Strengthening our Family in the Lord

Strengthening our Family in the Lord

Nehemiah 4:10-14

I love this passage because it reminds us of what is the most precious and important treasure we have on this earth. My family, my spouse, my children, my close by extended family and even those that I love at church as well to a degree.

But a Christian home comes by displaying Christian values. Christian values come by being a Spirit led Family. There are three very important things that are involved in being a spirit led family.

I. FulfillingFoundational Roles

There are some roles that we have in the family. The parents and the children, the husband and the wife, the mother and the father. There is no way you will see the success in your home for God without the parents following godly principles.

A. Parents Are To Fill the Role of a Godly Authority

God gave your children parents for you to establish authority in their lives. You parents are the ones that must establish this.

Today we see parents tell their children what to do, and their children ignore and disobey.

Friend your children’s disobedience must be met with correction, training and discipline.

The younger they are the more immediate the discipline needs to be.

Most appease their children to get by, you must deal with them, you must establish parental authority which is godly order before God.

All disobedience must be corrected.

1. God is not amused at our sin

2. God does not appease us in our sin

3. God deals with sin

4. God forgives sin and restores us

How young should I start correcting them, as soon as they are old enough to disobey.

Listen, we have to be careful from the toiddler years to preschool years because they are developing and cute, but don’t allow sin and disobedience to go on. More important that there cuteness is obedience.

I know this is hard in a society that questions authority and glorifies rebellion, but me must keep the foundational role of parenting.

B. Parents Are To Fill the Role of a Godly Example

Along with establishing your role of authority with your children which is your responsibility, you must also be a godly example to them at the same time.

Jesus said in Matt 4:19 – Follow me and I will make you fishers of men.

He said follow me, do what I do, let me show you how to win souls.

We also, as we teach our children what is right, show them an example of following Christ in our lives as well.

Teaching without examples can be confusing.

Ephesians 6:4 AV

And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

Now remember concerning wrath - That is the quickest way that we hurt our children is by we parents living a double standard.

We need to be consistent examples.

Consistent examples when we are young adults

Consistent when we are middle aged

Consistent when we are grandparents

Consistent when there are financial strains

Consistent when there are deaths

Consistent not to fight with your spouse, but to discuss things in private, to not yell and react in discipline, but to lovingly correct with control

Consistent not to criticize authority – Romans 13:1-7

Consistent in all things, so they will have a storehouse of memories and examples that you have pictured for them

II. Fulfill Responsibilities

No one would ever argue that the things we just talked about are important and that we should do them. But the mechanics of raising a child, teaching them, and disciplining them are quite another thing.

But there are some things we can do to start us on the way:

A. We are to nurture our children

Nurture defined: tutorage, i.e. education or training; disciplinary correction:--chastening, chastisement, instruction, nurture.

We are to bring up our children in the Lord, we are to bring them up through instruction and guidance.

Proverbs 29:15 AV

The rod and reproof give wisdom: but a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame.

This must be done from the earliest of days, they must be taught their boundaries. There is great comfort knowing ones boundaries.

They are in need of training very early:

Psalm 58:3 AV

The wicked are estranged from the womb: they go astray as soon as they be born, speaking lies.

In my pastoring, I have had people tell me several times, I understand what you are saying pastor, but we decided that we are going to wait a couple of years before we start disciplining.

It is not what I’m saying, it is Bible principle they are going against, not what Pastor Sage says.

B. We are to admonish our children

Admonish is to warn our children about what is wrong and encourage them about what is right.

Parents can often come in to churches and be critical of the nursery, the teachers, and the Sunday school class teaching or structure, but at home they let their kids watch MTV.

We are to teach them what is right.

Don’t leave your children to discover what is right on their own. You teach them what you have already discovered to be true. You teach them it as fact.

C. We are to teach principles to our children

We need t talk to our children about spiritual growth. In order to

teach them about it, we must teach them principles to live by and to

apply to their walk with the Lord.

But in order to teach your children principles we must be living

them as well.

1. Begin with a Bible Principle

In teaching absolute truth we must go to the source of

absolute truth, God himself, and his book that he has given to us to learn from and live by.

2. Develop a conviction

A conviction is a personal belief based on a Bible

principle. Once we have identified a principle, we need to follow the leading of the Holy Spirit to develop guidelines for our lives.

- These are rules you have decided to follow to ensure you

will obey the principles of the Word of God.

3. Establish a standard

A standard is a guideline that helps me keep my conviction.

- Standards keep you and your marriage and your children

safe from sin, far from sin.

- This seems strange to people who have no standards.

- Listen, godly standards will only protect our families, we must instill these things in them to so they can hold the line for the future, to teach them things to teach to their children.

III. Foster Relationships

Someone wisely said “Rules without relationships bring rebellion.” It s true that while we nurture and admonish and develop principles, we must develop foster relationships.

- You need to show them that what your priorities are, show them what you care about , and while you do that, realize that you cannot fake what is important to you to them, they know you.

A. Relationships are built through time together

1 Peter 3:7 AV

Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.

Dwell with your wives according to knowledge.

This verse is talking about the husband and wife, but it can certainly apply to the children as well.

The word dwell means to settle down in a fixed place, and that is what we need to do. Remember, thee are no shortcuts to developing relationships.

We must invest time in our schedules to being with them.

B. Relationships are built through talking together

It is a two way street, we must talk and listen to them. There is no replacing that. We must invest it, listen.

Having a home that is led by the Spirit of God depends on having parents who meet their foundational God-given roles, parents who fulfill their responsibilities , and parents who foster strong relationships with their children. These are the kinds of homes that succeed.

1. Open and Sweet Communication with your spouse

You have to work at that. You have to walk with the Lord, you have to see yourself as you are and what you need to change to meet the communication needs of your spouse.

2. Invest in communicating with your children

Keeping that open door with our children to always talk and to always be able to communicate. To not have a hidden lives, hidden feelings, which lead to separate lives.

I’ll finish with this, it is acutually a great idea for any family. I wish I had thought of this or knew of this practice early on for my family but it never occurred to me and never was taught to me, but it is really something that will help your family.

Family

Family Conference Table

If there is an issue, problem or question without fear.

A place where they can ask or say things without fear.

- We are under grace, there is chastisement when we do wrong.

- It is place where they can confess things and deal with them without chastisement – but there will be corrective Bible study.

- It will bring the family closer together.

After dinner

No one is allowed to yell, everyone had to talk (meaning they had to respond). If someone yelled or refused to talk – then other participants would stand up. Yelling started when there was conflict between siblings usually.

An opportunity to learn to deal with and communicate through conflicts.

Starting midstream – explain it well.

Work it out and clear between wife and husband and then explain to kids

Done weekly.

Strengthening our Family in the Lord

Nehemiah 4:10-14