21DP3 What to do if you have offended

I thank you, Father, that your word has the power to change my life. I'm a hearer of the word and a doer of the word and I'll never be the same after today. In Jesus name Amen.

SERIES SETUP (2min)

[REVIEW PREVIOUS] MESSAGES]

We will all be offended

Even though you feel offended you don’t have to take offense.

Forgiveness is not feelings, trust, approval, or a lack of justice.

Forgiveness is me giving up my right to hurt you for hurting me.

What do i do if I am struggling to forgive?

Your revelation of God’s forgiveness determines your capacity to forgive.

Feedback from Previous Messages:

I just wanted to say thank you for your message today. I finally got the guts to fully forgive and approach someone that’s been harboring in me for over 2 years. Thank you.

Thank you so much for this series! A friend offended me months ago. Today after church, I called them up to talk about it and it was the most honest and understanding conversations we've had since then.

this is what its all about.

THE PROBLEM (8min)

Today we are going to talk about what to do if you are the offender. (or are perceived to be the offender)

[STORY POINTING TO PROBLEM]

About 15 years ago, Marcus came to me to talk with me about an offense.

I had made some comments that i was unaware were offensive to him as a black man.

I was honestly ignorant that what i had said was offensive and I assured him that I had no idea

I was horrified that i caused him to think I thought less of him because of his skin tone.

It didn't matter if i meant harm or not

It didn't matter if i thought what i said was offensive or not.

It didn't matter if i could explain why i said what i said.

All that mattered was that my brother was in pain.

I asked for forgiveness and he forgave me.

i asked what could i do to repair the relationship.

And because we both dealt with it maturely,

- he had the courage to come talk with me about somethign so sinsitive.

- I refused to get definsive, and heard my brothers heart.

That offense is behind us and the relationshp is restored.

[STATE PROBLEM]

Many times stories like that don't have happy endings.

The offended take their offense and live in it never saying anything to the offender.

But even worse, many times the offender, ignores their offense, defends themselves, gives excuses,

As we have stated we all have a flesh nature and because we live with other humans.

That presents us with a problem. It means that we will all offend others at times.

Because we know that the consequences of offense are so terrible, Jesus is insisting that we waist no time in seeking reconciliation with the one offended, that even worship should be put off for it.

A brother offended is harder to win than a strong city. And contentions are like the bars of castle.

Proverbs 18:19

If the goal is to bring unity then...

[REASONS FOR THE PROBLEM]

[Objection]

What if you have offended someone but we don’t feel we have done anything to offend.

[RELATE EXAMPLES TO GROUPS EXAMPLES]

Spouse: They are upset at nothing

Friends: too sensitive

Work: its their own fault - if they had worked harder

Neighborhood: they can get over it.

[TRANS2 SOLUTION]

The question is, what will you do with that?

Because the church is the hope of the world. Because jesus left us here to be his conduit for eternal life change, and because the only way they will know us as his disciples we should be more concerned about loving each other than anything else.

Even though we know it is sometimes difficult, We all know that we are supposed to forgive. In this little verse that jesus taught (sermon on the mount) lies a hidden gem that completes the equation for us loving each other so the world will care about the truth we have.

Lets go back and see.

THE SOLUTION (15min)

[SCRIPTURE]

Therefore if you bring your gift to the altar and remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar and go your way. First be reconciled to your brother and then come and offer your gift.

Matthew 5:21-24

there is no thought or mention of an unforgiving spirit, so its not about that.

"This is how I want you to conduct yourself in these matters. If you enter your place of worship and, about to make an offering, you suddenly remember a grudge a friend has against you, abandon your offering, leave immediately, go to this friend and make things right. Then and only then, come back and work things out with God.”

Matthew 5:23-26 (MSG)

More important to be reconciled with your brother than to worship.

We show how much we love God by how we treat others.

It is so natural to try to make up for our integrity with religious ceremony and works

Ceremony, worship, giving, faith or spiritual gifts will never make up for not resolving offense. they are an exercise in hypocritical futility

Romans 12:18

“If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.”

Remember that if they feel offended (right or wrong), It may be very hard for them to come to you. You need to go to them if you know they are offended.

[STATE SOLUTION / BOTTOM LINE]

We must use love to protect unity from both sides.

Jesus’s point is clear. it is more important to be reconciled to your brother than to worship.

Worship is veign if we have offended others in such a way that they are in pain or hold grudges and don’t do what we can to resolve that offense.

We understand we need ot go to others who offended, but jesus is closing up the other side to make sure restoration happnes.

Unity was so important to Jesus.

[objection]

What do we do if we don't feel like it was something offensive?

actually the bible never give the distinction of if the offense is valid. (if they have something against you)

You may have done nothing wrong. No matter. Bionically, it is up to you to attempt reconciliation.

We must use love to protect unity from both sides.

It is more important to help our brothers and sisters to be able get out of the trap of offense and unforgiveness than to be proven “right”.

1 Peter 4:8

Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.

In these cases, you must take the high road and humble ourselves to approach our brother to reconcile. It takes a maturity to walk in humility and ask for forgiveness especially if you didn’t mean to hurt them or you feel they are being to sensitive.

But taking the first step is harder for the person who is hurting. That’s why Jesus said you must go to them.

Are you willing to lay down your self-protection, your pride and your right to be right in order to be restored to a person who is offended?

When someone gets offended, the worst thing anyone can do is belittle that feeling. Telling someone they are too sensitive or telling them they shouldn’t get so upset will only worsen how they feel.

“thicker skin”

The fact is that some people are more sensitive than others, and that’s okay.

When you hurt someone who is easily offended, don’t try to play down their feelings or absolve yourself of guilt. Listen to why they feel offended and take it into account. Make a genuine apology and try not to do it again in the future.

Humility is quick to learn. Love prefers the other person over ourselves.

“i’m sorry you are offended” is not an attempt at reconciliation.

The real issue is that we are so quick to dismiss them as “oversensitive” making a bigger deal out of things than they need to. In reality, we all need to be a little kinder to one another and close the divide that is so steadily growing, because we have to...

We must use love to protect unity from both sides.

With a little empathy, you might help someone who needs it more than you realize. However, that does come with the important caveat that if you are really listening you may realize that you are being genuinely offensive. And if so, you should stop. Like, right now.

Immature Christians often try to protect themselves in difficult situations. They do not see that the situation can help them acknowledge their own character flaws.

I’ve been that person who gets defensive and overly sensitive about people being overly sensitive. I’ve tried to defend myself, got offended at their offense.

The truth is that we all have to be...

Tender Hearted & Thick Skinned not

Hard Hearted & Thin Skinned

Sometimes that starts with us.

HUMILITY: We should not be afraid to examine our own heart. A sign that we are truly examining our heart is when we want to hear the insights that other people have about our attitude, and we are searching for what God wants, and not simply standing up for our rights.

Psalm 139:23-24

“Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.”

we are going to need this in the future as our culture become more fractured.

They are pitting identity group against identity group and therefore person against person.

The american church was not a light in the darkness during the past two years. We bought into if you don’t think the way i think about social issues, race, politics then you are the enemy. Unfortunately many christians bought into that lie and began offending each other with the worlds attitude of taking offense.

Matthew 24:10, 12-13 (NKJV)

Then many will take offense, betray one another and hate one another. 12 Because lawlessness will multiply, the love of many will grow cold. 13 But the one who endures to the end will be delivered.

We must use love to protect unity from both sides.

Jesus understood that if we are to stay healthy spirit soul and body and change the world, loving each other as he loved us was the Key. And that includes how we handle offense. Its why he said....

Disciples are to proclaim the truth of the Good News with those around us.

Mark 16:15

He said to them, “Go into all the world and preach the gospel to all creation.”

how will they know to listen to us?

John 13:35

By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you speak the truth.

no!

John 13:35

By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.

Love is how we will change the world.

Love is the foundation for how the Kingdom of God exercises its authority of truth.

Love is the vehicle by which God’s truth is effectively proclaimed.

1 Cor 13:1

If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels...have the gift of prophecy ...fathom all mysteries and all knowledge... have a faith that can move mountains...If I give all I possess to the poor ...give over my body to hardship...

but do not have love, I gain nothing.

Your Authority in Christ doesn’t matter unless you know how to walk in the Jesus kind of Love.

Should you do all these things? Yes

If you do all these things and you miss what we are talking about in this series. Its all Nothing.

[APPLY TO GROUPS (EXAMPLES)]

THE CHALLENGE (5 min)

[Short term Challenge / Call to Action:]

Can we keep our focus on delivering the truth of God’s Word.

Love each other Just like he loved us.

Go to your brother if they have anything against you.

PRAYER & REFLECTION (2min)

[Specific prayer about application]

[Help us be doers of the word]

[What to reflect]

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[GOSPEL]

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[OBJECTIONS]

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