Fight For Unity

Introduction

There are sadly many jokes that can be made about church splits. People fighting over this or that. I can recall sitting in church business meetings with people shouting back and forth about an issue while someone else cries out “out of order, out of order”. Sometimes these fights seem significant. Other times they are trivial.

On man took to twitter to ask his followers what some of the craziest fights they’ve experienced. He collected a list of 25 things, and I’m only going to share a few of those with you.

Argument over the appropriate length of the worship pastor’s beard

A 45-minute heated argument over the type of filing cabinet to purchase: black or brown; 2, 3, or 4 drawers

Two different churches reported fights over the type of coffee. In one of the churches, they moved from Folgers to a stronger Starbucks brand. In the other church, they simply moved to a stronger blend. Members left the church in the latter example

An argument on whether the church should allow deviled eggs at the church meal

A dispute over whether the church should allow people to wear black t-shirts, since black is the color of the devil

A disagreement over using the term “potluck” instead of “pot blessing” because, hey, there’s no such thing as luck.

Things that don’t really matter in the long run, and all Paul wants us to do is work towards that which does matter in the long run.

We’ve been moving through the book of Philippians chapter by chapter and verse by verse, unfolding Paul’s instructions to the church.

What we’ve seen is that Paul wants us to be growing in our knowledge of Christ. What could be better than that? We are citizens of heaven, from which we await our savior who will transform us from our lowly bodies into the image of His glorious body. So we reach, we stretch forward to that which is ahead and forget what lies behind, looking forward to that day.

But until then…there are times when can get our eyes off the cross. Instead of straining forward to what’s ahead, we get caught up in things of this world.

One of the things that can threaten the individual walk of a believer and harm the mission of the Church, is interpersonal squabbles.

I used the word squabble, not only because its a fun word to say, but because the word is defined this way:

A petty quarrel. A quarrel about petty points.

It’s not just an argument. Its a frivolous one.

These happen, don’t they? We’re convinced of something. We think it is only good, right and proper, and yet someone else has the audacity to disagree. Even if we realize that the matter is of no real consequence, our own pride just won’t let us let it go.

Maybe its about something that the two parties just don’t remember in the same way.

One person thinks the other is lying, the other thinks the first is crazy...

It would be funny, if it didn’t hurt, and cause friction, and inhibit the individuals from moving forward together for the work of the Lord.

Because here’s the thing: from the outside looking in, those argument I listed earlier are downright silly....but they didn’t seem silly to the people having them. When we are the ones who have the issue, it isn’t silly to us.

I can remember some of the fights I got into as a child. One time I got angry because I wanted to be the one to put finishing touches on a snow sculpture. My sister did it (without intending to cause offense, she was just trying to help) and so I destroyed the sculpture. It’s silly now. In the moment it was big deal. I worked hard on that sculpture. It was a point of pride. It was my domain.

We might be serving in a particular capacity for a church and someone comes and makes a suggestion, or does one of your tasks for you, and that bothers you. Why? It was my job! It was my responsibility! Oh, you must think I don’t do a good enough job. This is my domain. It’s a source of pride. It’s really no different than a snow sculpture.

I’ve given just a few examples, but it could be any number of things, that truly don’t matter in the long run but in the moment, in our flesh, it feels like a huge deal! And so our little interpersonal problems become larger issues that threaten the unity and consequently the mission of the church.

Paul has stressed the need for unity at multiple points in this letter. Going back to chapter one, Paul desires the church to be work side-by-side for the advancement of the Gospel. This is what we are to be about! But if unity is what is needed, then we are going to have to be willing to be humble and show deference to others, which is exactly what Paul says in the beginning of chapter two.

Rather than try to leverage our positions for our own selfish reasons, we ought to be humble and consider as others as better than ourselves. Jesus is our prime example. As we work out our salvation with fear and trembling in this way, we know that God is the one who actually brings it about.

Then Paul gives us the examples of men like Timothy and Epaphroditus who lived these principles in their own lives.

Chapter three brings about warnings against those who have confidence in the flesh, and what is pride if not confidence in the flesh. So Paul says, hey, if anyone can put confidence in the flesh its me! But I’m willing to set all that aside for the sake of knowing Christ, and straining toward greater knowledge. Join with me in doing the same. When we do that, we will be humble like Christ, we will strive for unity as we work for Kingdom purposes, showing humility to others.

As Paul comes into chapter four, he is going to address two individuals specifically about working through their differences together. When circumstances arise that tempt us to take our eyes of the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus, what do we do?

From these two short verse we are going to see a three principles about conflict management that we would do well to remember when things get tense.

Let’s read our text

Philippians 4:2–3 ESV

2 I entreat Euodia and I entreat Syntyche to agree in the Lord. 3 Yes, I ask you also, true companion, help these women, who have labored side by side with me in the gospel together with Clement and the rest of my fellow workers, whose names are in the book of life.

First, just some background information.

We know absolutely nothing about Euodia and Syntyche. However, from the context and the way Paul deals with conflict in other letters, there are few things we can surmise:

These women were likely key women in the church. It is unlikely Paul would have named names if these individuals were not widely known by the entire church body.

It was a public issue. This wasn’t just two individuals who had a private disagreement. Everyone knew about it. Again, based on how Paul writes in other places, he would not have named names unless everyone knew what he was talking about already.

Whatever the issue was, it was serious enough to threaten the unity and mission of the church. The issue itself may have been otherwise inconsequential, but when the issue balloons to the level that everyone knows about it, it can threaten the unity of the church as they are pressured to take sides, and the mission of the church as the people are distracted from what really matters.

Thus we conclude that the parties involved were high-profile individuals, and the issues was known to the whole church, and it was serious enough to threaten the unity and mission of the church. Paul would not have used their names otherwise.

Some have speculated that this is the entire reason why Paul wrote the letter. I think that is probably overstated, as this takes up such a small portion of the book. But the themes do seem to be right in line with what these women needed to hear: That we can rejoice in all things, that we must be willing to lay aside our own desires for the sake of the Gospel, and there is no higher good than knowing Christ more fully and pursuing that.

In any case, here are Paul’s instructions and the principles we want to see from this text for conflict management within the body.

Mediation is Biblical

Paul says I entreat Euodia and I entreat Syntyche.

Paul got involved, but he did so as an impartial third party. By repeating the phrase “I entreat” he is pleading with them, but he does so equally between them. He doesn’t pick a side. He remains impartial. This is critical for any mediation. whoever is mediating must remain impartial. But mediation, done well, is good and biblical!

Sometimes we have problems with people that we can’t seem to get resolved and we forget that there are other godly brothers or sisters in Christ who have the skill and ability to help us resolve the issue as impartial third parties.

Sometimes we forget....sometimes we might not want to remember, because there is always the chance that a impartial third party will gently admonish you if you are in the wrong.

Our pride gets in the way. Maybe you don’t want to air your dirty laundry with others. Maybe you think you can handle it yourself. Whatever the excuse of reason, often it is pride.

Not only did Paul get involved by urging them to agree in the Lord, but he instructs another individual to do the same. Look at the beginning of verse 3

Philippians 4:3 ESV

3 Yes, I ask you also, true companion, help these women, who have labored side by side with me in the gospel together with Clement and the rest of my fellow workers, whose names are in the book of life.

Now, who is Paul talking to? Short answer, we have no idea. Some speculate that the word “companion” in the Greek might be the individuals name. Others have suggested it was Luke. Ultimately there are no clues in the text itself so we will have to be content to know that the Philippians church knew who Paul was talking about. My guess is simply that he was the pastor of the church.

Paul calls him the “true companion”. The KJV says “yokefellow” which is just fun. This is a word used of fellow soldiers serving in the same positions. Comrades. Brothers in arms! Paul and this man likely served alongside one another. There is a unique bond there.

But he says to whoever this is: “help these women”

The word for help there means “to help by taking part with someone in an activity (lit. ‘take hold of together’)”

It’s like Paul is telling him “alright, my comrade, get down in the trenches with them. Whatever the situation is, help them work it out.

This is another critical point for successful mediation. A Mediator’s job is not to invent a solution and force it on the parties. He is to help them work through the issue. They have to be willing to work on! He is to come alongside and help.

When we have issues that aren’t being resolved, we should not let our pride prevent us from seeking outside help. Mediation is biblical!

2. Agree to Disagree can be Biblical

Notice Paul’s instructions: I entreat these ladies, to agree in the Lord.

As we consider this principle, let’s make sure we are clear on a few things:

The issue was not a major doctrinal issue. Paul is never shy about correcting significant theological error and heresy.

Galatians 1:6–9 ESV

6 I am astonished that you are so quickly deserting him who called you in the grace of Christ and are turning to a different gospel— 7 not that there is another one, but there are some who trouble you and want to distort the gospel of Christ. 8 But even if we or an angel from heaven should preach to you a gospel contrary to the one we preached to you, let him be accursed. 9 As we have said before, so now I say again: If anyone is preaching to you a gospel contrary to the one you received, let him be accursed.

The issue was not a clear-cut sin issue. Paul was not shy about addressing patterns of sin in the lives of his readers. Just last week Paul identified those who live as enemies of the cross, and the issue was behavioral!

Philippians 3:18 ESV

18 For many, of whom I have often told you and now tell you even with tears, walk as enemies of the cross of Christ.

The issue was not a black-and-white, one person was clearly right and the other person clearly wrong. We can surmise this, as we can reasonably conclude that Paul would have issued his correction if it was necessary.

Now, regarding that last point, that’s clearly a third part perspective. Certainly these women believed that they were right and the other was wrong, or else they likely would have resolved the issue long ago. But to Paul, this was not black and white.

When it is not a clear sin issue, and when it is not a major theological issue, there are times when the right approach is to say “Okay, you know what. We are not going to see eye to eye on this. We have two different perspectives. But I value my relationship with you and I’m willing to simply set this aside, let bygones be bygones, recognize that we have an impasse here, and move forward together.”

Unity for the sake of the Gospel and for the sake of the mission of the church is more important that being right about a matter that has no eternal consequence on its own.

So here’s something to think about:

Next time you find yourself in a disagreement that neither side wants to concede. Ask youself the following:

What is truly at stake here?

If the other person gets their way, whats the worst that can happen? How likely really is that worse case scenario. (sometimes the worst case can be really bad, but its also extremely unlikely. Try to evaluate that honestly.

Am I fighting for what’s right or merely for my own pride?

Would it be best for sake of Gospel to simply let it go and move forward in the Lord with that other person?

There are appropriate times when the best thing to do is agree to disagree and move forward together.

Finally.

Remember what Team You’re On.

Notice the last parts of verse 3:

Philippians 4:3 ESV

3 Yes, I ask you also, true companion, help these women, who have labored side by side with me in the gospel together with Clement and the rest of my fellow workers, whose names are in the book of life.

Look at what these women have done! They have labored side by side with Paul in the Gospel! They have toiled together.

The word for labor caries two ideas: first, it is difficult: “to toil together with someone in a struggle, implying opposition”

It’s hard work that is opposed.

The second idea is that it is work done with another person. It’s not work that is done along, it is along side another. Hence the ESV: labored side-by-side with me.

Paul uses the fellow soldier imagery again to show that these women, we’re on the same team. We are fellow soldier here for Christ. We’ve gone to war with each other.

But not only Paul, but with Clement and the rest of the fellow workers.

Paul doesn’t dismiss this as irrelevant information “that was then, this is now, what have you done for me lately”

He values their past labor. Why does Paul speak of this now.

I believe Paul brought up their past effort to remind them of what’s important. To remind them that we are on the same team.

Two soldiers don’t have to agree on everything in order to have each other’s backs in the trenches of war.

Two believers don’t have to see eye to eye on every issue to strive for a common cause in the Lord: the advancement of the Gospel of Jesus Christ.

What do we take away from this?

Remember whose team you are on. You don’t exist for you.

Don’t let your pride keep you from seeking third party help, but humble get others involved at the appropriate time.

Ask yourself, is this worth the fight? Truly?

There are many opportunities for things to make us take our eyes off of Christ. Many distractions that can have us thinking earthly things. Let’s not let our petty squabbles be one of those things.

A big sign of Christian maturity is knowing which battles to fight. One battle we should always be willing to fight is the fight for unity.

Let’s Pray