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INTRODUCTION
Probably most of you have at some point witnessed open tension between the members of a family in a public place, say a restaurant or department store.
A parent and child bickering maybe – or a teenage having it out with their dad or mom.
Times like that are quite embarrassing for a parent.
Most of us would prefer to keep our family problems out of the limelight.
Sometimes, though, privacy becomes impossible as a poor relationship escalates.
In scripture we have a case history of a father and son who had as poor a relationship as anyone could imagine.
And, after years of unchecked tensions passed, their problem surfaced.
When it did - it encompassed more than the passing patrons in a restaurant or department store.
An entire country openly saw it.
The conflict became both public and hideous.
The story is of Absalom.
The story of the rebellion of young Absalom contains some prime lessons on how not to meet the challenge of adolescence and how not to instill spiritual values.
DISCUSSION
ABSALOM’S BACKGROUND
Absalom is first mentioned in 2 Samuel 3
But let me point out that if we are going to understand this young man, we must first understand something of his father.
The rebellion of youth, if it is going to show itself, is often - not always - but often there because of the children’s background.
I believe this is true in the case of Absalom.
The book of 2 Samuel is a vital link in the chain of Old Testament history.
It begins with the announcement to David of the death of Israel’s first king, Saul, and describes how David became king over a portion of Israel, the land of Judah.
It covers the expansion of David’s reign over all Israel.
It talks about the glory of his kingdom and his military victories.
But is also contains some heartache.
You’ll find David’s murder of Uriah, and his sin with Bathsheba.
And you’ll find much about David’s family life, and particularly, for our purposes, an account of the rebellion of his young son, Absalom
David did not ascend to the throne of Israel in one clean swoop.
He was king over Judah first, while the final resistance from Saul’s remaining forces were dealt with.
Hebron was where David lived during that time and it was there his family expanded
Notice that Absalom was David’s third-born.
The Bible doesn’t gloss over the lives of its heroes.
David was a polygamist – a part of his life that is shocking to some.
David compromised God’s truth in Genesis 2:24.
God intended the male-female relationship to me monogamous.
David did not bridle his passions.
He had numerous wives.
Six are mentioned in this passage.
There may have been others.
Another passage mentions at least 10 concubines in addition.
Ever wonder where another of David’s sons, Solomon, got the idea for 700 wives?
Like father, like son.
When a father does not practice Scriptural convictions, his children accept situation ethics and they excuse in excess what their father did in moderation.
We must bridle our passions or our children will likely exceed our violation of them.
Now, lest you think that God took David’s polygamy lightly, note just a few of the problems it created.
Absalom had 19 additional brothers who are mentioned in Scripture.
And one named sister (there were certainly others).
During his formative years growing up in the home of David, Absalom was a part of a large, fragmented family characterized by jealousy, suspicion, rivalry, compromise, and hatred.
David had too many wives and too many children to care for them adequately.
Both his wives and children were forced to compete for his attention.
The results were devastating.
Absalom grew up in a home where his father was a distant, removed from the scene, too busy to take time for a little boy, type of parent.
But listen, that doesn’t just happen in polygamous homes.
Many fathers today are too busy to spend the needed time with their children – that means that problems are on the horizon.
Dads (and moms), you cannot instill spiritual values in your children in mass.
It has to be done one at a time.
Life’s lessons cannot be taught in standardized form.
They take special attention…
In order to do that kind of instilling of values you need to be there, interacting with your children, so that you can know and understand the way each child needs to be trained.
Your training must be tailored to each child.
That is why parents cannot expect the church to do all the instilling of values.
Children need individual attention – that where parents come in.
David could not do this because he was too busy.
Today, many fathers have their priorities mixed up and do not spend enough time with their children
Before we leave 2 Samuel 3, notice one more thing.
Notice the mention of Absalom’s grandfather.
His mother’s father was “Talmai, king of Geshur.”
File that in your mind, because we’ll come back to that in a moment – it is significant.
ABSALOM’S DEVELOPING BITTERNESS
It is significant that there is no mention of Absalom until 2 Samuel 13.
Twenty years passed in that interval described in those chapters.
Absalom is now 20 years old.
He has grown up in a household full of bitterness and competition.
Absalom’s father is a man off in his own life – too busy to meet the need of his children.
But that isn’t the whole picture.
At some point during those 20 years, Bathsheba came into the family.
Absalom was probably a teenage at the time, old enough to understand what was going on.
Any respect he may have had for his father was now lost.
Perhaps, Absalom was thinking, “My father is the greatest man in Israel, and look what he has done.”
What had been perhaps doubt in his father before must have turned to disillusionment during those years that are typically rough for a teenager, anyway.
Yes, God would forgive David for the sin with Bathsheba, but he did not erase the scars of disillusionment that were in the young man, Absalom.
To him his father was a man who did not practice what he preached.
If we are going to properly disciple our children – we must disciple ourselves.
There is no Scriptural formula in existence that can counteract hypocrisy.
The bitterness that Absalom had developed would explode in hatred in the events of 2 Samuel 13 – that had to do with his sister Tamar.
ABSALOM’S GROWING BITTERNESS
Amnon, remember, was the oldest of the family of half-brothers.
Absalom was the third, and somewhere in between was Tamar
Tamar was beautiful, and Ammon her half-brother, was physically attracted to her
Note in passing that Tamar is fully innocent in this incident.
She was not responding to him, just as any young lady of proper character would.
Ammon, on the other hand, “fell sick” with the feelings he allowed to grow in him toward his half-sister.
Notice that the Bible places the blame for his condition squarely on his shoulders.
Parents, we need to teach our children that they are responsible for their actions.
The NKJ says, has the word “improper” for “hard” (ASV, KJV), but the idea in the Hebrew is difficult - he didn’t have the access to her he wanted
Ammon had a friend – Isn’t it true that it is often the friends our children pick who drag them down?
We’re going to see it here, too.
This passage goes on to tell that Jonadab was a bad friend for Amnon to run around with.
Parents, do you know who your children are hanging around with?
You should!
Even if they do like you snooping around to find out – you should!
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