar; and Amnon the son of David loved her.

Amnon, remember, was the oldest of the family of half-brothers. Absalom was the third, and somewhere in between was Tamar

Tamar was beautiful, and Ammon her half-brother, was physically attracted to her

2 Samuel 13:2 ASV 1901

2 And Amnon was so vexed that he fell sick because of his sister Tamar; for she was a virgin; and it seemed hard to Amnon to do anything unto her.

Note in passing that Tamar is fully innocent in this incident. She was not responding to him, just as any young lady of proper character would.

Ammon, on the other hand, “fell sick” with the feelings he allowed to grow in him toward his half-sister. Notice that the Bible places the blame for his condition squarely on his shoulders.

Parents, we need to teach our children that they are responsible for their actions.

The NKJ says, has the word “improper” for “hard” (ASV, KJV), but the idea in the Hebrew is difficult - he didn’t have the access to her he wanted

2 Samuel 13:3–10 ASV 1901

3 But Amnon had a friend, whose name was Jonadab, the son of Shimeah, David’s brother; and Jonadab was a very subtle man. 4 And he said unto him, Why, O son of the king, art thou thus lean from day to day? wilt thou not tell me? And Amnon said unto him, I love Tamar, my brother Absalom’s sister. 5 And Jonadab said unto him, Lay thee down on thy bed, and feign thyself sick: and when thy father cometh to see thee, say unto him, Let my sister Tamar come, I pray thee, and give me bread to eat, and dress the food in my sight, that I may see it, and eat it from her hand. 6 So Amnon lay down, and feigned himself sick: and when the king was come to see him, Amnon said unto the king, Let my sister Tamar come, I pray thee, and make me a couple of cakes in my sight, that I may eat from her hand. 7 Then David sent home to Tamar, saying, Go now to thy brother Amnon’s house, and dress him food. 8 So Tamar went to her brother Amnon’s house; and he was laid down. And she took dough, and kneaded it, and made cakes in his sight, and did bake the cakes. 9 And she took the pan, and poured them out before him; but he refused to eat. And Amnon said, Have out all men from me. And they went out every man from him. 10 And Amnon said unto Tamar, Bring the food into the chamber, that I may eat from thy hand. And Tamar took the cakes which she had made, and brought them into the chamber to Amnon her brother.

Ammon had a friend – Isn’t it true that it is often the friends our children pick who drag them down?

We’re going to see it here, too.

This passage goes on to tell that Jonadab was a bad friend for Amnon to run around with.

Parents, do you know who your children are hanging around with?

You should! Even if they do like you snooping around to find out – you should!

1 Corinthians 15:33 ASV 1901

33 Be not deceived: Evil companionships corrupt good morals.

Sometimes kids just fall in with the wrong crowd because they haven’t learned how to be their own person.

But sometimes they do it on purpose, because parents who do not spend enough time with their children are telling them, “You are not that important to me”

Well, regardless of the reason, Amnon took the wrong advice.

And David, completely out of touch with his family, played right into his son’s evil plan.

2 Samuel 13:11–15 ASV 1901

11 And when she had brought them near unto him to eat, he took hold of her, and said unto her, Come, lie with me, my sister. 12 And she answered him, Nay, my brother, do not force me; for no such thing ought to be done in Israel: do not thou this folly. 13 And I, whither shall I carry my shame? and as for thee, thou wilt be as one of the fools in Israel. Now therefore, I pray thee, speak unto the king; for he will not withhold me from thee. 14 Howbeit he would not hearken unto her voice; but being stronger than she, he forced her, and lay with her. 15 Then Amnon hated her with exceeding great hatred; for the hatred wherewith he hated her was greater than the love wherewith he had loved her. And Amnon said unto her, Arise, be gone.

So Ammon got what he wanted – even after Tamar pleaded with him not to – he then sends her away in disgust – his passion for her goes from one extreme to another

As we will see Tamar then goes to her closest relative, Absalom.

Why didn’t she go to her father? Perhaps it was because he was too busy

2 Samuel 13:16–20 ASV 1901

16 And she said unto him, Not so, because this great wrong in putting me forth is worse than the other that thou didst unto me. But he would not hearken unto her. 17 Then he called his servant that ministered unto him, and said, Put now this woman out from me, and bolt the door after her. 18 And she had a garment of divers colors upon her; for with such robes were the king’s daughters that were virgins apparelled. Then his servant brought her out, and bolted the door after her. 19 And Tamar put ashes on her head, and rent her garment of divers colors that was on her; and she laid her hand on her head, and went her way, crying aloud as she went. 20 And Absalom her brother said unto her, Hath Amnon thy brother been with thee? but now hold thy peace, my sister: he is thy brother; take not this thing to heart. So Tamar remained desolate in her brother Absalom’s house.

Now, on the outside, Absalom is comforting his sister.

But inside, the caldron of bitterness is scalding hot!

Both toward Amnon and, I cannot help but believe, toward his father for being so blind to that was happening that he had sent Tamar in there in the first place.

In order to understand what happened next, you need to understand that the law of Moses expressly forbade the crime that had just taken place

In Leviticus 18, we learn that in a case like this, the offender was to be “cut off” in the sight of the people. Literally, in the Hebrew, he was to be “vomited out.”

But look at David's response when he got the news about what had happened.

2 Samuel 13:21 ASV 1901

21 But when king David heard of all these things, he was very wroth.

This verse holds the beginning and the end of all that David did. He got mad.

David got angry, but apparently, he did nothing to correct Amnon.

But, Absalom, waiting in the wings to see David's response, no doubt, didn’t take it so lightly.

Notice the emotions contained in the next verse…

2 Samuel 13:22 ASV 1901

22 And Absalom spake unto Amnon neither good nor bad; for Absalom hated Amnon, because he had forced his sister Tamar.

Now, what makes up the motivation of Absalom at this stage of his life? It is summed in three thoughts:

Grief for his sister, Tamar

Hatred for his half-brother, Amnon

Bitterness toward his father for doing nothing and for sending Tamar to Ammon in the first place

Couple that with doubts about his father’s love for him and you have the seeds necessary for rebellion.

Quiet in the outside, churning on the inside, Absalom vowed to get revenge, no matter how long it took.

2 Samuel 13:23–25 ASV 1901

23 And it came to pass after two full years, that Absalom had sheep-shearers in Baal-hazor, which is beside Ephraim: and Absalom invited all the king’s sons. 24 And Absalom came to the king, and said, Behold now, thy servant hath sheep-shearers; let the king, I pray thee, and his servants go with thy servant. 25 And the king said to Absalom, Nay, my son, let us not all go, lest we be burdensome unto thee. And he pressed him: howbeit he would not go, but blessed him.

I can’t help but feel that Absalom knew that David would say that he didn’t want to go – he had probably said that many times before.

Dad’s, after a time of being put off, pretty soon our kids get the message.

And they give up on us

David “blessed” his son, in other words, instead gracing his son with his presence – he just sent him money.

David, as many fathers today, tried to substitute money for time

Money is an empty gift when it is given to take the place of a relationship.

How long would our relationships with our wives’ last if every time they reached out to us we slip them a twenty-dollar bill and pulled away?

This type of action, or lack thereof, causes hurt.

2 Samuel 13:26–27 ASV 1901

26 Then said Absalom, If not, I pray thee, let my brother Amnon go with us. And the king said unto him, Why should he go with thee? 27 But Absalom pressed him, and he let Amnon and all the king’s sons go with him.

Did you catch just a hint of hesitation there in David's response?

He was no slouch when it came to understanding people.

But with Absalom’s urging, he cast suspicion aside and gave in to Absalom’s request

After all, two years have passed.

David underestimated the longevity of bitterness!

Had he been closer to Absalom, he probably would have seen it.

2 Samuel 13:28–29 ASV 1901

28 And Absalom commanded his servants, saying, Mark ye now, when Amnon’s heart is merry with wine; and when I say unto you, Smite Amnon, then kill him; fear not; have not I commanded you? be courageous, and be valiant. 29 And the servants of Absalom did unto Amnon as Absalom had commanded. Then all the king’s sons arose, and every man gat him up upon his mule, and fled.

They murdered Amnon! And fled leaving him in a puddle of blood

In verses 30-36 David got the word of the tragedy and all of the palace wept. Absalom leaves the country.

2 Samuel 13:37–38 ASV 1901

37 But Absalom fled, and went to Talmai the son of Ammihur, king of Geshur. And David mourned for his son every day. 38 So Absalom fled, and went to Geshur, and was there three years.

Who was Talmai? Remember earlier I told you to file him away in your memory – this is Absalom’s grandfather.

Do you doubt that this boy wanted a father figure? He spent the next three years with his grandparents.

And now we begin to see a little regret surface in David over what had been happening in Absalom’s life.

2 Samuel 13:39 ASV 1901

39 And the soul of king David longed to go forth unto Absalom: for he was comforted concerning Amnon, seeing he was dead.

Like so many fathers today, David woke up late in the game.

Was it too late? Who can say for sure?

My opinion is, no. I will show why I believe this in the next lesson.

David did love Absalom.

But an important question is, “Did Absalom know it?” I don’t believe he did.

Why? David’s actions were drowning out his words.

LEARN THE LESSONS OF HISTORY

Dad’s this should a wake-up call for us.

We need to give time to our children

Show them that we love them – don’t just tell them

We only have a short time with our children and we need to make the best of it.

Many parents have wept over wasted years with their children.

You only have one chance to raise your children.

CONCLUSION